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  #1  
Old 04-08-2005, 01:01 PM
Nutty Bunny Nutty Bunny is offline
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Help! My employer won't let me quit!

Yes, you read that correctly. I've been working here as Controller for a year and a half and I've had it. I've had it with my boss, with the job, with the stress of having all of the financial responsibility to keep this company afloat.

I hate that my boss so paranoid about money that he thinks everyone is screwing him. I hate that I'm the IT person, when I only know how to work the programs, not fix them. I hate that the stress is making me physically sick. I hate the person I supervise.

My boss is a shoot first and ask questions later, guilty until proven innocent, kinda guy and I'm really sick of waiting for him to get upset about something and start chewing me out. Then having to prove to him that whatever happened wasn't my fault.

I tried to quit a couple of months ago and we cleared the air a little bit and I decided to stay because he told me how pleased they are with my work, don't want to lose me, etc.

Now, I've been sick for the past 3 weeks with a stomach "thing" to be determined. I know it's from stress and I need a change. So I tried to tell them yesterday that they needed to start looking for someone else and that because of my health and other personal problems, I don't trust myself to do my job as well as I used to, but they gave me the "It'll be impossible to replace you" speech. They tried working every angle possible to get me to stay. We decided to lighten my load a bit and I'm going to work 4 days a week and see how that goes. That doesn't help the fact that my head just isn't in the game right now and I'm scared to stay here and wait for the other shoe to drop.

How do I stand my ground? Why do I keep caving in?

I have a job interview next week for a job in an accounting department at a TV station. Being part of a team again, rather than the only one with all of the responsibility is really what I want right now.
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  #2  
Old 04-08-2005, 01:08 PM
Jaade Jaade is offline
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I don't quite understand what is making this so difficult for you. They cannot legally make you stay there! Just quit. If they won't accept your two weeks notice just walk out. You aren't required to give notice. They may not give you a recommendation for another job but honestly is the stress worth a recommendation?
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  #3  
Old 04-08-2005, 01:08 PM
ivylass ivylass is offline
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What do you mean, won't let you quit? Has he chained you to your desk, unlocking you only when you need to visit the bathroom?

You want to leave, leave. Good luck on your interview. Then, it's a simple, "I'm giving you my two week's notice." Unless he holds you at gunpoint, there's no way he can keep you there against your will. And from what it says in your post, you're not really quitting. You're "I need to dial back my hours" and "I need more help." That's not the same as quitting.

The person who's not letting you quit stares back at you in the mirror every morning. Don't blame it on your boss. Kick ass on the interview, then turn in your notice. It's up to your boss to figure out how to replace you.
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  #4  
Old 04-08-2005, 01:25 PM
Nutty Bunny Nutty Bunny is offline
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Okay, I guess what I feel is guilt for leaving.

When the torch is passed for this position, my boss isn't involved at all. In fact, when I got here, I had to make a lot of changes because the person before me was doing a ton of things wrong. Neither my boss, nor the VP know how to do what I do. They rely on me so much, that they would be screwed beyond belief if I just walked out. So I feel guilty.

They were even sensing the guilt, because they were saying "it would be almost impossible to replace you" and "the accountants said the books were the cleanest they've seen in a long time". That makes me feel great, but it makes me feel like, well, maybe I should stay. Apparently, flattery will get you somewhere.

ivylass, I did try to quit. I told them to start looking for someone else. That's when they brought up different things to try to accommodate my stress level. They really don't want me to go. But I think it's not just because I'm good, but because they don't want the hassle.
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  #5  
Old 04-08-2005, 01:27 PM
MissGypsy MissGypsy is offline
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I understand. I was in the same position, once. After more than a year of doing three jobs for the salary of one, losing sleep, making myself sick with stress, I walked into the General Manager’s office and told him I couldn’t take it anymore. They double-teamed me, even dragged the president of the company in, to convince me that I was so valued and important, blah blah blah. (Duh, they were paying me $17K a year to perform three jobs that earned $24K, $17K and $16K, previously.) They promised to institute the performance bonuses I’d been promised for the last year. They promised all kinds of stuff.

Then they readjusted my schedule, so I was working 12-hour days instead of 10-hour days, so that I would have time to get everything done.

I stuck it out for another month or so, during which I found another, better-paying job, and then I left with very little notice. I also left a polite note explaining why I left in such a fashion, with my keys to the office clipped to it.

Don’t let them guilt you into staying. They probably know you’re on your way out, and they’re already looking for your replacement. Get that other job first, and bail on this one.
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  #6  
Old 04-08-2005, 01:46 PM
Guinastasia Guinastasia is offline
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Tell them that you are quiting in two weeks-no ifs, ands, ors or buts. That this is going to happen, there's nothing they can do to change it. And tell them that if they keep on telling you that you can't quit, they'll change things, you'll walk out RIGHT THIS MINUTE. And do that if they still won't listen.

That's why I had to leave Kmart. I just hated it so much, I was having panic attacks at the idea of coming into work, having to call off, getting sick, etc. I told my boss I HAD to dial back my hours, but she'd agree and then give me the same hours again. So I just told them I couldn't do it anymore and that that day was my last shift. My work ethic was so poor at that point, I can't imagine what would have happened to me if I HAD stayed.

And I don't regret it, either. Neither will you.
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  #7  
Old 04-08-2005, 01:52 PM
ivylass ivylass is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nutty Bunny
ivylass, I did try to quit. I told them to start looking for someone else. That's when they brought up different things to try to accommodate my stress level. They really don't want me to go. But I think it's not just because I'm good, but because they don't want the hassle.
Sweetie, that's not quitting. That's telling them they need someone else for the job. A subtle difference, but, IMHO, an important one.

It's not up to you to tell them to find someone else. Who knows, they may need two or three other someone elses to take your place. How they decide to fill your shoes is not your worry. Your worry is to leave, with adequate notice if appropriate.

They may rely on you more than they should. But that is not your concern. It's not a good business practice to put all your eggs in one employee's basket, because, Og forbid, what if you get hit by a bus on your way to work and pull a Terri Schiavo?

Repeat that to yourself. It's not your concern. Good luck on the job interview, and let them worry about how to fill your position. They can't make you feel guilty. Only you can allow yourself to feel guilty. Besides, it's not like they've accomodated your previous requests. And if the business fails because one employee leaves, well, then, it wasn't a good business to begin with, was it?
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  #8  
Old 04-08-2005, 01:53 PM
Nutty Bunny Nutty Bunny is offline
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Yeah, my work ethic is definitely crap these days. My head isn't right, right now. My father died 4 days before Christmas and since then, I've had a seizure at work, been in a car accident, and gotten this stomach problem. I can't trust myself to do my normally good job. I put off grieving for my father by using drugs and now that I've stopped, I know I need some therapy because I cry at the drop of a hat. In short, I'm a mess.

This job isn't right for me anymore and I'm not right for the job. Hey! That's a good line! I think I'll use it later today.

Thanks for the advice. You'd think it would be so simple and that I wouldn't need to ask people how to quit my job. But that's due to my state of mind, I suppose.
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  #9  
Old 04-08-2005, 01:56 PM
Nutty Bunny Nutty Bunny is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ivylass
They may rely on you more than they should. But that is not your concern.
You're absolutely right. No matter what the job, I always feel too loyal. I need to get over that.
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  #10  
Old 04-08-2005, 02:10 PM
kunilou kunilou is offline
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I had one of those "we can't live without you" bosses. Oddly enough, he never thought my indispensiblity mertied a raise. When I finally got fed up and quit, he offered my job to another person (who laughed all the way out of the office when he heard the salary), then asked me to stay for "a couple more weeks" to ease the transition (I had already scheduled a start date at a new job) and finally hired two people to do the work I had been doing.

Take care of your own life and let your boss take care of the company.
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  #11  
Old 04-08-2005, 02:13 PM
ivylass ivylass is offline
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It's fine to be loyal to a good company. But your primary loyalty must be to yourself. If this job is making you ill, then you must take steps to find another position. No one is going to take care of you like you, and no one is going to look out for you like you.

Please let us know how the job interview goes, and keep looking for other jobs if the accounting position doesn't pan out. I work in broadcasting, so a little tidbit...broadcast facilities operate on a slightly different calendar than the rest of the world. They bill on the last Sunday of the month, and the week runs Monday-Sunday, and for most places, the day runs from 6am to 5:559am.

My e-mail is in my profile if you have any more specific questions.
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  #12  
Old 04-08-2005, 02:27 PM
velvetjones velvetjones is offline
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Nutty Bunny My sincere condolences on the loss of your father. You've had an extremely difficult 2005 so far and deserve a little head space to un-stress, grieve and heal.

My only suggestion is to put it in writing. A letter of resignation, copy everyone who needs to know:

Dear Mr. Headuphisass,

I hereby tender my resignation. My last day of work will be April 24, 2005. It has been rewarding and challenging to work her at XYZ company and I'm happy to have had the experience. blah, blah, blah, blah, blah bs, bs, bs, bs.

Sincerely,
Nutty Bunny

If it's in writing they'll know you're serious and it's the right way to do it. Go ahead. You can write the letter in 5 minutes and turn it in before you leave work today. In fact, here is a site that will give you tips and pointers. Go ahead. It's Friday and if you turn the letter in before you leave I guarantee a great weekend ahead.
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  #13  
Old 04-08-2005, 02:57 PM
Nutty Bunny Nutty Bunny is offline
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Thanks everyone. I think I'm going to wait until I have the interview on Friday. Whether I get the job or not, I'll tell them the following Monday. If I don't get the job, there are always temp positions available around here. If I have to do data entry for a bit until I get a permanent job, so be it. At least I won't be toying with the idea of staying here. My husband is behind me 100%, whatever I decide, so that helps too.

Thanks for the link, velvetjones. It's going to be really helpful.
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  #14  
Old 04-08-2005, 03:10 PM
Leviosaurus Leviosaurus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nutty Bunny
You're absolutely right. No matter what the job, I always feel too loyal. I need to get over that.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with loyalty, but your first loyalty is to yourself. Try to leave on the best terms possible with these guys, but make it clear that your health is currently being effected and your leaving is non-negotiable. Be firm.

The health thing will make them sit up and listen. If (Og forbid) you have a heart attack or another stress related breakdown right now, then they will have to pay your medical insurance and for your rehabilitation. When they realize that this is a possibility, they won't want you there anymore. And you will be doing the right thing by them and to yourself by leaving.
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  #15  
Old 04-08-2005, 04:02 PM
Troy McClure SF Troy McClure SF is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nutty Bunny
They rely on me so much, that they would be screwed beyond belief if I just walked out.
They should have thought of this before they started treating you like crap.
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  #16  
Old 04-08-2005, 04:44 PM
velvetjones velvetjones is offline
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Good luck with your interview next week [n]Nutty Bunny[/b]. Let us know how it goes.
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  #17  
Old 04-08-2005, 04:51 PM
Nutty Bunny Nutty Bunny is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Troy McClure SF
They should have thought of this before they started treating you like crap.
This guy doesn't even think he's an ass. I've heard him on the phone with someone who was chewing him out for berating the receptionist because she didn't come back on the phone fast enough to tell him he wasn't available. He's always yelling at people and he's very impatient. Nothing is ever good enough or fast enough and the rules always change on his whims.

Since he doesn't realize this is a problem at age 67, he never will. And I'm done trying to win him over.

I'll check back in on Friday.
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  #18  
Old 04-08-2005, 04:55 PM
velvetjones velvetjones is offline
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Sorry 'bout my bad coding.....

But check this out: Go to the Just For Fun link near the bottom of this page and write the resignation letter of your dreams.

This could be your answer
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  #19  
Old 04-08-2005, 05:00 PM
Nutty Bunny Nutty Bunny is offline
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That felt gooooood! I chose "douche" as my favorite insult, BTW.
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  #20  
Old 04-10-2005, 02:16 PM
Pammipoo Pammipoo is offline
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I feel your pain. I told my boss almost 3 months ago that I was planning to transfer to the southern region at the end of April so I could move in with my mom and go back to school full time. 3 months of guilt trips, and I still don't have an alternate store yet. I figure I'm leaving in 3 weeks, whether they have a spot for me or not. Either I get a transfer, or I get a new job. If I'm as valuable as thy say I am, they'll want to keep me in the company, even if it doesn't benefit them directly.
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  #21  
Old 04-11-2005, 12:10 AM
Cat Whisperer Cat Whisperer is offline
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This sort of happened to me once before - I was working at a job I hated, with people I didn't care for, but when I tried to quit, they talked me into staying. Bad mistake - when you're so fed up that you actually tell them you quit, you need to leave then.

Here's a thought for you - if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. You have no future with this company anyway, and you would be fired in a heartbeat if the owner of the company felt it was in his best interests to do so. Never forget that this is how business works now - there is no loyalty to employees, and any employee that feels loyalty to a company is kidding themselves.
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  #22  
Old 04-11-2005, 01:33 PM
Nutty Bunny Nutty Bunny is offline
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Wow! I didn't think I would need to update this thread until after my interview on Friday, but there has been a very interesting development. I saw a resume come over the fax here this morning. Hmmmm....

Okay, so at first I was thinking that maybe they thought about what I said and decided that it was in their best interest to start looking for someone. That's exactly what I suggested that they do. I'm sure there would be a time this afternoon when they would tell me that. No, they don't owe it to me to tell me, but it's a little shady if they don't, while at the same time, telling me how valuable I am.

I was in looking for an order that was in my boss's office just now and saw another resume. From March 27! I had "The Talk" with them this past Wednesday, April 6. So now I'm wondering how long they've been looking for someone!

So, I'm thinking that this goes back to a couple of months ago, when I had it out with my boss and tried to give him my 2 week notice (which he talked me out of doing, by the way) and that all of the sweet talk they've been giving me is because they don't want me to leave before they find someone.

All of your responses here have already given me the backbone I need to tell them I quit, but now the gloves are off and I'm not going to sit around and wait to be fired. I'm calling employment agencies immediately! The next few weeks will be interesting.
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  #23  
Old 04-11-2005, 01:57 PM
Baker Baker is online now
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Good for you! Keep us informed!
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  #24  
Old 04-11-2005, 02:01 PM
Baker Baker is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by featherlou
Never forget that this is how business works now - there is no loyalty to employees, and any employee that feels loyalty to a company is kidding themselves.
There's at least one boss who isn't like that, mine. And the one I had before him too. I work hard and am appreciated for it. I'm loyal to the boss, and he shows it. If your current position is unsatisfactory, would it be possible to look for another?
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  #25  
Old 04-11-2005, 11:17 PM
Cat Whisperer Cat Whisperer is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by featherlou
Never forget that this is how business works now - there is no loyalty to employees, and any employee that feels loyalty to a company is kidding themselves.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Baker
There's at least one boss who isn't like that, mine. And the one I had before him too. I work hard and am appreciated for it. I'm loyal to the boss, and he shows it. If your current position is unsatisfactory, would it be possible to look for another?
I suppose decent bosses exist - they're just few and far between, and in my opinion, any employee making decisions based on the illusion of loyalty is not using their best judgement.

I'm glad that your boss is good - I believe that he will also screw you if the bottom line tells him to - as a decent boss, he might actually feel bad about it, but he'll still do it. I don't know your situation, of course; my past experiences working for a living have made me quite bitter, and I don't trust any employers at all, even the ones that appear to appreciate me.
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  #26  
Old 04-11-2005, 11:21 PM
wonderwench wonderwench is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nutty Bunny

All of your responses here have already given me the backbone I need to tell them I quit, but now the gloves are off and I'm not going to sit around and wait to be fired. I'm calling employment agencies immediately! The next few weeks will be interesting.

Good for you! They were just sliming you so that you would be around until a new person started. Your earlier behavior is what I call "battered employee syndrom" - you were a co-dependent to your dysfunctional boss. Time to take care of yourself, sweetie.

I work in finance as well - the demand for good people has gone through the roof due to Sarbanes-Oxley. It is a good time to look for a job. Good luck!
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  #27  
Old 04-13-2005, 09:56 AM
Martiju Martiju is offline
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Hate not to be as sympathetic as others here, but really who can blame them for looking for a replacement when it's clear you're going to be off as soon as you can?

Maybe, just maybe, they genuinely do think you're great at what you do, and certainly better than predecessors. That doesn't mean you're indispensible though, and you realised that before they did. Go get yourself something you'll enjoy more, and let them get on with the job of replacing you.
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  #28  
Old 04-15-2005, 07:41 AM
ivylass ivylass is offline
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Well?

How did the interview at the television station go?
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  #29  
Old 04-18-2005, 10:52 AM
Nutty Bunny Nutty Bunny is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ivylass
Well?

How did the interview at the television station go?
The interview went well. I got along with the Business Manager and the Accounting Manager, but the Business Manager is very hesitant to hire me because she thinks that I'm "more than capable of doing the job", but I won't be challenged enough and I'll leave.

Even before she said that, I told her that I want to find a place where I can plant my roots, so to speak. After her concern about the pay cut I would be taking, I told her that after "working the numbers", I was comfortable with the cut and that I was willing to make less money for the sake of my happiness. So after voicing her concern, I reiterated my desire to be in a job long-term, even if it means not having as much responsibility. But I don't think I was as convincing as I could have been. I just didn't want to appear to be begging.

I was the first interview, so I'm not optimistic.
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  #30  
Old 04-19-2005, 03:02 PM
Nutty Bunny Nutty Bunny is offline
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The temptation to walk out of here is so great right now. The guy at our warehouse called me a "stupid bitch" under his breath as he was hanging up on me. All because he couldn't talk to our order person because she was on the phone. How that makes me a stupid bitch, I'll never know. He's a miserable a-hole to everyone, but it still bugs me.

I don't have a whole lot of leads from Robert Half (employment agency). There are a couple of good companies, but the agent has to see if they'll bend a little on the bachelor's degree requirement. I've got 13 years of experience with an associate's degree, so I hope they're flexible. It would be nice to work in a professional environment again.

This is a frustrating day. I need to go work out tonight, but maybe I should get a bottle of wine instead. ::sigh::
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  #31  
Old 04-19-2005, 03:24 PM
Zabali_Clawbane Zabali_Clawbane is offline
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Maybe there is a grain of fear in your bosses' desperation to "make things workable" for you? Maybe they fear you will sue them for causing stress related illness due to their histrionics? That might be a part of it too. Stand your ground, maybe if you're feeling generous enough tell them you will help break in your replacement for a time, but that then they are on their own. Set a date for your freedom, and stick too it. They got along without you, they can manage again somehow. Good luck.
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  #32  
Old 04-19-2005, 03:27 PM
Zabali_Clawbane Zabali_Clawbane is offline
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Gah! I knew I was leaving some of my thoughts out. *sigh*

At the least, it could be that they don't want the fact that they made an employee documentably ill on their records. You could probably get unemployment compensation from them, and they know it. If you are too ill to work from the "stress" of a job, that looks VERY bad on the employer, and maybe now the realization has dawned that their reputation as an employer could be on the line?
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  #33  
Old 04-19-2005, 03:56 PM
Nutty Bunny Nutty Bunny is offline
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You may be right about him being afraid, but it may not be his reputation he's worried about, since it's a small company. It's more about money to him. The more that comes out of the unemployment account, the higher his rate will be in the future. It's like working for Montgomery Burns. The greed and the disposition are identical in those two.

Yesterday, I typed a letter of resignation, but I wanted to wait until I heard from the agent at Robert Half about the job possibilities she told me about. Now that things have slowed down on that end, I'm scared to give notice without at least a couple of good interviews. I could end up doing temp data entry and making half my current salary, while the bills pile up.
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  #34  
Old 04-19-2005, 08:59 PM
SuperNelson SuperNelson is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nutty Bunny
You may be right about him being afraid, but it may not be his reputation he's worried about, since it's a small company. It's more about money to him. The more that comes out of the unemployment account, the higher his rate will be in the future. It's like working for Montgomery Burns. The greed and the disposition are identical in those two.

Yesterday, I typed a letter of resignation, but I wanted to wait until I heard from the agent at Robert Half about the job possibilities she told me about. Now that things have slowed down on that end, I'm scared to give notice without at least a couple of good interviews. I could end up doing temp data entry and making half my current salary, while the bills pile up.
You're right to try to wait things out until you have someplace to land. My brother made the mistake of quitting without notice or another job two years ago, and is still trying to find an employer who will hire him with a negative reference followed by a hole in his resume.
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  #35  
Old 04-20-2005, 02:07 AM
Kozmik Kozmik is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nutty Bunny
You're absolutely right. No matter what the job, I always feel too loyal. I need to get over that.
From the title, I though you were in the US Army. You better believe they want people that are too loyal.
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