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#1
08-19-1999, 10:52 AM
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Okay, you asked for my opinion, here it is.
I believe that it should be not only legal but required by law that our children take dangerous narcotics while burning flags in churches and being taught evolution. I further believe that homosexuals are God's chosen people and that the elderly should be allowed to drive only if they are drunk. It will be entirely up to me to decide who gets abortions and who doesn't. I believe that pro wrestlers are the only respectable athletes. I will smoke manure cigars in the restaurants you eat in. If you are there with your families, I will get up on the table and sodomize a blow-up doll that looks like Jesus. 
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#2
08-19-1999, 11:01 AM
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Don't forget about talking loudly while breastfeeding your infant at the movies
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#3
08-19-1999, 11:08 AM
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Omigosh, TennHippie is actually Lyndon Larouche!
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#5
08-19-1999, 11:13 AM
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Talking loudly while breastfeeding YOUR infant, you mean. Also, all new scientific theories must be "Scripture-Friendly." Our presidential candidates shall be chosen at random from high-security prisons. Jehova's Witnesses and Satanists alike shall be allowed into your home at any hour. Product testing shall be done only on YOUR pets.
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#6
08-19-1999, 11:21 AM
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Required classes at public schools shall include Ebonics, Zionism, and Practical Panhandling. All felons and mental patients shall be released and issued firearms and hate propaganda, at taxpayer expense.
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#7
08-19-1999, 01:13 PM
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Don't stop now, TH! You're earning MY vote!
------------------ Uke
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#9
08-19-1999, 03:26 PM
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I've been doing all of that for YEARS TH, are you saying that I'm WRONG! I will have to use my power to kill at will on you. Also, bestiality and incest are the only correct forms of sexual expression. Everyone should not only drive drunk but do it at 90 in the left lane. UFOs are real it's NASA that's fake. Picking your nose in public is mandatory and all women will have breast implants that make them look like they are packing hot air balloons in their blouses. All men will have their penises (peni?) cut to the standard 4 inches and only those with an IQ below 50 can have children. We will have one religion, the Book of Me (Firesign Theater gets a nod) and ARG220 shall dictate this book as he sees fit. And, oh yeah, nuke the gay baby whales for Jesus.
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#11
08-19-1999, 04:31 PM
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TennHippie:
Truly inspired and hilarious...I was on the frickin' floor!
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#12
08-19-1999, 04:36 PM
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A trailer park next to every exclusive gated community and everyone with an income over $70,000 will be assigned a best friend named either Merle or Edna that you must talk to and socialize with at least one hour a day in a public place.
Nuke a gay whale for Buddha!
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#15
08-19-1999, 10:52 PM
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Sorry, folks. The Jerry Springer audience shall decide all matters of importance. To quote from The Simpsons(see related thread):
"There's no justice like angry mob justice!" Also, the principal form of entertainment shall be mimes.
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#16
08-19-1999, 11:38 PM
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Mimes? Oh my God! You are EVIL! I bow before you and ask forgiveness for all I have posted to this thread. You truly do know the height of offensiveness! I prostrate myself before you (I'm no virgin but I think in a pinch I could fake it) and beg you your holy pardon! Please, please oh righteous one, give your blessing to this lowly peon who crawls to kiss your feet! I bow eternally before you.
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#17
08-20-1999, 12:20 AM
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Welllll....okay. You get to choose between balloon artists and ventriloquists.
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#18
08-20-1999, 02:16 AM
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TH I cannot choose. I've been shut down in other treads so apparently I'm treading lightly here. What would YOU suggest I do? I haven't been here long but I guess I'm getting to be a pisser. Or God forbid a TROLL!
------------------ The moon looks on many flowers, the flowers on but one moon.
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#20
08-20-1999, 10:25 AM
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The required punishment for all fundamentalists will be to be precision-dropped onto large phallic prostheses, and all Pentagon members will have explosives strapped to their bodies and be required to jump out bombers onto Iraq, like that guy in "Dr. Strangelove".
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#21
08-20-1999, 11:22 AM
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There shall be ONE newspaper.Every issue will have the same banner headline"World Going to HEll in Handbasket." The Op-Ed page will be called 'Your Opinion" all columns will be Re-prints of speeches by J.McCarthy,Spiro Agnew,and Elija Muhamed. "Letters to the Editor " will consist of letters from the editor,signed by names randomly selected from the phone book. Jury rosters will contain only the names of law enforcement officers and registered voters. Only the deceased shall be allowed to register to vote.
------------------ "Pardon me while I have a strange interlude"-Marx
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#22
08-20-1999, 01:38 PM
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I belive the best way to deal with death role inmates is to take a glaive and stab them through the cell bars. Dont bother taking them out, just shove the next set of prisoners in there with the dead bodies... and put a big sign on the wall the says...
"YOUR NEXT" Then devote a tv station to let everyone see the terror in the inmates eyes. All children in high and middle shcool should be required to watch that station for one school period a day.
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#23
08-21-1999, 11:05 AM
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The current medical boards shall be replaced by Operation. If you can get the butterfly out, you're a doctor. Prisons will be put on the honor system. All children's toys will be required to make loud noises.
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#24
08-21-1999, 02:11 PM
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Warning to DarkDragon: misspellers shall be beaten with dictionaries until their spelling improves.
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#25
08-21-1999, 04:38 PM
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Tenn,you are hilarious! May I suggest we must answer all personal questions asked of us by strangers at a bus stop!
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#27
08-21-1999, 11:49 PM
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Okay, but what will I be when I grow up?
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#28
08-22-1999, 12:14 AM
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More rules:
The number of children you are allowed to have shall be equal to the number of your favorite NASCAR driver. (no fave? no kids.) Your weight is your IQ. Pools shall be filled with urine and posted with signs: Do NOT Add Chlorinated Water. If you drive backwards, you may go twice the speed limit. You stay in public school until you pass everything. If you are still in school at age 21, you become a teacher. The Basic Food Groups shall be: 1. Alcoholic beverages 2. Fats and oils 3. Sugar 4. Additives 5. Yucky stuff The national anthem played at ballgames shall henceforth be the Jimi Hendrix rendition of The Star-Spangled Banner. Out of 99 channels, 95 of them shall always be showing "Dukes of Hazard" reruns. Social Security benefits shall be determined by skin pigmentation. More melantin=more $$$. Thanksgiving bird of choice? Bald Eagle. Each year, a city will be chosen at random to have its water supply laced with PCP. Let the fun commence.....
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#30
08-22-1999, 07:55 AM
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I love this!
More rules: All whiners will get what they want. Bald with beerbelly will be considered sexy. Anyone can park in the handicapped zone. You will get a ticket if your car stereo boombox is not loud enough. If a bum asks you for spare change, you must personally accompany him into a liquor store (with a smile) and buy him whatever he wants. That includes cigarettes. All clerks must be chewing gum and talking on the phone all the time. And if the phone conversation is important (especially if the topic is what the clerk will wear tonight), it must be given priority over the customer. ------------------ ¾È ³ç, ÁÖ µ¿ ÀÏ
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#31
08-22-1999, 08:05 AM
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All arguments will be deemed won by the more sexually attractive person.
Only sexually attractive people can have opinions. And sexually attractive people can get job advancements whenever they feel like it. ------------------ ¾È ³ç, ÁÖ µ¿ ÀÏ
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#33
08-23-1999, 02:15 AM
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I think we need to address that Beeruser has a problem with sexually attractive people.
Also, if my dog doesn't like you, than I shouldn't either. This has actually proved true IMHO. ------------------ The moon looks on many flowers, the flowers on but one moon.
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#35
08-25-1999, 05:05 PM
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Lick my bag is a personal favorite...
------------------ Brian O'Neill CMC International Records rockuniverse.com/cmc/cmc.html ICQ 35294890 AIM Scrabble1 Yahoo Messenger Brian_ONeill
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#36
08-25-1999, 10:16 PM
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Paper or plastic?
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#37
08-26-1999, 09:20 PM
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Rental cars will come with hand guns so tourists can drive to Disney World on a level playing field. Luxury rentals will have the option of an uzi.
Disney World will also have Tripping Day, Parolee Pride Day, and Klan Week. Four lane highways will have a designated slow lane, fast lane, go faster lane, and a celebrity murderers lane. Sex education will consist of live, participatory projects.
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#39
08-28-1999, 12:37 AM
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All sexually attractive people of the female persuasion shall be fascinated by me and my inane ramblings.....
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#44
08-28-1999, 08:28 PM
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TH, this thread made me spew my Coke all over my brand-new monitor that I just got today. Thanks It is now officially MY monitor
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#45
08-29-1999, 02:16 AM
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That's better than some things I've heard of people spewing on monitors....
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#48
08-30-1999, 03:23 PM
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Pooch wrote:
Quote:
------------------ I'm not flying fast, just orbiting low.
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