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  #1  
Old 09-10-2000, 09:54 PM
Silo Silo is offline
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So I'm here at home chillin on the 'net, watching TV and the local news comes on. Well there were 4 different shootings, a dead man on an I-95 off-ramp, 3 stabbings, 2 rapes, a police department dispute...and all this other
negative-crap I couldn't give a fine fuck about. You just gotta be a loser to watch this stuff on a nightly basis. So I changed the channel.

But really, the only time the local news has ever proved useful is in the weather department, and weather related events--like snow. Otherwise, they suck shit. Actually when I was in high school, we had a school walkout or protest to the scheduling system which I led on. Like the crazy lad I once was, I flipped off the local news crews while they were shooting. I got suspended from school for 3 days. So I got a vacation from school for 3 days. Yay! Now that I think of it, I'm glad I did it. My local news sucks, they are a disgrace IMO, and more people should flip them off!

Does your local news suck too?

Or is it really cool?
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  #2  
Old 09-10-2000, 09:57 PM
porcupine porcupine is offline
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I have been on a news fast since all the Y2K hype. I occasionally watch "The Daily Show" on Comedy Central - it gives me about as much useful information as my local newscast.
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  #3  
Old 09-10-2000, 10:26 PM
yosemite yosemite is offline
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Yes yes yes - the local news sucks Big Time.

All they do is ramble on about football. God forbid they cover important current events, local or national. Noooo....gotta make sure that every facet of football is covered! Gotta go to some geek fan's front yard, and show how he decorated his whole house (and yard) with the team colors. Oh yeah... THAT'S important local news!
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  #4  
Old 09-10-2000, 10:32 PM
matt_mcl matt_mcl is offline
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The Gazette sucks big floppy donkey dick. It's another Southam ragsheet-that-pretends-to-be-a-newspaper, except this being Montreal, it's also the anglo-angst-ragsheet-that-pretends-to-be-a-newspaper.

Our news reporting is, in general, quite good, especially from the CBC. I'm always staggered when I watch American TV news and see what kind of trivialities they focus on.
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  #5  
Old 09-10-2000, 10:48 PM
Monster104 Monster104 is offline
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I loved the 30 minute story they had about this 6 year old girl that could sing "Mary had a little lamb"...off key to boot. Meanwhile, there was a bank robbery in Van Nuys with 2 police officers shot...and what did that get? a 30 second blurb.
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  #6  
Old 09-10-2000, 11:07 PM
dropzone dropzone is offline
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I love cheesy local news if I'm traveling. This past weekend in Indianapolis the second coming of Christ would not have been able to wedge itself between the Bobby Knight stories.

As for my own local news, we have one commercial station that is trying to make one of its newscasts more like McNeill-Lehrer and less like Jerry Springer. I still find it boring because I don't live in Chicago, have never lived in Chicago, and wouldn't be heavily affected if Chicago vanished. I like living where there is less news to report.
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  #7  
Old 09-11-2000, 09:44 AM
RickJay RickJay is online now
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Quote:
Originally posted by matt_mcl
The Gazette sucks big floppy donkey dick. It's another Southam ragsheet-that-pretends-to-be-a-newspaper, except this being Montreal, it's also the anglo-angst-ragsheet-that-pretends-to-be-a-newspaper.
You have not seen bad newspapers until you've seen the Kingston Whig-Standard, also a Southam broadsheet. In Southam's defense it was always bad, though.

The Whig-Standard tries to be both a local newspaper for a small town AND a big-city world events newspaper, but Kingston is a remarkably inward-looking town and small minds usually prevail, so they decided to put the local news on the front page and the national/world news on an inner section. The effect is hilarious:

Page 1: CITY COUNCIL AUTHORIZES $500 TO UPGRADE STATUE OF SIR JOHN A.! MAYOR REFUSES TO GIVE MONEY TO PARK BENCH SPRAY PAINTING PROJECT! DAFT OLD PEOPLE WHO'VE LIVED HERE FOR TEN THOUSAND YEARS COMPLAIN ABOUT EVERYTHING! ON PAGE 2: LOCAL INTEREST STORY ABOUT THE TOWN CRIER!

Page 14: NATO, Soviet Union engage in massive nuclear exchange; 600,000,000 slain in ensuing holocaust; world's major cities swept away in a sea of fire; civilization doomed. Page 16: How this will affect Kingston.
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  #8  
Old 09-11-2000, 10:13 AM
GolfWidow GolfWidow is offline
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Funny you should bring this up. Just the other day, I e-mailed the local news station re: 6:00 p.m. female anchor, and asked if she was related to someone at the TV station because that's the only she could have gotten that gig.

I want to jump through the frigging television and strangle her. You'd think after over ten years of anchoring, she would feel comfortable enough to stop the hemming and hawing, stammering and tripping over her own tongue. God, she's a stupid bimbo.

Let's not even get started on WHAT they report on. I guess they leave the important stuff to the big boys at 6:30.
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  #9  
Old 09-11-2000, 10:25 AM
CrankyAsAnOldMan CrankyAsAnOldMan is offline
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Can there be any major metropolitan area with local news as bad as Detroit? It's TERRIBLE!

They went through this phase where they were reporting on how flammable and dangerous things are, complete with demonstrations. Like halloween costumes, and Christmas trees. It got excessive. We wanted to write a complaint letter but it would have to start, "We shouldn't be writing you on this paper because....IT'S FLAMMABLE!!"

They do things like play 911 tapes (WHY?!?!?!) and send a camera crew to a school bus crash....EVEN WHEN THE BUS HAD NO KIDS ON IT. That's nice for all the parents out there, seeing the breaking news story, the bus wrecked into a pole, the guy on site looking tense.... only to find there wasn't a single child involved.

I must stop before I REALLY get going.
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  #10  
Old 09-11-2000, 05:01 PM
Jeep's Phoenix Jeep's Phoenix is offline
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There's a station in Raleigh, NC that won't report any piece of news unless it can somehow be connected to "the heart of Carolina." The used to be pretty bad with the weather too...wouldn't report on any storm that wasn't bearing down on Raleigh. They've gotten better though after the last few hurricanes.

And they also have this thing for reporting every other story "on the scene," whether the "scene" directly relates to the story or not. Example: when that Thomas bus company announced the school bus/brake recall, they sent a camera crew out (at 5:30 in the morning!) to the nearest school so Buffy could read her story in front of some nice yellow buses.
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  #11  
Old 09-11-2000, 10:54 PM
screech-owl screech-owl is offline
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Doppler radar.

The hype walks among us.

Nice when it first came out, yeah we got to guess the weather pattern a little more clearly, and the fluorescent green splotches for rain made some pretty interesting Rorschauch (sp?) tests.
Now, every station has one, labeled as they can outdo each other: Double Doppler (one on each coast!), Super Doppler, and Doppler 9000, pinpointing that "rain will hit <city> at 4:37 pm. (I kid you not on the time. And guess what - they're still wrong!)
My sister has it worse: Triple Doppler, with the accompanying hype. (They are in the center sweep area of 3 major Doppler towers, so that, in her words, "if a snowflake farts, the stations can report it").

Or maybe it's not the hype, it's the stupidity (in watching the meteorologist still get it wrong).
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  #12  
Old 09-11-2000, 11:52 PM
CrankyAsAnOldMan CrankyAsAnOldMan is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by screech-owl
Doppler radar.


Now, every station has one, labeled as they can outdo each other: Double Doppler (one on each coast!), Super Doppler, and Doppler 9000, pinpointing that "rain will hit <city> at 4:37 pm. (I kid you not on the time. And guess what - they're still wrong!)
Detroit does this one better. They name the STREET.
"We can tell you when the rain will cross Woodward Avenue--EXACTLY! Thanks to Doppler 7000 Radar." Christ, HOW is this helpful?

"Honey, go close the windows because a storm is coming... NO! Wait! You've got an extra 30 seconds, go ahead and finish your beer first, thank god for Doppler 7000 radar."
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  #13  
Old 09-12-2000, 01:07 AM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is offline
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I pretty much gave up on local television news when the L.A. area CBS affiliate (still KNXT, then) allowed Burl Ives to get up on the air and embarrass himself (and the rest of us) with a live performance of the FIRST original folk song in honor of the comet Kahoutek.

Or perhaps it was the time the same station brought Orson Bean aboard the week of Thanksgiving (during a year of particularly high unemployment) to announce to the world that he was thankful to be unemployed for Thanksgiving -- because he had just finished providing the voice of Bilbo Baggins in the Rankin-Bass production of The Hobbit, and he was going to be able to live of his paycheck from that for the rest of the year.

My favorite part of the Calendar section of the Los Angeles Times is when Howard Rosenberg writes one of his screeds excoriating some or all of the local news broadcasts. I honstly think that by this time he should be able to submit the same thing once a week:

"I've made it abundantly clear by now that only a moron would continue watching local newscasts in the greater metropolitan area. Any person of discernment does not watch local newscasts, and has no interest in reading about what depraved, incestuous shenanigans the local stations may be up to, and I refuse to submit myself to such dreck any longer for the sake of morons. So I cracked a brewski at seven o'clock last night and watched another fine rerun of The Simpsons on channel 11."
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  #14  
Old 09-12-2000, 05:54 AM
screech-owl screech-owl is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by CrankyAsAnOldMan
Quote:
Originally posted by screech-owl
Doppler radar.
Detroit does this one better. They name the STREET...


BWAAHAHAHAHA!!!! Love it! D@mn near wet myself laughing so hard. Hope I don't show up on radar!
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  #15  
Old 09-12-2000, 03:24 PM
momcat momcat is offline
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Yet another slam on the local Indianapolis news casts:

During the month of May, when that @#!$ racetrack on the west side of town is busy, the Chinese or the Russians could be lofting nuclear missals towards the center of town and it would be reported AFTER we were (breathlessly) told which driver for what team in which car went .001 MPH faster than anybody else today.

Thing I love most about Cleveland: No Indy 500 hype!!!

--MomCat (former 30-year resident of Indianapolis)
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  #16  
Old 09-12-2000, 04:06 PM
CnoteChris CnoteChris is offline
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A little late here but still relevant.

It's not so much that they all suck and only seem interested in out-doing the other local stations, it's how much they report on this pisses me off.

In Minneapolis, Minnesota, we have a local station, CH. 5, KSTP, that has news from 5:00 to 7:00 A.M., 11:00 to 12:00 A.M., 5:00 to 5:30 P.M., 6:00 to 7:00 P.M., and 10:00 to 10:35 P.M.. Five and a half hours of local fucking news.

HELLO!! I don't recall Minneapolis, Mn, being the hotbed of major news breaking events. I could really care less that little Cindy in Clokato won their local spelling bee.

Lets just cut to the chase, local stations, PLEASE. Fuck the network programming. Why don't all three local stations go to 24/7 local news broadcasting.

Show us the new camera you have strategically mounted on a smoke stack in the middle of knowwhere. Give me hour upon hour of that too cute for her fucking pig-tails Cindy!!

Turn into the variety show that it already is. "Why look at Mike Fairborne up on the roof! Tell us what's happening out there Mike? By the way, thats a funny hat your wearing. Did one of your kids get it for you?" ::WHa Ha Ha:: "No, Don, this is our new prize for people who guess our weather trivia challenge correctly." ::WHa Ha Ha Ha::

Urghhhh......
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  #17  
Old 09-12-2000, 04:30 PM
Necros Necros is offline
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I'm going to shock everyone here: Our local news is actually not bad. In fact, at times it's good.

<waits for shock to wear off>

No, really. I've been all over the place, and seen what y'all are talking about. The news in Chicago was downright hirrible. But here in Denver, they're not too sensationalistic. I could do without the above-all emphasis on sports, but other than that, it's OK . Of course, I have an incredibly low opinion of TV news, so maybe my expectations aren't hard to meet.
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  #18  
Old 09-12-2000, 09:06 PM
capacitor capacitor is offline
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In New York, the channel for news that you should watch is not on the networks, but on Channel 1. Everyone else does inane theater news ("Who had the stocking runs while performing tonight on Cats? Tune in at 10:30"), and bad movie hype ("Next up, and interview with Pauly Shore!!") That's not news!!!!!
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  #19  
Old 09-12-2000, 09:59 PM
DoctorJ DoctorJ is offline
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The worst around here is when it snows.

Anchor: Our Big Story tonight, Winter Storm 2000! For our First Look, let's go to Bob, who is on Richmond Road. Bob, how does it look out there?

Bob (standing on the roadside, with cars whizzing by at 50 mph): Well, Angie, as you can see behind me, it's really coming down out here. Now I can tell you, these roads are slick and hazardous. The State Police have said that if you don't absolutely have to be out tonight, you should stay home. Back to you, Angie.

Anchor: Thanks, Bob. It sure looks rough out there. Let's go over to Brad for a Storm 2000 Weather Update. Brad?

Brad: Well, Angie, we've had about two inches of snow so far, and if you look out your window, you might see that the sun is starting to come out. However, our Badass Doppler 8700MF scan shows this storm system that should be moving in. We expect this to drop anywhere from half an inch to a full three feet of snow on the Bluegrass, so you should probably get to Kroger and buy every last loaf of bread you can get your hands on. Angie?

Anchor: Thanks, Brad. Now let's go to Jim, who is out on Harrodsburg Road. Jim, what's it like out there?

Jim (standing on the roadside, with cars whizzing by at 50 mph, presumably toward Kroger): Well, Angie, as you can see behind me, it's really coming down out here. Now I can tell you, these roads are slick and hazardous. The State Police have said that if you don't absolutely have to be out tonight, you should stay home. Back to you, Angie.

Anchor: Thanks, Jim, that sounds like good advice. Coming up, continuing coverage of Winter Storm 2000. And, in sports, a UK basketball player takes a dump! Later, we'll tell you about a little girl and her courageous battle against gout. Also, in health news--have you heard of this obscure sydrome of vague symptoms? Find out what your doctor isn't telling you, and about some new outright quackery that _could_ save your life.

Dr. J
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  #20  
Old 09-12-2000, 10:15 PM
CnoteChris CnoteChris is offline
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Ooohhh!

Another thing that gets me are the fucking teaser's they toss around all day.

I'll be casually watching the tube and have a blurb for the news come on, "Major food poisining is hitting Minneapolis! More at ten!" or the infamous, irritating, flimsy excuse for a news program, "Product recall. Dangerous product removed from shelves. We'll tell you what in three hours!"

Assholes. If it's so damn important, tell me now.

I've personally come to think that all the hours of earlier news is essentially a preview of what you'll see at ten.
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  #21  
Old 09-12-2000, 10:30 PM
Eo Echo Eo Echo is offline
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I grew up in between two cities, Baltimore and D.C. and therefore had to put up with twice as many stupid-ass local news programs. On top of that, the local newspaper, the Baltimore Sun, is also annoyingly provincial. For TV news now, I only watch the national outlets on cable. I still read the Sun, but only because it's not overtly political like the Washington papers are. Sometimes I'll supplement it with a USA Today.
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  #22  
Old 09-13-2000, 02:21 AM
Kyla Kyla is offline
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Thank god for ITN. I watch it whenever I can on this random channel that shows all sorts of things that have apparently no connection at all. It's a little Brit-focused, but it covers world news about a zillion times better than the local news. Of course, when I turn on the local news (usually Channel 2 KTVU in the Bay Area), that's what I expect to see - local news. If I'm curious about houses sliding off cliffs in Daly City or clips of the Gay Pride Parade or the murder rate in Oakland or disease killing all the grapes in Napa and Sonoma, where else am I going to get it? So the local news serves a function. When I want more international and national news, I head to CNN, or check to see if ITN is on, or most commonly, go to the internet. I have several newspapers from all over the world bookmarked and often check them to see what's going on in other locales.
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  #23  
Old 09-13-2000, 11:44 AM
Mann Slaughter Mann Slaughter is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by momcat
...
Thing I love most about Cleveland: No Indy 500 hype!!!
--MomCat (former 30-year resident of Indianapolis)

But I do hope you like Cleveland sports MomCat, since that's ALL that the local news can seem to carry.

Oh... That and the latest scare tactic to get you to watch tonight:
SEE WHAT'S GOING ON IN YOUR CHILDREN'S SCHOOLS THROUGH OUR HIDDEN CAMERA EXPOSE!!
-Tonight on FOX8
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  #24  
Old 09-13-2000, 03:35 PM
momcat momcat is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Mann Slaughter

But I do hope you like Cleveland sports MomCat, since that's ALL that the local news can seem to carry.

Oh... That and the latest scare tactic to get you to watch tonight:
SEE WHAT'S GOING ON IN YOUR CHILDREN'S SCHOOLS THROUGH OUR HIDDEN CAMERA EXPOSE!!
-Tonight on FOX8 [/B]
Sounds like you've seen some Cleveland news casts!!

Even the weather reports are idiotic here! And it doesn't have to be snowing.

Worse, still, is the local paper, the Plain Dealer. The Plain Insipid, really. The first issue of this rag I received had a picture of a boy and his dog on the front page, above the fold. A common pursuit of mine whilst I was unemployed for a bit last year was going through the paper and finding those articles that should have been on the front page instead of the human interest crap they had printed. At least with cable and the 'net I can find out what I want to know without too much hassle.
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  #25  
Old 09-13-2000, 03:42 PM
Gozu Tashoya Gozu Tashoya is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Monster104
I loved the 30 minute story they had about this 6 year old girl that could sing "Mary had a little lamb"...off key to boot. Meanwhile, there was a bank robbery in Van Nuys with 2 police officers shot...and what did that get? a 30 second blurb.
Ah, Monster, you're evidently in SoCal somewhere. So, what do you think about the pornography (to the rest of you, I shit you not they literally showed porn) they ran during sweeps week this year?
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  #26  
Old 09-16-2000, 05:04 PM
Suo Na Suo Na is offline
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Originally posted by DoctorJ
The worst around here is when it snows.
That's nothing. We get the same StormWatch 2000 bullshit dialogue here in LA for two centimetres of rain. Last week the wind blew, and three drops of rain fell, and someone saw lightning! Wow!

I truly don't know why they bother with local weather-casts. Once a year they should do a forecast: "Stupidly hot and dry!"

And the other drivel we get on local news (and it's all local; I have to watch BBC to get international news) is all the "health" stories about cosmetic surgery, or "new results" of studies that I heard about five years ago.

I want my CBC!
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  #27  
Old 09-16-2000, 05:29 PM
2sense 2sense is offline
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On one of the local ( Pittsburgh ) stations they actually refer to the radar as the StormTracker 2000 with a straight face.
Even if there is nothing on the scope.
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  #28  
Old 09-16-2000, 05:45 PM
Fyodor Fyodor is offline
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I don't watch much TV but I do like to turn on the news at 6PM and catch any big stories of the day breaking. I used to favour one of our local channels until the day a still photographer employed at their studio died of a heart attack or something. The lead newstory that day? A long mushy obituary complete with pictures of this fucking dead nobody I never heard of. I actually checked again at 11 PM to see if they were that fucking stupid as to run it again as their lead and they were. I have NEVER watched that channel again for ANYTHING. They do not exist as far as I'm concerned. My time is valuable to me and if I want to see news I don't want to be tricked into watching their inward looking masturbatory self inflation. Frankly, if one of their plastic fucking talking heads died I would be almost as pissed off if I was subjected to a lead story about that. They don't say anything when one of their talking heads quits and goes to another station.

I almost never post in the Pit but I must say I enjoyed this.
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  #29  
Old 09-16-2000, 06:25 PM
drewbert drewbert is offline
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At my last job (Morehead Planetarium,) we'd ocassionally get visits from the local news when something marginally interesting was happening in the skies. Usually they ignore the really interesting stuff and focus on the events that are very unlikely to be spectacular or even visible. Last time I was interviewed was earlier this summer when there was a large solar coronal mass ejection headed towards Earth.

Now I spent a long time talking to the guy (who aparrently had no science background whatsoever) about what a CME is, how scientists knew it was coming, how the SOHO spacecraft is able to take pictures of the Sun's corona, and tried very very hard to downplay the concept that the event could cause much in the way of disruptions to satellites or power lines. Sure it happens once in a while, but not most of the time, and surely not this far south.

So what do they focus on? "So, if your cell phone isn't working in the morning, you'll know why! Back to you, Bob!"

I love the URL of the online version of the news story. These CME's are also known as geomagnetic storms. But the article's URL is:
http://www.wral-tv.com/news/wral/200...metric-storms/

I can't for the life of me figure out what a geometric storm is.
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  #30  
Old 09-16-2000, 06:28 PM
drewbert drewbert is offline
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duh

For clarification: CME is not the same as a geomagnetic storm... the CME can cause a geomagnetic storm if it happens to come towards Earth.
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  #31  
Old 09-16-2000, 06:45 PM
anya marie anya marie is offline
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news problems

an anchor on fox32 is always doing expose's on homelessness, then they babble for 20 minutes about sports.

another channel is always has these little specials "danger at the cosmetics counter" "are you ignoring the warning signs of _________" ad infinitum, ad nauseam.

then my local newspaper has a section for h.s. football, and a section for the other sports.world news only gets 2-3 pages.
originally posted by dropzone:This past weekend in Indianapolis the second coming of Christ would not have been able to wedge itself between the Bobby Knight stories.

so accurate that it is scary,dropzone, there was plenty of coverage in both local papers, and all the columnists here are panicking becuase they will not have anything else to write about. boo hoo!
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  #32  
Old 09-16-2000, 07:16 PM
Mr. Blue Sky Mr. Blue Sky is offline
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There's an anchor on our local CBS affiliate who has been there nearly since the station started back the late 50's. Lately, (well, the last 20 years) he has developed the tendancy to go off the tele-prompter and wing it. Not good. Back in the early 80's he was "reading" a story about an unidentified homeless man found dead in a Dumpster that morning. On the 6:00 news he said the following:

"The homeless man found in the Dumpster today is still dead at this time."

Whew! I thought the zombie army has starting recruiting again! Of course, he meant to say that the man was still UNIDENTIFIED at this time.

I've seen this guy stammer and stutter over the simplest text. A man with that much on-camera experience should have that problem.

As for ALL the local stations, they tend to cover pro sports relating to teams in the state (Braves, Falcons, Hawks) and leave you to seek out CNN or ESPN for the rest.
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  #33  
Old 09-16-2000, 11:37 PM
Atreyu Atreyu is offline
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Pathetic Local News, or How They Made Themselves Look Silly Over Helicopters

I live in the Portland, Oregon metro area. There was a time when I thought the local news was adequate, even good. But then several years it got really, really stupid.

The height of the stupidity was the helicopters. One station, I think it was KGW-8 (the NBC affiliate) got a helicopter. The next thing you knew, the channel was saturated with advertisements hyping their new toy, and all kinds of stories were covered by a reporter riding in the helicopter. Even if the story was utterly mundane, such as a student getting suspended from school because of something he wrote in the school paper, the station would have a live aerial shot of the high school as the reporter would introduce the story. Just how is seeing these sites from the air supposed to enhance our understanding of the story?

Another station got a helicopter. Same thing happened to them.

Then it got truly absurd when KATU-2 (the local ABC affiliate) decided to get not one, but two helicopters. That's right. TWO HELICOPTERS! And they can barely justify having only one to begin with. KATU was then flooded with ads hyping "The Power of 2" ad infinitum and ad nausem. IIRC, one of the ads showed nothing but the two helicopters flying around in formation while "Ride of the Valkyries" played in the background.

Speaking of ads, I got tired of seeing ads hyping the news program while you were watching that news program. It's like seeing an preview for the movie you've paid to see right before the movie itself actually starts.

During the chopper wars, KGW started hyping a night-vision camera set-up that was installed on their chopper. Lord have mercy. I would much rather hear about the quality of their journalism than about whatever new electronic gizmo they've got. Hey, I know you must be happy about having two helicopters, but you do you really need to spend so much time carrying on about it? If by some miracle there are reporters or news directors from any of the TV stations that serve the Portland area actually reading this post, here is a little heartfelt memo from me to you: Merely having a chopper (or two) and night vision does not necessarily make you better reporters. Ditto for the futuristic-named weather radar systems you're hyping.

Will someone tell me how this is supposed to improve the state of journalism?

They don't run many ads touting their toys nowadays, but it's too late for me. I don't mess with the local news much anymore. It's all the same now, especially during winter storms, when all of the idiot stations seem possessed by the bright idea to send some poor bastard to report on the rapidly deteriorating conditions near the mouth of the Columbia Gorge. If I want national news, I watch CNN Headline News. If I want sports news, I watch "SportsCenter" on ESPN. If I want local news, I usually just read the newspaper. About the only time I watch the local news is to see the sports report on the latest Trail Blazer game.
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  #34  
Old 09-17-2000, 12:29 AM
CnoteChris CnoteChris is offline
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Shy Ghost

We had the chopper wars here too in Minneapolis. Everyone ran out and got one. Then they added the night-vision, stabalization cameras, and the 'chopper-on-the-spot-reporter'.

To justify their expensive new toys, one station, ABC affiliate KSTP-TV channel 5, sent their chopper out to fly up and down a river in the fall. They made room in their schedule to air it. Not once but twice. For a full hour.

At one point, I think the pilot got a little bored, they decided to chase a moose around a field for a while. A suave narrator informed the viewing public that, 'Stable views like these are just not possible with any other camera', all the while the moose is running like mad trying to get away from it.
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  #35  
Old 09-20-2000, 04:05 PM
Suo Na Suo Na is offline
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Do other FOX affiliates do the "FOX News Minute" thing, or is it just the LA station?

It always amuses me that in a half-hour long show they can only find 56 seconds of real news.

"Let's see, can we fit last night's bombing that killed 2000 people in Istanbul into our minute? No? Well then it'll just have to stay out."

"Oh, and don't forget to show the 10 minute aerial footage of the downtown fire that they put out three hours ago. Everyone wants to see that one again."
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  #36  
Old 09-20-2000, 06:10 PM
neuroman neuroman is offline
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The Ultimate Crime

Last night, my local FOX station pre-empted the Simpsons so I could have the pleasure of watching a police standoff with a man who was sitting on the edge of a freeway ramp, nominally holding his 3 yr old son hostage.

WHO FUCKING CARES?

Guy is sitting there, not moving, a bunch of bored cops are holding a tarpaulin beneath him in case he jumps or throws the boy over, and everyone else is just sort of milling around. News reporters describe everything in rapt detail. I repeat:

WHO FUCKING CARES?

Now, never ever ever broadcast over the Simpsons ever again. If the President is assassinated, you'll just have to wait a half hour. Otherwise I will dress up in a Homer suit, strap 50 lbs of plastique to myself, wander into your news room at 10 o'clock, and blow you all to hell.
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  #37  
Old 09-21-2000, 12:19 AM
RickJay RickJay is online now
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I predict that within the next ten years:

1. Local TV stations will run out of money for new helicopters and will finally come to the stunning realization that it would be cheaper to buy weapons to shoot down other stations' helicopters. Camera crews will be equipped with Stingers and Javelins to bring down Channel 10's Eye in the Sky.

"This is Jenny Peabrain for Channel Ten Eyewitness News, and boy, the traffic on I-70 is really backed up past the Hicksburg exit, and... HOLY SHIT! Break left! Break left!" (Sound of door gunner returning fire) "Flare! Flare!" (Loud crashing sound, static.)

2. TV stations will begin running commercials not only hyping their own weather radars and systems, but insulting and slandering rival stations' radars.

"Channel 6 says their Doppler StormWatcher 5000 is the best weather radar in the tri-county area. But the Doppler StormWatcher 5000 snorted nose candy in college and wants to steal your Social Security. Channel 8's Badass Satellite WeatherEye 10000 wants to make the tri-county area prosper."

3. TV stations will actually start blowing up stuff and burning down homes to get the news... whaddya mean 48 Hours did that already? (or was it 20/20?)

4. TV stations will fire on-the-spot reporters and instead will send camera crews to news events and have them recruit schmoes off the street to do the news. They might even have them compete for the right to be a reporter, like on "Survivor."

(I am actually surprised this hasn't happened already.)
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  #38  
Old 09-21-2000, 03:45 AM
Snooooopy Snooooopy is online now
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Location: Jacksonville, N.C.
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Isn't everybody in the San Francisco Bay Area pleased that Terilyn Joe and her Ronnie Spector-inspired hair found another local job?
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  #39  
Old 09-21-2000, 06:29 AM
filthy filthy is offline
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Yeah, it sucks..

Gots too many aspiring actors and actresses on it and the content is less than monumental.

DECAPITATE ALL TALKING HEADS!
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