Calling a home after 9:00 PM?

[Johanna]

Just now I was about to call an old friend I hadn't talked to in a long while. Then I looked at the time: Ten after nine, guess I'll wait till tomorrow.

When I was growing up it was always drilled into me not to call homes after 9:00, on the off chance that anyone might be going to bed at such an impossibly early hour. I have found one example of this in my whole life. A woman I dated in college told me her parents actually did go to bed at 9:00 every night; I found this out one night when I called her around 10 and she hissed never to do that again.

I hadn't heard of this rule in a long time and thought I'd check back in with the Zeitgeist to see if it's still current or am I just old fashioned?

[AuntiePam]

Heck, I don't think I'd call anyone after 7, unless it was important. I'm just basing that on my personal preference, which is not to answer the phone at all.

Dammit. The phone's ringing. It's 8:30!

[Frank]

Originally Posted by Johanna

I hadn't heard of this rule in a long time and thought I'd check back in with the Zeitgeist to see if it's still current or am I just old fashioned?

Unless you know for sure that your callee is going to be up, I think nine is still a reasonable time to stop calling. I'm usually in bed by nine to be up at five, so don't call me!

In the morning, I don't call before nine, either. Unless I'm calling my mother, who I'm certain is up at an early hour.

[Johanna]

I'm trying but failing to imagine going to sleep for the night at 9:00. How is it possible? That's right when my brain is starting to get warmed up.

—NightCrone

[Frank]

Originally Posted by Johanna

I'm trying but failing to imagine going to sleep for the night at 9:00. How is it possible?

I'm (usually) at work at seven. I need some time in the morning, for coffee and cigarettes and newspaper and internet (close to an hour), shower, etc., make my lunch, then drive for 20 minutes, so I get up at five. I need my eight hours sleep, so - it's Bedtime for Bonzo at nine.

[Freudian Push Up Bra]

Well, I only ever call three people, two of which live in an earlier time zone. The one who does reside in my time zone is my boyfriend and I usually call him after eight because I know that if I call earlier, he'll be in the middle of dinner. As for mornings, I've gotten phone calls from telemarketers before 7 on a weekday, which I thought was strange!

[gfloyd]

There are people that I will call after nine, like my parents or my boyfriend if for some random reason we aren't together. Or friends that call and leave a message to get back to them at any time before blah. Otherwise, I'd never call anyone after nine. I still find it weird that I can call my friends in California at midnight my time ... but I digress.

[tashabot]

For sure - 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. is my rule, unless I know for sure that the other person is awake. For instance, I have a friend who works swing shift on the east coast, so I know I can call her at 11 p.m. my time and she'll be up for a talk at 2 a.m. her time - she just got home! But I'd never dream of calling most people that late.

I'm that way at work, too. I get to work at 8 a.m., but I don't start confirming Letters to the Editor until 9 at the earliest (usually later).

~Tasha

[norinew]

No phone calls after 9PM is the rule in our house, too. It's not that I'm in bed that early; usually, I'm not in bed until 10 or so. But it's nice to have an hour or so before bed that's an "interruption-free" time. I wouldn't call anyone later than 9, either, unless they had specifically told me it was all right to do so.

[Cunctator]

The 9.00pm rule was drilled into us as children too. I still observe it. I wouldn't ring anyone after that time, unless it was a serious emergency.

[MissGypsy]

I cringe if the phone rings after 9 p.m., because it’s probably going to wake up one or more kids, and it usually means an emergency service call for my husband. I rarely call anyone after 8 or 9, mostly because of deference to their “I just got the kids to sleep, and the damn phone rings!” or “Oh, no, what disaster requires such a late call?!?!”

When I was younger, and single, and childless, I was much more cavalier about my phone calls. Now I’m older, tired, and so is everybody else I know.

[Shagnasty]

It is a good unofficial rule and it doesn't have to mean that people are in bed by that hour. There just needs to be a reasonable cutoff point for that type of thing so I am happy that many people get the general idea on their own. When I was single and lived by myself, I didn't care if people called at 1:00 am. Now that I am married and have small children, it drives me insane if someone calls at 9:05 pm because I am switching over to getting everyone down for the night and I certainly don't want to chat. I usually just don't answer it. My wife has a Failure to Launch childhood friend that thinks nothing about calling at 9:30, 10:30 or whenever the mood seems to strike her. It is a huge annoyance although it does make good character reference shorthand when I need it.

[amarone]

I used to use 10PM as the yardstick when I lived in England, but have swapped to 9PM since moving to the US since so many people seem to go to bed so early here. It is 11:33 now. My American wife went to bed over 1.5 hours ago.

[MaddyStrut]

When I was in my early 20's my friends and I would call each other at all hours, especially if we'd been drinking. Then we got older and started liking some quiet time in the evening. Now when the phone rings ater 9:00 my first thought is "who died?"

I don't think any of my friends are in bed by 9:00 though some of their children may be. It just seems intrusive to call so late. 9:00 pm and later is winding down time when you shouldn't have to be bothering with outside distractions. So I only call after 9:00 pm if it's an emergency.

[waits]

When I was a kid, my parents acted like the only reason for the phone to ring after 10 P.M. was to tell them that somebody they knew died. To this day, whenever the phone rings late, my first thought is "Who died?"

[knightrabbit]

My parents always used 10pm as the cut-off, in terms of kids' friends calling the house phone (as opposed to private cell phones). I'd never dream of calling anyone's house phone now, esp. my friends who still live with their parents, past 10pm. I will, and have, at 9:30, though. I feel like that's still early enough to not catch people sleeping.

[Scarlett67]

Yup, 9 am to 9 pm (unless instructed otherwise) is the rule I was raised on. Heck these days I'm up till well after 1 am on weekdays because Mr. S works second shift, but I still wouldn't like to get a call after 9. It's not about being in bed, it's about (1) winding down and (2) not setting off my "who's dead?" alarm.

[Annie-Xmas]

9 to 9 is actually the law here for unsolicited calls. It's a good general rule, unless you know the person you're calling

[twickster]

My sister goes to bed at 9, so I don't call her after 8 -- everyone else, it's 9.

[whiterabbit]

I don't remember being raised with a particular rule, but I don't like getting calls after about 9:00 anyway, for no real reason except I don't want to be bothered unless it's an emergency. I don't usually go to bed before eleven, though.

[mnemosyne]

I'd probably consider 8:30am-9:30pm to be the "safe to call" window, unless I know whoever I'm calling will be up or expecting a call outside that time. Calls after about 11pm trigger my "who died?" response, so that 9:30-11pm window is kind of open, but not prefered.

[SurrenderDorothy]

I wouldn't call anyone before noon or after nine, except in case of an emergency.

and I HATE HATE HAAAAAAATE being called late. I have a friend who likes to call at 11 PM. I'm usually up, but I'm closed for business! I'm not in the mood to socialize! He does it, I think, because he knows for sure I'll be home at that hour. but it's so obnoxious! He also likes to call super-early in the morning. Early enough on weekends or days off that he wakes me up. Six in the morning- "hey, you wanna hang out?" no, I want to sleep for another hour or two!

(this is the same friend who, when I'm sick, likes to come over and chat and beg me to go over to his house. He's slightly lacking in certain social graces.)

[Khadaji]

Unless I knew the person was a night owl and liked getting calls later, I would not call after 9:00ish. Definitely not after 10.

[Queen Tonya]

I use, and expect, the 9-9 rule for general acquaintances and coworkers and such.

However, my best friends, close family and boyfriend all call me anytime they want, or whenever they think I'm up. I work days, it's not unusual for one of my girlfriends to call me at 6 in the morning, they know I'm up getting ready for work anyway.

I'm in school part-time and since my school nights change each semester, most of my family can't remember which nights I'm at school. So they just wait until after 9 since even if I had class I'll be home by then.

[monica]

I'm a college kid, so I shift the hours a little bit. I almost never call anyone before 10 am, and I call no later than 10 or 10:30 pm, normally, depending on who the person is. I rarely call my mother later than 9, because I know she'll be asleep. I can call her at whatever hour of the morning I want, though, because she's crazy and gets up at 4.

[myskepticsight]

When I lived at home, my parents told us to tell our friends not to call after 9. They get in bed at 9, but are usually up for a bit watching TV. I've never called anyone's house after 9. My friends' cellphones, however, I will call them whenever because they call me whenever. Besides classes, none of us have set schedules (we all have way different class times, work times that change, etc) and we all stay up pretty late. It's not unusual to talk to a friend on the phone at 3am on the weekends, but those are often drunk dials.

If the phone rang after 9 at home it almost came with a feeling of dread, "Someone must be in trouble if we're getting a call at 9:48 pm on a Tuesday night!" When I was older and had a cellphone, my mom told me to text message her if I was staying out all night (after I graudated high school I did not have a curfew anymore, and before that it was lax on weekends because they knew my friends well and I was pretty responsible) so she would know I wasn't dead but could decide to stay out at 11 and not have to call and wake her up.

[burundi]

I follow the 9-to-9 rule, and I appreciate it when others do. I go to bed around 11, but by 9, I'm usually settled down with a book or a DVD. I'll happily talk to my brother (who lives in California) or my best friend (a very busy grad student) whenever they call, but there's really no one else I'm interested in talking to that late in the evening.

[dangermom]

I use 9-9 too, with some exceptions. I never call family members after 9pm, because they really do mostly go to bed that early. OTOH, if I want to catch my mother, I have to call by 8 or so, or she's gone, early bird that she is. I also call certain friends at 8.30am, because I know they'll be gone by 9. And I have one friend who is a huge nightowl and can be called; but otherwise, I'd really rather be left alone in the evenings and I figure other people would too.

[DMark]

The nine rule is good, but with one exception - cell phones.

I think if someone doesn't want to be disturbed, they will shut it off for the night.

At least, that is how it works with my friends. You can call me 24 hours a day on my cell, and if I want to get calls, the phone is on. When I go to bed, or have to study, or have something else to do, it is off anf I let it go to voicemail.

(Might be different if you are "on call" at a hospital or something.)

[Ice Wolf]

For local/national calls: 8.30 am at the earliest, unless I know the person is up and around at daybreak (a couple of my friends are), but usually no later than 9 pm. Calling anyone after that, I feel very uncomfortable and guilty of imposing.

[Quartz]

Originally Posted by DMark

The nine rule is good, but with one exception - cell phones.

I must disagree: many people have their burglar alarms set to dial their cell phones. It's a quick and easy security measure for when you're down the pub or with friends or family. This means that the cell phone will be on permanently; it does not mean that others should take advantage of this by calling them at 2 in the morning!

[DMark]

Originally Posted by Quartz

I must disagree: many people have their burglar alarms set to dial their cell phones. It's a quick and easy security measure for when you're down the pub or with friends or family. This means that the cell phone will be on permanently; it does not mean that others should take advantage of this by calling them at 2 in the morning!

As I said, "maybe not if you are on call or something"...and although that is a nice feature you have, I don't know of anyone personally who has it, Most of my friends use their cell purely for personal use, thus they and I are fair game to call whenever the phone is turned on. I have never had a complaint, and friends call me at the crack of dawn, knowing full well I will not be awake. I just listen to the messages when I get up and then respond accordingly.

[Dewey Finn]

Another reason why calling a cell phone might be less disturbing: most people I know have landline phones all over the house, so if you call them at a bad time, you're going to disturb the whole household. But the cell phone is usually on or near a person, so I would expect to disturb fewer people.

[AngelicGemma]

I was brought up with the 9 to 9 rule. I still use it as a general rule, but don't mind people phoneing me up until about 10pm. And I would hope they know me well enough not to call me until after midday.

My mobile is different. If I don't want to be contacted, it's switched off. So it can called or texted any time.

[Nava]

This is one of the few rules in which Spain isn't shuffled 2 hours with respect to the rest of the planet.

I know I can call Mom later than that if it's for something like "hi, we've arrived, we're all fine, bye". Other than that, no.





(Last Thursday my brother called me at 11pm and I didn't murder him for two reasons: one, he was 100km away; two, I'd been asleep and only one of my braincells actually woke up)

[jimmmy]

A political polling firm (in 1996) told me thier cut off was 9:45

[Dinsdale]

I'm kinda surprised to hear how popular the "no calling after 9 pm" rule is. I thought it was just another example of how antisocial and overly strict my wife and I were, because it became an issue as soon as each of our kids reached the age where they would get phone calls. In our experience, a greater percentage of dopers adhere to this rule, than my kids' friends!

I pretty much just hate talking on the phone - just about any time it rings I consider it an annoyance. Tho the phone is rarely for me at home, my kids rarely get up and answer it. And I think they often let it ring twice for it to show up on caller ID. And you kinda have to hustle to get to it before the answering machine kicks in after 3 rings. Tho we have several phones in the house, I am rarely sitting within arm's reach of one. By 9, even if I am not in bed, I am winding down such that I don't wish to get up and answer a phone if not entirely necessary. And there are very few things that people want to tell me after 9 that they could not have told me at 8:55.

[corkboard]

We don't have a rule in our house but generally the only people that call our house after 9 pm (or before 9 am) are my wife's parents. I don't know why, but when the phone rings and it's after 9, I always tell her "it's for you". And it always is.

I don't understand the aversion to after-9 calls due to putting the little ones to bed- do these young kids have phones right next to their beds or something? Kids usually fall asleep very deeply, especially during the first 15-20 minutes of sleep. Does a phone ringing somewhere in the house really wake young kids asleep in their own rooms?

[HazelNutCoffee]

As a grad student, everyone I know has cell phones and no land line, and for the most part we're living in one room apartments (or with roommates). I doubt any of us go to bed before 12. I'm more wary of calling friends in the morning than I am at night. I wouldn't think anything of calling someone at 10pm, but I definitely wouldn't called them 10am unless I was absolutely sure they were up. For me, "safe time" would be 12pm-12am. Usually I send a text first, if I think they might be slumbering.

[gigi]

Originally Posted by waits

When I was a kid, my parents acted like the only reason for the phone to ring after 10 P.M. was to tell them that somebody they knew died. To this day, whenever the phone rings late, my first thought is "Who died?"

Heh. When I was growing up, our family was very isolated and antisocial, so if the phone rang AT ALL, there was a good chance someone had died. Honestly, someone died once a year and that's about as often as our phone rang.

These days, I use a 9 am to 9 pm rule as well. My parents are two hours behind so this means I can be winding down and get a call in to them before it's too late. Plus I know I'm not interrupting them since they watched all their TV on tape rather than live.

[Reloy3]

Originally Posted by Johanna

When I was growing up it was always drilled into me not to call homes after 9:00, on the off chance that anyone might be going to bed at such an impossibly early hour. I have found one example of this in my whole life. A woman I dated in college told me her parents actually did go to bed at 9:00 every night; I found this out one night when I called her around 10 and she hissed never to do that again.

My wife and I often go to bed at nine, and I can't remember the last time we weren't in bed by a quarter to ten. We also follow the 9 o'clock rule.

[TroubleAgain]

I've always gone by the 9pm rule. And it's best you don't call me after 9pm either, 'cause we go to bed at 9 (up at 4:30 or 5:30).