Does "hooking up" always imply sexual activity?

[pinkfreud]

I have checked the Urban Dictionary, but I'd like some input from y'all on this.

A friend of mine accidentally overheard her 11-year-old daughter talking about "hooking up" with a boy she met at a swim party. My friend asked me whether this is likely to mean that the girl is having sex, and I honestly didn't know, since I am out of touch with young people's slang.

Does "hooking up" usually indicate having sex, or can it have a more innocent meaning? Please, no opinions regarding the ethics of eavesdropping on your kids. I'd just like some opinions about the current meaning of this slang phrase.

[smiling bandit]

My friend asked me whether this is likely to mean that the girl is having sex, and I honestly didn't know, since I am out of touch with young people's slang.

Probably not, no. In someone older it could, but an 11-year old isn't likely physically or mentally equipped to want sex, much less actively pursue it.

[pinkfreud]

Originally Posted by smiling bandit

Probably not, no. In someone older it could, but an 11-year old isn't likely physically or mentally equipped to want sex, much less actively pursue it.

I guess I should have mentioned that this girl is very mature in appearance. I suspect that most people would assume that she's 15 or 16 years old. That's one reason why her mom worries so much about the sex issue.

[OldGuy]

Originally Posted by pinkfreud

Does "hooking up" usually indicate having sex, or can it have a more innocent meaning? Please, no opinions regarding the ethics of eavesdropping on your kids. I'd just like some opinions about the current meaning of this slang phrase.

Definitely not in my experience. Kids often say "We're hooking up with so and so at the mall" meaning only that they're meeting them there. Or "Let's hook up after the game" meaning let's do something together usually go some place.

Of course local usage might vary.

[pravnik]

In my limited experience, "hooking up" can mean anything from "meeting up with" to "starting a relationship with" to "making out with" to "having sex with," with the latter probably being the most rare usage. It all depends on the context.

[ouryL]

The term is used to obscure what happened. Sorta like yada yada yada.

[pinkfreud]

Thanks, folks. I'll tell my friend that she can relax a bit.

It must be very difficult to be the parent of an 11-year-old girl these days.

[FilmGeek]

When I was around that age, hooking up meant "dating" like "going with" or "going steady". It also meant "meeting with", as said, like at the mall.

Often kissing or hand holding was involved in the dating scene.

It was usually used in a 'after the fact' gossip kind of way. As in "I saw Jenny and Bobby at the party together. Did they hook up?"

It can also mean connecting a trailer to a trailer hitch, but I doubt that's what she meant.

[groman]

Originally Posted by pinkfreud

It must be very difficult to be the parent of an 11-year-old girl these days.

Are you implying it was easier sometime in the past? I swear, every generation of parents claims that their kids are being raised in a new, different environment and that it's a lot harder.

[Askia]

Ahhh... I remember not so long ago when 'hooking up' meant, "Receiving Stolen or Ill-Gotten Gains."

Even made a movie about it.

[pinkfreud]

Originally Posted by groman

Are you implying it was easier sometime in the past? I swear, every generation of parents claims that their kids are being raised in a new, different environment and that it's a lot harder.

When I was 11 years old (in the late 1950s), I doubt that my parents worried that I might be having sex. Kids today certainly seem more mature physically, if not in other ways.

[groman]

Originally Posted by pinkfreud

When I was 11 years old (in the late 1950s), I doubt that my parents worried that I might be having sex. Kids today certainly seem more mature physically, if not in other ways.

This might be a cultural issue. My mother who was born in 1944 always said that her friends started actively getting illicit abortions around the time they were 12-13. She always said that the only difference now is that parents talk about things like that and it gets publicized. However, she did live in Russia (Soviet Union) at the time, which is was as conservative as you can be when it comes to kids and sex.

[tim314]

I'll second what everyone's said about how hooking up can refer to just about any kind of interaction, and add that younger kids may not even be aware that it could mean something sexual. I don't think I'd heard it used that way until I was in high school.

[JohnBckWLD]

Originally Posted by pinkfreud

Thanks, folks. I'll tell my friend that she can relax a bit...

Not to sound like the paranoid father of a 10 1/2 year old, but sorry, I am.

Though I can't answer your factual question definitively, IMHO, your friend should directly ask her daughter - not her friends (you) -or- strangers on a message board via proxy (us). If her mature-looking 11-year old has plans to (or already has) hooked-up with a boy, even if it was (or is) to play Marco Polo, I hope for both their sakes that puberty, hormones, sex and the whole ball of wax are discussed in great detail - with answers to all the daughters quiestions answered in full.

[CBCD]

Originally Posted by smiling bandit

Probably not, no. In someone older it could, but an 11-year old isn't likely physically or mentally equipped to want sex, much less actively pursue it.

How old is the boy?

[pinkfreud]

Originally Posted by JohnBckWLD

Not to sound like the paranoid father of a 10 1/2 year old, but sorry, I am.

Though I can't answer your factual question definitively, IMHO, your friend should directly ask her daughter - not her friends (you) -or- strangers on a message board via proxy (us). If her mature-looking 11-year old has plans to (or already has) hooked-up with a boy, even if it was (or is) to play Marco Polo, I hope for both their sakes that puberty, hormones, sex and the whole ball of wax are discussed in great detail - with answers to all the daughters quiestions answered in full.

She does plan to discuss this with her daughter. But she's aware that kids don't always tell the truth about such things.

The mother/daughter talk about sex happened quite some time ago, and mom said that the daughter seemed unimpressed and said that she had "already learned most of that stuff" from watching television! HBO, what hast thou wrought?

[theamazingluther]

In my experience....

I never connoted "hooking up" with sexual activity until late in high school. However, I think this is because that was the time when the slang developed, not because kids weren't doing it younger.

"Hooking up" as I've known it most often means less than sex. If you had sex, you say sex. If you engaged in non intercourse contact, but do not wish to give the details (probably to avoid the TMI factor) you say hooking up. It can be as innocent as necking.

[Kalhoun]

Originally Posted by OldGuy

Definitely not in my experience. Kids often say "We're hooking up with so and so at the mall" meaning only that they're meeting them there. Or "Let's hook up after the game" meaning let's do something together usually go some place.

Of course local usage might vary.

That's the "old geezer" version -- the one I'm familiar with. Well, let me tell you! I said this amongst some young 'uns and they looked at me like I was a streetwalker! In the modern vernacular, it means fucking. Casual fucking.

[groman]

Originally Posted by Kalhoun

That's the "old geezer" version -- the one I'm familiar with. Well, let me tell you! I said this amongst some young 'uns and they looked at me like I was a streetwalker! In the modern vernacular, it means fucking. Casual fucking.

Yeah I got caught up and while replying to the thread actually forgot to reply to the OP. In my circles it means one thing and one thing only - casual sexual relations without the necessary implications of being in a relationship. We're 20-somethings from SF Bay Area if that helps pin it down.

[Squink]

Originally Posted by groman

In my circles it means one thing and one thing only - casual sexual relations without the necessary implications of being in a relationship.

Good Lord! I spent last evening hooking up my stereo system!

[gazpacho]

Originally Posted by Squink

Good Lord! I spent last evening hooking up my stereo system!

Did you respect it in the morning?

[Sequent]

I would say: hook up = sexual relations

There are obviously many, many exceptions. But they are mostly obvious:

"He and I are gonna hook up later and see a movie."
"Call me and we'll hook up later"
"By the time we hooked up, the party was half over"
"We were going to hook up around eight, but..."

But.

"He and I hooked up last night." (full stop)
"Do you wanna hook up with him?"
"Did you two hook up?"

Different ballgame. Unambiguous, I dare say.

Just one man's experience, though.

[TokyoBayer]

For younger people, it seems to mean casual sex, or a minimum of oral sex. If the girl looks like 15 or 16, there is cause to be worried.

[Sequent]

Originally Posted by Askia

Ahhh... I remember not so long ago when 'hooking up' meant, "Receiving Stolen or Ill-Gotten Gains."

Well, ahem, yes. Esp. when from the perspective of the young (older) boy.

[Hello Again]

We used to use it to mean "some sort of physicality, but not usually sex." Although it could mean sex, it usually didn't.

Actually in high school my friends developed a percentage system to clarify things.

10% = some kissing -- 100% = sex

[archmichael]

"Hooking up" to me, has always meant 'to have sex', but the term is ambiguous.

Not quite as clear cut as 'booty call'.

I also wonder if it is an example of a term being mainstreamed by clueless people.
Paula Abdul kept on talking about the 'money shot' (don't know if she still does), using the term to mean a great picture, when to me it has only been a porn industry term.

[Ruken]

It often means sex, but not always. This is true w/the college-age crowd (of which I was recently a part.)

Some things I have heard:
"When I get drunk I sometimes hook up w/my roommate" --she just meant a bit of cuddling w/some very much non-tonsil-licking smooches (when queried).

"They hooked up" --they are now a couple

"They hooked up" --they had casual sex

"What do you think about random hookups?" --do you approve of casual sex?


It seemed to me that most people at Swarthmore College felt that "hook up" did not necessarily imply sexual activity. This was actually a topic of several conversations.

[pulykamell]

Weird. We just had a poll about this on another board.

"Hooking up" has one of three meanings, depending on context:

1) Sexual activity
2) "Making out"
3) Meeting up with

Of the first two meanings, the poll was divided 10 votes for "sex", and 17 votes for "any physical intimacy."

For me, it's always been either sexual activity or meeting up with somebody. Kissing would be covered by the phrase "making out." But it all depends on your age group and peers. It seems that most people around here use it for anything from kissing to sexing.

[Snickers]

In college, "hooking up" always implied some sort of sexual activity. The exact level was most often left up to one's imagination, based on what one know of the hook-uppers' characters. For me, if one roommate told me she "hooked up" with a guy at a party, I'd assume general snogging and petting, but not much more than that. If the other told me she "hooked up" with Aaron, I'd assume the whole enchilada, as they were in a lightbulb (on again, off again) relationship at the time.

Remember, this was college. For an 11-year-old, I'd assume the more innocuous "meeting up with" connotation.

[Zeriel]

After a few VERY short-circuited discussions in college (a few years ago now), it seemed like "hooking up" was a term that had an unusually high degree of regional/cultural variation--some folks used it to mean sex, others just a simple meeting (you could speak of "hooking up" with a fraternity brother to go to a bar or bowling or something.), and everything in between.

I'm going to second the reccomendation to actually talk to the kid, or barring that local kids in her age group, because it's so variable.

[Zeriel]

Originally Posted by pinkfreud

She does plan to discuss this with her daughter. But she's aware that kids don't always tell the truth about such things.

It's been my experience (as a relatively recent teenager, a decade ago I was 14) that if you can't trust a kid to tell you the truth, you need to drop everything else and build that trust in an intelligent manner. I told my dad everything, but I didn't tell my mom very much at all--mostly because my dad never judged, just advised, whereas my mom filtered everything through a lens of innuendo and strict Catholicism (she's the type of person who still harasses me to attend church even though I converted to Zen Budddhism after a few years of college, then wonders why I refuse to discuss religion, morals, or sexuality with her).

The mother/daughter talk about sex happened quite some time ago, and mom said that the daughter seemed unimpressed and said that she had "already learned most of that stuff" from watching television! HBO, what hast thou wrought?

Information spreads. "The talk" is no longer an event. Perhaps mom should consider re-opening the talk with an eye to answering questions rather than necessarily imparting information--I don' t say this as a dig, but as someone close enough to the teen/adult boundary to suggest strategy shifts more appropriate to the mindset of today's teen.

[Carnac the Magnificent!]

Originally Posted by smiling bandit

... an 11-year old isn't likely physically or mentally equipped to want sex, much less actively pursue it.

On what are you basing your assumption? How "mentally equipped" must one be to want to have sex?

[Carnac the Magnificent!]

BTW, I am in no way condoning or advocating sexual activity anywhere close to that age, but it happens far more than you seem to understand.

[Clothahump]

Originally Posted by pinkfreud

Thanks, folks. I'll tell my friend that she can relax a bit.

It must be very difficult to be the parent of an 11-year-old girl these days.

Wait a couple of years.....

[Gary "Wombat" Robson]

I'd bet the meaning varies not just with age group, but with location. I've never heard "hook up" used with any sexual connotation whatsoever. "You wanna hook up later?" means "let's meet someplace." However, I've never lived in a big city urban environment, and it may well mean something different to my kids than it does to me.

[tracer]

Originally Posted by Hello Again

Actually in high school my friends developed a percentage system to clarify things.

10% = some kissing -- 100% = sex

Obviously, your high school friends are from another planet.

Everybody knows that the proper classification system for "how far you got" on a date is the Baseball System:

• 1st base = kissing
• 2nd base = contact with female's breasts
• 3rd base = contact with partner's genitalia
• Home = intercourse

(Oral sex used to be considered on par with intercourse, but these days it has been demoted to the status of yet another 3rd Base activity.)

[abby]

Originally Posted by archmichael

I also wonder if it is an example of a term being mainstreamed by clueless people. Paula Abdul kept on talking about the 'money shot' (don't know if she still does), using the term to mean a great picture, when to me it has only been a porn industry term.

Interesting you say this. I am a porn producer, and have never once used this term - even jokingly - in relation to porn. I have also worked on documentaries, film, and TV shoots, and heard it used now and then in that context.

It's the "decisive moment" in an ad - the shot of the lawn-mower on a black background well lit with it's chrome attachments glowing and fire-engine red body bold and ready to MOW YOUR LAWN.

It's also used in those crappy TV shows like Jerry Springer. When the dude starts beting on the other guy who messed with his wife - that's a money shot. THat's the sort of shot they'll use to promo the show in ads.

I am aware of the crass connotation, and I do not doubt that it is used that way, but it's also used in many other contexts in the media world.

FTR, I deal with 18, 19 year old girls alla time, and hear them use the term "hook up" alla time, and it never means sex - just means "meet up" (They are most Australian, however). Of course, they may be meeting to have sex, but then, the 11 year old might be having sex as well, regardless of the term she uses to meet up with her buddies.

If the mum is that concerned, surely it's time to talk about the birds and bees and that, right?

a

[vetbridge]

I asked my 14 year old daughter and she says "hooking up" can mean anything from meeting to picking out china.

If you have any further questions, maybe we can hook up later.

[tracer]

Originally Posted by abby

Interesting you say this. I am a porn producer, and have never once used this term ["money shot"] - even jokingly - in relation to porn.

Do you work with paid (i.e. professional) porn actors, or amateur porn actors?

My understanding is that the term, as used among porn actors, refers to the fact that if ejaculation doesn't occur, the sequence can't be used in the final cut -- and if the sequence doesn't appear in the final cut, the actors don't get paid.

[abby]

Originally Posted by tracer

Do you work with paid (i.e. professional) porn actors, or amateur porn actors?

My understanding is that the term, as used among porn actors, refers to the fact that if ejaculation doesn't occur, the sequence can't be used in the final cut -- and if the sequence doesn't appear in the final cut, the actors don't get paid.

Hi Tracer

Yah, I work with amateurs (and, in fact, I do not really produce hetro stuff anyway... but I speak regularly with people who do).

There are plenty of options for getting over an actor who cannot finish his business when required (to the extent of having a stand in for the closeup shot). Sounds like a rumour from the 80's, more than anything. I agree that the meaning has changed from then...

But my point was, saying "hooking up = sex" is the same as "money shot = porn" is, ironically, a good comparison (tho it was not intended). "money shot" is not only used in porn, and "hooking up" is not only for the purpose of sex (judging by the majority of posts here).

a

[Corrvin]

Originally Posted by pinkfreud

She does plan to discuss this with her daughter. But she's aware that kids don't always tell the truth about such things.

The mother/daughter talk about sex happened quite some time ago, and mom said that the daughter seemed unimpressed and said that she had "already learned most of that stuff" from watching television! HBO, what hast thou wrought?

Kids of increasingly young ages have more clues about the physical nature of sex. If that was the nature of "the talk" then of course she knew what Mom was talking about.

But what, on the other hand, of the things that she can't learn from watching TV? She couldn't learn what her parents think-- and more importantly she didn't get a chance to talk about what SHE thought (if she had, chances are Mom would know what she meant by "hooking up" by now).

Our affection-precocious child announced to us in kindergarten that she liked "that boy over there because he's so cute. I wish he was my boyfriend." Does that mean she was probably *gasp* having sex with him, just because I (a grownup, at least chronologically) have sex with all my boyfriends? No, she may not even have any romantic-type feelings other than a sort of pride in having gotten him to agree to it. (Honesty compels me to admit that the same thing rather applies to some adults, too.)

But it DOES mean that I have a special obligation to listen to her as she grows older, because I have to figure out what words are being used instead of "boyfriend" and "hooking up" and the terms that unequivocally meant "romantic/sexual activity" fifteen years ago. Her father has already been told that she cannot be locked away until 18 and then allowed to go on group dates only.

Corr

[Sensibility]

For what its worth - 'hooking up' in my language just means getting together with, meeting up for a chat with, hanging out with etc. Although if its an 11 year old thats said it - perhaps your best point of reference would be another 11 year old!!