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Old 05-01-2005, 01:57 PM
Nunavut Boy Nunavut Boy is offline
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Share some obtuse, indirect insults

Y'know, the kind of insult where the person you say it to looks confused for a second, says 'thanks' and then walks away, only to realize 5 minutes later that they've been insulted. I love those. I can't think of any good examples of this at the moment, though. If you have any, share!
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Old 05-01-2005, 02:02 PM
Lobsang Lobsang is offline
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The one from Fellowship of the ring springs to mind, but that's the reverse of what the OP is asking for.


I don't know any of this type of insult. But I suppose you could say "Your face reminds me of Helix Aspera"
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Old 05-01-2005, 02:05 PM
zamboniracer zamboniracer is offline
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My dad went to a small Jesuit college in Ohio and I went to a big state university. Dad used to say that when someone transferred from his alma mater to mine that the average GPA at both schools went up.
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Old 05-01-2005, 02:08 PM
Lobsang Lobsang is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zamboniracer
My dad went to a small Jesuit college in Ohio and I went to a big state university. Dad used to say that when someone transferred from his alma mater to mine that the average GPA at both schools went up.

Took me a worryingly long time to work that one out.
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Old 05-01-2005, 03:25 PM
Nunavut Boy Nunavut Boy is offline
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Haha! That's exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about! Thanks for sharing!
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Old 05-01-2005, 04:13 PM
Dark Side of the Floyd Dark Side of the Floyd is offline
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"I've grown accustomed to your face."

"Awww, don't worry... you couldn't possibly get any uglier."
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Old 05-01-2005, 04:52 PM
Harriet the Spry Harriet the Spry is offline
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A coworker who got a big promotion, when we were all congratulating her, said to me, "Oh, Harriet, you've got a long way to go." I THINK she meant to say that I would go far, by her tone, but I did indeed just say thanks and drift away, later reflecting on just how much of an insult that was to say in front of our boss and they whole department.
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Old 05-01-2005, 05:12 PM
CynicalGabe CynicalGabe is offline
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That's an interesting opinion.
That is the single least intelligent thing I've ever heard
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Old 05-01-2005, 05:14 PM
Lobsang Lobsang is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CynicalGabe
That's an interesting opinion.
I used a varient of this when my cow-orker was designing a new logo after declairing the professionally done ones sh*t and that he was formerly a Graphic Designer.

"It's different"



(It was sh*t)
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Old 05-01-2005, 05:20 PM
Martha Medea Martha Medea is offline
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I don't care what people say about you. I think you're [insert positive adjective here].
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Old 05-01-2005, 06:04 PM
Laughing Lagomorph Laughing Lagomorph is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CynicalGabe
That's an interesting opinion.
That is the single least intelligent thing I've ever heard

Y'know, I've actually used that line on someone on these boards here, and it wasn't meant as an insult.


Well, not too much of an insult.
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Old 05-01-2005, 06:06 PM
Scissorjack Scissorjack is offline
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You are as intelligent as you are witty.
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  #13  
Old 05-01-2005, 06:32 PM
Manatee Manatee is offline
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For your spouse only:

Your in-laws are much better than my in-laws.
  #14  
Old 05-01-2005, 06:59 PM
DoctorJ DoctorJ is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zamboniracer
My dad went to a small Jesuit college in Ohio and I went to a big state university. Dad used to say that when someone transferred from his alma mater to mine that the average GPA at both schools went up.
This is generally attributed to Will Rogers, who said that when the Okies left Oklahoma and moved to California, they raised the average intelligence level in both states.

In medical epidemiology, this is called the Will Rogers Effect, and it usually refers to cancer staging. If someone's cancer progresses from a Stage I to a Stage II, the person probably has a good prognosis compared to other people with Stage II, but obviously had a worse prognosis than most people with Stage I, so his migration improves the survival data for both stages.
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Old 05-01-2005, 07:11 PM
cornflakes cornflakes is offline
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"That's the sort of stuff that we've come to expect of you!"
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Old 05-01-2005, 07:30 PM
Nunavut Boy Nunavut Boy is offline
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OK, I just thought of one that I did use some time ago.

Myself and a friend were having a drink at a bar. Some joiners were expected later. I saw one person coming up to our table and I said, "Well, speak of the devil! We were just discussing the reasons why we need state-sponsored abortions!"

'Course, this only lends itself to a certain sense of humour.
  #17  
Old 05-01-2005, 07:35 PM
danceswithcats danceswithcats is offline
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  #18  
Old 05-01-2005, 07:49 PM
pinkfreud pinkfreud is offline
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Here's one that I like. People seldom "get" this, and they take it for a compliment:

"Before they made you, they broke the mold."
  #19  
Old 05-01-2005, 08:18 PM
Jake Jake is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkfreud
Here's one that I like. People seldom "get" this, and they take it for a compliment:

"Before they made you, they broke the mold."
  #20  
Old 05-01-2005, 08:36 PM
Sarah Woodruff Sarah Woodruff is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nunavut Boy
Y'know, the kind of insult where the person you say it to looks confused for a second, says 'thanks' and then walks away, only to realize 5 minutes later that they've been insulted. I love those. I can't think of any good examples of this at the moment, though. If you have any, share!
You don't know obtuse, indirect insults until you've been to a private girls-only high school:

"Oh, your Mum is sooo pretty! You don't take after her at all, do you?"

"What a gorgeous skirt! Didn't they have it in your size?"

"Oh, you're in the top Science class? Funny, I didn't picture you as that sort of person."
  #21  
Old 05-01-2005, 08:48 PM
Zjestika Zjestika is offline
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My dad always said, "You're smarter than you look" when me or my brother displayed any intelligence. In fact, he said it so often that it's my automatic response to anyone who has a good idea or a moment of clarity.

ZJ
  #22  
Old 05-01-2005, 09:32 PM
Martha Medea Martha Medea is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah Woodruff
You don't know obtuse, indirect insults until you've been to a private girls-only high school:

"Oh, your Mum is sooo pretty! You don't take after her at all, do you?"

"What a gorgeous skirt! Didn't they have it in your size?"

"Oh, you're in the top Science class? Funny, I didn't picture you as that sort of person."
Hee!

I've heard this one: "Your Mum is sooo pretty! You must take after your Dad."
  #23  
Old 05-01-2005, 11:48 PM
AmbushBug AmbushBug is offline
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A friend of mine (not in my chain of command) at my workplace got promoted. His former position was a step up from my position, so I applied for it.

I was called into the boss's office (the friend's former boss - the friend is now on the level with that person) and it was explained to me that it wasn't in my line (I didn't really expect to get it).

A day or two later I came upon my friend, who was working into his new position. He knew I'd applied for his old slot, and I told him I didn't get it, including the statement: "yeah, (boss) said I was overqualified..."

  #24  
Old 05-02-2005, 12:51 AM
furthur furthur is offline
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Well, this is very indirect, and geeky to boot, but:

I accidentally-on-purpose keep remembering my brother-in-law's law firm name as Wolfram & Hart.

For the non-Angel viewer, they're the uber-evil law firm in Angel.

I told you it was geeky. No, my brother-in-law doesn't get it yet. It's still a secret pleasure, sort of an older-sister thing.

Mrs. Furthur
  #25  
Old 05-02-2005, 01:07 AM
danceswithcats danceswithcats is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkfreud
Here's one that I like. People seldom "get" this, and they take it for a compliment:

"Before they made you, they broke the mold."
Reminds me of a card I sent a buddy for his birthday. On the outside: After you were born, they broke the mold.

One the inside: And beat the hell out of the mold maker.
  #26  
Old 05-02-2005, 10:25 AM
Lissla Lissar Lissla Lissar is offline
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(from a teacher) I have a few more pearls to cast before you.
  #27  
Old 05-02-2005, 10:55 AM
matt_mcl matt_mcl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by danceswithcats
Reminds me of a card I sent a buddy for his birthday. On the outside: After you were born, they broke the mold.
"...some of it grew back." - Emo Phillips
  #28  
Old 05-02-2005, 11:06 AM
EmeraldGrue EmeraldGrue is offline
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Okay, this one happened last night as X and I were "talking" to the chatterbot Jabberwacky (there was no one intelligent on OKCupid). We were tossing witticisms and repartee back and forth and saw that Jabberwacky's quite snarky.

Us: What an attitude!
Jab: Big or healthy?
Us: Can't it be both?
Jab: Yes it can!
Us: You have quite a high opinion of yourself.
Jab: You have quite a high opinion of your jokes, and that makes ONE of us.

...Zing!
  #29  
Old 05-02-2005, 11:08 AM
Zebra Zebra is offline
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Once at a wedding some frat brothers of the groom started singing.

It was nice for one song.

Then they sang another.

And another.

During the fourth song I was very tempted to stand up and sing the French National Anthem, but I didn't think the rest of the crowd would join in an help me drown them out.
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  #30  
Old 05-02-2005, 12:32 PM
Knowed Out Knowed Out is offline
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That's a really nice suit. Maybe in twenty or thirty years it'll come back in style.

I absolutely love your hair! Who made it?

Great tie! Was K-Mart having a sale?
  #31  
Old 05-02-2005, 01:16 PM
Anne Neville Anne Neville is offline
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Your Schwarzschild radius is a meter.
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Old 05-02-2005, 01:24 PM
JerH JerH is offline
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To a girlfriend:

"I'm glad I don't have to worry about anyone wanting to steal you away from me."
  #33  
Old 05-02-2005, 01:55 PM
gotpasswords gotpasswords is offline
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You have such beautiful bovine eyes!

Don't know if she ever caught on to it.
  #34  
Old 05-02-2005, 02:15 PM
Ethilrist Ethilrist is offline
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I usually use this one as "They broke the mold while they were making him..."

Nobody ever gets that one, either.

I also use variations on "Your hair looks great, today..."

You have to get the little pause in there to indicate the comma...
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Old 05-02-2005, 02:19 PM
Rodd Hill Rodd Hill is offline
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I have posted this (possibly apocryphal) story before; however, the whole British understatedness/damned-by-faint-praise angle always appeal to me.

Sometime in the 1920s or 30s, a young British Regular Army officer wangled a posting to the Frontier (between India and Afghanistan, now the independent state of Pakistan). The dour Commanding Officer of the Scouts regiment he was assigned to preferred that his subalterns spent their leave hunting, hiking, or fishing in the barren mountains of the area, and was particularly against them spending time in the dubious flesh-pots of downcountry cities, chasing what few young women there were to be found.

The young Lieutenant in question, from a good family, and with some private means, spent most of his leaves chasing girls and generally living it up in night-clubs, not honing his military skills with "the boys."

When it came time to write up his review on the young man, the Commanding Officer simply wrote in his report: "This officer dances beautifully."
  #36  
Old 05-02-2005, 02:21 PM
Hypno-Toad Hypno-Toad is offline
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A coworker's son was getting married to a girl we knew and I told his mom that he was getting the better deal out of the marriage.
  #37  
Old 05-02-2005, 02:58 PM
jlzania jlzania is offline
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A Southern thing said to obliquely point out that someone's being a total asshole:
Well, bless your heart!
  #38  
Old 05-02-2005, 03:13 PM
FatBaldGuy FatBaldGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anne Neville
Your Schwarzschild radius is a meter.
For those of us lay people who can't do the complex math, and still are'nt sure what this link is talking about, could you translate into English?
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Old 05-02-2005, 03:14 PM
FatBaldGuy FatBaldGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FatBaldGuy
For those of us lay people who can't do the complex math, and still are'nt sure what this link is talking about, could you translate into English?
aren't
  #40  
Old 05-02-2005, 03:52 PM
Spoke Spoke is offline
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I really loved your story. It was full of such sound and fury.
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Old 05-02-2005, 04:03 PM
Anne Neville Anne Neville is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FatBaldGuy
For those of us lay people who can't do the complex math, and still are'nt sure what this link is talking about, could you translate into English?
Sure, but I don't guarantee accurate or even consistent spelling of Schwarzschild.

The Schwarzschild radius of an object is the radius of the event horizon that a black hole of the same mass as that object would have. All objects with mass have a Schwarzschild radius, and it scales linearly with mass- if something is twice as massive as, say, the Sun, its Schwarzchild radius will be twice the Sun's Schwarzschild radius.

According to the Wikipedia article, the Sun has a Schwarzschild radius of about 3 kilometers, and the Earth has a Schwarzschild radius of about 9 millimeters. So if you're saying someone's Schwarzschild radius is a meter, you are saying they are approximately 111 times as massive as the Earth. It's a fat joke for astronomy or physics geeks
  #42  
Old 05-02-2005, 05:01 PM
Eureka Eureka is online now
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I'm not actually sure that this was intended to be insulting, but some of the othe people who heard it were. Our handbell choir was told:

You're not professional but you sure try hard!
  #43  
Old 05-02-2005, 09:30 PM
Dewey Finn Dewey Finn is offline
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I remember this one from The Book of Lists. Some French writer had received a poor review, so he wrote back to the critic, "I'm in the smallest room of the house and I have your review in front of me. Soon it shall be behind me."

I always remembered that because it seemed so elegant.
  #44  
Old 05-02-2005, 10:44 PM
jweb jweb is offline
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I like to use this one on certain coworkers, but it takes a little bit of setup on their part first:

Stupid Coworker: You must think I'm pretty (stupid, idiotic, ugly, fat, disgusting, etc).
Me: I never would have said that out loud.

The beauty of that phrase is that they're expecting to hear a compliment, and they do, up until those last two little words...
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Old 05-02-2005, 10:58 PM
Cockatiel Cockatiel is offline
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"Your mom."



Sorry, I'm not sure how many people have heard that. So many guys at my school say that all the time, and I just want to strangle them after a while. Here's an example of how it comes into conversation:

Person 1: God, it's so hot out today...

Person 2: Your mom.


It really is supposed to be an insult, and I still don't get how it is.
  #46  
Old 05-02-2005, 11:21 PM
SpectBrain SpectBrain is offline
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To my wife: "I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
  #47  
Old 05-02-2005, 11:30 PM
Xema Xema is offline
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"I'll give your suggestion all the attention it deserves."
  #48  
Old 05-03-2005, 12:22 AM
commasense commasense is online now
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From the BBC's Jeeves and Wooster (but not in any of the original Wodehouse stories):

Bertie (who is reading a book): I'm improving myself, Jeeves.

Jeeves: Such a thing hardly seems possible, sir.

Another old favorite: Thank you for sending me your book. I'll waste no time reading it.
  #49  
Old 05-03-2005, 01:13 AM
LavenderBlue LavenderBlue is offline
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My sister-in-law wrote the problem with me is that I, "want to be an intellectual."

I've always thought that her decision to believe that statement an insult was far more insulting to her than to me.
  #50  
Old 05-03-2005, 02:16 AM
friedo friedo is offline
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I stole this one from Futurama and have used it succesfully twice:

Other Person: I heard you said I was (something bad.)
Me: I never said that, but I'm certainly thinking it loudly.
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