Expressions your parents said to you as a kid

[Mangosteen]

My dad always told me to "use my head for something other than a hat rack".

Instead of using the word "hell", my mother would ask me "What the 'ham and eggs' are you doing?"

She also said to me, "You've got more... (excuses, problems, etc.) than 'Cod Livers' got pills" or something like that. I never did know what she was talking about. Anyone know who 'Cod Liver' was?

What expressions did your parents say to you? '.

[samclem]

Moving this to MPSIMS, as there is really not a factual question here.

samclem GQ moderator

[BMax]

Originally Posted by Mangosteen

She also said to me, "You've got more... (excuses, problems, etc.) than 'Cod Livers' got pills" or something like that. I never did know what she was talking about. Anyone know who 'Cod Liver' was?

That was probably "More X than Carter has little liver pills, which I assumed was about Jimmy Carter, until I found out about Carter's little liver pills

When I said "I Want X", my mother would reply with "People in hell want ice water". I don't think much of her as a mother.

[ExTank]

Originally Posted by Mangosteen

My dad always told me to "use my head for something other than a hat rack".

Instead of using the word "hell", my mother would ask me "What the 'ham and eggs' are you doing?"

She also said to me, "You've got more... (excuses, problems, etc.) than 'Cod Livers' got pills" or something like that. I never did know what she was talking about. Anyone know who 'Cod Liver' was?

What expressions did your parents say to you?

Well, Cod Liver Oil was an extract (from cod livers; go figure) that was high in essential vitamins (A &D primarily) and was used as a spoon-fed dietary supplement for children to stave off rickets, back when. I think it tasted horrible, which is probably why someone eventually figured out how to put it in pill form.

Whenever us kids screwed up, my Dad would shake his head wearily, and simply say, "Well, you can't put the shit back in the mule."

[BMax]

Originally Posted by BMax

Could I get a mod to fix my bracket, please?

[C3]

If I ever said something like, "We're going to go play out in the snow!" my dad would say, "You have a mouse in your pocket?" Meaning, you may be going out there, but I'm staying in here by the warm fire. I always thought that was hilarious.

[Rushgeekgirl]

When I said "I Want X", my mother would reply with "People in hell want ice water". I don't think much of her as a mother.

My mom used to say that one too. And when I'd say "I wish..." I'd get "if wishes were horses".

Still she was cool.
I really can't remember HOW this came about in the conversation, but she also taught me "It ain't the size of the ship, it's the motion in the ocean."

[nonacetone]

My mom got me used to going to funerals very early on in my life, so I wouldn't fear the dead like she does. Anyway, she always told me, "It's not the dead you have to worry about. It's the living!"

So true.

[BoringDad]

Originally Posted by BMax

When I said "I Want X", my mother would reply with "People in hell want ice water". I don't think much of her as a mother.

Oh oh. When my kids want something they can't have I tell them "Tough noogies." I hope I'm not screwing them up.

I am also teaching them the phrase "Shut your cake hole." when they are talking too much at dinner and not eating. They think it is hilarious, and I am eagerly awaiting the time they use it in public.

The only thing my Dad was known to say was "Hate war, hate poverty, hate injustice, don't hate X" where X was the latest thing I said I hated, such as soggy french fries.

[Scarlett67]

A couple of times when I was struggling to do something I found difficult, and my mom would tell me to hurry up and do it already, I'd whine, "I'm TRYYYING!!" To which she would exasperatedly mutter, "Yes, you're VERY trying."

I didn't get that one until I was about 23. (She doesn't remember saying it. I thought it was MY job to block out my childhood!)

-----
When we got home from somewhere and pulled the car into the garage, my mom would say, "Home again, home again, jiggety jig." Bet she doesn't remember that one either.

[Shirley Ujest]

"Well, you can't put the shit back in the mule."

I love this!


" How do you like them apples" basically meaning, I just handed you your ass on a silver platter, you whippersnapper. I'm proud to say that my 7 year old uses that phrase alot.

[Shirley Ujest]

Hate war, hate poverty, hate injustice, don't hate X" where X was the latest thing I said I hated, such as soggy french fries.

This is simply awesome. I'm stealing it, with compliments to your dad!

[Kythereia]

My dad, brother, and I all have a very loving and affectionate habit of calling each other morons. And I don't know if I'll ever find out how this started, but now we do not call each other morons--we call each other "moroons".

Yes, we're weird, so what?

[LifeOnWry]

Originally Posted by BMax

When I said "I Want X", my mother would reply with "People in hell want ice water". I don't think much of her as a mother.

Originally Posted by Rushgeekgirl

My mom used to say that one too. And when I'd say "I wish..." I'd get "if wishes were horses".

Your mothers were sweetness and light compared to mine. All my "I wish"es were answered, "Well, wish in one hand and shit in the other, then tell me which hand fills first."

[Chanteuse]

When we (five) kids were being a pain, we'd sometimes hear, "I'm gonna pull your head off and throw it at your dying body!" Rarely, if ever, did that fail to get a laugh out of at least one of us.

When the house was a mess, Mom had two phrases: Everything was strung "from Cape Cod to Pecos" or "from hell to breakfast."

Oh, and when we were kidding around with Dad and one of us would get off a particularly smart-ass remark, he'd say, "Why, I'll frog [poke] your eyes out!"

[Stinkum]

When we left the driveway on a trip, my father would always announce:

"And we're off like a herd of turtles!"

I still say that. Cracks up the folks in the car with me.

[AskNott]

"If beggars were choosers, then horses would ride." I wrote that one myself.

My dad was impatient with the speed of my...everything. He called me Stepin Fetchit. I knew he was insulting me, but I didn't get it until years later. I had never seen any of Mr. Fetchit's movies. He was a great comic actor, and Dad was bashing me with his onscreen persona.

"Huh? Pull a pig's tail, and he'll say 'Uh huh.' "

"Hey? Hay's for horses."

"Well? That's a deep subject."

Our parents were so witty.

[GrizzRich]

Often, when I started a statement with the words "I want...", my father would say...

Dad- "How old are you?"
Me- "Seven."
Dad- "Then you're old enough that your 'wants' won't hurt you."

Regardless of my age, that was an appropriate response in his estimation.

[Lama Pacos]

When I was little, whenever we'd ask what was for dinner, my mom's jokey-cranky response would be "crabs and ice water!" (i.e. basically nothing).

When I'd call out for my mom, she'd say, "That's my name, don't wear it out!"

My dad has an expression passed down from his father for a fake or wimpy sounding illness: "Australian Creeping Moopus".

My mom has a similar expression to C3's dad's, except it's a frog in the pocket.

There are a lot more that I can't think of at the moment. For the majority of the weird expressions my parents use, I don't know if they're common sayings, cultural references, vestigial Yiddishisms, or what.

[Frankovich]

My mother would always refer to my siblings and me as "the children of the corn," as in "come on children of the corn, time to go shopping" (or whatever).

I learned a couple years ago that the children of the corn were a religious cult in the Stephen King short story of the same name. This cult of children was fond of killing their parents, and all adults in general. I asked my mother if she was aware of this, and she said she had never heard of the short story, or the resulting movies. She said she didn't remember why she started calling us that.

I then, of course, had to go out and watch the film adaptation and 6 terrible sequels. Fun stuff.

She still calls us the children of the corn for some reason.

[Rodgers01]

Originally Posted by Frankovich

My mother would always refer to my siblings and me as "the children of the corn," as in "come on children of the corn, time to go shopping" (or whatever).

I learned a couple years ago that the children of the corn were a religious cult in the Stephen King short story of the same name. This cult of children was fond of killing their parents, and all adults in general. I asked my mother if she was aware of this, and she said she had never heard of the short story, or the resulting movies. She said she didn't remember why she started calling us that.

I then, of course, had to go out and watch the film adaptation and 6 terrible sequels. Fun stuff.

She still calls us the children of the corn for some reason.

That's pretty funny. Your last name's not Menendez, is it?

Originally Posted by C3

If I ever said something like, "We're going to go play out in the snow!" my dad would say, "You have a mouse in your pocket?" Meaning, you may be going out there, but I'm staying in here by the warm fire. I always thought that was hilarious.

I don't get it!

My parents were never quite as funny as some of yours. My mom would sometimes ask us if we were "working hard, or hardly working"...

[David Simmons]

Father:

"He/she is ugly as a pan of warts."

"He's got more money than a big mule can back downhill."

"Independent as a hog on ice."

"He's got guts enough for two rows of teeth."

Mother:

"You did your hurrying on the wrong end of the line." (As when I was rushing to get somewhere after having waited too long to start.)

"Apply yourself" (Disgusted tone of voice. My sister used this as a sarcasm as long as she lived.)

[GusNSpot]

You scream, I scream, we all scream for ice cream.

Easter time is the time for eggs, the time for eggs is Easter time.

No.

Yes.

I will not bail you out.

You're in a Wewoka switch.

There is no such thing as 'Sorta pregnant.'

If it ain't worth killin over, it ain't worth fighting over.

[Larry Mudd]

Originally Posted by Lama Pacos

When I was little, whenever we'd ask what was for dinner, my mom's jokey-cranky response would be "crabs and ice water!" (i.e. basically nothing).

My mum's version of this was "bread and point." (My dad's less genteel version involved roofing material topped with an alliterative spread.)

The only expression I remember getting from my parents and reusing with shorties is the stock response to pouting:

"Don't stick your lip out like that -- a bird'll poop on it."

Originally Posted by Rodgers01

I don't get it!

It's along the same lines as "Who's 'we,' honky?" Only cuter and less racial.

[Larry Mudd]

Huh. I was wondering how common it was, and "bread and point" is older than I thought. A mid-nineteenth century use:

The times continued to be very hard with them. I well remember of asking mother what we could have for supper, she said we could have some bread and point. I wondered what the point was. Of course we expected a new kind of dish but soon found out it was a few crusts of brown bread and the privilege of pointing at a small piece of bacon that hung from the roof of the house.

We were told that the bread would be put on the table and we'd point at it. And the hardest of times, "bread and point" turned out to be KD and wieners.

[zagloba]

Originally Posted by Stinkum

When we left the driveway on a trip, my father would always announce:

"And we're off like a herd of turtles!"

I still say that. Cracks up the folks in the car with me.

My dad always said that, too!

Whenever one of us said "I can't ..." he'd always say "Can't's a coward, too lazy to try."

My grandma used the "more than Carter's got little pills" expression. She'd also say "I haven't seen her in a coon's age," which I think refers to the lifespan of the raccoon. Once, though, when she was nearly 90, she said something was "shinier than a nigger's heel." She spent her whole life in NW Iowa and SW Minnesota, so she'd hardly seen a black person, let alone one's heel.

[manx]

Originally Posted by C3

If I ever said something like, "We're going to go play out in the snow!" my dad would say, "You have a mouse in your pocket?" Meaning, you may be going out there, but I'm staying in here by the warm fire. I always thought that was hilarious.

My Dad says 'what's this "we", white man?'. He used to talk about 'herding cats' when trying to move me and my brothers anywhere; we would always be 'milling around like Brown's cows'.

Things were 'as cold as a welldiggers bum' or 'flatter than your Aunt Maude's chest'

If I asked where things were he would invariably reply 'is my face red?'.

[Exploding Kitchen]

Dad used the "X has more Y than Carter's got liver pills" a lot.

Granddad, whenever he stubs his toe, or does something boneheaded, likes to say "Well, I'll be a suck-egg mule." Still makes me snicker.

If I had trouble finding something that happened to be in plain sight, my dad would ask "Do you have a snakebite kit?" I'd give him a blank look, then he'd point out whatever I was looking for and say "If that'd been a snake, it would've struck."

[Hostile Dialect]

"Don't shit where you eat."

That one got a lot of wear in early high school. That was when they were utterly convinced I was on drugs. They finally figured out that I wasn't. Then a couple of years later I started doing drugs, and they already "knew" I didn't so they shut out all the signs. Wow, there's a hijack...

Originally Posted by BoringDad

I am also teaching them the phrase "Shut your cake hole."

This is probably not the most appropriate in a family context, but one of my TI's in boot camp used to say "shut your pot hole". I loved that one.

Originally Posted by zagloba

Whenever one of us said "I can't ..." he'd always say "Can't's a coward, too lazy to try."

Another one of my TI's told me that "Can't never could because Couldn't never would". Inspirational, except Cant's cousin I'mReallyTrying was trying to put my shoulder out for good.

[kambuckta]

My mum is 80 now, so some of the things she said to me back when I was a kid might seem ancient and totally incomprehensible now.

Actually, they were incomprehensible back THEN too!!

Me: "What's THAT* thing?"
Mum: "A Wigwam for a gooses bridle"

Me: "What's for dinner?"
Mum: "Pig's bum and goolie-gum".

Me: "Where are you going?"
Mum: "Going to see a man about a dog**."

* Anything that she thought I was too young to know about, or would take too long to explain the function of, such as a douche that I found in her drawer when I was five.

** For years I held hopes that we were going to get a new puppy (because our old Labrador was fat and slobbering and boring) until I found out that mum had a secret boyfriend who she visited on occasion. I was sooooooo disappointed.

[Hostile Dialect]

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[Daithi Lacha]

My dad was full of 'em:

You were never unwell, you were always "sicker'n ten cats."

You were never simply having a hard time of life, you were "suckin' wind."

It wasn't that you "daren't" do something, it was always that you "dassn't."

The expression "one fell swoop" was always "one swell foop."

There's more, but I'm having a brain fart.

[Daithi Lacha]

Ah! Remembered another one --

A whole bunch of something was a "passel," as in "I got into a passel of trouble." I always thought that was a word in itself, but it's not until just a couple of years ago that I realized it's a (probably archaic) New England pronunciation of the word "parcel."

[Greywolf73]

My parents both loved the phrase "How do you like them apples?" whenever they were discussing my punishment: "You're grounded for a week since you can't keep your smart mouth shut. How do you like them apples?" . I still have an irrational hatred of apples to this day.

My mom was also a big fan of "We'll be there when we get there!" which surprisingly never did much to alleviate our whining from the backseat of the car but seemed to amuse her anyway.

[UntouchedTakeaway]

Originally Posted by Mangosteen

My dad always told me to "use my head for something other than a hat rack".

Instead of using the word "hell", my mother would ask me "What the 'ham and eggs' are you doing?"

She also said to me, "You've got more... (excuses, problems, etc.) than 'Cod Livers' got pills" or something like that. I never did know what she was talking about. Anyone know who 'Cod Liver' was?

What expressions did your parents say to you? '.

"You want horns but you're gonna die butt-headed"
"Wish in one hand & spit in the other - see which one fills up first"
"Take that ankle bracelet off your leg & put it on your wrist where it belongs"
"I don't care if Jesus Christ himself is tap-dancing on TV - turn it off & come to dinner"


I also got the "head/hatrack" quote, too.

VCNJ~

[swampbear]

My Father's answer to the "How much further/longer" whine was always "Five miles." Every distance, no matter how short or long, was five miles. We could tell by the tone of his voice when he said it when it would be a good idea to shut up and not ask again. I use that expression myself. People tell me they can tell by the tone of my voice when it'd be a good idea not to ask again. Apparently I inherited that and THE LOOK from my dad. THE LOOK meant he was seeing right through whatever bullshit we were trying to pull off.

With five kids (four being boys) you can imagine how much fun my mother had. She'd hear "I'm telling mom!" and would say "Mom might not want to know!" back. Or, she'd say, "Is anybody hurt, bleeding or dead? Those are the only three reasons I need to know."

[norinew]

My father had a lot of 'em: Sharper than a rat turd, pointed at both ends. Slicker than an eel in a bucket of snot. Go outside and blow the stink off of ya (usually said after we'd been sitting around watching TV all morning). Go into the corner and count yourself; if you come up with more than one, let me know.

From my mom: This place looks like the wreck of the Hesparus (when the house was a mess). Cuter than a bug's ear. (If we asked when we could have or do such and such): when hell freezes over and all the little devils go ice skating. Shut your mouth before you start catching flies. Of course, my mom had a lot of stock phrases that put me in therapy for a few years, too: I should have never had any kids! I'm going to move out of this hell-hole and get my own place. If I ever told you I liked you, for sure I was lying!

In retrospect, I'm pretty sure my mom, although never diagnosed, was bi-polar.

[Sal Ammoniac]

Originally Posted by manx

My Dad says 'what's this "we", white man?'.

My dad says this, too. I've always wondered -- is it a quote from a '50s TV show? Maybe The Lone Ranger? On occasion I've found myself saying it too -- once, to my embarrassment, in Africa.

Another of my dad's phrases: "That really frosts my 'nads."

[Trunk]

Originally Posted by Daithi Lacha

The expression "one fell swoop" was always "one swell foop."

My dad used to do that, and say, "you're one fart smeller".

also, "we're off like a herd of turtles"

"suckin' hind tit" meant doing poorly, falling behind.

his sex talk: "a nighttime of pleasure isn't worth a lifetime of grief."

also, "whattya mean 'we' white man?"

My dad used to call farts, "the blue cloud". I have NO idea why.

Mom:

on a bad mood, "someone woke up with a hair across their ass." (in a Maine accent. Kathy Bates said this in her stupid Maine movie.)

Anytime someone on TV (or in real life) made any kind of claim, she'd go, "well ahn't you special?"

E.g., "while serving in Congress, I helped pass the clean air act."

"well ahn't you special?"

She also use to say, "they think their shit don't stink."

[Trunk]

Originally Posted by Sal Ammoniac

My dad says this, too. I've always wondered -- is it a quote from a '50s TV show? Maybe The Lone Ranger? On occasion I've found myself saying it too -- once, to my embarrassment, in Africa.

Another of my dad's phrases: "That really frosts my 'nads."

Mine used to say, "That frosts my ass."

My dad told me the "whattya mean we white man?" in the context of a Lone Ranger-Tonto joke.

You can write it yourself but essentially, they're hopelessly cornered by Indians and Lone Ranger says, "well, kemosabe, looks like we're gonna die."

[Shirley Ujest]

I am stealing And we're off like a herd of turtles I love it!

[Beadalin]

My mom:
- When feeling afraid of heights, "My wees are kneak." (this from my grandmother, who actually said that one time by accident)

- "Well ... there's a hole in the ground."

- In response to a kid crying about hitting their head on / tripping over / crashing into any inanimate object, "So, did you apologize to X?" As in, "Waaah! I hit my head on the coffee table!" -- "So, did you apologize to the cofee table?"

- "Doggone it doggone it doggone it!" Always said three times in succession after any minor disaster (especially toast burning)

- "Grace is mah middle name!" Always with fake Southern accent after doing something clumsy

[Fionn]

"You takin' medicine?" asked whenever I was watching the clock for some reason.

"Just to piss you off" was Mom's standard reply whenever I asked "Why do I hafta do X?"

[Regallag_The_Axe]

My dad always said "bass-ackwards" (for "ass backwards") and "the whole fam-damily" (for "the whole damn family"). I also heard "Home again, home again, jiggity jog" when we got home from somewhere, and "Lions and tigers and bears, oh my" (said in a sarcastic tone) when my brother or I complained about something.

[Snickers]

No no no - it's "off like a turd of hurtles." Geez.

Lessee. It always took "just a few more minutes" to get somewhere, neato things were "slicker'n snot" (sometimes "on a doorknob" followed) or were "better than sliced bread." We also had to go out to "blow the stink off" (which I hated) or had to pee so bad either our "eyeballs were floating" or we "could taste it" (both of which I also disliked greatly).

That's all I remember, but I'm sure there's tons more.

[Zsofia]

"You need that like a hen needs a flag." Huh?

Whenever I got something nice, or proud, or when my mom got a new car or something, my dad would say "Look at Miss Bufforkington" and sometimes elaborated with her limo that needed hinges and such. Only last year did I find out that was from some radio drama he'd heard when he was a kid, not some silly name he made up.

When I'd whine and say "I'm hungry!", my mom would stick out her hand and say "Hi, Hungry. I'm Firstname!" You have no idea how that just crawled up my ass when I was a kid.

On long car trips when I acted up, my parents would tell me they were going to sell me to the Gypsies. This was when I was really young, and just a few years ago I found out they always thought I knew they were kidding! Well, I didn't! I used to beg them to make me expensive! (I had no idea who Gypsies were except that there were tambourines invovled somehow.)

Tell my dad you have a headache, and like clockwork you'll get "If I had a head like that, it would hurt too!"

Come downstairs in the morning looking unhappy and mussed about it, and he'll sing "Here she comes, Miss America!"

Mom still says my house looks like the wreck of the Hesperus.

[Aguecheek]

There's a bunch, but for some reason I can't remember any of them right now. Urk.

One that always comes to mind, however, came about whenever I was being somewhat...trying: "I'm gonna rip your arm off and beat you over the head with the wet end!"

She was never serious. That I knew of, anyways.

[blondebear]

I knew I was in trouble whenever I heard my mom say:
"So help me, Hanna......" I never figured out who Hanna was, or just how she would help my mother, but some kind of discipline was definitely in the offing whenever this phrase was uttered.

[Rodd Hill]

Scottish granny/motherisms:

"As black as the Earl of Hell's waistcoat" (in reference to my dirt-encrusted self after a day in the yard)

"Put a beggar on horseback and he'll ride you to Hell." (it's just not worth trying to help some people)

"Listen, buggerlugs..." (usually addressed to the dog in minor annoyance, and followed by a threat of skinning for a rug. "Lugs" is Scots for "ears.")

"Well then, Hell mend ye!" (when someone else is taking a course of action disapproved of by the speaker)

"What are you waiting for? Better times?" (again, usually addressed to the dog)

"Pint and dab at the still." (my Granny used to say this, and I could never figure it out, or find it anywhere...but reading this thread, I wonder if it's a Scots version of "bread and point?")

"There's no show without Punch! (said of someone who always has to be the centre of attention)

"Legs like a spurtle!" (said of someone with skinny legs. A spurtle is a stick for stirring porridge)

"He has all his back teeth" (said of someone who is pretty sharp at business deals, or out for themselves only)

"Fly man you!" (said mockingly when someone did something silly or foolish--"fly" in Scots is clever, in the sense of "foxy.")

"Ach, yer bunnet!" (dismissively of someone speaking foolishly--kind of the equivalent of "you're crazy.")

[OttoDaFe]

From my mother: "Faster than a turpentined Indian" and "Stronger than Nellie's breath."

(While I imagine that there were unscrupulous palefaces who would sell turpentine to Indians in lieu of firewater, I have no idea why it would impart unusual speed to the consumer—unless it was adminstered other than orally, something that I'm reluctant to contemplate. And I never had the [mis]fortune to meet Nellie, so I'm not competent to evaluate her breath.)

From my father: "bug juice" for soy sauce. This may be endemic to Montana; whatever its origin, so I was taught, and so I've taught my offspring.