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#1
10-11-2005, 07:42 AM
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Bad Dog Jokes
A friend of mine came up with a new (to me) joke formula, as follows:
My dog, Minton, recently chewed up my favourite shuttlecock. Bad Minton! My dog, Meinhoff, recently kidnapped a West-German industrialist. This was much worse than what Minton did. Baader Meinhoff! So basically, it's a variation on the "My wife went to..." gags. I.e. increasingly convoluted set-ups for one-line punchlines. Can anyone think of any others? 
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#2
10-11-2005, 01:46 PM
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I bought a dog, and he was a hopeless misbehaver. He chewed up the furniture, he crapped on the carpet, and he bit the UPS lady. We got thrown out of obedience school after he started a brawl. I was ready to have him put to sleep, but my vet suggested I take him to the Oral Roberts Dog Obedience School. So I called 'em. They promised that, if I'd give them $500 and three weeks, they'd give me back a perfectly behaved dog. I was desperate, and I gave them the money and the dog.
Three weeks later, the ORDOS van pulled up in my driveway. The trainer got out, and he handed me a card with all the commands my dog would obey. He opened the side door, and my dog, perfectly groomed, stepped out with a little mortarboard on his furry noggin. I said, "down," and he laid down, watching me. I threw a tennis ball, and I said, "fetch." He dashed to the ball and brought it back, dropping it in my hand. The trainer left, and I was still not convinced. I told him, "Sit. Stay," and he did. I got in my truck, and I went to the drugstore to get some naproxen. When I got back, he had not moved an inch. I thought, "This is great! We'll go for a walk." I put a leash on him, and I said, "heel." His eyes widened. He rose up on his hind legs, he put a paw on my head, and he said, "Heeeeeeal!"
__________________
Time is a paper frog. It won't croak, and it won't jump, even if you wind it. Do you believe it will catch paper flies? How about fly paper?
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#5
10-11-2005, 02:33 PM
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I used to have a dachshund. He met his end running around a tree.
(Thanks, Abbott and Costello)
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#6
10-11-2005, 03:43 PM
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Our terrier has a coat of black and white stripes that look like a little referee's uniform, so we call him Ump. Ump is a little hard of hearing, so a lot of times you have to holler twice to get his attention. Last night, I found him chewing on my drum set.
Bad Ump! Ump!
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#7
10-11-2005, 03:57 PM
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I have a dog named Down because he thinks its fun to jump on people so hard that he knocks them down.
I have a dog named Up. He not only knocks people down, then he checks their pants for change. Badder Up!
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#8
10-11-2005, 04:57 PM
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Quote:
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#11
10-13-2005, 06:30 AM
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(Actually, I was aiming for solely Bad X! jokes, but obviously could have been clearer.)
Thanks to mrklutz, Askance, Sengkelat and marque elf for their excellent contributions to this fledgling genre. Sengkelat may be interested to know that the runt from Jur's litter was called Je. He was in fact so small that I was able to pin him to my lapel, but unfortunately he bled all over my favourite suit. Bad Je! My two rottweillers, Abing and Aboom, started a protection racket in the neighbourhood, forcing other dogs to surrender a portion of their food and chewable toys in exchange for being left well alone. They carry out their operations with, I hate to admit, a certain degree of panache and swagger, vaguely reminiscent of a particular flavour of organised crime. Bad Abing! Bad Aboom! My dog En, like Ump, sometimes needs to be told twice. He can be particularly recalcitrant when we try to take him to visit once world-famous German Spa towns. Bad En! Bad En!
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#12
10-15-2005, 10:53 PM
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I work in a German restaurant in the southern U.S. and we make corn dogs with Bratwurst instead of hot dogs. One day our dog, named Bad, started eating the batter that we used for a batch of the cornbread coating. We had to discard the Bad batter wurst.
(Absolutely the wurst joke! It's late.)
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#13
10-15-2005, 11:42 PM
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My dog "Copy" is a beautiful male malamute. Recently, another malamute owner paid me $500 to breed Copy with her female malamute. Unfortunately, when it came time for Copy to "perform the deed" he mounted the female malamute from the side and in his fervor ejaculated before he could impregnate her.
Bad Copy!
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#14
10-16-2005, 12:46 PM
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