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  #1  
Old 05-12-2006, 02:44 PM
wonderlust wonderlust is offline
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Wordless, Spontaneous Sex With Strangers

Wordless, spontaneous sex with strangers: you've seen it. It happens on tv and in movies, and if they're representing reality, it's happening to lots of people. And I'm not talking about nightclub pickups. It starts in a bookstore, on a plane, with a repairman at your home, or in a restroom (ick). Few or no words are exchanged, but somehow signals of interest and receptivity are exchanged, and completely spontaneous passionate sex ensues.

I want to know how this works. How are this interest and receptivity expressed with so few words? Do people try this often, and get negative responses? Is it even happening to real people, or is this pure fantasy?

I mean, most people wouldn't expect a glance of interest to be an invitation for stranger sex right there and then, would they? Aren't most people a bit hesitant or shy? Personally, I'm too shy to hold eye contact, never mind letting my eyes travel over a guy's body.
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  #2  
Old 05-12-2006, 02:47 PM
FairyChatMom FairyChatMom is online now
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I've had to start wearing really, really dark glasses to put a stop to this in my life.






What??
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  #3  
Old 05-12-2006, 02:55 PM
KGS KGS is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brightpenny
I want to know how this works. How are this interest and receptivity expressed with so few words? Do people try this often, and get negative responses? Is it even happening to real people, or is this pure fantasy?
It's happened to me a couple times. But, it's never wordless. We'd talk, about movies or books or boring stuff like the weather, never anything personal. Generally it's in a situation we're both part of, like a college field trip. Never a complete stranger.

It's a weird feeling, kind of like you're reading each other's minds. And yet, you're not really sure until the bedroom door closes and VAVOOM!! Unfortunately, it doesn't always last past the next morning...but sometimes, it does.
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  #4  
Old 05-12-2006, 02:59 PM
wonderlust wonderlust is offline
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I can see how it can happen after a couple of hours of talking with someone, but the business of finding a nearby supply closet and locking the door is...wow.

Could it be a coincidence that I'm interested in knowing about this just when the cute young computer guy might be coming over this weekend to fix something for me?
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  #5  
Old 05-12-2006, 03:07 PM
Lightray Lightray is offline
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I would think that when the porn music track starts up, that's the signal to start gettin' busy with that repairman.

At least, that seems to be the signal when it happens on tv and in movies.

bam- chikka- bam-bam...
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  #6  
Old 05-12-2006, 03:09 PM
Duke of Rat Duke of Rat is offline
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Once, but we weren't total strangers (she was my boss' ex GF). Not a word, we weren't even really flirting. She grabbed my hand and sucked my finger while I was driving along, I pulled over ASAP
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  #7  
Old 05-12-2006, 03:10 PM
wonderlust wonderlust is offline
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Ah, the sucking of fingers. An unmistakable signal. Bold, yet shy.
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  #8  
Old 05-12-2006, 03:10 PM
CalMeacham CalMeacham is offline
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If anything approaching this happens to any of you Dopers, it's proof positive to me that you exist in a completely different universe from mine, and our only connection is over this weird computer interface. If we shook hands, we'd probably explode with the release of our combined masses as energy.
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  #9  
Old 05-12-2006, 03:13 PM
Giles Giles is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CalMeacham
If we shook hands, we'd probably explode with the release of our combined masses as energy.
Of course, that explosion might be the spontaneous sex.
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  #10  
Old 05-12-2006, 03:13 PM
phall0106 phall0106 is offline
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I just came in to say, "Wordless, Spontaneous Sex with Strangers? Um, okay."
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  #11  
Old 05-12-2006, 03:14 PM
Weirddave Weirddave is offline
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I know where you're coming from. I never thought those stories were real, and being a student at a major eastern university I figured that if they WERE true, I was in a good place to find out, but in all my 4 years of on-campus living, nothing. Then one day, just befor I graduated, I went down to the dorm laundry room to wash my socks late on a Friday night. I had counted on having the place to myself with my fellow students mostly occupied with end of semester partying, but I was plesantly surprised to find a luscious young redhead doing her laundry too. Aparently, her laundry included the clothes she had been wearing, because she was watching the dryer go round and round in nothing but a lacy black thong and a flimsy matching bra. When our eyes met, a spark passed between us, and then..........
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  #12  
Old 05-12-2006, 03:20 PM
Barrels Barrels is offline
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Once, not totaly wordless, after all I did ask him where the fish were biting and how much wax worms were.

Then I got to cross bait shop off of places I havn't had sex

It was in the office, not the bait area.

Barrels
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  #13  
Old 05-12-2006, 03:31 PM
Stuffy Stuffy is offline
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Twice. The first was a total stranger, we kept walking past each other in Downtown Oakland. The we bumped into each other in Sears.

The second was a girl from an office I used to work in, in that case we knew each others names, and we'd been checking each other out for weeks. Then the Xmas party rolled around...
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  #14  
Old 05-12-2006, 03:36 PM
QuickSilver QuickSilver is offline
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Yeah. Two weeks ago.

Not entirely wordless but a very short lead up, entirely unexpected and with that 'WTF just happened?' afterglow.
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  #15  
Old 05-12-2006, 03:42 PM
KP KP is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Giles
Of course, that explosion might be the spontaneous sex.
Well, yes, of course. He's clearly speaking of a Big Bang.

More on-topic: it can happen, when an impulsive kiss is returned, and escalates well out of control. I don't know if I'd call it anything like mind-reading. Quite the opposite. The otehr person is a complete blank mystery. I have no idea what they are thinking. (assuming of course that they are thinking anything other than the obvious -- which I suppose is "assuming facts not in evidence", even on lengthy follow-up questioning)

You don't say anything, because, paradoxically, you don't know them well enough for a conversation. What could you discuss? The weather? ("a beautiful day, with lacy high-flying underwear and roving variable high pressure zones. Now let's go to the Doppler radar") Common acquaintances? (Frankly, you're a little afraid to broach that one. It can hardly *improve* er relations, can it?) Proust?

... er... speaking *purely* hypothetically, you understand!
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  #16  
Old 05-12-2006, 03:45 PM
Uncommon Sense Uncommon Sense is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brightpenny
Could it be a coincidence that I'm interested in knowing about this just when the cute young computer guy might be coming over this weekend to fix something for me?
Yah, about that. I misplaced your adress, could you please E-mail it to me?
I'll be there bright and early Sat....Sunday morning,..... right?
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  #17  
Old 05-12-2006, 04:18 PM
Otto Otto is offline
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Also known as the zipless fuck.
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  #18  
Old 05-12-2006, 04:26 PM
Anne Neville Anne Neville is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CalMeacham
If anything approaching this happens to any of you Dopers, it's proof positive to me that you exist in a completely different universe from mine, and our only connection is over this weird computer interface. If we shook hands, we'd probably explode with the release of our combined masses as energy.
Same here.

I don't even think I know anybody that this has happened to, excluding people I've met here. Or if it has happened to people I know, they don't tell me about it.
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  #19  
Old 05-12-2006, 04:39 PM
Rigamarole Rigamarole is offline
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Clearly, more research needs to be done on this subject.

If anyone is interested, I think we could pursue this further. In the name of science, of course.
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  #20  
Old 05-12-2006, 04:40 PM
Sunspace Sunspace is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anne Neville
I don't even think I know anybody that this has happened to, excluding people I've met here. Or if it has happened to people I know, they don't tell me about it.
I don't even think it's happened to the people I know here, let alone people I've met outside.

Of course, the Dope is where I first encountered the concept 'friend with benefits' as well... another thing that does not seem to exist in my generation and locality. Probably has something to do with most people I know being married. Odd how that works.
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  #21  
Old 05-12-2006, 04:41 PM
samm samm is offline
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So are most strangers carrying around condoms or do you also spontaneously realize they are std-free?

Maybe that could be your cue to start the spontaneous sex brightpenny? I'm guessing more than a few men would respond positively to the lustily whispered phrase, "I've got a condom you could wear right now." Just how important is the wordless part anyway?
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  #22  
Old 05-12-2006, 04:45 PM
Rigamarole Rigamarole is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by samm
So are most strangers carrying around condoms or do you also spontaneously realize they are std-free?
Just for the record, I'm a stranger and yes, I do carry a condom with me at all times (in my wallet).
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  #23  
Old 05-12-2006, 04:47 PM
Least Original User Name Ever Least Original User Name Ever is offline
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Well, in these scenes, isn't it also animal lust? Usually, both paprties are wildly attracted to each other, no?
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  #24  
Old 05-12-2006, 04:52 PM
Batsinma Belfry Batsinma Belfry is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunspace
I don't even think it's happened to the people I know here, let alone people I've met outside.

Think again buddy.
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  #25  
Old 05-12-2006, 04:57 PM
Anastasaeon Anastasaeon is offline
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Not my thing.

Something almost like it happened once, back in my thinner hey-day. About six years ago or so. However, it didn't happen like in the movies. I was in a music store, browsing CDs (remember music stores? Remember CDs? Ahhh, those were the days! ), and there was a pretty cute guy checking me out. He kept moving a little closer to me, pretending to be looking at CDs, looking kind of shy, and I thought it was pretty funny, and I did give him a sideways glance - though, to me, it was more of an amused look than an "I'm interested" look. But who knows how it came across. I'm the mistress of the crooked smile, but that's mostly because of the crooked teeth behind the lips I am loathe to part. He was holding a Garbage CD in his hand (the pink one) and I was holding a Bloodhound Gang CD ("Hooray For Boobies").

He sidles up to me. "Hey, um. Would you be interested in.. with me? Maybe?"

I looked up at him. Way up. I'm 5'7. He was the incredible hulk. However, that had nothing to do with my decision. "Not a chance, buddy." and I pushed past him. The cashier had noticed something going on, and looked at me quizzically. I put my CD down on the counter and began softly singing the lines from "Magna Cum Nada" - "always gonna be always gonna be always gonna always gonna be: MOST LIKELY TO SUCK!"

I suppose that could have been taken in one of two ways, but the cashier got it, came out from around the counter and gave me a big hug. She said that guy was always cruising around the mall, trying to pick up chicks, and he usually succeeded, so she was glad to see someone else turn him down.

The guy walked past us and snarled, "Lesbians!" I blew him a kiss, and so did she. We hugged tighter and grinned like morons. As soon as he was gone, we let go of each other, she got behind the counter, and I said, "Okay, can we end this transaction?"
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  #26  
Old 05-12-2006, 04:59 PM
Anne Neville Anne Neville is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunspace
Of course, the Dope is where I first encountered the concept 'friend with benefits' as well... another thing that does not seem to exist in my generation and locality. Probably has something to do with most people I know being married. Odd how that works.
That never existed among my friends, either, even when we weren't married.

Of course, almost everyone I knew in high school and college was a geek to one degree or another (so are all my friends now, come to think of it). In college, most of my friends were physics majors. It's said that physics majors use their personalities for birth control, though we really use how tired we are from our class workloads...
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  #27  
Old 05-12-2006, 05:04 PM
wonderlust wonderlust is offline
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I'd wondered about the condom issue. There's a reason the man must be younger than me, in my own imaginary scenario. In my experience there's not much point to condoms at my age - too many get wasted with all the darned ups and downs.
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  #28  
Old 05-12-2006, 05:05 PM
wonderlust wonderlust is offline
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Originally Posted by Least Original User Name Ever
Well, in these scenes, isn't it also animal lust? Usually, both paprties are wildly attracted to each other, no?
You catch on pretty fast...
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  #29  
Old 05-12-2006, 05:16 PM
Survey1215 Survey1215 is offline
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I was hoping/praying/sorta expecting this sort of thing when I started college (in truest Penthouse Forum fashion, 'a large midwestern university) and it only happened once, and that was my roommate. We were hosting an apt party (3 dollar cups, 25 cent jello shots) and he kept making eye contact w a cutie, but hadn't talked at all, being busy w host duties and all. After a couple hours, plenty of time for everyone to get pretty lit, he went back to his room to switch mix tapes (yes it was that long ago) says he saw her, said 'hey wanna come back here with me?' She did, they went in the room, she said it was a nice party or something and boom, kissing, hugging, undressing, yada yada yada. Finished up, got dressed, switched the mixtape (heavy on Nirvana, Alice in Chains, the Cranberries and the Breeders, I think - very 1993) and went back out. She left the party 10 minutes later and we never saw her again. Which was a shame b/c she was by FAR the hottest chick he ever hooked up with. Meanwhile, that night I was stuck w a girl that looked like a llama* and ended up being the one cited when the cops busted up our little gathering for serving minors, noise violations, et al. Still, good times all around.







*to be fair, I have the face of a manatee, so its all good.
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  #30  
Old 05-12-2006, 05:26 PM
Kalhoun Kalhoun is offline
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(Checks website header...Phew! For a second there I thought I slipped into the Penthouse Forum)

Never did it...always wanted to. I think the chemistry would have to be near-nuclear (and I'd have to be unmarried).
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  #31  
Old 05-12-2006, 05:33 PM
NurseCarmen NurseCarmen is offline
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Ahhhh, you want to know about who my wife calls "The leaf pile girl".

I was at a concert at the University of Minnesota, and I kept catching the eye of a young lass. I didn't know what to think of it, since she was with a guy. Finally, after a while, I went up and asked the guy what was up. "She wants to have sex with you" Yipeeeee I think to myself. "And so do I" Yikes, sorry, not my bag, I think to myself. A while later, I came out of the bathroom and she was standing there, not with him. She took my hand and led me outside. To, well, (if you've been following along, you might have figured this out) a leaf pile.
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  #32  
Old 05-12-2006, 05:34 PM
UrbanChic UrbanChic is offline
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Wordless, Spontaneous Sex With Strangers

Strangers? No. I don't think that would ever work with me as I have to know the person's not a moron or thinks Everybody Loves Raymond is a good show. That's going to take a conversation or two, I imagine.

Friends and acquaintances, however? Hell yeah.
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  #33  
Old 05-12-2006, 05:38 PM
Man With a Cat Man With a Cat is offline
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Once.

Maybe, '79-80, sometime in there. I was on hiatus with the long-term GF, at a party that a friend dragged me to. Found myself standing next to a tallish, long dark haired girl. I just smiled that make-belive awkward smile that was working for me so well those days, like if to say "yeah, this is a fun party, huh?" in a non-voice dripping with sarcasm.

She smiled, grabbed my hand, walked me outside into the gazebo in the yard where we froze in the 30 degree weather and went at it like bunnies, then went back in like nothing happened. I asked her name just after and she actually said it was better if neither of us ever knew.

I was ok with that.

A couple times in college I woke up in strange places with girls I don't remember meeting, but I'm reasonably certain there was some kind of lead-in to those. I just don't recall what it might have been.
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  #34  
Old 05-12-2006, 05:40 PM
Least Original User Name Ever Least Original User Name Ever is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brightpenny
You catch on pretty fast...

Yeah yeah yeah, I know. Sorry, I wasn't quite awake when I posted that.

I think where I was going was saying that these Hollywood types are all attractive (for the most part) and that because of that, this phenomenon exists mainly because of them.

I'd venture to say that instances in which this happens in real life would be less than they would be now, in um..contemporary times.

I'm gonna go take a nap.
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  #35  
Old 05-12-2006, 09:24 PM
Sunspace Sunspace is offline
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Originally Posted by Batsinma Belfry
Think again buddy.
:: breaks into sweat ::
:: fans self ::

(Is it a coincidence that the SDMB started to act up when I tried to post this earlier?)
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  #36  
Old 05-12-2006, 09:38 PM
JRDelirious JRDelirious is offline
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Wordless, Spontaneous Sex with Strangers


... I'll take "What head is he thinking with?" for a thousand, Alex.
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  #37  
Old 05-12-2006, 09:52 PM
wonderlust wonderlust is offline
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I thought it was a cosmic hint for me not to post my comment, which I didn't.
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  #38  
Old 05-12-2006, 09:53 PM
msmith537 msmith537 is offline
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Wordless? No. There might have been some wordless making out.

There was this one time where these guys in my fraternity were playing beer pong with these girls for hours trying to hook up with them or something. I stroll in, make eye contact with this cute little blonde and say "wanna tour of the house?" As soon as we leave the room she says "which room is yours?". I show her and we do..stuff.




Anastasaeon - Was the almost part with the guy or the counter girl?
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  #39  
Old 05-12-2006, 10:35 PM
Anastasaeon Anastasaeon is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by msmith537

Anastasaeon - Was the almost part with the guy or the counter girl?
Well, she had a better chance.
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  #40  
Old 05-12-2006, 11:45 PM
Morgyn Morgyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunspace
Of course, the Dope is where I first encountered the concept 'friend with benefits' as well... another thing that does not seem to exist in my generation and locality. Probably has something to do with most people I know being married. Odd how that works.
Might be your location. I'm your age, and many of the people I know do the 'friends with benefits' thing; lots of open marriages and relationships, too. I've tried it once or twice, but it's not for me.
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  #41  
Old 05-13-2006, 12:00 AM
Stuffy Stuffy is offline
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Originally Posted by Stuffy
Twice. The first was a total stranger, we kept walking past each other in Downtown Oakland. The we bumped into each other in Sears.

The second was a girl from an office I used to work in, in that case we knew each others names, and we'd been checking each other out for weeks. Then the Xmas party rolled around...

To prevent a misunderstanding I should point out that the Sears in question was an Emporium Capwells at the time. For real honey, it was many, many moons ago.
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  #42  
Old 05-13-2006, 12:21 AM
Sunspace Sunspace is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Morgyn
Might be your location. I'm your age, and many of the people I know do the 'friends with benefits' thing; lots of open marriages and relationships, too. I've tried it once or twice, but it's not for me.
I knew I should have continued going to the Wiccan Church of Canada...
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  #43  
Old 05-13-2006, 01:20 AM
Mighty_Girl Mighty_Girl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Otto
Also known as the zipless fuck.
Damn, I was going to say that!
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  #44  
Old 05-13-2006, 01:29 AM
saoirse saoirse is offline
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I had an encounter like this, but Kay, the girl I shared this experience with, did not fade off into the past (from her perspective, I didn't) but instead wound up being a friend of a friend of a friend. At some point, I had to talk to her about it, so I have a pretty good idea of what happened.

I was at a party without my girlfriend, and ran into this girl in the kitchen. I said "hi," and put my hand on her back as I walked around her. During the course of the next hour or so we would catch each others' eye in the course of a fairly meaningless conversation with someone else. I figured we would have a chance to talk when I'd made my rounds and spoken to everyone I knew there. So, apparently did she. Then I ran into my old friend Pudge, who had just gotten back from New York. While I was talkikng to him, someone passed around something to smoke, and people kind of crowded in, so they would get in on the next pass. Kay staked out the section of floor next to me, and as other people came by, moved closer, until she was actually sitting on my foot. She said she was not really thinking of having sex with me right there, but wanted to be the next person I started conversing with. Anyway, it's not clear if it was the smoke or my sparkling reparte, but she started kind of humping my foot. I asked her if she would like to "get some air," and we went out onto the porch. We started making out, and then wound up around the back of the house, in the grass. Afterwards, we went back inside, where the first person who saw us started laughing. She apparently had something in her hair. My wallet had fallen out of my pants, so I had to go back outside and comb the lawn for it.
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  #45  
Old 05-13-2006, 01:37 AM
Rigamarole Rigamarole is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saoirse
Afterwards, we went back inside, where the first person who saw us started laughing. She apparently had something in her hair.
Oh no, don't spare the salient details. I think we all know that "something" is not the most vivid descriptor you could have chosen for what was in her hair.

(and even if it wasn't the "something" I'm thinking of, your story would be a lot better with the embellishment. Can't hurt)
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  #46  
Old 05-13-2006, 02:30 AM
Least Original User Name Ever Least Original User Name Ever is offline
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How precious...something in her hair.

He skunked her!
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  #47  
Old 05-13-2006, 03:52 AM
Hostile Dialect Hostile Dialect is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brightpenny
I can see how it can happen after a couple of hours of talking with someone, but the business of finding a nearby supply closet and locking the door is...wow.

Could it be a coincidence that I'm interested in knowing about this just when the cute young computer guy might be coming over this weekend to fix something for me?
You should just ask. Seriously. I bet the cute young computer guy will be all over it.

An example used in psychology class earlier this semester--to teach us about classical conditioning--involved a young, cute student walking up to another young, cute student they'd never seen before, on campus, out of the blue, and initiating a wild makeout session. My first thought was, "Man, wouldn't it be great if someone did that to me?" My second thought was, "I wonder if someone else would think it were great if I did that to them."

I haven't had the guts to do it for fear I would end up in jail, though. But I wonder. Everybody likes being thought attractive and desirable. Everybody likes affection. What if I just went up to a girl I found attractive on campus and kissed her? No questions, no pick-up lines, just a passionate peck. If she was freaked out, an apology and then a walking-away. If not, well, who knows?

I wonder: are we all walking around campus waiting for someone to come up and violently kiss us? If so, why isn't anyone doing it? Is it something we all secretly want but nobody delivers?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rigamarole

Just for the record, I'm a stranger and yes, I do carry a condom with me at all times (in my wallet).
You ought to change it out every few days, at least. It can get mighty warm in there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stuffy
To prevent a misunderstanding I should point out that the Sears in question was an Emporium Capwells at the time. For real honey, it was many, many moons ago.
Expound on this, please?
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  #48  
Old 05-13-2006, 08:19 AM
GuanoLad GuanoLad is online now
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I get wordless spontaneous scowls and heavily implied expressions of "stop looking at me you freaking weirdo".

My romantic life is empty and lonely.
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  #49  
Old 05-13-2006, 08:37 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Erica Jong's classic "Fear of Flying" was based on this idea. She called it "The Zipless Fuck."

It was decades before I realized that Jong wasn't a one trick pony and could actually write. Her "Fear of Fifty" is one of my favorite autobiographic works.
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  #50  
Old 05-13-2006, 08:56 AM
clairobscur clairobscur is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by samm
So are most strangers carrying around condoms or do you also spontaneously realize they are std-free?

As a stranger, I can tell you I always carry around condoms (that unfortunately never get to be used.)




As for people living in different universes, I've been thinking this for a long time. People have incredibly different life experiences, expectations, perceptions of the world, and for the most part tend to think that most other people are more or less like them, especially since they tend to gravitate towards relatively like-minded people. Actually, they tend to actively stay away from different minded people, because we perceive them as freaks, without realizing there's a couple millions of them around. As a result they're basically, indeed, living in parallel universes.

I've been fascinated by this since I realized it for the first time. It was while chatting with coworkers about a very banal topic. What would you do if you found a wallet with no ID, and just money in it? Bring it to the police station, so that the owner could claim it, or keep the money? Of course, some said that they would keep the money. But also, it became clear that they didn't really believe that other people would do otherwise, despite stating the contrary, and assumed too that even if someone brought the wallet to the police station, the officers would take the money.

Suddenly I had an epiphany. People were living in different worlds. One of my coworlers was living in a world were most people, apart from some despicable scumbags, are scrupulously honest, and another in a world where people, apart from some saints, are self-serving if they can get away with it. They didn't just have different codes of conduct, they had perceptions of the world around them that were irreconciliable. Parrallel universes.

Since then, I paid attention to it, and noticed it to be true on every possible issue. For instance, this thread about sex with strangers. Or, discussing with an acquaintance of mine about our youth, that were as widely different as you can get. Each of us was living at the time in his own world, knew people like him, and assumed that his way of life was the norm for most young people. And of course, it strongly tainted our view of young people and teens.

And that applies to people living in the same culture, belonging to more or less the same social category, etc... Now, if you take into account different cultures, all bets are off. That's why I generally say that people are more different than similar, or more exactly that differences are generally vastly underestimated.


Sorry for this long and probably not very interesting post, but as I said, I'm fascinated by this "we're living in alternate universes" issue.
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