1. Opened my eyes around 8:30 AM
2. Layed in bed until 8:45 AM
3. Got out of bed
4. Walked down the hall into the bathroom (clothes in hand)
5. Took off clothes, turned on the water and
stepped into the shower
6. Lathered with Shampoo and then conditioner(Thermasilk)
7. Washed all over with Lever 2000 soap
8. Grabbed the towel
9. Dried off
10. Put my waitressing uniform on
11. wrapped the towel around my head
12. went to my room to get my face lotion
13. put my face lotion on
14. grabbed my makeup and went back into the bathroom
15. got the comb from the drawer and combed my hair after
taking the towel off
16. got the hair dryer out from under the bathroom sink
17. plugged the hair dryer in the outlet
18. turned the hair dryer on
19. dryed my hair
20. turned the hair dryer off
21. put all my makeup on
22. plugged in the curling iron
23. pulled my hair back into a pony tail
24. curled my pony tail
25. put the hair dryer, makeup, and curling iron back
where they belong
26. went to my room and put my socks and shoes on
27. grabbed my purse and keys
28. said goodbye and left the house
29. unlocked my truck
30. buckled up and started the ignition
31. backed out of my driveway and went to work around
The biggest conspiracy has always been the fact that there is no conspiracy. Nobody's out to get you. Nobody gives a sh*t whether you live or die.
1. woke up when mrs. pluto went to work at 5 a.m.
2. woke up again at 7:00.
3. woke up again at 7:30.
4. got out of bed.
5. let the dogs out.
6. showered, shaved, etc.
7. got dressed.
8. got a different shirt.
9. gave the dogs a treat.
10. decided to skip breakfast.
11. went out and got the newspaper from the very end of the driveway where the delivery person drops it as he/she doesn't even slow down while driving past the house.
12. leisurely perused the newspaper.
13. got mad at the letters to the editor.
14. left the paper scattered all over the dining room table so mrs. pluto will be able to find it when she comes home.
15. went to the garage.
16. came back inside to get my wallet.
17. tried to remember where i left my wallet.
18. remembered it was in my briefcase in the computer room.
19. woke my son up who was sleeping in the computer room, which doubles as a guest room.
20. went back out to the garage
21. checked that i had my badge so i can get into work.
22. got in, started car, backed out. no accidents so far.
23. took the back roads to work to avoid traffic.
24. decided to have breakfast after all.
25. stopped at the grocery store to buy breakfast.
26. selected a hostess pie and carton of milk. also remembered to buy some paper napkins (we were out).
27. got into checkout line.
28. checkout line stops as couple in front of me are buying massive quantities of wine and checker sends incompetent help to go find the wine carriers. ("they're in the wine aisle!").
29. complete purchse.
30. drive the rest of the way to work.
31. park in a different place than usual so i probably won't remember where my car is tonight.
1. Alarm went off at 8.
2. Decided I could sleep in another hour.
3. Reset alarm for 9.
4. Woke up at 8:55.
5. Got up.
6. Opened blinds on windows.
7. Made bed.
8. Went into closet, figured out what to wear.
9. Grabbed grey dress and bra.
10. Went into bathroom.
11. Put contact lenses in.
12. Took medications.
13. Turned on shower, got undressed and got in.
14. Lathered hair with shampoo. (Suave)
15. Lathered hair with color enhancing shampoo.
16. Applied conditioner. (Suave again)
17. Lathered up with Softsoap body gel.
18. Rinsed off.
19. Washed face with Stridex Antibacterial Cleaner.
20. Turned off water, grabbed towel.
21. Wrapped hair in towel.
22. Dried off.
23. Put on underwear.
24. Put on lotion.
25. Put on dress.
26. Unwrapped hair, ran comb through it.
27. Apply makeup.
28. Apply combo conditioner/styling gel to hair, fingerstyle.
29. Apply perfume.
30. Put on jewelry.
31. Grab briefcase and purse, and run out to my car at 9:34.
I don't know why I want to do this, but I do.
1. Woke up at 6am to sounds of SO saying "Did I ever have a weird dream."
2. Woke up at 6:30 am to sounds of SO saying "girleeyyyy, I'm gonna get up and make you some coffee."
3. Woke up at 6:45 am to SO cuddling up to me.
4. Got out of bed at 6:55 am
5. Put on pajamas.
6. Go downstairs.
7. Say hi to SO. Wonder why he didn't warm the milk for the coffee in the microwave.
8. Microwave coffee mugs (milk is inside)
9. Open freezer, remove last 2 frozen waffles.
10. Put last 2 frozen waffles in toaster.
11. Get coffee mugs out of microwave.
12. Pour coffee.
13. Get waffles out of toaster, carefully pour 1 Tablespoon of syrup on each waffle.
14. Glare at SO as he makes fun of me measuring out syrup.
15. Vaguely wonder why I measure syrup. Decide it's not important.
16. Give more dirty looks to SO as he cackles "Just a lil' bit of syrup on each lil' waffle. Juuuuuuust the right amount."
17. Eat waffles, drink coffee, read paper.
18. Water plants on back deck.
19. Head upstairs, grabbing laundry basket full of clean clothes on the way.
20. Start shower, get in.
21. Brush teeth.
22. Wash hair (Aveda Shampure)
23. Condition hair (Aveda Shamure Conditioner)
24. Exit shower, dry off.
25. Blow dry hair whilst spraying "Bed Head" on my hair.
26. Pick through clothes basked, pick out blue jean shorts & coral colored T-shirt.
27. Pick out blue flowery undies and white lace bra.
28. Put on clothes.
29. Go downstairs.
30. Find SO (he's outside watering the front flowers.) Kiss goodbye.
31. Go to garage. Admire kick ass car. Get in kick ass car, drive to work... get here around 8:15.
6:00 a.m.: Startled awake by obnoxious alarm.
6:02 a.m.: Stumble into kitchen & turn on coffeemaker.
6:03 a.m.: Use bathroom, hop in shower, soap up & shampoo hair.
6:20 a.m.: Get out of shower, dry off, shave, brush teeth, insert contacts, put underwear on.
6:35 a.m.: Put clothes on
6:40 a.m.: Go back into bathroom, wet hair(if necessary) and comb it.
6:45 a.m.: Get coffee & bagel/nutrigrain bar/toast/pop-tart, etc..
6:50 a.m.: Hop in car & go to work.
1. 08.53 Wake up
2. 08.54 Go back to sleep
3. 10.34 Wake up
4. 10.35 Go back to sleep
5. 11.53 Wake up
6. Turn on TV
7. Lie around trying to put together a thought
9. Decides TV is crap and gets up
11. Goes to the bathroom
13. Takes a shower
15. Wash hair and body
16. Dries myself
17. Check out myself in the mirror...
18. Decide I need a haircut
19. Walks into the hallway
20. Picks out todays outfit (T-shirt & shorts)
21. Gets dressed
22. Do my hair
23. Walk outside to get mail & newspaper
24. Walks back inside
25. Eats breakfast and reads newspaper
26. Calls Jacob
27. Curses cellphones
28. Tries calling Jacob again
29. Gives up
30. Goes to brush my teeth
31. Call my eye doctor to ask when my apointment was
32. Realize it was at 11am
34. Fetches lunchpack from the fridge, gets a 2L bottle of Pepsi
35. 12.31 Leaves house
36. Starts car and head off to work
37. 1.47pm Park car at work
38. Do fuckall
39. 11.13pm Is bored
40. 11.27pm typing this line
41. Who knows what the future will bring
future: 42: midnight - off work (YAY!)
What the men really want to read
Submitted by "InnocentGirl":
1. Got out of bed after sleeping naked.
2. Got in the shower.
Next 27 steps censored by Mrs. Pluto, but they involved soaps and lotions, "bath toys", anatomy lessons, acrobatics, steam and one-way mirrors.
30. Got out of shower. Put toys away. Had still more fun using the towel.
31. Got dressed and went to work.
1. Woke up at 10 something.
2. Groaned and rolled over,
3. Fell back asleep
4. Woke up at 11 something.
5. Looked at clock.
6. Groaned and rolled over
7. Fell back asleep
8. Woke up at 12 something.
9. Looked at clock
10. Groaned and rolled over
11. Fell back asleep
12. Woke up at 1:20
13. Lay there for a few minutes
14. Picked crusty stuff out of my eyes.
15. Stood up, put on shorts.
16. Went downstairs.
17. Wandered around, looking for family.
18. Looked in driveway, realized I was alone.
19. Woke up computer
20. Connected to internet
21. Got a new Seti@home packet
22. Read my car newsgroups
23. Debated looking at porn and doing unholy things to myself.
24. Decided to look at Straightdope instead
25. Smiled to myself that my thread made threadspotting.
26. Got phone call from Cole, told him to come over
27. Put on socks, shoes, shirt
28. Worked on Cole's car for a while.
29. Put Cole's car back together.
30. Looked at Cole's car (we have the same type of car) to figure out where this plug goes.
31. Found where it goes, plugged mine back in, shut hoods, came in, and found this.
Sam Stone: ...you are either being intentionally obtuse or you have a learning disability.
1. Woke up at 2am convinced it was 5am.
2. Noticed it was actually 2am. Went back to sleep.
3. Woke up again at 3am.
4. Woke up again at 4am.
5. Woke up again at 5am.
6. Stumbled into bathroom to shower.
7. Noticed several ants walking up the side of the shower.
8. Followed ants home and rejoiced at finally finding where they are coming into the apartment.
9. Went and told Baglady that I found the ants' home (which I am sure she was pleased to hear at 5:10am).
10. Turned on water for shower (three turns of the hot, one turn of the cold).
11. Went and got a towel.
12. Turned on shower.
13. Got in.
14. Soaped, lathered, rinsed.
15. Noticed that the humid conditions seemed to be slowing the ants.
16. Shampooed, rinsed.
17. Turned off water.
18. Squeegeed shower door.
19. Got out, dried off.
20. Went and checked out SDMB while cooling off (yes I take hot showers, and yes I was reading this board naked).
21. Got dressed.
22. Got ant spray, stood on the toilet and sprayed the entire ant route.
23. Successfully dismounted from the toilet without pulling a ChiefScott.
24. Packed up my computer bag for work (laptop, adaptor, wallet, keys, Visor).
25. Kissed Baglady good-bye.
26. Was chastised by Baglady for walking on the bed in my shoes (we sleep on the floor).
27. Left for work.
28. Walked to the gas station on the corner.
29. Got in the car waiting there.
30. Said good morning to the driver in said car.
31. Waited 10 minutes for a third to show up so that we would have an official car pool.
32. Stranger driver said it was her first time doing the casual carpool and requested advice on best route to The City.
33. Gave sage advice.
34. Got to work.
35. Ate a bowl of free cereal while waiting for computer to boot.
36. Started working.
1. Woke up at 5:00.
2. Went to bathroom and peed.
3. Went back to bed.
4. Woke up at 6:00.
5. Got up at 6:25.
6. Walk to bathroom and brushed teeth.
7. Walked to living room. Turned on radio.
8. Turned on burner under tea kettle.
9. Combed out waist length hair.
10. Made tea.
11. Drank tea while listening to news.
12. Went to bathroom and took shower.
13. Went to bedroom and put on clothes
that I ironed last night.
14. Made and ate yoghurt and granola.
15. Brushed teeth again.
16. Put on shoes.
17. Took garbage bag from under sink.
18. Opened door, went out, locked door,
19. Walked to garbage pail and put bag in.
20. Walked to Avenue.
21. Stopped for coffee.
22. Walked to work while drinking coffee.
23. Put key in outside door, open door
and enter coffee.
24. Turn on computer, open office drapes
and turn on lights.
25. Go on line, check e-mail and go to
1. First alarm went off at 3:00 although the alarm clock says 5:00. No one can understand my reasoning, but 5:00 LOOKS better than 3:00 and I love knowing that I still have a long time to sleep.
2. Turned off alarm.
3. Second alarm went off at 6:00 (in reality, 4:00).
4. Turned off alarm.
5. Reset alarm for 6:45 (in reality, 4:45).
6. Third alarm goes off and I say "SHIT"!
7. Grab a towel and stumble to the shower - pet the cat.
8. Get out of shower to pee - pet the cat.
9. Wash hair twice (Redken).
10. Condition hair (Redken).
11. Wash body with raspberry body wash on a poofy-ball.
12. Shave legs and pits.
13. Dry off - pet the cat.
14. Put on baby oil - pet the cat.
15. Put leave on conditioner in hair - pet the cat.
16. Brush teeth - pet the cat.
17. Comb hair and the twist onto my head. Secure with comb - pet the cat.
18. Put on bra and panties - pet the cat.
19. Put on all makeup except eye-liner and mascara. I learned a long time ago that sleeping on the way to work smears eye makeup - pet the cat.
20. Get dressed - feed the cat.
21. Get out hair dryer - hear cat crunching food.
22. Partially dry hair - to loud to hear cat.
23. Put gel or mousse into hair - see the cat coming back.
24. Finish drying - see cat run away.
25. Get keys, purse, gym bag, book - pet the cat.
26. Kiss the kiddies and the cat goodbye (they are sleeping, but it makes me feel better.)
27. Open front door, lock, shut.
28. Get into car.
29. Pick up sister.
30. Meet van pool.
31. Exchange smartassy remarks with our driver Gary.
32. Go to sleep in my corner of the van.
33. Wake up one block from work.
34. Exchange a parting smartass remark with Gary.
35. Use key card to enter building.
36. Say "howdy" to my buddies the guards.
37. Whine to my sister on the way up the elevator about how it sucks to be at work and not home in bed.
38. Wish I hadn't quit drinking coffee.
39. Turn on my office lights.
40. Sit down in my chair and finish my make-up (the eyeliner and mascara).
Diane, it turns out, is the cure. - Manny
Diane, Annie-xmas, Obfusciatrist, Homer, Pluto, Skummet, bump, athena, falcon... WOW... I didn't really think I would get a single reply on this post. I guess you proved me wrong.
The biggest conspiracy has always been the fact that there is no conspiracy. Nobody's out to get you. Nobody gives a sh*t whether you live or die.
after seeing jjjfishe's picture on SDMB People Pages...
Can you just go a little further into detail on Steps 5-9 in your initial post?
bad pony...bad pony...
The joys of motherhood...
1. Wake to baby_thur's wake-up noises (snuffling, whining, a little cry here and there) at 1:45am
2. Put baby_thur in bed with me.
3. Try to nurse baby_thur to sleep.
4. baby_thur kicks me awake at 2:15am; I scoot him over.
5. baby_thur wakes again at 2:27am.
6. I stumble to the kitchen trying to avoid scorpions and other stinging insects that may be lurking in the dark. (We live in the country.)
7. Get a bottle from fridge and warm it in a cup of hot water.
8. Holler at baby_thur, "shhhhhh - I'm coming. just a minute."
9. Stumble back to bed.
10. Pick baby_thur up and feed bottle.
11. baby_thur takes 2 sips and refuses to drink anymore.
12. Poke baby_thur's pacifier in his mouth and snuggle him close.
13. We doze until 3:15; repeat steps 4-12
14. We doze until 3:45; repeat steps 4-12
15. We doze until 4:22; repeat steps 4-12
16. We doze until 4:50; I nurse baby_thur back to sleep.
17. Alarm goes off at 5:00.
18. I hit snooze until 6:00.
19. baby_thur still sleeping soundly, as I watch him enviously.
20. Wash my body with plain old bar soap.
21. Dry off.
22. Apply deodorant.
23. Put on undergarments.
24. Slip into skirt, shirt, and shoes.
25. Drink coffee.
26. Open my eyes after caffeine takes effect.
27. Load car.
28. Eat a waffle and drink a glass of milk; wash down vitamins.
29. Wake baby_thur and change his diaper.
30. Stap baby_thur into carseat at 6:50.
31. Peel out and narrowly avoid missing the hound dog and his dog friend from down the road because I am late.
32. Speed down the dirt road and all the way to town.
33. Arrive at babysitter's at 7:45.
34. Unload baby_thur and his accessories.
35. Speed to work and arrive at 8:07.
1. Alarm goes off at 4:45AM. Hit snooze button.
2. Alarm goes off at 4:53AM. Hit snooze button.
3. Alarm goes off at 5:01AM. Hit snooze button.
4. Tell myself how nice it will be to have my workout out of the way from 5:01 to 5:04AM.
5. Get up at 5:04AM and turn off alarm.
6. Brush teeth.
7. Pee for five minutes.
8. Wash hands thoroughly.
9. Make attempt to comb hair so I don't look like a complete freak.
10. Put on workout clothes.
11. Carry gym bag and work clothes down to truck.
12. Feed cats.
13. Put younger cat in bedroom so he doesn't destroy the house while I'm gone.
14. Check on other (sick) cat.
15. Grab (already made) lunch, open garage door, and get in the truck.
16. Start truck and pull out of driveway.
17. Drive to gym.
18. Show ID at front desk.
19. Put everything in locker except headset and towel.
20. Run 5K on treadmill.
22. Get watch and weightlifting gloves from locker.
23. Do lat exercises on Hammer Strength machines.
24. Take a break.
25. Do bicep exercises with free weights.
26. Shower (shampoo with Herbal Essence travel size and soap up with that blue shit in the dispenser)
27. Put underwear on as a courtesy to others in the locker room.
28. Gel hair and comb it. Shave.
29. Put shirt on, apply deodorant, put rest of clothes on.
30. Gather stuff and go out to truck.
31. Drive to work. Arrive at about 8:05AM.
1. Woke up at 11:00
2. Took a leak
3. Changed my underwear
4. Put on pants
5. Put on old t-shirt
6. Made it to class by 11:20
"And a singularly consistent investigation you have made, my dear Watson. I cannot at the moment recall any possible blunder which you have omitted."
-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, The Disappearance of Lady Frances Carfax
Woke up off and on between 4:00 a.m. and 9:30 a.m., incorporated constant alarm buzzing into bad dream. Kept hitting the snooze button...managed to change the time on the clock on accident.
9:30 a.m. Put on glasses and looked at clock which read 12:30 p.m.
9:31 a.m. Looked across bed at pretty sleeping boy and wondered why he was still sleeping at 12:30 p.m.
9:33 a.m. Wandered out to living room and noted that all the other clocks in the house read somewhere between 9:32 and 9:35.
9:35 a.m. Went to the bathroom, brushed hair, cleaned glasses.
9:36 a.m. Got boy out of bed and changed his butt
9:45 a.m. Sat down with boy to breakfast (Honey Buzzers and wheat toast with orange marmalade)
10:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m.: bounced between housecleaning, board perusal, playing with boy and talking to myself
1:00 p.m. Made lunch (beef flavored ramen noodles and corn)
1:30 p.m. Finished up lunch, started "Serendipity the Pink Dragon" (again) for Bowen. Sat at computer. Still sitting here.
I can't wait for school to start...
There's just naked people runnin' around all over the damn place! Cool! I would post my list but I'm afraid that all is a haze until that second cup of coffee. I'm pretty sure I get out of bed and let the dog out, but anything else is just informed speculation on my part.
I would like to ask this though:
Does anyone else have a cat that insists on standing (sitting) right on the spot where she (he) KNOWS you're going to put your foot as you get out of bed? I have, no lie, nearly knocked myself unconscious twice in the last few weeks trying to avoid the durn thing (I mean, darling creature). She didn't used to do this....
[G]eneral rule of thumb, no sentence with the word "Illuminati" in it is true. - Exapno Mapcase