What is the difference between:
[ul]
[li]A legitimate reason for doing / not doing something[/li][li]An excuse for doing / not doing something[/li][/ul]
Where is the line drawn, and how does one know when it is crossed? Does this rely entirely on individual opinion / perception? Is it contextual / factual? etc?
I’d really appreciate opinions on this, please. This topic fascinates me.
My opinion: I think of “excuse” as being a subset of “reason.” “Reason” implies a neutral point of view. I have no idea what a “legitimate” reason is. If it’s not legit, then it doesn’t seem that it’s true. An “excuse” is a reason that shows something was out of your control, to remove yourself from blame.
I have a number of times, in explaining where something (like me :o) went wrong, and was told, “That’s no excuse.” I would respond, “You’re right. It isn’t an excuse. It’s a reason.”
Just mho.
I’ve always gone by the rule of thumb that you have reasons for doing things you should do, and excuses for doing things you shouldn’t do.
My take is different. I think of reason as being the truth behind why someone doesn’t want to do something, and an excuse as what they say publically. For example, my mother once didn’t want to go to Germany. Her reason? Too much trouble and expense. Her excuses? “I can’t leave the house that long, something might happen” and “Who will take care of my cats?” I knew these were excuses because when I gave her solutions, she finally coughed up the real reason.
I think the OP is using these terms in the sense of a reason being something excusable, and an excuse being a rationalization. This seems to me to be a legitimate use of the terms, just not what first occurred to me.
Borrowed from whoever told me a couple years ago:
A reason works, and an excuse doesn’t.
It always made sense to me.
Really inadequate and inaccurate definition that I’m going to throw out anyway:
A reason is what you have ahead of time for something you’re going to do; and excuse is what you have afterward for what you did.
I think an excuse comes with an alterior reason for not doing the task at hand. I always think of an excuse as the reason you give b/c you don’t want to give the true reason for not doing something.
I think a legitimate excuse is the REAL reason why something didn’t get done.
I agree with Earl Snake-Hips Tucker. I think of it this way - the reason is simply the cause or chain of events that led to the decision or outcome. A reason becomes an excuse (noun) when you need someone to excuse (verb) you from blame.
You’re entirely correct.
Here’s something relevant to ponder:
I’ve heard it said that a valid reason, can eventually become an excuse. I guess this would be what people refer to as a “crutch.” I’m not sure I completely understand the crutch thing, but I do get the gist of it, to some degree.
An excuse is a choice. When you’re late for work everyday by 15 minutes, you chose to do this, and it’s an excuse. If you’re late for work due to family emergencies, car troubles, etc… that’s a reason.
There’s almost always a reason why people do something wrong. Whether or not that reason is of the quality to excuse their behavior is another matter. If I kill somebody because I think they’ve got a silly walk, that’s a definite reason, but no excuse. If I kill someone because they are clearly trying to kill me, it’s a reason and a very good excuse.
There’s a fair amount of grey area, unfortunately. Sometimes people do something wrong under a state of duress somewhere between abject misery and inconvenience. There may be differences of oppinion about how much one should be suffering before their actions can be considered excusable.
Hence, ultimately, the distinction, if there is one, isn’t always clear.
Reason - I didn’t paint the house because it was raining.
Excuse - I didn’t paint the house because the game was on.
IMHO, a Reason is something that prevents you from doing something. An excuse is more of an explanation.
I don’t know, but I do know that those who complain about others making excuses are more annoying than those who make them. Most of the people I know who say things like “that’s an excuse!”, “that’s just a cop-out”, or “you’re using that as a crutch” are quite unsympathetic people.
50 some years ago my father said, in a stern voice, something like this: “The sooner you learn the difference between a reason and an excuse, the better off you’ll be.” I given it a lot of thought over the years, especially when I was offering some excuse for my behavior. I believe it’s the difference between logic and irrational thought.
BTW I would offer this advice, if you feel the need to offer an excuse, don’t. Either keep quiet, or accept responsibility w/ a factual explanation. You will get much more respect in the end.
Example:
The reason Joe Idiot had an accident was that he was paying more attention to his cell phone than to the road ahead. But that’s no excuse for what he did.
Joe Unfortunate missed work today because of a death in the family. That’s the reason, and also a valid excuse.
I think it’s partly contextual–if you’ve been put on the defensive, your reason for doing something appears to be an excuse. It’s also in your own mind–if you know you should have done something and you try to rationalize why you didn’t do it, that’s an excuse. If you really want to do it and factors beyond your control kept you from doing it, that’s a reason.
I could not agree more! It’s nice to know that I am not the only one who feels this way.
Unfortunately, it appears that people who are physically and/or psychologically disabled are often the target of such “unsympathetic people.” Personally, I feel that empathy should precede sympathy, in such cases. I speculate that empathy would involve too much time, plus “emotional and intellectual investment” for these accept-no-excuses kind of people. I speculate this may stem from many things such as cynicism, apathy, selfishness, to fear of the unknown.
I don’t know what has spawned such a growing societal attitude of: “accept no reasons or excuses” but it’s disturbing, to say the least.
OTOH, I would agree that a wee bit of skepticism is healthy, if it’s expressed respectfully.
I think you stated this very well, MagicEyes.
The difference is simple:
When you screw up, you have reasons for it, but your dumbass boss will see those reasons as excuses. And when your subordinates screw up, they’ll have a bunch of excuses, which they’ll insist are valid reasons for what happened. But you’ll know better.
I’ve seen this a lot in the work place. I think poor managers use it to avoid critical thinking and being forced to admit that there ARE factors in the universe out of their control.
I had a boss who believed every problem, failure, or less-than-perfect outcome was the fault of human incompetence. Everything was an “excuse”. She compounded this by having the habit of always wanting things explained. If you messed up, she could never just reprimand you. She demanded you tell her (in detail) why whatever went wrong, and then replied, “Don’t give me excuses!.” Whatever, ma’am. Getting mad at me won’t make it snow any less in Denver, and Thor doesn’t give a rat’s patootie if the CEO misses his meeting. But I’ll sacrifice a goat just incase, so I’ll be doing something.
This type also believes that everyone should have been prepared prepared for every eventuality, no matter how far fetched. Not doing so is a deliberate choice, and therefor all problems are a result of your action. Circumstances are irrelevant, because you should have been prepared for them. It’s a nifty philosophy, and allows it’s practioner to claim the outraged moral high ground in every situation.