Would you like to take a survey?

Me neither, but I have a new boss and he’s trying to get to know us. He seems pretty cool and he’s already gotten a lot accomplished but gods, I hate these things.

  1. What is one thing you think we could change to provide a better service? We need an automated phone menu like everybody else has. "Thank you for calling 911… if you think you are having a heart attack, press 1. If you are bleeding, apply direct pressure and press 2. If you are on fire, stop, drop, and roll, and press 3…

  2. What is at least one thing you’d change that would make you happier to work here? The drinking fountain only dispenses water. Hook a keg up to it and I’ll be the happiest little dispatcher you’ve ever seen.

  3. Where do you see yourself in 1 year? On a beach in Honolulu, drinking pina coladas while a buff cabana boy rubs sunblock into my shoulders and braids my knee length hair with fresh flowers and feeds me grapes…oh, you mean where do I see myself in my job?

  4. In 5 years? Huh? Oh, sorry, I was thinking about the cabana boy…

And pretend the last line of that OP was, “Now you try!”