Worst Conceivable Christmas/Holiday Special?

[Boyo Jim]

I am just so sick of holdiday specialsm it's time forNEW dishusting holiday specials. Some ideas I've had:
.

• Paris Hilton's Golden Shower Christmas
• A Saddamite Chistmas featuring the Republican Guard Marching Chorale
• A Very White Christmas with David Duke
• Sing Along With the Mark Foley Boy's Choir

Other ideas?

[Valgard]

I think that the Star Wars Christmas Special was pretty rank, and that one actually aired. It was viewable on YouTube a few weeks back.

It's the Chewbacca family, featuring his wife, his annoying son and his grouchy pop! I kid you not.

[Stranger On A Train]

Originally Posted by Valgard

I think that the Star Wars Christmas Special was pretty rank, and that one actually aired. It was viewable on YouTube a few weeks back.

It's the Chewbacca family, featuring his wife, his annoying son and his grouchy pop! I kid you not.

Dude, but it has Bea Arthur singing! What could be more awesome? As far as I'm concerned, the only canon is The Star Wars Holiday Special.

My vote for hypothetical worst holiday programme: The Manson Family Christmas Special. For the love of Og, please don't tell the Fox network.

Stranger

[jayjay]

Originally Posted by Stranger On A Train

My vote for hypothetical worst holiday programme: The Manson Family Christmas Special. For the love of Og, please don't tell the Fox network.

Stranger

Marilyn or Charles?





Never mind. It doesn't really make a difference...

[NDP]

Originally Posted by jayjay

Marilyn or Charles?





Never mind. It doesn't really make a difference...

No, it does. Charles is a much better musician.

[Orbifold]

The 10 Least Successful Holiday Specials of All Time, a satirical bit by John Scalzi. Personal favourites:

"A Muppet Christmas with Zbigniew Brzezinski"
"Bob & Carol & Ted & Santa"
"The Village People in Can't Stop the Christmas Music -- On Ice!" (Read the description of this one, it's hilarious.)

[Evil Captor]

The SCTV troupe did something along these lines: "A Lola Falana Christmas Special." It's a special by a hot female Vegas celebritry who has clearly forgotten everyhing she ever knew about Christmas. I don't remember the particulars too well, I just remember laughing my ass off.

[yelimS]

Originally Posted by NDP

No, it does. Charles is a much better musician.

Never learn not to love!

[cmkeller]

Stranger on a Train:

My vote for hypothetical worst holiday programme: The Manson Family Christmas Special. For the love of Og, please don't tell the Fox network.

Like this, perhaps?

[panache45]

The "Best of the VPs" Holiday Extravaganza.

Sip your yuletide grog to the joyous festivities of the Cheneys, the Gores and the Quayles. Special cameos by the Fords (hide the grog).

[yBeayf]

www.mostoffensivevideo.com

Warning: you have *no idea* how offensive these "Christmas" specials are. Not suitable for anyone. Watch with caution.

[yBeayf]

Also:

"A Muppet Christmas with Zbigniew Brzezinski"

I'd pay good money to see that.

[jayjay]

Well, you know Sam the Eagle would be all over that...

[minlokwat]

With the networks' penchant for taking traditional Christmas Carols and constructing entire holiday specials around them (Rudolph, Frosty, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, etc.) I'd be curious to see what they could do with the (in)famous Tiny Tim offering of Santa Claus has Got the AIDS This Year.

The mind boggles.

[saoirse]

Originally Posted by yelimS

Never learn not to love!

You are a garbage dump.

[Sublight]

Well, after a 15-month hiatus, the Japanese government suddenly* decided to hang 4 inmates on Christmas morning. There's got to be a plot for a truly disturbed Christmas special in there somewhere.

*very suddenly. The condemned don't know when the execution will be held until the big day actually arrives.

http://search.japantimes.co.jp/cgi-b...0061226a1.html

[saoirse]

Originally Posted by Sublight

Well, after a 15-month hiatus, the Japanese government suddenly* decided to hang 4 inmates on Christmas morning. There's got to be a plot for a truly disturbed Christmas special in there somewhere.

*very suddenly. The condemned don't know when the execution will be held until the big day actually arrives.

http://search.japantimes.co.jp/cgi-b...0061226a1.html

"All the prisoners were hung
In the gallows with care..."

[5 time champ]

Yuletide for Hitler?

[mobo85]

Originally Posted by Orbifold

The 10 Least Successful Holiday Specials of All Time, a satirical bit by John Scalzi.

That's great. I'd love to hear The Assassination of Saint Nicholas if it really existed.

[42Geek]

the Japanese government suddenly* decided to hang 4 inmates on Christmas morning. There's got to be a plot for a truly disturbed Christmas special in there somewhere.

Yes, but most Japanese are Shinto or Buddist and don't follow Christian traditions.

[Lumpy]

"Mr Hanky the Christmas Poo" is already as bad as anything I would ever stand to watch.

[Ranchoth]

Originally Posted by minlokwat

With the networks' penchant for taking traditional Christmas Carols and constructing entire holiday specials around them (Rudolph, Frosty, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, etc.) I'd be curious to see what they could do with the (in)famous Tiny Tim offering of Santa Claus has Got the AIDS This Year.

The mind boggles.

Or Christmas at Ground Zero.

[BrainGlutton]

Climb Into Santa's Lap and Feel the North Pole

[Beware of Doug]

Originally Posted by jayjay

Well, you know Sam the Eagle would be all over that...

I propose R. Lee Ermey's Boot Camp Christmas.

Only problem is, Sam would probably love it.

[NDP]

Originally Posted by Beware of Doug

I propose R. Lee Ermey's Boot Camp Christmas.

Only problem is, Sam would probably love it.

Here's the next closest thing.*

*I also linked to this over in the "Rudolph" thread.

[Beware of Doug]

Mesmerizing. I had to restrain myself from replying by simply parroting a line.

[Der Trihs]

A Capitalist Christmas, where the Three Ghosts haunt Bob Cratchit, berating him for trying to cut into Scrooge's profits by wanting money for Tiny Tim and Christmas dinner, and showing him how much happier and righteous he would be without such an unprofitable leech of a son. In the end, Bob renders Tiny Tim down for tallow to make Christmas candles for Scrooge, while Tiny Tim sings It's a Capitalist Christmas.

[Rilchiam]

Originally Posted by Valgard

I think that the Star Wars Christmas Special was pretty rank, and that one actually aired. It was viewable on YouTube a few weeks back.

Yyyyyyeah...But you know what's really scary about the Star Wars Holiday (not Christmas) Special? As bad as it was, it's not the worst special that was ever on TV in the '70s. In fact, it was fairly typical.

I can understand that SW fans were let down. Certainly, it was a crap special. But in those days, you didn't have AICN and alt.nerd.obsessive giving you word of mouth before a show went on the air. So people didn't have advance warning that it would not be anywhere near the level of SW, the film, but would instead be no better than other junk TV that was standard for the era.

I finally saw it a year or two ago, and I think the reports of its awfulness are actually somewhat exaggerated. Like the Grampa-watches-porn sequence. The way people went on, I thought the actress would be masturbating with a light saber, for cryin' out loud. Instead, it was just a tight closeup of her saying, "I find you adorable," and so forth. Not any good, but not the vortex of suck people have made it out to be.

[BrainGlutton]

Originally Posted by Der Trihs

A Capitalist Christmas, where the Three Ghosts haunt Bob Cratchit, berating him for trying to cut into Scrooge's profits by wanting money for Tiny Tim and Christmas dinner, and showing him how much happier and righteous he would be without such an unprofitable leech of a son. In the end, Bob renders Tiny Tim down for tallow to make Christmas candles for Scrooge, while Tiny Tim sings It's a Capitalist Christmas.

It's been done, more or less.

[Max Torque]

Originally Posted by Der Trihs

A Capitalist Christmas, where the Three Ghosts haunt Bob Cratchit, berating him for trying to cut into Scrooge's profits by wanting money for Tiny Tim and Christmas dinner, and showing him how much happier and righteous he would be without such an unprofitable leech of a son. In the end, Bob renders Tiny Tim down for tallow to make Christmas candles for Scrooge, while Tiny Tim sings It's a Capitalist Christmas.

And done more than once, at that. I seem to recall an episode of The Twilight Zone that takes place a year after Scrooge's first visit from the spirits. Scrooge has become very generous, to the point that people are taking advantage of him. So, the spirits visit again, show him that his spendthrift habits can make things worse as well (Tiny Tim grows into an ungrateful gluttonous bastard). Finally, they take Scrooge to the graveyard again. "But this is a pauper's grave!" And so, Scrooge learns to do all things in moderation.

What I remember best from the ending is a revisiting of the scene at the end of A Christmas Carol, except this time, it goes: "Boy, do you know that goose in the window of the butcher shop in the next street?" "The one as big as me?" "NO! The one just big enough for a family of six!"

[Der Trihs]

Originally Posted by BrainGlutton

It's been done, more or less.

Heh. Missed that one.

[BrainGlutton]

Originally Posted by Max Torque

And done more than once, at that. I seem to recall an episode of The Twilight Zone that takes place a year after Scrooge's first visit from the spirits. Scrooge has become very generous, to the point that people are taking advantage of him. So, the spirits visit again, show him that his spendthrift habits can make things worse as well (Tiny Tim grows into an ungrateful gluttonous bastard). Finally, they take Scrooge to the graveyard again. "But this is a pauper's grave!" And so, Scrooge learns to do all things in moderation.

What I remember best from the ending is a revisiting of the scene at the end of A Christmas Carol, except this time, it goes: "Boy, do you know that goose in the window of the butcher shop in the next street?" "The one as big as me?" "NO! The one just big enough for a family of six!"

Sure it was TZ? I can find any episode title here that seems to relate.

[Sublight]

Originally Posted by 42Geek

Yes, but most Japanese are Shinto or Buddist and don't follow Christian traditions.

True, but they do celebrate Christmas, although it's more of a romantic occasion. I guess this was the Justice Ministry's was of saying "Happy holidays! You're now fucked."

[JThunder]

Originally Posted by Max Torque

And done more than once, at that. I seem to recall an episode of The Twilight Zone that takes place a year after Scrooge's first visit from the spirits. Scrooge has become very generous, to the point that people are taking advantage of him. So, the spirits visit again, show him that his spendthrift habits can make things worse as well (Tiny Tim grows into an ungrateful gluttonous bastard). Finally, they take Scrooge to the graveyard again. "But this is a pauper's grave!" And so, Scrooge learns to do all things in moderation.

What I remember best from the ending is a revisiting of the scene at the end of A Christmas Carol, except this time, it goes: "Boy, do you know that goose in the window of the butcher shop in the next street?" "The one as big as me?" "NO! The one just big enough for a family of six!"

I remember that show, and it wasn't a Twilight Zone episode. It was from some short-lived anthology show in the mid-1980s. I think it might have been George Burns Comedy Week.

[JThunder]

Max Torque, I think this is the episode you were thinking of.

[Max Torque]

The descriptions I can find sound vaguely correct, but damned if I don't remember it being not in the least comical. Coulda sworn it was an episode of either the Zone or Amazing Stories.

[JThunder]

I remember the story quite well... and you're right, it wasn't comical at all. It certainly was an unusual fit within this series.

[jackelope]

If anyone wants more information on the Star Wars Holiday Special, look no further.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Web site for everything.

[mobo85]

Originally Posted by 5 time champ

Yuletide for Hitler?

During World War II, Frank Capra, who was then making movies for the government as part of the Motion Picture Screen Unit, actually did film a Hitler-themed Christmas movie entitled Mein New Kampf, which was meant to be smuggled into Germany to be shown to Hitler himself in order for him to commit suicide, believing that this would demoralize the German public. One Christmas, Germany is falling apart. Hitler prays for help, and an angel shows Hitler all the miserable things that he has done to put the nation into this state. Despondent, Hitler commits suicide. After Hitler committed suicide without Capra's help in May of 1945, Capra re-edited the film to make it a story about an angel who visits a good guy who has helped his community by stopping him from commiting suicide. Strangely enough, Capra planned on keeping the Mein New Kampf title, but executives at RKO suggested he change it to It's A Wonderful Life.

The events and characters in this fact are ficticious. Any resemblance to actual facts, living or dead, is coincidental. Animal action in this fact was monitored by the American Humane Association. No animals were harmed in the making of this fact.

[want2know]

Marshall and Kim Mathers: Home for the Holidays

Pimp My Sleigh

The Toby Keith Christmas Special: Live from Gitmo!

Ron Jeremy's New Year's *@#$&*@ Eve

[Charlie Tan]

The bin Laden holiday special (only on FOX):
Join Osama and his friends for hijinks in Tora Bora. Bin Laden has been practising his ho ho ho to go with his own beard and a rented santa outfit as he enters the holiday spirit and delivers presents to all the chldren in the world. Sing along with updated versions of classic carrols and Xmas songs:
The Little Terrorist Boy (pa-rum-pum-pum-pum)
Silent Fight, Holy Fight
I saw mommy kissing Bin Laden (pre-recorded, Osama blushed too much)
(You'd better watch out, you'd better beware) Terrorists are coming to town.


[I could go on, but I'm feeling this is getting to macabre, as I was singing [to the tune of White Christmas] 'I'm hoping for ebola fever', I realized this was the time to stop.]