Since my last thread around this is dead now, it’s time for a new one!
Say there’s a horrible emergency/earth-threatening destruction/cat stuck in a tree/cult on the loose. But you don’t know which.
Which superhero would you call to deal with this unspecified situation? Perhaps one skilled in many different fields, to hedge your bets - a Batman, for example. Problem is, a jack-of-all-trades usually doesn’t have mastery in any one area. So how about a hero that’s achieved incredible power/skill in one area - like Val Amorr, who pretty much won the last thread (for DC, anyway). Of course, that’s only helpful if that one area comes into play. A telepath threatening the world would cause severe problems.
So who’d you call to deal with <unspecified situation>?
Conditions:
No Gods. No superheroes with cosmic-level power - no Silver Surfer or Phoenix.
Hank McCoy, The Beast. Physically formidable, intellectually towering, versed in many sciences, deals with telepaths, mutants, the scientific community, superpowered people and all manner of high-tech.
Why, Professor Charles Xavier of course. There’s no question that he’s best suited for this particular situation.
First off, he’s a bloody genius i’n ‘e? So ya got that goin’ for ya right off the bat.
Secondly, he’s psychic. No time wasted with all that tedious actually TELLING him what the problem is. Just let him know there is one, and bob’s your uncle, he’s read your mind and knows more about it than you do.
And on the gripping hand? He’s got THE X-MEN. All of 'em. Right there. And he can tell them what the problem is as quickly as he found out from you.
Boom, problem solved.
For those rare occasions where the entire active force of the X-men proves insufficient, well, you’re pretty much screwed. So Xavier can just put the entire world to sleep for a peaceful obliteration. Which is nice.
The Engineer from the Authority. Dr. Angie Spica is a scientific genius, as well as a powerful force to be reckoned with. Whether she was in for the fight of her life, facing a grand-scale urban evacuation or rescue mission, or just needed to cook an elegant banquet for forty guests who were due in half an hour, she could do it. Her blood was replaced by nine pints of liquid nanotechnology that allows her to coat her skin with a metal compound rendering her impervious to most harm, fly, shape-shift into weapons or other objects, and create dozens (if not hundreds) of independently-functioning clone copies of herself to deal with any situation.
Help! [Insert unspecified situation here]! This looks like a job for Superman!..oh, darn, he’s busy. Batman? Darn! Green Lantern? Aquaman? What, all the superheroes are busy or something?
I don’t read comic books, so I only know a bunch of the major superheroes and a few minor ones. I choose Matter-Eater Lad, one of the few minors I know, for two reasons:
Superman, Batman, Spider-Man, etc. are too well known in the Marvel and DC universes and on all alternate universes that exist in said universes. Therefore, these superheroes will have a waiting list longer than the XBox 360’s, and will probably already be helping someone else at the time I am in trouble. Based on his relative obscurity in the superhero lexicon, Matter-Eater Lad will either be able immediately or in a relatively short period of time.
C’mon, he can eat things! Of getting rid of something, having it being eaten is both resourceful (no waste!) and amusing to watch. The possibilities are endless. Evil genius has you trapped in a impregnable steel cage? Eat it! Nuclear missle about to decimate New York City? Eat it! While hiking through Europe, you stumble upon Hitler’s corpse, reanimated by mad scientists planning on replaying World War II, only this time Germany wins? Eat him! Not even Monseur Mangetout has a stomach capacity that is both amusing and helpful.
A list with less than three items? This looks like a job for…Look, up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Opal! Hi, Opal!
If burning skeletons are involved, I’d call Ghost Rider. It’s a recurring problem in some places, I bet.
“If it involves strength, speed, Martians, bats, fish, women, stretching or the color green, the Justice League pretty much has it sewn up.”
–Six Pack, Hitman’s little buddy.
