#1  
Old 10-09-2006, 06:10 PM
Hamlet Hamlet is offline
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Cecil Adams, you bastard!!

You don't write. You don't call. You haven't deigned to join us here since this post over a year ago. OVER A YEAR AGO!!! You've disappeared before. Quite often in fact. It's not odd for you to be gone for months on end. But a whole year? Where are you?

I'll tell you where we are. We're here almost everyday, you jerk, hanging out, trying to fight ignorance, answering questions, engaging in debates, but do you care! NO! You're a heartless machine who, apparently, has gotten to good for us here. Well, BITE ME, YOU SADISTIC A******!!!!

No.... wait.... I'm sorry. I didn't mean it... Please forgive me. I haven't been right since you left. It's just that I miss you so much. I can't imagine going on without your presence. Why have you been gone so long? Don't you care anymore? When did you stop caring?

I understand. You've probably found someone else. Hanging out at other message boards, chatting it up with other posters. Or maybe you're spending your time with Mythbusters or snopes, likeminded people who borrowed heavily from your ideas. Well, here me well: THEY'RE SLUTS!! THEY DON'T LOVE YOU LIKE WE LOVE YOU!!!! THEY'LL BREAK YOUR HEART AND WHEN YOU COME CRAWLING BACK HERE LIKE THE SNAKE YOU ARE, I WON'T CARE!!!!





















That's not true, and you know it.

*sniff*

I just don't feel like I know you anymore. And you certainly don't know me. It's probably all my fault. I can post better, if you want! Yeah, that's it! I'll post more often and more intelligently!!!! I'll balance just the right amount of information and snarkiness. You'll love it!!!! I'll greet you at the front door in noting but stilletto heels and Saran Wrap!!!!!

Just come back.
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  #2  
Old 10-09-2006, 06:12 PM
Oakminster Oakminster is offline
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Who needs Cecil when you have Oakie?
  #3  
Old 10-09-2006, 06:25 PM
WhyNot WhyNot is offline
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Dude, he's just not that into you.
  #4  
Old 10-09-2006, 06:31 PM
FairyChatMom FairyChatMom is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hamlet
I'll greet you at the front door in noting but stilletto heels and Saran Wrap!!!!!.
What - leftovers again??
  #5  
Old 10-09-2006, 06:31 PM
bbs2k bbs2k is offline
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It's true

A friend of mine heard from someone, who knows somebody, who confirms. Cecil Adams is posting on a younger and sexier board.
  #6  
Old 10-09-2006, 06:34 PM
SnakesCatLady SnakesCatLady is offline
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Originally Posted by FairyChatMom
What - leftovers again??
::giggle::
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  #7  
Old 10-09-2006, 07:07 PM
Runs With Scissors Runs With Scissors is offline
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Who is Cecil Adams...what, is he like some long-time poster who disappeared?
  #8  
Old 10-09-2006, 07:08 PM
Cluricaun Cluricaun is offline
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Originally Posted by bigbabysweets2000
A friend of mine heard from someone, who knows somebody, who confirms. Cecil Adams is posting on a younger and sexier board.
He most certainly has been doing just that. Really Unca Cece, Myspace? For shame sir. For shame.


Of course I'm not saying how I came across that......
  #9  
Old 10-09-2006, 07:19 PM
WhyNot WhyNot is offline
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Originally Posted by Runs With Scissors
Who is Cecil Adams...what, is he like some long-time poster who disappeared?
I swear, I just heard that needle-skidding-across-the-record-music-stopped sound effect in my head. There may even have been a Scooby-Doo "Rwah?" after it.




Cecil Adams is the dude who "writes" The Straight Dope. Y'know, that column in The Reader (et al) answering dumb (and a few smart) questions that we all followed in here one day? Look up, it's on the masthead.
  #10  
Old 10-09-2006, 07:21 PM
Mindfield Mindfield is offline
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Look, maybe he really is working late a lot, you ever think of that? People do work late, you know. It's called dedication. And so what if he's taking ballroom lessons? You think it's girly for a guy to learn ballroom? Let me tell you, it takes cojones to man up and take the plunge. What, that perfume? You ever think that maybe he's getting sick of that spicy, musky stuff? What's wrong with wanting to smell a little sweet and floral now and again? Variety is the spice of life and it really shows his sensitive side. And don't even think about that lipstick on his collar. Pssh! That could have come from anywhere. He could have tripped and knocked over some poor woman on the street. It's just dumb luck her lips landed where they did. What? What photos? Those photos? His boss. Don't tell me you've never sucked up before. Everyone does it, ain't nothin' to it. So what if they were at her house? I hear he's an excellent cook. Seems only natural he chase a raise through her stomach. I would, wouldn't you? Damn straight you would. That? That isn't groping. She was choking. You're looking at the heimlich manoevre. From the front. It's trickier that way but it can be very effective if done right. And that right there, that's CPR. Obviously whatever she was choking on caused her to pass out. Why not on her bed? It's soft, far more comfortable than a hard floor where he could potentially damage her back. You think he wants to be responsible for that? It's just good sense is all. Oh, oh now, see, that one there, it looks like ol' Cec passed out from all the CPR so now she's returning the favour. I mean hell, he just saved her life, it's the least she can do, right? What? Where? That ... there? That looks ... that's ... it seems like ... LOOK, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
  #11  
Old 10-09-2006, 07:47 PM
susan susan is offline
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I keep trying to do my homework, but then I think of him, and the next thing you know I'm drunk again, sitting on the roof outside my bedroom window with "Free Bird" playing over and over on my iPod while I smoke clove cigarettes under the indifferent stars.
  #12  
Old 10-09-2006, 07:55 PM
susan susan is offline
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If Harry Potter Ran General Electric: Leadership Wisdom from the World of the Wizards. Given how disorganized and emotional Harry is, and how draconian the Ministry, I'm not sure see them as models for leadership, but then, I haven't read the book.
  #13  
Old 10-09-2006, 07:58 PM
Runs With Scissors Runs With Scissors is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhyNot
Cecil Adams is the dude who "writes" The Straight Dope. Y'know, that column in The Reader (et al) answering dumb (and a few smart) questions that we all followed in here one day? Look up, it's on the masthead.
Ohhh, THAT Cecil Adams.

*smooch*
  #14  
Old 10-09-2006, 07:59 PM
susan susan is offline
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You see what I mean? I'm so upset I'm posting in the wrong thread! If this keeps up my grades are going to suffer and I'll have to move back to Grinnell and be an alfalfa farmer's wife!
  #15  
Old 10-09-2006, 08:00 PM
Beware of Doug Beware of Doug is offline
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Notb...

...he's lying about his age. I happen to know that due to a clerical error, he was born April 31, 1939.
  #16  
Old 10-09-2006, 08:30 PM
kunilou kunilou is offline
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He told me he was going on a top secret mission, very hush-hush. He might not even come back alive, and due to the nature of the mission, the authorities would not only deny everything, they would deny that Cecil Adams even exists.
  #17  
Old 10-09-2006, 08:36 PM
Loach Loach is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kunilou
He told me he was going on a top secret mission, very hush-hush. He might not even come back alive, and due to the nature of the mission, the authorities would not only deny everything, they would deny that Cecil Adams even exists.

He just told you that to get in your pants.
  #18  
Old 10-09-2006, 08:52 PM
XJETGIRLX XJETGIRLX is offline
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My guess is he couldn't afford the subscription fee.
  #19  
Old 10-09-2006, 08:53 PM
Nic2004 Nic2004 is offline
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They all warned me not to get too involved with an Uncle. I feel so used.









::sniff:: I promised myself I wouldn't cry::
  #20  
Old 10-09-2006, 08:59 PM
Rhubarb Rhubarb is offline
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I heard TVeblen banned him for being a sock.










But he was a PERFECT sock!




:d&r:
  #21  
Old 10-09-2006, 09:36 PM
Baker Baker is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kunilou
He told me he was going on a top secret mission, very hush-hush. He might not even come back alive, and due to the nature of the mission, the authorities would not only deny everything, they would deny that Cecil Adams even exists.

"Good morning, Mr. Adams. Your mission, should you decide to accept it.........this tape will self destruct in five seconds.....sssssss"
  #22  
Old 10-09-2006, 09:46 PM
Kat Kat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beware of Doug
...he's lying about his age. I happen to know that due to a clerical error, he was born April 31, 1939.
I didn't know that clerical errors brought on labor...
  #23  
Old 10-10-2006, 12:32 AM
Askance Askance is offline
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Originally Posted by Kat
I didn't know that clerical errors brought on labor...
They are supposed to be celibate, you know ...
  #24  
Old 10-10-2006, 12:43 AM
Tripler Tripler is offline
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::ahem::

I AM SPARTA. . . [cough cough] I mean, er . . . CECIL ADAMS!

Tripler
And I'm much better looking than Ed Zotti or Kirk Douglas.
  #25  
Old 10-10-2006, 04:26 AM
Least Original User Name Ever Least Original User Name Ever is offline
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Originally Posted by Tripler
::ahem::

I AM SPARTA. . . [cough cough] I mean, er . . . CECIL ADAMS!

Tripler
And I'm much better looking than Ed Zotti or Kirk Douglas.
No, I'm Sparta-cough-cough!
  #26  
Old 10-10-2006, 09:41 AM
Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhyNot
I swear, I just heard that needle-skidding-across-the-record-music-stopped sound effect in my head. There may even have been a Scooby-Doo "Rwah?" after it.




Cecil Adams is the dude who "writes" The Straight Dope. Y'know, that column in The Reader (et al) answering dumb (and a few smart) questions that we all followed in here one day? Look up, it's on the masthead.
Whoosh
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There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, & there always has been.The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political & cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.~Issac Asimov
  #27  
Old 10-10-2006, 10:07 AM
chowder chowder is offline
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Originally Posted by Beware of Doug
...he's lying about his age. I happen to know that due to a clerical error, he was born April 31, 1939.
Which merely confirms what I always knew...he does not exist we have been conned.

I demand a refund plus interest
  #28  
Old 10-10-2006, 10:10 AM
Bear_Nenno Bear_Nenno is online now
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Sorry to break it to ya, but Cecil isn't real. He's like the Tooth Fairy, Santa, and Jesus.
  #29  
Old 10-10-2006, 10:18 AM
Slypork Slypork is offline
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Originally Posted by Bear_Nenno
Sorry to break it to ya, but Cecil isn't real. He's like the Tooth Fairy, Santa, and Jesus.
Nooooooo!!!!!! There has to be an Unca Cecil!! It was hard enough when I found out there wasnít a Tooth Fairy. Then the heartbreak about the Santa Claus thing. I tell you, 2005 was a rough year. Next youíll tell me there is no Easter Bunny!!

No. I refuse to believe you. [fingers in ears] La la la la la. Iím not listening, Iím not listening![/fie]
  #30  
Old 10-10-2006, 10:27 AM
Man With a Cat Man With a Cat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bear_Nenno
Sorry to break it to ya, but Cecil isn't real. He's like the Tooth Fairy, Santa, and Jesus.
Ha. That's funny, how you said there's no Tooth Fairy.

Just like you meant it.









It WAS a joke. Right?



Right?


Cuz, I always got these quarters, and who else would have done that, Jesus?
  #31  
Old 10-10-2006, 10:55 AM
Freddy the Pig Freddy the Pig is offline
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Originally Posted by XJETGIRLX
My guess is he couldn't afford the subscription fee.
He could afford it; he just didn't think it was worth it, and let his membership expire.
  #32  
Old 10-10-2006, 11:22 AM
Rigamarole Rigamarole is offline
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Cuz, I always got these quarters, and who else would have done that, Jesus?
I hate to break it to you, but that was Mohammed.
  #33  
Old 10-10-2006, 11:36 AM
Smeghead Smeghead is offline
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Originally Posted by Least Original User Name Ever
No, I'm Sparta-cough-cough!
I'm Sparta-cough-cough!!

Seriously, though, these threads that exist only to allow people to say they posted to the same thread as Cecil always mildly annoy me. I continue to maintain that Cecil should be starting threads asking me to post to them.
  #34  
Old 10-10-2006, 11:39 AM
simster simster is offline
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Perhaps, the culture works....
  #35  
Old 10-10-2006, 11:53 AM
PunditLisa PunditLisa is offline
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Give him a break. He's old and he's tired. He's been fighting ignorance for over 30 years and look how far he's gotten. He should have taken on a more realistic goal, like draining Lake Michigan one tablespoon at a time.
  #36  
Old 10-10-2006, 12:09 PM
chowder chowder is offline
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Originally Posted by Bear_Nenno
Sorry to break it to ya, but Cecil isn't real. He's like the Tooth Fairy, Santa, and Jesus.
What Mr Bus Guy said

Plus....kindly explain to me who eats the cookies and drinks the milk then?

Go on who????
  #37  
Old 10-10-2006, 12:16 PM
Mindfield Mindfield is offline
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Originally Posted by chowder
What Mr Bus Guy said

Plus....kindly explain to me who eats the cookies and drinks the milk then?

Go on who????
Cookie gnomes. They actually dislike milk, but absent alternatives they'll drink just about anything to wash down the cookies with.

(Don't tell me nobody told you about the cookie gnomes...)
  #38  
Old 10-10-2006, 02:23 PM
kunilou kunilou is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bear_Nenno
Sorry to break it to ya, but Cecil isn't real. He's like the Tooth Fairy, Santa, and Jesus.
SEE? I told you they'd deny it!
  #39  
Old 10-10-2006, 03:04 PM
Gary Robson Gary Robson is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bear_Nenno
Sorry to break it to ya, but Cecil isn't real. He's like the Tooth Fairy, Santa, and Jesus.
Actually, Unca Cecil and Jesus are pretty good buddies. I heard they've been hanging out with Mohammed this last year trying to figure out how to fix this muddle in the middle east, and that's why nobody's heard from either one of them.
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