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  #1  
Old 03-27-2005, 11:56 PM
DuhCow DuhCow is offline
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Witch Boobies

Where did the cliche 'colder than a witch's tit' come from?
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  #2  
Old 03-28-2005, 12:04 AM
danceswithcats danceswithcats is offline
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The Master speaks.

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  #3  
Old 03-28-2005, 12:31 AM
CynicalGabe CynicalGabe is offline
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Strange that not even the master realized that the correct phrase is:

"Colder than a witch's titty in a brass bra"


in similar fashion to:

"Colder than a brass toilet on the shady side of an iceberg"
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  #4  
Old 03-28-2005, 02:36 AM
Eleusis Eleusis is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CynicalGabe
Strange that not even the master realized that the correct phrase is:

"Colder than a witch's titty in a brass bra"
Close, but it's properly truncated to "Colder than a witch's titty."
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  #5  
Old 03-28-2005, 09:12 AM
JerH JerH is offline
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On the brass topic, I've often heard "cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey." Well, "often" in the sense of "a couple of times."
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  #6  
Old 03-28-2005, 09:37 AM
TwoTrouts TwoTrouts is offline
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Heh. My personal favorite, and one that can be used in polite company, is "... colder than Hitler's heart."
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  #7  
Old 03-28-2005, 10:02 AM
Beltane Beltane is offline
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I have pagan friends who use the terms "cold as a christian's pity"
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  #8  
Old 03-28-2005, 10:12 AM
CalMeacham CalMeacham is offline
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Having experienced a Pagan boob up close, I can assert that they are soft and warm, and not cold at all.
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  #9  
Old 03-28-2005, 10:19 AM
Lobsang Lobsang is offline
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While we're at it, where does "dumber than a bag of hammers" come from?
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  #10  
Old 03-28-2005, 11:08 AM
Fiver Fiver is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by danceswithcats
The Master speaks.

Search is your friend.
Nitpick: It was a Staff Report, therefore not The Master but one of his Renfields.
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  #11  
Old 03-28-2005, 08:20 PM
Rick Rick is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lobsang
While we're at it, where does "dumber than a bag of hammers" come from?
No sure but the three dumbest things on the planet are a bag of hammers (pretty dumb), a box of rocks (very dumb) and the OJ jury. (too easy)
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  #12  
Old 03-28-2005, 08:49 PM
Casey1505 Casey1505 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JerH
On the brass topic, I've often heard "cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey." Well, "often" in the sense of "a couple of times."
Woo Hoo! I know the origins of this!

British sailors used to stack cannonballs in a pyramid, and to keep the bottom row from moving around, they would put them on a brass plate with indentations. A brass monkey. When it was cold, the brass would contract, messing up the spacing of the indentations, and the stacked pyramid would fall over. It was then "cold enough to freeze the balls of a brass monkey."
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  #13  
Old 03-28-2005, 08:55 PM
RealityChuck RealityChuck is offline
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I beg to differ on the staff report: it makes no sense. Why "colder"? Shouldn't it be "dryer"?

While it's true that witch hunters did look for blemishes and moles and often called them an extra teat (not "tit," BTW), the first instance of the phrase in the OED is from 1932:

Quote:
1932 VAN WYCK MASON Spider House xviii. 210 It's cold as a *witch's tit outside.
That is long past the days of witch hunts and unless the SD research staff is willing to explain the gap, their explanation doesn't hold up. Note also the original phrase is "tit," not "teat." In addition, Van Wyck Mason was an American author who lived in New York City in 1932, pointing to an American origin.

A more logical and simple explanation is this: Witches supposedly perform their rites in the nude. Thus, a witch's tit is bound to be cold, especially in winter.
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  #14  
Old 03-28-2005, 08:55 PM
Casey1505 Casey1505 is offline
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Damn you, Snopes.

Sorry.
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  #15  
Old 03-28-2005, 08:58 PM
Colibri Colibri is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fiver
Nitpick: It was a Staff Report, therefore not The Master but one of his Renfields.
One of his Renfields, eh?
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  #16  
Old 03-28-2005, 09:05 PM
Colibri Colibri is offline
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In a previous thread on this subject, it was proposed that a program of scientific research be carried out to find out which was colder: a witch's tit, a whore's heart, a husky's nuts in a dogsled race, or a welldigger's ass.

Oddly enough, everybody volunteered to investigate the thermal properties of witch's tits. For some reason, no one offered to research husky's nuts or welldigger's asses.
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  #17  
Old 03-28-2005, 09:22 PM
Loopydude Loopydude is offline
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It's not at all clear to me why a welldigger's ass should be cold. I've actually dug a well, which is hard work; and I can tell you, my ass, along with the rest of me, was hot and sweaty while doing it.
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  #18  
Old 03-28-2005, 09:39 PM
Colibri Colibri is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Loopydude
It's not at all clear to me why a welldigger's ass should be cold. I've actually dug a well, which is hard work; and I can tell you, my ass, along with the rest of me, was hot and sweaty while doing it.
The idea is that once you've hit the water table, you're going to be standing butt-deep in chilly water.

Was the well you dug dry?
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  #19  
Old 03-28-2005, 10:08 PM
BoringDad BoringDad is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colibri
The idea is that once you've hit the water table, you're going to be standing butt-deep in chilly water.
Ground water is a fairly constant temperature year round, usually around 45 to 50F. And if we take the time of year to be January (as indicated in the Masters column referenced upthread) well then, it's 50F in the excavation which is quite pleasant considering that at the top of the hole it is often colder than a witche's tit.
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  #20  
Old 03-28-2005, 10:10 PM
Loopydude Loopydude is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colibri
Was the well you dug dry?
Well, no, I just didn't wait until the water was ass-deep!
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  #21  
Old 03-29-2005, 12:20 AM
Valgard Valgard is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringDad
Ground water is a fairly constant temperature year round, usually around 45 to 50F. And if we take the time of year to be January (as indicated in the Masters column referenced upthread) well then, it's 50F in the excavation which is quite pleasant considering that at the top of the hole it is often colder than a witche's tit.
If you want to spend a lot of time in 50F water you go right ahead.

http://www.boatwashington.org/hypothermia.htm

Let me know when that well is done :-)
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  #22  
Old 03-29-2005, 08:06 AM
Colibri Colibri is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringDad
Ground water is a fairly constant temperature year round, usually around 45 to 50F. And if we take the time of year to be January (as indicated in the Masters column referenced upthread) well then, it's 50F in the excavation which is quite pleasant considering that at the top of the hole it is often colder than a witche's tit.

You have a very different definition of "pleasant" than I do. And I'd much rather be at 0 F with warm dry clothes on than ass-deep in 50 F water.
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  #23  
Old 03-29-2005, 09:40 AM
Loopydude Loopydude is offline
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Yeah. If they said "colder than a well-diggers knees" I would have understood instantly. How about "Colder than a skinny-dipper's ass in Mooselookmeguntic Lake?"
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  #24  
Old 03-29-2005, 12:14 PM
Loopydude Loopydude is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colibri
One of his Renfields, eh?
It does inspire the imagination, though, dontcha think?
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  #25  
Old 03-29-2005, 12:38 PM
Mk VII Mk VII is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Casey1505
Woo Hoo! I know the origins of this!

British sailors used to stack cannonballs in a pyramid, and to keep the bottom row from moving around, they would put them on a brass plate with indentations. A brass monkey. When it was cold, the brass would contract, messing up the spacing of the indentations, and the stacked pyramid would fall over. It was then "cold enough to freeze the balls of a brass monkey."
Of this the National Maritime Museum comments:- "Although we cannot offer an alternative explanation we do not think this theory is tenable. Most of the round shot was carried in racks or 'garlands' which were either wood or rope. No nautical dictionaries give any reference to the brass monkey although monkey was a term used for all sorts of other things. The use of brass is also questionable since it was a fairly expensive commodity and there seems to be no reason for its use when wood sufficed."
http://www.nmm.ac.uk/server/show/conWebDoc.17926
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  #26  
Old 03-29-2005, 01:23 PM
Quercus Quercus is offline
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"Although we cannot offer an alternative explanation we do not think this theory is tenable. Most of the round shot was carried in racks or 'garlands' which were either wood or rope. No nautical dictionaries give any reference to the brass monkey although monkey was a term used for all sorts of other things. The use of brass is also questionable since it was a fairly expensive commodity and there seems to be no reason for its use when wood sufficed."

Not to mention that the coefficient of thermal expansion for brass is 18* 10^-6 m/m/K. So going from the tropics at 40 C to the artic at -20 C (zero F), if the cannonball holder is a full meter wide, you get a total width change of about one millimeter, spread over the full width of the holder. Which I think probably wouldn't make a stack fall over. In fact, I can't imagine there is much on a wooden sailing ship that has a one mm tolerance to begin with.


But the story is true about how the tiger got his spots.
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  #27  
Old 03-29-2005, 01:30 PM
danceswithcats danceswithcats is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colibri
In a previous thread on this subject, it was proposed that a program of scientific research be carried out to find out which was colder: a witch's tit, a whore's heart, a husky's nuts in a dogsled race, or a welldigger's ass.

Oddly enough, everybody volunteered to investigate the thermal properties of witch's tits. For some reason, no one offered to research husky's nuts or welldigger's asses.
Must've missed that thread. If you'd connect me with an attractive female welldigger, I'd investigate the warmth of her backside and report back. (Strictly in the interest of fighting ignorance ) You're still on your own re: puppy nads.
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  #28  
Old 03-29-2005, 01:35 PM
Colibri Colibri is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by danceswithcats
Must've missed that thread. If you'd connect me with an attractive female welldigger, I'd investigate the warmth of her backside and report back. (Strictly in the interest of fighting ignorance ) You're still on your own re: puppy nads.
Yeah, everyone who was interested in the witch's tit question was imagining young nubile ones as well, not the classic crone-type witch.
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  #29  
Old 03-29-2005, 01:39 PM
SandyHook SandyHook is offline
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Leaving the fascinating of well-diggers poopers for a moment and getting back to the original hijack - here is phrase I use fairly often.

Uglier/Dumber than a bucket of butt-holes.




The dumber part is expecially useful when talking about my brother's wife.
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  #30  
Old 03-29-2005, 01:42 PM
SandyHook SandyHook is offline
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Crap! That should have been - fascinating subject of . . .
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  #31  
Old 03-29-2005, 04:22 PM
BoringDad BoringDad is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colibri
You have a very different definition of "pleasant" than I do. And I'd much rather be at 0 F with warm dry clothes on than ass-deep in 50 F water.
Oh come now. Do you think people digging holes in the ground to find water wear tuxedos? Have you never heard of hip waders? You are not soaked to the skin. 50 F covered in rubber and sweating is quite warm compared to the people at the top of the hole.

Plus the previously mentioned fact that if you are digging a hole in the ground, you never actually get butt deep in water. How do you suppose a well digger would be able to dig if he couldn't bend over to pull out a shovel full of dirt without sticking his head underwater?

So to summarize - water warm compared to the air in January, well diggers wear waterproof clothes in cold weather, and water in well does not approach butt deep.
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  #32  
Old 03-29-2005, 05:28 PM
August West August West is offline
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I have heard the phrase as "Colder than a well-digger's ass in January" and I always assumed that it was a well-digger as opposed to any other occupation due to the fact that a well-digger would have to bend over a lot in his work, thus causing "plumber's crack" and exposing his hindquarters to the elements.
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  #33  
Old 03-29-2005, 06:35 PM
Manduck Manduck is offline
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My favorite is "colder than a nun's cunt". The offensiveness makes it good! I can't use it anywhere, though
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  #34  
Old 03-29-2005, 09:41 PM
Colibri Colibri is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringDad
Oh come now. Do you think people digging holes in the ground to find water wear tuxedos? Have you never heard of hip waders? You are not soaked to the skin. 50 F covered in rubber and sweating is quite warm compared to the people at the top of the hole.

Plus the previously mentioned fact that if you are digging a hole in the ground, you never actually get butt deep in water. How do you suppose a well digger would be able to dig if he couldn't bend over to pull out a shovel full of dirt without sticking his head underwater?

So to summarize - water warm compared to the air in January, well diggers wear waterproof clothes in cold weather, and water in well does not approach butt deep.
Overanalysis can take the pith out of any pithy expression.
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  #35  
Old 03-29-2005, 11:44 PM
danceswithcats danceswithcats is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colibri
Overanalysis can take the pith out of any pithy expression.
If the cute female welldigger were to take a pith in her well, that would warm things up, I would think.
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  #36  
Old 03-30-2005, 08:31 AM
Colibri Colibri is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by danceswithcats
If the cute female welldigger were to take a pith in her well, that would warm things up, I would think.
Now you're getting kinky.
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  #37  
Old 03-30-2005, 11:20 AM
BoringDad BoringDad is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colibri
Overanalysis can take the pith out of any pithy expression.
Ehhhxcellent. Then my job here is done.

And now the weather here is turning. Soon it will be hot enough to boil a monkey's bum.
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  #38  
Old 03-30-2005, 11:35 AM
olpeculiar olpeculiar is offline
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/Bruces Hijack on

"Hot enough to boil a monkey's bum in here, Your Majesty" he said, and she smiled quietly to herself...

/Bruces Hijack off
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  #39  
Old 03-30-2005, 12:24 PM
The Chao Goes Mu The Chao Goes Mu is offline
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Originally Posted by Manduck
My favorite is "colder than a nun's cunt". The offensiveness makes it good! I can't use it anywhere, though
I'm peeing my pants!! You're welcome into my offensive circle of friends!
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