Bob Park Hates It When People Go Into Space

The BBQ Pit
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Bob Park hates human spaceflight because astronauts get all the hot chicks, and pasty little professors of physics like him have to lick the NSF’s boots for $10,000 to study the thermal conductivity of mouse turds. But he thinks space robots are super cool and can do anything people can, only a million times better and a million times cheaper. But the best thing about robots is they aren’t human beings. Bob Park doesn’t have to be jealous of robots.

Actually, a robot could easily replace Bob Park. All you’d need is a tape recorder repeating, “Human spaceflight is a wasteful boondoggle,” mounted on a frame with a robotic dick so he can robot-fuck his wife. I’m sure a robot could satisfy his wife far better than Park’s shriveled pecker does.

With his wife taken care of robotically, Park will be free to pursue other robotic pursuits. His next project will be to design robots to raise his kids, take care of his parents, drink beer for him, and drive his robotic car to the robot-supply store to pick up more diodes. He recently received a MacArthur “Genius Grant” for building a robot that can build other robots. So now, he doesn’t build robots, he builds meta-robots. He also built a robotic exoskeleton for himself, but he got tired of wearing it, so he built a robot to wear it for him.

Did you know that when Park takes a dump, a robotic arm extends robotically from the robotic toilet to robotically wipe his ass? Also, he’s working on a robotic jerkoff machine, but nanotechnology has not yet advanced to a point where he can fabricate a gripper tiny enough to yank his Lilliputian dong.

To summarize, I differ significantly from Professor Park on several philosophical and technical issues related to human spaceflight.

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I’m with Park. The government is very good at some things, but innovating new technologies and paving our way in the final frontier of space isn’t one of them. If air travel had been monitored as strictly as space travel is, we’d just now be crossing the Pacific. Privatize it and let the twenty-first century Charles Lindberghs diddle around in the stratosphere while we put that money into somewhere it’s really needed–socialized medicine, anyone?

But then, I don’t think we should be putting money into developing robots, either. It’s sinful to waste tax money just so a bunch of technofetishists can get off on cool gadgetry. But then, I doubt I’ll get much support for these views here, with people who post cool science links the minute they come up on some syndicated feed yet think people who can’t afford to see a doctor on their own are parasites in the small intestine of society.

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I like your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter. Oh wait, I subscribe to Bob’s newsletter.

I like spaceflight. I like the idea of humans going to space. But Bob’s right that NASA hasn’t got a fucking clue about what it’s doing. The ISS is a piece of shit junk. Fuck, NASA just had to transfer command to Russia because the Johnston space center is going to be flooded by Rita even though it’s 20 miles inland.

Do I want to go to space? Hell yeah! There’s interesting stuff to do up there. Let’s try mining. Let’s try power generation. Let’s try building a space elevator. But the shuttle? Stoopid. Going to the moon because it’s a jumping off point for Mars? by 2018! Stoopid. NASA is just half-assed and should be replaced.

Meanwhile Bob’s commentary about the missile defense system is priceless.

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Geez, what the hell did I ever do to you?

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< cranky old man> Damn kids! Always goin’ into space nowadays with their hippity hop and their belly buttons out for the whole universe to see! Back in my day, we hiked the tallest mountain- while wearin’ mittens on our feet cuz we couldn’t afford shoes- uphill, both ways, in the snow. Kids these days just don’t appreciate the past! </cranky old man>

That had absolutely nothing to do with the thread, I just wanted to say it.

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FWIW, I just checked the mens room nearest to Bob Parks office, and I didn’t see any robot arms, just a half-finished crossword puzzle and an empty coffee cup. I do disagree with him about the value of manned spaceflight, though.

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How’ya doin’ Ms. Park! (url is not worksafe)

Why ya lookin’ at me like that? (same)

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I love cool science links, and I support socialized medicine.

Often, cool science links are about medicine.

The upshot? Don’t be a wiener.

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I don’t know much about Mr. Park’s bathroom or sexual habits, but he’s right that unmanned space exploration tends to be both cheaper and more productive than manned spaceflight.

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Fair enough. I just don’t think the space program should be run by the government. I’m not anti-space travel, really I don’t care too much either way, I just don’t want to pay for it.

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Yeah! Space Elevator!

3,975th floor – Callisto, the fourth moon of Jupiter! Ladies’ lingerie, fine linens, stationery, hubcaps, starclusters, and nebulae!

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Hrm, can’t get into this rant. Never heard of this Bob Park fellow before, but he is absolutely, 100% correct. A reasoned and logical cost/benefit analysis of human vs. robotic exploration of space at this time is, quite frankly, wasteful and foolhardy. Go to NASA’s website. Watch that video they had Neil Armstrong do for them. It all sounds very nice, but if you actually pay attention, you might notice something…

The only argument that NASA can make for human spaceflight is some pop-philosophy, pop-psychological hogwash about how “we need to explore for ourselves.” Give me a break. No we don’t. Even for a propaganda piece (and let’s face it, that’s basically what the video is), it’s pretty unconvincing. “Robots can do all kinds of things! Look, they’ve gone to Mars and traveled around and taken photos and run all kind of scientific tests, all for much less cost than a manned mission and with no risk of loss of life! And the technology is getting better all the time! But, um, we need to go see for ourselves!” Color me unimpressed.

I’m an enormous fan of the JPL. They’re doing incredible things. In fact, in my opinion, the JPL is on the very leading edge of space exploration, and they are going to stay there. Why? Because they know how to get things done, and they get things done. The probes launched by the JPL since the late ‘70s or so have achieved results of exponentially greater significance than ANY of our manned space flight programs. Considering how small their piece of the NASA budget pie is, compared to the Space Shuttle program, I consider that to be pretty impressive. And, of course, they don’t have the kind of agency culture regarding safety that plagues the human spaceflight program. That’s a given, of course, since they don’t launch people, but it’s germane - do you want the NASA of Columbia and Challenger launching people out to friggin’ Mars? I know what I think - no way, Jose!

So, let’s keep the JPL, and keep sending probes and accomplishing great things. The rest of NASA? Kill it. It’s a money pit, a political football, and a bureacratic disaster. Like I said, manned spaceflight is very cool and awesome, and I would love to see it. And its time will come. But that time is not now. If you insist, you can make the trip yourself. But realistically, it’s just not a good idea.