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  #1  
Old 04-25-2005, 10:14 AM
plnnr plnnr is offline
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My Step-Daughter - The Giver of Blow Jobs

What to do, what to do?

My 13 year old step-daughter and I have a good relationship. I've held pretty firmly to the belief that the young lady has two parents (her mom and dad) and doesn't need any more, so I've taken a hands-off approach to discipline.

On Saturday she asked if her boyfriend could come over during the day and her mother said that would be OK. The boy shows up and he seems like a good kid from the limited contact I had with him. After a bit I go outside and start to cut the grass. A little while later my wife comes out and tells me that she needs to run an errand and will be back in about an hour. The kids are in the living room watching a movie, she tells me, and then she's gone. So far, so good (even though I'm a bit uneasy about the kids being in the house unsupervised - I remember being 13).

I cut the grass a bit more and then decide a beer would be good. Because the lawnmower is hard to start, I put it in neutral but leave it running. It was nice here Saturday and the windows were open, so I have to assume the kids heard the mower running and thought I was still hard at work. I come in the house, grab my beer, and decide to check to make sure things are still OK.

Imagine my surprise when I find my 13 year old step-daughter giving the boy a hummer on the couch.

Now, I'm a pretty understanding guy, but this seems a bit much. I stepped back into the kitchen, made enough noise to let them know I was there, and then went back into the living room. By that time they had arranged themselves a bit. I told the young man that I suspected it was time for him to leave, and that I needed my step-daughter to help me out with something. After the boy leaves I told my step-daughter what I had seen. I said, "I can't turn a blind eye to this. A little making out, I can understand, but this seemed to be going a bit far. I'm going to give you the choice - either you tell your mother, or I will. I don't want to have to rat you out, and I don't know what kind of talks you and your mother have had in the past - but you have to let her know what's going on." You can imagine her embarassment, but I tried not to be too judgemental and I didn't immediatley rat her out. She has until this evening to have a talk with her mother or I'm going to have to tell my wife what I saw.

So, parents (and non-parents) - did I do the right thing?
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  #2  
Old 04-25-2005, 10:20 AM
poeticyde poeticyde is offline
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I think you handled it well, and the fact that you didn't react aggressively is a good thing. Also, by forcing her to take responsibility (by having her tell her mother about it), you may be helping her to realize that there are consequences to every action.

So in my opinion, you were spot on.
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  #3  
Old 04-25-2005, 10:21 AM
TellMeI'mNotCrazy TellMeI'mNotCrazy is offline
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You handled it a hell of a lot more gracefully then I think I would have. But that's a good thing - it will likely help pave the way for her knowing that you (and hopefully her mother) won't be complete lunatics when it comes to sex, and she might feel more comfortable approaching the two of you when she has questions/concerns.

I think you did the right thing. The big thing now will be addressing the actual issue. 13 is so young...
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Old 04-25-2005, 10:25 AM
Antigen Antigen is offline
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I think you reacted pretty calmly, to be honest.

You definitely did the right thing by breaking them up and sending him home, and I agree that her mother should know what's going on. Kids will end up doing what they want to do anyway, but maybe a chat with her mother will help her to see that this isn't the sort of thing she should be doing just yet.

Good luck, plnnr.
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  #5  
Old 04-25-2005, 10:26 AM
plnnr plnnr is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TellMeI'mNotCrazy
I think you did the right thing. The big thing now will be addressing the actual issue. 13 is so young...
My wife is a psychotherapist, and several of her young girl clients tell her that "oral sex isn't sex." Apparently, it's a pretty widely held belief.
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  #6  
Old 04-25-2005, 10:29 AM
TellMeI'mNotCrazy TellMeI'mNotCrazy is offline
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*resisting the urge to make the cheap and easy political joke*
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  #7  
Old 04-25-2005, 10:32 AM
GrizzRich GrizzRich is offline
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Kudos, dude.

Well handled, I'd say.

No screamfest. Broke them apart gently. Calmly spoke to the girl.

Jeez.... didja have a headache after? Cuz I sure would have!
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  #8  
Old 04-25-2005, 10:40 AM
Eonwe Eonwe is offline
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You did good.

On the one hand, it's probably not behavior you want your 13 year old to be participating in. On the other, it's not unheard of for 13 year olds to do so, and being able to have open dialogue with a kid about sex will ultimately be infinitely more important than blowing a gasket about sex and becoming a disciplinarian before you become a teacher.
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  #9  
Old 04-25-2005, 10:48 AM
belladonna belladonna is offline
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I'm going to give you the choice - either you tell your mother, or I will.
Oooooo, that's brutal!

I'm trying to imagine the ways one might jump into that kind of conversation with their mother...
"So mom, do you know how to get semen out of kneesocks...?"


How close is your stepdaughter to 14, if you don't mind saying?
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  #10  
Old 04-25-2005, 10:54 AM
wonderwench wonderwench is offline
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You handled the situation extremely well - as noted by others.

I hope her mom explains to her the STD risk of such behavior. It is not "safe" and it is still sex.
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  #11  
Old 04-25-2005, 11:03 AM
plnnr plnnr is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by belladonna
Oooooo, that's brutal!

How close is your stepdaughter to 14, if you don't mind saying?
No, me picking them both up by the scruff of the neck and becoming...ah...demonstrative in showing them the error of their ways would be brutal.

She turned 13 in November.
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  #12  
Old 04-25-2005, 11:03 AM
calm kiwi calm kiwi is offline
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You did exceptionaly well. You were calm and rational. You didn't freak her out or scare the beejeesus out of the boy. There are many many kids out there wishing they had someone calm like you in their lives.

Let's hope Mum does as well.
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  #13  
Old 04-25-2005, 11:07 AM
aruvqan aruvqan is offline
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Well done IMHO. Rational and calm, and not acting like an 'evil step-father' by *you* punishing her. I know sometimes step relationships can be tricky [YOU aren't my father/mother]

Let us know how it works out=)
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  #14  
Old 04-25-2005, 11:12 AM
belladonna belladonna is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plnnr
No, me picking them both up by the scruff of the neck and becoming...ah...demonstrative in showing them the error of their ways would be brutal.
Just to clarify, I don't disagree at all with the way you handled it. I'm just remembering my own youthful fuckups and I would have much preferred an immediate beating to the dreaded "you'll have to speak with your father about this when he comes home". It's so diabolically parental.
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  #15  
Old 04-25-2005, 11:28 AM
Left Hand of Dorkness Left Hand of Dorkness is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by belladonna
Just to clarify, I don't disagree at all with the way you handled it. I'm just remembering my own youthful fuckups and I would have much preferred an immediate beating to the dreaded "you'll have to speak with your father about this when he comes home". It's so diabolically parental.
Indeed--although if the "fuck that! YOU tell her" solution had occurred to me as a kid, I woulda stressed out a lot less.
Daniel
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  #16  
Old 04-25-2005, 11:30 AM
badmana badmana is offline
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If I might play devil's advocate here, why do you want her to tell her mother? 13 isn't that young to be messing around (in my personal experience) and I would rather her be safe than tell her mom about her personal sexual activity.

Why didn't you broach the subject about safe sex and see if she understood? If she HAS to tell her mom about it all it might do it create friction and make her rebel (been there and done that!). Do you know how her mother might react? Is she as cool as you are or is this an instant grounding for her?

Sure, she was dumb to give a hummer while you were ANYWHERE near the place but it's not like adults don't make the same mistake.

I just question the whole "OMG they're having SEX, they shouldn't be!" stereotype. I'd rather my daughter fool around understanding the dangers of sex rather than keeping sex away from her as if it didn't exist.
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  #17  
Old 04-25-2005, 11:38 AM
jayjay jayjay is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by badmana
If I might play devil's advocate here, why do you want her to tell her mother?
Because her mother's his wife, and not telling her something of this magnitude concerning her daughter would be a MAJOR breach of trust and communication on plnnr's part? So, he gave her a choice...she could either tell her herself, or he could tell her, but SOMEBODY was going to inform the woman that something significant happened.
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  #18  
Old 04-25-2005, 11:41 AM
jayjay jayjay is online now
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I'd also like to note that this is a very basic part of having a mature, adult relationship. Your obligations to respect and love your wife/husband/partner/SO are more important than your predilection for giving a wink and a whistle to what you might consider to be minor infractions of the rules on the part of offspring (whether natural or step-).
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  #19  
Old 04-25-2005, 11:47 AM
CynicalGabe CynicalGabe is offline
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You handled it well. If it had been my daughter, I'm afraid my reaction would have involved the boyfriend and the lawnmower.
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  #20  
Old 04-25-2005, 11:48 AM
plnnr plnnr is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jayjay
Because her mother's his wife, and not telling her something of this magnitude concerning her daughter would be a MAJOR breach of trust and communication on plnnr's part? So, he gave her a choice...she could either tell her herself, or he could tell her, but SOMEBODY was going to inform the woman that something significant happened.
What he said.
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  #21  
Old 04-25-2005, 12:01 PM
badmana badmana is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jayjay
Because her mother's his wife, and not telling her something of this magnitude concerning her daughter would be a MAJOR breach of trust and communication on plnnr's part? So, he gave her a choice...she could either tell her herself, or he could tell her, but SOMEBODY was going to inform the woman that something significant happened.

See, the idea that this is "something significant" is what's wrong here. It's a fucking blow job not a DP anal with animals (not that there is anything wrong with that, whatever floats your boat etc).


Why not just tell the mother but in a non-confrontational setting (like when the daughter is at school) and make sure the mother doesn't make things worse by blowing up and making a big deal out of it. Your step daughter is reaching sexual maturity and will need guidance, not punishment (because if you teach her sex is wrong she's going to be far worse off IMO). She needs to have a heart to heart talk and not go in thinking she did something terrible.

Of course you know her mother and you might know that she can handle it so what your did might be the right course. If she's not the calm type though, there is going to be one big mess when your step daughter tries to (under duress) explain out of the blue what happened (and why she has to tell her right then).

I've watched, personally, some fucked up parents tear apart a child because of sex (and create a fun situation involving group homes for runaway kids). Some parents shouldn't be even having sex if they can't handle their own kids having sex.
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  #22  
Old 04-25-2005, 12:09 PM
Taran Taran is offline
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When I clicked on this thread from the main forum page, all that was visible was "My Step-Daughter - The Giver". I was totally sure that I was walking into a thread about young adult literature. But this thread is good too.

I am not a parent, but I was recently a 13-year-old boy. I too think you handled it well. One wonders what, if anything, from this exchange will make its way to him!
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  #23  
Old 04-25-2005, 12:09 PM
plnnr plnnr is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by badmana
See, the idea that this is "something significant" is what's wrong here. It's a fucking blow job not a DP anal with animals (not that there is anything wrong with that, whatever floats your boat etc).
Because it is something significant. She's 13. This isn't "show me yours and I'll show you mine," this is a very intimate act committed by someone that isn't emotionally mature enough to handle it (she's my step-daughter - I know her emotional maturity).

I also know her mother very well (as I should - I married her). I know that she'll handle it an caring, supportive way and won't freak out. She'll be concerned, she'll be angry, but she'll be calm.

Your comment seems to follow the same thinking that oral sex isn't sex, and that's a sentiment I don't agree with in the slightest.
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  #24  
Old 04-25-2005, 12:10 PM
Troy McClure SF Troy McClure SF is offline
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Wow, you handled it very well. And might I echo the following:

Quote:
Originally Posted by badmana
...make sure the mother doesn't make things worse by blowing up and making a big deal out of it.
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  #25  
Old 04-25-2005, 12:24 PM
D_Odds D_Odds is offline
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You handled it much better than I ever would have, and my step-daughter is only a year behind yours. :yikes: I likely would have blown a gasket on making out...forget about oral sex. I'd be hiding body parts.
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  #26  
Old 04-25-2005, 12:31 PM
Eonwe Eonwe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by badmana
See, the idea that this is "something significant" is what's wrong here. It's a fucking blow job not a DP anal with animals (not that there is anything wrong with that, whatever floats your boat etc).


Why not just tell the mother but in a non-confrontational setting (like when the daughter is at school) and make sure the mother doesn't make things worse by blowing up and making a big deal out of it. Your step daughter is reaching sexual maturity and will need guidance, not punishment (because if you teach her sex is wrong she's going to be far worse off IMO). She needs to have a heart to heart talk and not go in thinking she did something terrible.

Of course you know her mother and you might know that she can handle it so what your did might be the right course. If she's not the calm type though, there is going to be one big mess when your step daughter tries to (under duress) explain out of the blue what happened (and why she has to tell her right then).

I've watched, personally, some fucked up parents tear apart a child because of sex (and create a fun situation involving group homes for runaway kids). Some parents shouldn't be even having sex if they can't handle their own kids having sex.

You seem to be expecting the worst, when from what we have of the story so far we're dealing with competent, thoughtful parents. Frankly, it is 'significant', not only the act itself but how plnnr and wife deal with it will teach Jr. a lot about maturity, respect, and self-responsibility. I agree that maybe giving the wife a heads up might be smart to prevent the immediate, emotional reaction that could occur, but I still like the idea of having Jr. bring it up. Particularly if the parents aren't going to flip out, making the kid articulate what she's doing (talking about sex) is hugely important, and there are many adults who can't do it.
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  #27  
Old 04-25-2005, 12:31 PM
silenus silenus is offline
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Plnnr, let me echo in others in stating that you handled the situation very well. Mom needs to know, and it would be best if your step-daughter was the one to tell her. But she must know. Sexual contact is sexual contact, and Mom and daughter need to talk.
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  #28  
Old 04-25-2005, 12:32 PM
Chefguy Chefguy is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by badmana
See, the idea that this is "something significant" is what's wrong here. It's a fucking blow job not a DP anal with animals (not that there is anything wrong with that, whatever floats your boat etc).
You're right only to the extent that the child is fully aware of the STD risks. Denying sexuality is pointless. Mitigating the risks isn't.
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  #29  
Old 04-25-2005, 12:32 PM
badmana badmana is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plnnr
Because it is something significant. She's 13. This isn't "show me yours and I'll show you mine," this is a very intimate act committed by someone that isn't emotionally mature enough to handle it (she's my step-daughter - I know her emotional maturity).

I also know her mother very well (as I should - I married her). I know that she'll handle it an caring, supportive way and won't freak out. She'll be concerned, she'll be angry, but she'll be calm.

Your comment seems to follow the same thinking that oral sex isn't sex, and that's a sentiment I don't agree with in the slightest.


"Show me your and I'll show you mine" is mostly for under 8 year old kids IME. At 13 many kids are getting interested about sex and many are having sex, you just don't know about it.

And a BJ is sex, I never said any different. But a BJ or full on sex isn't "bad". As you know her better than anyone here, if you think she's not ready for sex maybe you should gently tell her? Or at least prep her mom for tonight's (it's going to happen tonight right?) little talk. If you or her mom demand she stop and uses the "I'm your mother and you will follow my rules" BS she's going to rebel and things might get really bad.

It's only sex!

If her mom is truely a cool person (like yourself) then you probably did the right thing, although like I said, you might want to warn her (because if your wife had a bad day at work and blows up tonight, everyone is fucked).
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  #30  
Old 04-25-2005, 12:34 PM
mailman mailman is offline
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I like and agree with the way you handled it, all the way up to the "You tell your mother, or I will."

I can't imagine how she will do it.

Just tell her mom for her, and then let them have the conversation. Save the kid the embarrassment of, "Uh, mom? There's something I need to tell you...you know today when you went out to run your errand...?"

She's likely to be embarrassed enough, without having to rat herself out.
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  #31  
Old 04-25-2005, 12:41 PM
plnnr plnnr is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mailman
I like and agree with the way you handled it, all the way up to the "You tell your mother, or I will."

I can't imagine how she will do it.

Just tell her mom for her, and then let them have the conversation. Save the kid the embarrassment of, "Uh, mom? There's something I need to tell you...you know today when you went out to run your errand...?"

She's likely to be embarrassed enough, without having to rat herself out.
I appreciate the vote of confidence; however, I believe that this is something that she needs to handle for herself. Actions have consequences, and part of being an adult (or learning to be an adult, in this case) is taking responsibility for your actions and facing the consequences. I'm more than willing to tell my wife what happened, but I'm giving my step-daughter the opportunity to grow a little here. If she doesn't want to, or fails to, it'll tell me even more about her level of maturity and what I can expect from her in other realms.
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Old 04-25-2005, 12:44 PM
badmana badmana is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chefguy
You're right only to the extent that the child is fully aware of the STD risks. Denying sexuality is pointless. Mitigating the risks isn't.

I agree. I don't know the OP and I am not saying things are going to turn out for the worst but a lot of parents ARE denying the sexuality of their children.



Sex seems to be a HUGE ASS FUCKING DEAL even though 99.9999999999999999999999999% of ALL HUMANS have sex. I don't understand why it has to be so special. It should be important but only to the point of understanding STDs, pregnancy and things like rape/sexual assault.
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  #33  
Old 04-25-2005, 12:45 PM
Eonwe Eonwe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by badmana
And a BJ is sex, I never said any different. But a BJ or full on sex isn't "bad". As you know her better than anyone here, if you think she's not ready for sex maybe you should gently tell her? Or at least prep her mom for tonight's (it's going to happen tonight right?) little talk. If you or her mom demand she stop and uses the "I'm your mother and you will follow my rules" BS she's going to rebel and things might get really bad.

It's only sex!

If her mom is truely a cool person (like yourself) then you probably did the right thing, although like I said, you might want to warn her (because if your wife had a bad day at work and blows up tonight, everyone is fucked).
(bolding mine)

I don't mean to be accusatory in a forum not meant for it, but it seems like you're bringing a huge personal agenda to this. The only person who's used the words 'bad' or 'shouldn't' in this thread is you, vehimently arguing against a viewpoint that no one's taken so far. No one has talked about absolute demands and assertation of parental authority. Mrs. plnnr and plnnr Jr. are going to have a talk. Sounds ok and totally appropriate.
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  #34  
Old 04-25-2005, 12:55 PM
badmana badmana is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plnnr
Actions have consequences, and part of being an adult (or learning to be an adult, in this case) is taking responsibility for your actions and facing the consequences. If she doesn't want to, or fails to, it'll tell me even more about her level of maturity and what I can expect from her in other realms.

Wait, did your daughter break a "house rule" with a BJ? Because the consequences of a BJ shouldn't be a parental talk. The parental talk should have been had before sex happened.


Eonwe, as I said, I guess I'm expecting the worse (and I don't know the OP). I only wanted to point out that any talk starting from the act of sex usually has huge consequences for the child if the parents are ready. The kid in this case believes she's ready for sex, but is plnnr's wife ready for a sexual child?

I guess when I see a lot of hyperbole (I'd had killed the boy etc) it pisses me off a little. Of course MOST parents wouldn't kill a teenage boy for sexing up their daughter (only dream of it) but this sort of thing is bad for a kid. It was bad for my sister and all my lady friends growing up.

Again, I don't know the OP and I'm probably way off on my mark. It really depends on the relationship between the mother and daughter.
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  #35  
Old 04-25-2005, 12:56 PM
plnnr plnnr is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by badmana
Sex seems to be a HUGE ASS FUCKING DEAL even though 99.9999999999999999999999999% of ALL HUMANS have sex. I don't understand why it has to be so special.
It doesn't have to be special if you're just looking to get off - but a 13 year old girl doesn't know know the difference between just getting off (and I doubt that she thought about getting anything out of the encounter herself) and how special a physical relatinship can be given the right set of circumstances.
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  #36  
Old 04-25-2005, 01:20 PM
Kalhoun Kalhoun is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plnnr
I appreciate the vote of confidence; however, I believe that this is something that she needs to handle for herself. Actions have consequences, and part of being an adult (or learning to be an adult, in this case) is taking responsibility for your actions and facing the consequences. I'm more than willing to tell my wife what happened, but I'm giving my step-daughter the opportunity to grow a little here. If she doesn't want to, or fails to, it'll tell me even more about her level of maturity and what I can expect from her in other realms.
I get what you're saying here, but being adult does NOT mean telling either one of your parents that you gave a guy a blow job. It was her and the guy's business. You've made it your business out of concern for the kid...you should be the one to tell your wife.
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  #37  
Old 04-25-2005, 01:38 PM
Good Egg Good Egg is offline
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Its only sex? Gee, I must've fallen asleep one night and when I woke, some magic dust had been sprinkled making a majority of people ignorant.
Hey, its also only alcohol, 13 may as well be a legal adult, let her drive too, why not? Really,explain why sex as a CHILD is okay, when drinking, driving and voting is much more sacred and only for adults?
Someof my female friends were pregnant at age 13, and it was a thing to regret. Becoming an adult means waiting til you are mature to do certain things; this does mean sex. Hell-O.
If not, why not advocate buying them a hotel room,etc?
I am stumped, have people truly lost their minds? Morals are gone completely?
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  #38  
Old 04-25-2005, 01:46 PM
Shodan Shodan is offline
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I would also recommend having a chat with the mother of the boyfriend. And, if he is significantly older than your stepdaughter, the police as well.

This not being the Pit, I will refrain from offering opinions on the "oh well, kids will be kids" reaction to a thirteen year old child having sex.

Regards,
Shodan
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  #39  
Old 04-25-2005, 01:49 PM
Left Hand of Dorkness Left Hand of Dorkness is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kalhoun
I get what you're saying here, but being adult does NOT mean telling either one of your parents that you gave a guy a blow job. It was her and the guy's business. You've made it your business out of concern for the kid...you should be the one to tell your wife.
I agree with this. The consequences of sex are manifold, but they DON'T include talking with parents about having sex. I've had plenty of sex, and I've never once told my parents about having sex. Not when I was sixteen, not now. That's why my first reaction to your ultimatum is, "Screw it, you tell her"--not out of a desire to avoid responsibility, but out of a desire to let you make your own decisions and leave me to make my decisions about what conversatoins to initiate.

I'm afraid that you've phrased it to her in both a punishment sense and a "Watch me judge you!" sense, neither of which is probably the message you want to be sending to her.

Daniel
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Old 04-25-2005, 02:04 PM
badmana badmana is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Good Egg
Its only sex? Gee, I must've fallen asleep one night and when I woke, some magic dust had been sprinkled making a majority of people ignorant.
Hey, its also only alcohol, 13 may as well be a legal adult, let her drive too, why not? Really,explain why sex as a CHILD is okay, when drinking, driving and voting is much more sacred and only for adults?
Someof my female friends were pregnant at age 13, and it was a thing to regret. Becoming an adult means waiting til you are mature to do certain things; this does mean sex. Hell-O.
If not, why not advocate buying them a hotel room,etc?
I am stumped, have people truly lost their minds? Morals are gone completely?

This is what gets to me. I'd love to see if there could be a statistic that shows parents who are "uptight" about sex create kids who rebel and become the opposite out of spite. Or because sex is so sacred that kids of parents unable to communicate about sex end up with really messed up kids.



I hope, Good Egg, what you're saying is all hyperbole. Alcohol can kill you, driving can kill you. Voting is a little different (I personally don't see how 18 is a magical age where suddently a person understands politics). I can understand age limits on alcohol and driving. There is NO age limit on sex (except for stautory rape which I don't agree unless there's a clause that exempts within age limits like 2-4 years).

Sex generally doesn't end up killing anyone. Not everyone drinks (I don't). Not everyone drives (my GF doesn't). But as I said, just about every human in the history of humanity fucks. Fucking is what we do best (next to killing). Why is fucking so gods damnit important?

If your kids aren't ready for sex, fine. Tell them and let them make that choice. It should NEVER be about age (there is no magical line in the sand of when someone should have sex).
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Old 04-25-2005, 02:09 PM
Good Egg Good Egg is offline
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So age 6 is okay with you, then?
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Old 04-25-2005, 02:14 PM
belladonna belladonna is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shodan
And, if he is significantly older than your stepdaughter, the police as well.
Yeah, because getting the girl's boyfriend arrested and fucking up his life is sure to engender all kinds of good feelings between mother and child.
The time to object to the age of a girl's boyfriend is long before you leave them alone together. Once you've tacitly approved of the relationship, it takes a pretty huge asshole to get a kid arrested for fooling around with his girlfriend.
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Old 04-25-2005, 02:18 PM
badmana badmana is offline
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Is a 6 year old naturally looking for sex? That's some interesting kids you've met.

Most 'kids' get interested at about 10-12 but ALMOST ALL will never actually HAVE sex until after. I was certainly interested in girls at about 10-11 but I never considered having sex. Even if I had the opportunity I wouldn't have.
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Old 04-25-2005, 02:20 PM
BabaBooey BabaBooey is offline
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So, badmana, you think a 13 year old is capable of properly raising a child? Would you want YOUR 13 year old daughter to be having sex?
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  #45  
Old 04-25-2005, 02:22 PM
liirogue liirogue is offline
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plnnr, I agree you are approaching this the right way.

I don't understand all of the "it's just sex" or "it's just oral sex" mentality a lot of people are showing here. IMHO, she's a little too young. Because she's so young, she probably doesn't really know about safe sex, or what she could catch if she doesn't practice safe sex.

Even if she does know, she's still too young.
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Old 04-25-2005, 02:25 PM
Abbie Carmichael Abbie Carmichael is offline
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I think you handled it great, plnnr. You're not her dad, but you're a concerned dad type and I think you respected the whole boundary between the two.

I'da passed out right there in the living room. 13 is waaaaaay too young for stuff like that -- and there is no way a teenage boy is going to keep his mouth shut. The whole school will hear about this, and she's the only one who's going to come out looking bad.

Does nobody have a childhood anymore?
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  #47  
Old 04-25-2005, 02:26 PM
caphis caphis is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by belladonna
Yeah, because getting the girl's boyfriend arrested and fucking up his life is sure to engender all kinds of good feelings between mother and child.
The time to object to the age of a girl's boyfriend is long before you leave them alone together. Once you've tacitly approved of the relationship, it takes a pretty huge asshole to get a kid arrested for fooling around with his girlfriend.
Agreed and seconded.

As to the initial situation.. I'm not sure what I would have done, but I think it's important for you to understand and accept that whether or not it happens in your living room, it's probably already happened before, and will likely happen again. Then it becomes clear that this should not be about 'punishment,' per se, rather education.

I agree with what others have said about 13 being a normal age for experimenting and the like, though I do not necessarily agree with it. Things happen. I was 15 when I first dicked around (no pun intended), my sister was 14. Come to think of it, it's much more difficult for me to remember the names of school friends who weren't doing something naughty than it is to remember those who were. I'm not saying that this justifies her behavior, but punishment isn't going to put a stop to it.
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  #48  
Old 04-25-2005, 02:29 PM
Kythereia Kythereia is offline
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Check out the thread in Great Debates for discussion on the topic of young teens and sex, just so this thread isn't hijacked to heaven...
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  #49  
Old 04-25-2005, 02:30 PM
badmana badmana is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BabaBooey
So, badmana, you think a 13 year old is capable of properly raising a child? Would you want YOUR 13 year old daughter to be having sex?

I think you're misinterpreting things here. I'm talking about sex, not babies. Having sex can mean everything from hand jobs to 'regular' sex. Why does every fear monger always bring up babies when talking about sex?

Sex does not mean children. My GF and I have sex regularly for over 3 years and we don't have children and neither of us is sterile. YOU CAN HAVE SEX WITHOUT HAVING A KID!

A 13 year old, depending on maturity , could certainly have sex safely. Of course, getting pregnant increases with less available information and parenting. I was given the standard sex ed in highschool and it kept me pretty safe. I don't know how the US school system is set up in teaching this sort of thing. I fear abstanice training is going to create a boom of teen mothers.

In the OPs case, if his step daughter, in his opinion, isn't mature enough to enforce safe sex practices, then she shouldn't be having sex. It has nothing to do with age or pregnancy.
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  #50  
Old 04-25-2005, 02:36 PM
PatriotX PatriotX is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by belladonna
Just to clarify, I don't disagree at all with the way you handled it. I'm just remembering my own youthful fuckups and I would have much preferred an immediate beating to the dreaded "you'll have to speak with your father about this when he comes home". It's so diabolically parental.
My brother and I used to request spanking as opposed to lectures. Spankings were over with in a matter of seconds. Lectures could last for decades. Somehow we hadn't figured out the 'briar patch principle.'
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