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Old 05-24-2006, 11:10 AM
Fern Forest is offline
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Children are so gullible or Fun lies you've told to kids


or been told when you were one. This was fun last time around and I've got a good one.

We were going to get a bite to eat before going to see the dolphins so my niece (7) immediately suggested "McDonald's!" I told her we can't go there because I'm not allowed back. I refused to go into too much detail but I said I had made a mess and didn't clean up and didn't say sorry so now I can't go back. It's been about 8 months and she still remembers it well. She'll suggest "McDonald's!" then say" ... oh, right" sadly.

I am trying to teach her to be more skeptical but it's hard work. Kids are so gullible.
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Old 05-24-2006, 11:21 AM
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My dad's birthday is the day after mine. When I was very small, he used to ask me how it was that I was older than him, which caused me much consternation.

He also told me to never swallow cherry pits, as a tree would grow in my stomach.
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Old 05-24-2006, 12:53 PM
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My 6y.o. (at teh time) cousin had never see Kiwi Fruit before. He asked my brother what they were. My brother told him they were monkey eggs.
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Old 05-24-2006, 01:20 PM
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I convinced my cousins that I had a tiger in the laundry room. And I would feed them to it if they didn't shut the fuck up.
Man, kids will believe anything!
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Old 05-24-2006, 01:38 PM
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You know those round, white-painted stones some people lines their driveways with? When I was very little, my older sister told me those were skulls of people who had been buried standing up. I totally believed her.
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Old 05-24-2006, 01:42 PM
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My brother was playing with our neice when she was, oh I don't know... 5? Anyway, she was telling him what she learned in school.... about the food chain I guess.

You know, how fish eat smaller fish, and birds eat mice, but other animals eat birds, and so on.

He took that opportunity to plant the nugget that tigers eat toast.

Apparently it came up later at some point and she was quite proud of her "knowledge" of the animal kindom.
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Old 05-24-2006, 01:45 PM
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I lived for a while where there was a farm field behind the houses. When the field got plowed, the kid next door pointed at some yellow-topped plants and he told me, "Those are mustard plants. They grow upside down, and you can't see 'em 'til the plow turns 'em over."

Knowing his family, his daddy may not have known he was lying when he told it to the kid.
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Old 05-24-2006, 01:51 PM
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My son, aged 7, has believed for nearly 4 years that he was literally in his daddy's heart before coming to my tummy and therefore will someday have a baby in his own heart. He also believes his grandfathers have had babies in their hearts, which is too gross to contemplate.
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Old 05-24-2006, 01:55 PM
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I used to tell my kids I was a witch. They didn't want to believe me, but you could tell they weren't a hundred percent sure. Sometimes a situation would come up (such as, if I was watching them play without their knowledge and later referred to something they had done) and they would say, "How did you know that?" and I would just rub my hands together and cackle at them. I would also do "magic" like telling the traffic lights when to change.
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Old 05-24-2006, 01:57 PM
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My dad told me that the lumps in tapioca pudding were the eggs of Tapioca Bugs. Put me off of tapioca for years.
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Old 05-24-2006, 02:09 PM
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My daughter had never seen/heard of a blood orange; she was around 9 years old. I bought some blood oranges. I made up a spooky story about how if she held an orange in her hand and concentrated on some person who had wronged her, we could chanel her powers to draw the person's soul into the orange. She thought I was full of shit. But she was intrigued at the same time.

So, I send her to the kitchen for an orange. She grabs one from my fruit bowl. I do a convincing seance-type chant, with her holding the orange and my hands over hers. Then I take the orange and slice it in half. And she screams.

hehehe.
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Old 05-24-2006, 02:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eve
You know those round, white-painted stones some people lines their driveways with? When I was very little, my older sister told me those were skulls of people who had been buried standing up. I totally believed her.
Your sister has a disturbing amount of imagination. I don't think I'm going to be able to get that image out of my head for a while.

I'm a new grandfather, and the tykes aren't quite ready to be victims yet, but I want to use some I learned from the father in Calvin and Hobbes, like "The reason ice floats is that it's cold and wants to be closer to the sun," and "Your eyes close when you sneeze so they don't pop out."
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Old 05-24-2006, 02:10 PM
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To keep my nieces out of my room, I told them that there was an alligator under my bed. They never went in there afterwards. I was busted on that a couple of months later when my SIL accused me of terrifying her kids.
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Old 05-24-2006, 02:15 PM
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My mother-in-law managed to convince my then-little-girl wife that the ice cream man sold fish, which my wife hated at the time.

"But Mommy, why are all the children running after the truck?"

"Because their mothers force them to go buy fish. You want me to do that to you?"

"No!"

My wife would run when she heard the truck's chimes from then on, until her younger brother was old enough to try the same thing on, and he called his Mom on her BS.
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Old 05-24-2006, 02:24 PM
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We used to live in a very hilly area, and I once pointed out all of the "hill cows" to my daughter. You know hill cows, right? Their legs are longer on one side than the other, which is how they can stand straight up on the hillside. Regular cows would fall over and roll down the hill. There are two separate species: clockwise hill cows and counterclockwise hill cows. The reason they're classified as separate species is that they can't interbreed, for obvious reasons
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Old 05-24-2006, 02:24 PM
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I taught my young cousin to say "You're Dethpickable." just to annoy my aunt. She did it very well. To this day, she pronounces that word this way...
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Old 05-24-2006, 02:31 PM
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I was about 6 years old. For some reason I didn't want to finish my dinner. So, my mother tells me "If you don't eat it, you won't have dinner again until tomorrow".

So I started crying my eyes out and my parents were desperate because I simply couldn't understand that I still was going to get breakfast and lunch the next day...
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Old 05-24-2006, 02:38 PM
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I asked my cousin how she managed to grow her hair so long. She told me she taped salt in her belly button. So I walked around with a belly-button full of salt for days.

Same cousin was asked by her daughter why she sometimes had hairy armpits and sometimes not. My cousin told her "sometimes the hairs are sleeping."
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Old 05-24-2006, 04:02 PM
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My husband told my son that rubbing cornbread on his face would give him a beard. My son is 5. My husband told him this right before he took off for work (gone at least a week at a time). He made sure to tell my son that it should start popping up in a couple days, and that if it didn't, to keep asking me about it.
He's a little bit evil.
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Old 05-24-2006, 04:17 PM
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Today I told one of my twelve year old students that, in order to improve student test scores, the school board had voted to cancel summer vacation.

After about five seconds of watching her horrified face, I clued her in that I was not being entirely honest.
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Old 05-24-2006, 04:35 PM
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I am the youngest of 4 kids.

My brother and my sisters told me that "every 4th child born in the world is Chinese" and therefore, since I was the 4th, I was Chinese!

They would speak to me in "Chinese", and I was very upset that I could not understand them.
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Old 05-24-2006, 04:36 PM
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This was just a misunderstanding on my part. When I was about 5, some distant relative died. I heard the grown-ups talking about the details. When the day came, and I realized I was to stay home with a babysitter, I was beside myself. I couldn't understand why they all got to go see the polar bears and I couldn't. I still secretly look for them whenever I pass a cemetery holding service. So far, I've missed them.

My son's dad had him convinced that "pool sharks" lived in the pool filter.
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Old 05-24-2006, 04:44 PM
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I taught my 6 year-old niece that the correct way to burp is to cross your eyes and do it out the side of your mouth.
My brother and brother-in-law thought it was hilarious. Her mother and my mother were not very pleased.
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Old 05-24-2006, 05:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by picunurse
This was just a misunderstanding on my part. When I was about 5, some distant relative died. I heard the grown-ups talking about the details. When the day came, and I realized I was to stay home with a babysitter, I was beside myself. I couldn't understand why they all got to go see the polar bears and I couldn't. I still secretly look for them whenever I pass a cemetery holding service. So far, I've missed them.

My son's dad had him convinced that "pool sharks" lived in the pool filter.

Why polar bears?........ohh.... I just got it. That's funny.


Mine isn't so funny. I convinced my very young cousin (I was 11, he was 4) That there was a monster in my closet with all my toys. He couldn' tell anyone because it was a secret between us (not wanting to get in trouble for telling him there was a monster in my closet)and the monster would get him if he told. Eventually he started to mention that his cousin and he had a secret.. and to his parents it sounded like a very BAD and disturbing secret. It was pretty tense apparently until he told them that it was a monster that guarded my GI JOES. It was clear to them then that I had mae up the monster so he wouldn't try to play with my toys.
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Old 05-24-2006, 05:05 PM
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My dad told me that peanut butter was peanuts that were chewed up by dogs like ours at the time (a truly awful chihuahua-poodle-terrier mix who hated me) and spit into jars.

He also taught me this rhyme:
Good night, sleep tight,
Don't let the bedbugs bite.
If they do,
Crack 'em in two
And eat them like the monkeys do.

You've never heard the second half of that rhyme you say? I was in college before I realized that no one had heard it.
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Old 05-24-2006, 05:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moonstarssun
You've never heard the second half of that rhyme you say? I was in college before I realized that no one had heard it.
I hadn't heard that one either, but I am familiar with

Oh, say can you see
Any bedbugs on me?
If you do, pick a few
'Cause I got them from you.
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Old 05-24-2006, 05:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lee from Texas
My 6y.o. (at teh time) cousin had never see Kiwi Fruit before. He asked my brother what they were. My brother told him they were monkey eggs.
I was reading a book the other day when the narrator (a large black alley cat named Midnight Louie) meets a bunch of Kiwi birds. He understands that he can't eat them, but his roommate (a human female) has these things called kiwi fruit on her counter. He assumes that these round, brown fuzzy things must be kiwi EGGS and decides to eat one. He is horrified when green squishy stuff comes out. The roommate is not pleased either--and is rather puzzled as to why her cat wants to eat fruit.

The book in question is Cat in a Kiwi Con by Carole Nelson Douglas and is part of her Midnight Louie mystery series.
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Old 05-24-2006, 05:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by August West
My dad told me that the lumps in tapioca pudding were the eggs of Tapioca Bugs. Put me off of tapioca for years.
My grandpa told me they were fish eyes. I never believed him because I knew we were the only ones in the family who liked tapioca and he just wanted me to leave the rest of it to him.

I'll always remember that every time I see tapioca pudding.
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Old 05-24-2006, 05:20 PM
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When I was a kid I used to follow my aunt around the house incessantly. One day I knocked on the bathroom door and asked her what she was doing in there. She irritably told me that she was washing her hair in the toilet. Wow! Aunt Barbie washes her hair in the toilet! Cool! I was an adult before I realized she didn't. Dangit! Another illusion ruined!

And I was the junior mom and did much of the raising of my younger brother & sister. One day I told my sister, when she asked how I knew she'd been playing with my makeup, that I had eyes in the back of my head. I didn't realize she took that literally until we were talking about it when she was 16 or 17. She said that at night, she'd lift the hair on the back of my head while I was asleep, hoping to find my other set of eyes.

I convinced my friend's kids once that the chocolate chip cookies I had just brought over had chopped-up toasted crickets instead of nuts.

And I also convinced that same friend's kids that I couldn't get up and chase them around the house because my butt was glued to the chair. After they spent an hour or so trying to pull me out of the chair, they believed me. I got some very indignant glances when I got up when it was time for me to leave.
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Old 05-24-2006, 06:59 PM
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Originally Posted by Eve
You know those round, white-painted stones some people lines their driveways with? When I was very little, my older sister told me those were skulls of people who had been buried standing up. I totally believed her.
Am I the only one picturing Eve holding a tiny plastic shovel, covered in dirt, and weeping with bitter disappointment?

"Where are the skull-hull-hull-hulllz?"

Back To The OP

I usually stick with "I told you how I did it- magic."

I do tell my niece that she's always safe sleeping in Bubby's bed because Bubby's snoring scares away monsters. This isn't really a lie. Wolves and bears would be scared off by my mother's snoring.
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Old 05-24-2006, 07:04 PM
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I'm pretty sure I posted these before. My 'greates hits' you could say

I told my kids I was Santa Claus. They asked to see the reindeer. I told them I kept the reindeer in the shed all year long...but they'd better not try to get in to see them, because I didn't feed them all year, so any kid who stumbled in would likely get eaten. Then I'd periodically ask "Who wants to go pet the reindeer??"

I told them there's two ways to get chocolate - you can drill for the liquid kind (like hersheys' syrup) but to get the solid stuff you had to mine.

We went to a company picnic where lobster was served. I told the kids lobsters are just big ocean-going bugs, and then got a couple. Probably not too many parents get to tell their kids to "Sit down and eat your bug!"

I told them I was 100 years old, my father is 1000.

One day when I was leaving for work, my daughter asked me where I was going? "To hunt aliens!" I cheerfully replied.

I also once told her I was going out to eat all the monsters. When I got back, a few hours later, she'd asked if I had. I said yes - I'd eaten every one of them. Some time after that (I want to say a couple of years) some one asked her if she was scared of monsters. "Nope," she replied, "Daddy ate them all!" When the other kids came along & got to be old enough to be scared of monsters, she told them that I'd eaten them when she was a baby.

There've been a million of them, and I can only hope in the fullness of time when they have kids of their own, they'll look back & grin evilly
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Old 05-24-2006, 07:09 PM
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I remember a time when my nieces and nephews all wanted me to take my boots off, and I couldn't understand why. Apparently on a previous occasion I had convinced them that I had "more toes than anyone else in the world," and had forgotten that particular line of BS.

I'll ask my kids tonight. I'm sure I spun loads of BS when they were younger.
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Old 05-24-2006, 07:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Caricci
My son, aged 7, has believed for nearly 4 years that he was literally in his daddy's heart before coming to my tummy and therefore will someday have a baby in his own heart. He also believes his grandfathers have had babies in their hearts, which is too gross to contemplate.
That's great.

When my younger boy was three he proudly proclaimed to his grandparents that he had been a "twinkle in Dad's eye" before he was in his mom's tummy.
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Old 05-24-2006, 07:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PoorYorick
I'm a new grandfather, and the tykes aren't quite ready to be victims yet, but I want to use some I learned from the father in Calvin and Hobbes, like "The reason ice floats is that it's cold and wants to be closer to the sun," and "Your eyes close when you sneeze so they don't pop out."
Actually http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_304.html One guy wrote and said it messes them up if they're open, so they might protect them somewhat.
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Old 05-24-2006, 07:55 PM
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I told my son that I can 'read brains'; you know how sometimes, it's so obvious what they're thinking, or what they're going to do next? I used a few of these easy moments to convince him that i could read his mind whenever I wanted.

I also convinced him he had a magic finger that would unlock my car when he pointed it (it was, of course, being unlocked by the keyless remote in my pocket); I eventually had to spill the beans on that one because it looked like he was going start charging across roads and busy car parks to get there before anyone else.
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Old 05-24-2006, 08:04 PM
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I was once taking a kid on a tour of our museum. It's in a residential area, and to get to another of our buildings, you have to pass some houses. There was a dog in one of the yards, and the kid started teasing it.

"I like to mess with dogs sometimes when they're tied up," he confessed to me with a grin.

"Ah, man, you shouldn't do that," I said, shaking my head. "Dogs have prehensile thumbs, don'tcha know?"

"They have what?" he asked, sounding worried.

"Prehensile thumbs," I said, wiggling mine in demonstration. "You can't see it all the time, but if you make them mad enough, dogs can actually unclip their collars, and open gates. I've seen it happen."

"No foolin'?" he asked, concern wrinkling his face. "They really can do that?"

"Sure can," I said in my Museum Lady Voice of Authority. "If they get mad enough, they'll get themselves loose and you might get bitten. I wouldn't mess with them if I were you."

Yeah, I lied, but maybe it will keep the little bastard from getting his ass bitten one day, and save some poor tormented dog from being put to sleep.
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Old 05-24-2006, 09:10 PM
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I usually helped a friend of mine each year with the annual sheep shearing, and this year I brought my son who was a little over three years old. I had told my son that the sheep had gotten to know my buddy and they had become friends with him. I told him to listen to the sheep as we walked up to the barn because they all knew my friend and would call out his name.

And, sure enough, they did. My son was astonished.

Brad was amused, too.
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Old 05-24-2006, 09:18 PM
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My mother told my very gullible sister that the little styrofoam balls sometimes found in planting mix were ant eggs--she went around dousing every houseplant with Raid to prevent them from hatching, and told several of her friends they had ant eggs and had better do something about them--she was in her late teens by then! Yeah, she was teased unmercifully...

My then ten year old daughter and I were observing a young female cat in the throes of heat and she asked me, in a VERY worried tone, "Mom.... PEOPLE don't go into heat, do they?" To which I cheerfully replied "Oh yeah, you didn't know that? Every month honey, it's part of growing up!" The look on her face was so priceless I couldn't keep it up more than about ten minutes before I cracked up and confessed I was funning her... I THINK she's forgiven me!
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Old 05-24-2006, 09:33 PM
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When I was very little, I'd want to show my grandfather "stuff," like tots do. "Come look papa look what I found."
When he was tired, he'd tell me he couldn't walk anymore, because he had a bone in his knee. Then he's bend said knee, and sure enough, I could see that knee cap. I was 7 when I finally discovered I too had bones in my knees and I walked perfectly well!
He used it on my much younger cousins when I was a teenager, but I didn't give his secret away, they wore me out too!
He would let me "help" with projects around the house, and of course, I was mostly in the way. When I got to be too much of a distraction, he'd send me off to the garage, where there was a drawer with just about everything in it. Usually, I'd be in there looking for sky hooks and water dryers. I'm sure they're still in that drawer, I just never figured out what they looked like.
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Old 05-24-2006, 09:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rysdad
I usually helped a friend of mine each year with the annual sheep shearing, and this year I brought my son who was a little over three years old. I had told my son that the sheep had gotten to know my buddy and they had become friends with him. I told him to listen to the sheep as we walked up to the barn because they all knew my friend and would call out his name.

And, sure enough, they did. My son was astonished.

Brad was amused, too.
This is my favorite!

My contribution: My children, 8 and 11, believe as surely as the sun comes up each morning that Mothers Don't Fart. Never, ever. I was beginning to suspect recently that the 11 year old knew the jig was up when she told me she learned from a book that "EVERYBODY farts, Mom!" Nope, not me. Not mothers. And the other night, when I ripped a really rank one, she totally blamed the baby. Never crossed her mind that it might be me! Muhahaha.
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Old 05-24-2006, 09:47 PM
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This one happened to me last year, when I was 18.


My class was out at the flightline looking at a C-130 (Those airplanes you see with the propellers) and on the tips of the propellers are painted black. So I asked my instructor why were they like that.

He said it was to keep the silver paint from flying off when they spun.

My response: Ohhhhh.


I don't think I have yet to live that one down.
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Old 05-24-2006, 09:51 PM
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My cousin Amanda was a picky eater growing up, and one time she came to stay with my grandparents (she was about three, maybe). At the time, she could have lived on hot dogs if you let her, so my grandmother, who was fixing ham for dinner, rolled the ham up and told her it was a "flat hot dog." It worked.

When I was little, to keep me busy while she made pierogies, my mother would give me a little bowl of flour and water and let me make slop. I announced to her that I was going to make some "sauce" for the pierogies, and she let me believe that we actually ate that junk on our pierogies!


Another story my father told me happened with my grandfather and his siblings. My grandfather is the oldest, followed by my Uncle Paul, then Aunt Lu, and then Uncle Franny. One night, my great-grandparents were out, and my grandfather was in charge of the rest. The three older kids managed to convince Uncle Franny that he was a foundling Polish kid from over on Polish Hill, and that he was adopted. From what I understand, my great-grandparents weren't too thrilled when they came home.
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Old 05-25-2006, 02:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by picunurse
When I was very little, I'd want to show my grandfather "stuff," like tots do. "Come look papa look what I found."
When he was tired, he'd tell me he couldn't walk anymore, because he had a bone in his knee. Then he's bend said knee, and sure enough, I could see that knee cap. I was 7 when I finally discovered I too had bones in my knees and I walked perfectly well!
There might be an explanation for this; children's kneecaps are made of cartilage and do not ossify (becoming more conspicuous in the process) until at least age 3, but sometimes as late as age 9 or so.
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Old 05-25-2006, 03:12 AM
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My favorite so far is the sheep one, too.

When I was 14 I went to my first band camp. After a day or so, my lips were burning after spending the day out in the sun. I was at the "snack bar" at camp and mentioned to one of the chaperones that I couldn't buy potato chips because my lips hurt.

"That's because you aren't eating enough vegetables this week" she told me So I ate as many veggies that week at camp as I could manage.

It took me about a year to realize she just was trying to get me to eat more veggies - and my lips were actually sunburnt.
  #45  
Old 05-25-2006, 03:21 AM
Skald the Rhymer is offline
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When my now 20-year-old niece was about five, I had her convinced that I had heat vision. I'd take her to the kitchen and turn the dial on one of the electric burners on the stove, but not far enough for the electric whatchamacallit to ignite the gas; then, telling her to watch, I'd stare intently at the burner while surreptitiously moving the dial that last fraction of an inch.

Poor kid thought I was Superman.
  #46  
Old 05-25-2006, 03:41 AM
Testy is offline
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Location: Saudi Arabia
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I told my daughter a couple of odd ones. When she was very small she was continually afraind of generic "monsters" under the bed, in the closet, outside the window, etc. Every night we went through the standard reassurances that there were really no monsters etc etc.
One night I finally decided to try something else. She claimed monsters. I agreed. "Yes Sweetheart. The giant squid, huge beak, wriggling tentacles and all is right under your bed. As soon as you close your eyes he's going to reach up and get you with those slimy tentacles and drag you under the bed and that'll be it for you." It sounded so weird and out of character that she decided the whole idea of monsters was total BS and we never heard that one again.

The other very enjoyable thing was telling her that I was actually a beautiful little girl when I was born. Unfortunately, someone kidnapped me and left this ugly boy behind and I've been stuck being an ugly boy ever since. I've used this on several kids and it's always fun to watch them chase that logic around in a loop.
  #47  
Old 05-25-2006, 03:59 AM
Battle Pope is offline
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Location: Australia
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I convinced my 10 year old niece that tofu is actually a meat product, just heavily processed like devon or baloney. Took her a few years (and some arguments with her friends that had become vegetarian) before she figured that one out.
  #48  
Old 05-25-2006, 04:08 AM
Malacandra is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: England, Britain, UK
Posts: 18,480
Quote:
Originally Posted by vetbridge
My daughter had never seen/heard of a blood orange; she was around 9 years old. I bought some blood oranges. I made up a spooky story about how if she held an orange in her hand and concentrated on some person who had wronged her, we could chanel her powers to draw the person's soul into the orange. She thought I was full of shit. But she was intrigued at the same time.

So, I send her to the kitchen for an orange. She grabs one from my fruit bowl. I do a convincing seance-type chant, with her holding the orange and my hands over hers. Then I take the orange and slice it in half. And she screams.

hehehe.
You are totally. fucking. evil.

I love it.
  #49  
Old 05-25-2006, 05:07 AM
picunurse is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Seattle
Posts: 11,625
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mangetout
There might be an explanation for this; children's kneecaps are made of cartilage and do not ossify (becoming more conspicuous in the process) until at least age 3, but sometimes as late as age 9 or so.
He wasn't coparing knee caps, he was just trying to get out of following a 3 year old all over the house to see stuff.
I don't know if I had knee caps at that time or not, I didn't check. I just thought he had something wrong because he had bones in his knees.
I do remember early childhood development which included the differences in their anatomy and physiology from nursing school. Girls develop ossified patellae by age 3-4, boys, a little later, at 4-5.
Nine is very late, and would be considered delayed bone growth.
  #50  
Old 05-25-2006, 06:00 AM
Indyellen is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 1,959
When my daughter was 4 or 5, we were out to dinner at a seafood restaurant which has the (of course) fascinating tub o'lobsters in the lobby. For dinner that evening, I had surf & turf (steak & lobster tail). When we left, I had her going nuts staring into the tank...

...looking for the lobster missing its tail because I'd eaten *just* the tail.



I think she's figured it out now (she's 13) but I'm not 100% sure.
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