Why, my stuffed Beaker, of course.
:smack:
It was just my husband, returning home unexpectedly. But if it had been someone more sinister, I was armed with a Muppet.
I am dumb.
A couple weeks ago, I thought I heard someone moving around in my apartment. So, in the pitch black, I quietly sneak out of my room to investigate, and grab a knife off the kitchen counter. I go into the living room to find… my cat, who’s knocked over a couple of DVDs off the TV. And I am armed, not with a knife, but with a grater. Not one of those cheese graters, I mean a little handheld one that barely does the job on ginger or nutmeg. :wally Calvin (the cat) did not look too impressed.
I was in my study earlier this evening unpacking some books when I heard a crash from somewhere inside the apartment. Supposedly, I’m alone with the cat, and he’s in the same room with me.
I put down the very sharp scissors, grab my Diet Coke, and go to investigate. :rolleyes:
The wire had snapped on a huge painting in the dining room, and it had dropped a few inches onto the buffet.
You’re not dumb, you just know what’s important! If my house burned down, I’d grab the bunnies first–everything else is just stuff.
amaranta, a grater could really do some damage. But maybe a sharper one would work better.
And not one of the more intimidating ones. I’d have gone into a potentially dangerous situation with Animal or Miss Piggy instead.
He could always have meeped at the intruder.
Hiiii-YUH!
I have 2 swords within easy reach 
.
I have an 88 pound ‘guard dog’ who would trip up said intruder s she wagged to him merrily from her slumbering and farting position on the floor. The bad guy would crash on the hardwood floor and be permanently disabled by either a variety of polly pockets imbedded into his face; crack his skull open on my son’s pokemon 3 ring binder or inhale a feral dog hair tumbleweed and choke to death.
The best defense against intruders is leaving kids toys out in the yard.
Any criminal worth their salt will see we have all our money wrapped up in toys. This method also works in your car if you strew mummified french fries and a variety of toys throughout the back seat. The bad guy will go, " Oh, they have kids. I bet the CD player is busted and the car interior smells of fermenting milkshake.’
If I had to defend myself, I would grap a spatula and some tongs. Yeah, baby.
If I had to pick a muppet to defend myself, I’d pick the Swedish Chef
" Bjork THAT you baddie!"
I dunno. I did Beaker my husband in the arm and he says that the googly eyes kinda stung.
A-ni-MULL!
A-ni-MULL!
A-ni-MULL!
Raaaaa!!!
…and then his surviving family would sue you for wrongful death or something bizarre like that… :dubious:
Okay…so, it’s a couple days after the 9/11 attacks. I’m just outside Chicago. It’s me my friend, my son, and his friend. All of a sudden I hear an explosion and the house is shaking. I call the police station and they say they don’t know what it is, and that we should head for our basement (which is only accessed from the outside). So we all go running out of the house and I turn around and go back in.
To get my cigarettes.
Turns out the explosion was a sonic boom. A jet scrambled to tend to a plane that was hanging around somewhere. And all I could think about was my habit.
I have grown so accustomed to the ghost in our house walking down the hall if someone were to break in they would probably be able to clear the house before I got out of the tub.
Oo! Tell me 'bout the ghostie!
I thought you grabbed Beaker, not for selfdefence but because he is the most valuable object you own and that he is the one thing that mustn’t be stolen.
If someone broke into my place they would be found by the police brushing my cat, Princess Penelope Prissypants. She insists on being brushed for long periods of time and she is quite persistant. Also she purrs really loudly so that would lull the robber into just sitting there waiting for the police.
My brother was sleeping one morning when he heard men’s voices on the other side of his bedroom wall. He immediately jumped out of bed, grabbed his samurai sword and headed to the garage to find the source of the disturbance.
I wish I could’ve seen the looks on the delivery guys’ faces.
It’s odd. Whenever I hear odd “intruder” sort of noises I get a little surge of adrenaline, the hairs stand up on the back of my neck, and I go into some hyper aggressive mode. I’m almost growlingly eager to confront whatever it is. Always been a false alarm so far.
I live on the ground floor of a twelve-plex apartment building, with my unit a little underground making my windows at grade level.
About two months ago, I was nearly asleep with the bedroom window open a couple of inches when I thought I heard someone walking to the window, stop for a few seconds, then walk away.
I was half asleep, so I couldn’t actually mentally verify if I heard what I heard, but my hackles were raised and ready. Yeah, I could have run to the closet for a baton, but he/she/it had the drop on me, and I didn’t exactly want to reveal my presence. . . if there was something there at all. It might have been my imagination running by the window for all I know.
Tripler
Still freaks me out, tho. . .
Last week:
I was up in the middle of the night, and I heard something very strange near the front door. It didn’t sound… human. It made little scuffling noises, grunts, scratches, and weird wet sounds. It didn’t sound like either of my cats. Maybe it’s just because I was half asleep, but I was freaked out a little. I couldn’t find the flashlight and the candles were near the door. I was just freaked out enough that I didn’t want to turn on the lights and see something … I don’t know. I was just not all there, really. So, remembering where I placed my camera nearby the day before, I fumbled for it in the dark. I turned it on, but of course it did not cast enough light for me to see. I turned on the flash, stuck my arm around the corner as far as I dared… and the sound suddenly stopped. I took a picture! A flash lit the room as I closed my eyes! I brought the camera back around the corner and held the screen in front of my face!
And saw this.
Guess I was wrong.