A Revelation: I've Figured Out How To Shave. :smack:

(In what follows I will be explaining how I have come to discover something about shaving which is surely incredibly obvious to almost all other males. But just as surely, there are probably a few, like me until a day ago, who have yet to make this discovery. Please read, ye few, and be enlightened.)

So I’ve been shaving for at least ten years now. You would think I understand how shaving works. And indeed, after I shave, all the facial hair’s gone. Job well done, right?

But I go through long bouts of non-shaving because I hate it so. I always badly cut myself. A couple of weeks ago, it looked like my chin had been held down and tortured. It hurt. It was horrible. I resolved never to shave again.

But I really like my clean-shaven look better than my bearded look, so yesterday, I took up the razor once again and braced myself.

And had a revelation.

Explanation of this revelation requires some prefacing. I used to shave “against the grain” because it seemed to yield a closer shave. But I realized after a while that I cut myself alot more often when doing this. So for most of the years I’ve been shaving, I have restricted myself to shaving “with the grain.”

I have always assumed (“assumed” is too strong–I just hadn’t given this any thought at all) that the grain goes always downward. In other words, I assumed the two sides of my beard each face downward, and sort of meet in the center of my chin on the bottom.

The revelation was: this is not true. My beard has a “part” in it which is quite far from the center of my chin. In fact, it runs along my right jawline. To the right of this line, the grain goes in one direction, and to the left of this line, the grain goes the other way. So between the center of my chin and this right jawline, the grain of my beard goes, so to speak, upwards toward my ear instead of downwards toward my chin.

The significance of this? That little area I just mentioned is exactly where I always severly cut myself shaving. The reason? I have assumed the grain of my beard in that area to go toward the center of my chin, when in fact, the grain goes in the opposite direction. In that one little area of my face, unbeknownst to me all these years, I’ve been shaving against the grain!

So yesterday, and today, I have shaved in a new fashion, taking the “parting line” in my beard into account. And miracle of miracles, for the first I can ever remember, I have experience painless, bloodless shaving sessions!

So ye who have suffered the curse of the cut, look for the parting line in your beard! It’s just like the part in your hair–a line which separates hair facing one direction from hair facing the other direction. Look for the part, and treat it with the respect it deserves, shaving right around it in proper fashion, and you too will see the light!

-FrL-

Well, you’re not only smart, you’re lucky. Lots of guys have facial hair that runs in more than one direction, but not as predictably as yours.

I have a buddy whose beard makes a swirling vortex pattern on each cheek. It’s pretty interesting to look at, but I’m sure it’s tough to shave. Which, come to think of it, may be why he rarely shaves.

As for me, I always shave after getting out of the shower, while my beard is still wet. I find that this helps immensely, and I rarely cut myself since I’ve started doing this.

I’m just curious - your beard is asymmetrical, am I reading that right?

(Forensic pathologist hat off, pediatric pathologist hat on)
I am interested in asymmetrical hair patterning.

Not that it means there’s anything wrong with you. The hair swirl on the top of an infant’s head is asymmetric, and yet it has a characteristic pattern in normal children. Abnormal hair swirl is often a clue to abnormal brain development (seen in Down syndrome for instance).

I think everyone’s (every man’s, anyway) grain is a little different. Mine is mostly symmetrical, being that the grain points down on my cheeks and then begins to sweep inwards towards the chin. The grain of the chin remains pointing down. At and below the jawline however things get a little different in that the grain sweeps mostly to the left.

I use an electric though, using a straight razor only to add the finishing touches and get rid of the few stragglers. It works out well and I rarely get any cuts.

Really? That’s fascinating! I guess we’re all screwed up in my family - we’re cowlick central.

Well I shave IN the shower, and I never cut myself (unless I have a pimple that wants its top sliced off :mad: ) so maybe it’s time to take the next step on your shaving journey. But if you do, for pity’s sake make sure your shower drains properly. The one drawback to this is that if there is water pooling in the shower, it takes a lot of scrubbing to get rid of all the little bits of beard after it finally drains.

It may also be that you’re shaving with too much pressure. I cut easily if I’m not careful, so I soften up the whiskers with hot water and a bunch of shaving cream, then use a nice sharp razor and only apply enough force to hold it against my face. I also hold the handle with just my fingertips instead of gripping it in my fist.

Granted I’m not a master shaver; I could probably legitimately count the hairs I’m capable of growing on each cheek if I took the time, but I’ve taught myself a few tricks.

I get my face as hot and water-logged as possible (best way to do this is in the shower, obviously), get the razor hot and wet, and put after-shave lotion on before I shave, underneath the shaving cream.

And all these gimmicky, 17 blade, vibrating, aloe-coated wonder razors do actually seem to work. Anytime I shave with one of those orange and white disposables I look like I just messed with the wrong badger. I bleed from places I don’t remember shaving. With the gimmicks, though, cuts are few, mild, and far between. They’re only about 10 bucks and the 2 or 3 bonus blades that come with them will last a few months, at which time you throw the whole contraption away and go buy the new razor-of-the-week.

“Give the razors away and sell the blades” still applies - the replacement blades run about $13-$14 a pack.

My neck beard hairs grow in all directions. There is no with the grain. Even my top end electric shaver can’t help me. Of course, it can’t do anything if I haven’t shaved in more than 2 days, and I don’t think I would ever have passed inspection when I was in military school if I was using it.

A quick search turned up this SD Staff Report on Shaving.

Incidently, I shave with an electric razor BEFORE I shower, while my chin hairs are still stiff, then I give it a go-over again AFTER I shower to pick up any straglers I missed (since showering always seems to bring out a few).