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  #1  
Old 12-29-2006, 12:25 PM
NurseCarmen NurseCarmen is offline
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Bush admin NOT a failure

Just a success that hasn't happened yet.

When Fran Townsend, President Bush's Homeland Security advisor was asked about the failure to catch Osama on CNN, her reply was"
Quote:
(CNN) HENRY: You know, going back to September 2001, the president said, dead or alive, we're going to get him. Still don't have him. I know you are saying there's successes on the war on terror, and there have been. That's a failure.

TOWNSEND: Well, I'm not sure -- it's a success that hasn't occurred yet. I don't know that I view that as a failure.
Is there really that much of a disconnect to reality in that administration?

Are they going to begin claiming that they have success in ending poverty, acne, and death by natural causes? Could I tell my mother that I am a success that hasn't occurred yet and put to rest her motherly fears? It's truthiness.
  #2  
Old 12-29-2006, 12:28 PM
BrainGlutton BrainGlutton is offline
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It might count as a "success that hasn't occurred yet" --if they were even seriously looking for the bastard!
  #3  
Old 12-29-2006, 12:30 PM
Contrapuntal Contrapuntal is offline
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I am inundated with financial success that has not occurred yet. Oddly enough, the local tavern on the corner refuses to accept this in lieu of cash. Why do they hate America?
  #4  
Old 12-29-2006, 12:37 PM
Antinor01 Antinor01 is offline
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My lack of ability to quit smoking as yet is not a failure on my part. It is simply success that has not yet occurred.

Hell, if it's good enough for the presidental administration, it's good enough for me!
  #5  
Old 12-29-2006, 12:45 PM
monstro monstro is offline
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You know, that sounds like the kind of bullshit that prosperity theology preaches. Speak it and claim it! If you say something enthusiatically enough, with a pumping fist, then by God it happens!
  #6  
Old 12-29-2006, 01:58 PM
Der Trihs Der Trihs is offline
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Thanks to me, everyone on this board will become an atheist ! At some point in the future. Really.

You say that's unrealistic ? Hey, this is the Bush Era - we make our own reality ! Don't lounge about in Clintonesque realityism and get with the program !
  #7  
Old 12-29-2006, 02:03 PM
John Mace John Mace is offline
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"A success that hasn't occured yet." Brilliant! I'd love to see the video and the expression on Townsend's face when he said that. Did the audience errupt in laughter? That's gotta be the funniest thing I've heard all month. A success that hasn't occured yet. I'm not lazy, I just haven't done all the things I'm going to do yet. I'm not overweight, I just haven't lost the weight I intend to lose yet.
  #8  
Old 12-29-2006, 02:04 PM
pravnik pravnik is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Contrapuntal
I am inundated with financial success that has not occurred yet. Oddly enough, the local tavern on the corner refuses to accept this in lieu of cash. Why do they hate America?
Contrapuntal: I would like a beer, please.
Barkeep: That will be three dollars, please.
Contrapuntal: 9/11 changed everything.
  #9  
Old 12-29-2006, 02:09 PM
John Mace John Mace is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pravnik
Contrapuntal: I would like a beer, please.
Barkeep: That will be three dollars, please.
Contrapuntal: 9/11 changed everything.
I wish it had changed the price of beer in a bar back to $3. It's pretty much $4.50 at any place near where I live. Maybe cheaper at happy hour, but $4.50 (or higher) any other time. It pays to know the bartenders, and to tip well...
  #10  
Old 12-29-2006, 02:15 PM
threemae threemae is offline
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This sounds like something my mom would say. She's all into, "creating your own reality," a la What the %&@$! Do We Know?.
  #11  
Old 12-29-2006, 02:22 PM
neutron star neutron star is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by John Mace
I wish it had changed the price of beer in a bar back to $3. It's pretty much $4.50 at any place near where I live.
Find shittier bars. There's a dive a few blocks away from me that charges $1.25 (recently raised from $1.10) for a draft.
  #12  
Old 12-29-2006, 02:23 PM
elucidator elucidator is offline
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But then he'd have to hang out with....well, you know.
  #13  
Old 12-29-2006, 02:23 PM
RedFury RedFury is offline
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LMAO!

Gotta admit, some of these fuckwits can turn a phrase.

I'm not bald like a cueball, it's just that my hair hasn't grown back yet!
  #14  
Old 12-29-2006, 02:33 PM
diggleblop diggleblop is offline
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Circle Talkers R Us
  #15  
Old 12-29-2006, 02:45 PM
RickJay RickJay is offline
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Think of all the wonderful professional applications of this new way of thinking:

DOCTOR: Mrs. Smith, your husband is dead.
MRS. SMITH: Dead? But he was in to have his tonsils out! I'll sue!
DOCTOR: Did I say dead? No, no. It's just a resurrection that hasn't occurred yet.
MRS. SMITH: Oh, that's alright, then.

JUDGE: Mr. Williams, the jury has found you guilty of armed robbery. I sentence you to ten years in the state penitentiary.
MR. WILLIAMS: What? Ten years?
LAWYER: Don't worry, it's just an acquittal that hasn't happened yet.

PASSENGERS ON A 757: Ahhhh! The wings have fallen off! We're all gonna die! Ahhhhh!
CAPTAIN (over the loudspeaker): Don't worry, folks. This isn't a fiery crash. It's just a safe landing that hasn't happened yet.
PASSENGERS: Phew!
  #16  
Old 12-29-2006, 03:20 PM
John Mace John Mace is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by neutron star
Find shittier bars.
It's easier to find friendly bartenders.
  #17  
Old 12-29-2006, 03:47 PM
neutron star neutron star is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by John Mace
It's easier to find friendly bartenders.
Oddly enough, the place I'm talking about does have friendly, and even intelligent, bartenders. The one who's usually on duty spends most of his time playing chess with the regulars. I'm sure that's an anomaly, but still - such places do exist.

The challenge is finding them (oh, and asking for toilet paper from behind the bar, because they don't keep it in the bathroom).
  #18  
Old 12-29-2006, 03:50 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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Somewhere, Ron Ziegler is smiling.
  #19  
Old 12-29-2006, 04:02 PM
Marley23 Marley23 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RickJay
Think of all the wonderful professional applications of this new way of thinking:
From The London Times, April 5, 2008: The Iraqi Government is "not dead, it's just pining for the fjords," American President George W. Bush said today.
  #20  
Old 12-29-2006, 04:10 PM
ZebraShaSha ZebraShaSha is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elucidator
But then he'd have to hang out with....well, you know.
Divers?
  #21  
Old 12-29-2006, 05:18 PM
Little Nemo Little Nemo is online now
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Quote:
it's a success that hasn't occurred yet.
By an amazing coincidence, I'm defining the end of the Bush administration with these exact words.
  #22  
Old 12-29-2006, 05:21 PM
Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor is offline
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If only Bush the Elder & Mrs Bush the Elde had had a conception that hadn't happened yet...it would still be a success.
__________________
It's not too difficult to become a military criminal.
Not shaving, dirty boots, calling a sergeant "darling" or selling your Bren Carrier.
~~~Spike Milligan
  #23  
Old 12-29-2006, 06:13 PM
danceswithcats danceswithcats is offline
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DEMOCRATIC COMMITTEE: We have a Presidential ticket which will sweep the US in 2008!
REALITY: Your ticket hasn't begun to fail yet.

Offer something good, and you might get my vote-nothing good has been offered, to date.
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Crows. Keeping our highways clear of roadkill for over 80 years
  #24  
Old 12-29-2006, 06:30 PM
ElvisL1ves ElvisL1ves is offline
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Compared to what?
  #25  
Old 12-29-2006, 06:41 PM
GIGObuster GIGObuster is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by danceswithcats
DEMOCRATIC COMMITTEE: We have a Presidential ticket which will sweep the US in 2008!
REALITY: Your ticket hasn't begun to fail yet.

Offer something good, and you might get my vote-nothing good has been offered, to date.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dubya
Who cares what you think!

I have the theory this administration is afraid of being tagged for posterity with a line like "read my lips" was applied to Bush I. The efforts of Bush the lesser and his administration are geared to launch as many whoppers as possible so historians or the people will not be able to choose.

Personally, I would go for:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dubya
Nothing!
An answer that occurred when, after he once again weaseled Iraq and 9/11 in a phrase, a reporter asked what Iraq had to do with 9/11.

Perfect when you consider the in-effective non-character person that we have as president. And that this decade is called the Oughts or the Naughts.
  #26  
Old 12-29-2006, 07:26 PM
JRDelirious JRDelirious is offline
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Damn. The bastards have gone ahead and given a contract to Mohammed S. "Baghdad Bob" al-Sahaf to give training seminars on communications to the members of the administration...

I'm telling you, soon enough those internet-offer pills will start working, and my enhanced manhood will gain me Tyra Banks' favours. It just hasn't happened yet...
  #27  
Old 12-29-2006, 07:37 PM
matt_mcl matt_mcl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by threemae
This sounds like something my mom would say. She's all into, "creating your own reality," a la What the %&@$! Do We Know?.
"My friend Sharon is very into all this new-agey stuff. The other day she told me, 'You know, Bob, we create our own reality.' No, Sharon. Psychotics create their own reality. That's a very important distinction. Let's not lose that." - Bob Smith
  #28  
Old 12-29-2006, 10:09 PM
Frostillicus Frostillicus is offline
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Methinks that Jon Stewart creamed his Froot of the Looms the moment he heard this gem (especially if its on tape).
  #29  
Old 12-29-2006, 11:04 PM
Eva Luna Eva Luna is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JRDelirious
Damn. The bastards have gone ahead and given a contract to Mohammed S. "Baghdad Bob" al-Sahaf to give training seminars on communications to the members of the administration...
Whatever happened to that guy, anyway? Lately I find myself wondering.
  #30  
Old 12-29-2006, 11:15 PM
ElvisL1ves ElvisL1ves is offline
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Wiki sez
Quote:
Although questioned by American authorities, al-Sahaf was released, and there has been no suggestion of charging or detaining him for his role in the Saddam Hussein government. He is now living in the United Arab Emirates with his family.
  #31  
Old 12-30-2006, 11:43 AM
Hentor the Barbarian Hentor the Barbarian is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by danceswithcats
DEMOCRATIC COMMITTEE: We have a Presidential ticket which will sweep the US in 2008!
REALITY: Your ticket hasn't begun to fail yet.

Offer something good, and you might get my vote-nothing good has been offered, to date.
Well, if only we could dare hope to find a candidate that could wrest the vote of danceswithcats away from the likes of George W. Bush! Shall we dare to dream that we could ever fill that bill? Perhaps a more conservative, more Bush supporting Lieberman?

Perhaps it's best to just continue as in the last election, and the vote of danceswithcats will become increasingly irrelevant. I bet he even voted for Rick Santorum!

Instead of a Democratic candidate that you'd be happy with, we shall offer you a pat on the head and a guiding hand toward the door.
  #32  
Old 12-30-2006, 11:59 AM
Ponder Stibbons Ponder Stibbons is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ElvisL1ves
Wiki sez
Quote:
Although questioned by American authorities, al-Sahaf was released, and there has been no suggestion of charging or detaining him for his role in the Saddam Hussein government. He is now living in the United Arab Emirates with his family.
You know, I bet if he were to get a job with Al Jazeera English, they'd be able to get cable networks to pick them up.
  #33  
Old 12-30-2006, 01:21 PM
Dinsdale Dinsdale is offline
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Please tell me that the interviewer had the sense to follow-up with:
"You realize, of course, that that is nonsensical doubletalk."
I'd expect no less given the pervasive liberal media bias...
  #34  
Old 12-30-2006, 01:46 PM
Chefguy Chefguy is offline
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Anger, denial, acceptance. It's the mantra of this administration. If a lie is said often enough, it will soon be repeated as truth, despite the outrageousness of the lie and proof to the contrary. If the facts don't fit, change the story to meet the agenda. Our country is in serious trouble and nearly everyone seems to know it but us.
  #35  
Old 12-30-2006, 04:16 PM
ShibbOleth ShibbOleth is offline
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"That's not rain, that's just potential snow"
  #36  
Old 12-30-2006, 04:30 PM
wring wring is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ShibbOleth
"That's not rain, that's just potential snow"
not an inconsistant position from the 'culture of life' folks. well, at least some life.
  #37  
Old 12-30-2006, 04:48 PM
Evil Captor Evil Captor is offline
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Iraq, a mission that hasn't been accomplished yet ...

Oh, they've already screwed the pooch on that one ...
  #38  
Old 12-30-2006, 07:13 PM
Chefguy Chefguy is offline
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It's not impotence; it's an orgasm that hasn't happened yet. Can you feel me, baby?
  #39  
Old 12-31-2006, 12:03 AM
Frostillicus Frostillicus is offline
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This reminds me of the famous line from The Simpsons' musical version of a Streetcar Named Desire:

"A stranger's just a friend you haven't met."
  #40  
Old 12-31-2006, 01:20 AM
Mister Rik Mister Rik is offline
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Oh for crying out loud! C'mon people! The proper term is no longer "failure". Get with the times! The correct term is "differently-resulted".
  #41  
Old 12-31-2006, 05:47 AM
DMark DMark is offline
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Dear Ms. Townsend:

As per the President's direct orders, you have been given a raise in salary to $4 million per year. Granted, you may have noticed that we have not yet deposited any money in your account for several months, but just let your creditors know that you are a wealthy woman, but it just hasn't occurred yet.

I am sure you, and your creditors, will understand this is no failure on our part and we regret your eviction and loss of medical benefits in the meantime.

Sincerely,

Human Resources
White House
  #42  
Old 12-31-2006, 06:49 AM
casdave casdave is online now
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Phase42

Shouldn't that be "differantly resultified"?
  #43  
Old 12-31-2006, 08:50 AM
mr. jp mr. jp is offline
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I don't think she has misunderstood the meaning of the word "failure". I just think she hasn't understood it yet.
  #44  
Old 12-31-2006, 09:34 AM
Terrifel Terrifel is offline
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She's going to have to try a lot harder than that if she wants that Medal of Freedom.
  #45  
Old 12-31-2006, 10:44 AM
Merijeek Merijeek is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JRDelirious
I'm telling you, soon enough those internet-offer pills will start working, and my enhanced manhood will gain me Tyra Banks' favours. It just hasn't happened yet...
[Ralphie's nightmare]

You'll shoot your eye out!
You'll shoot your eye out!
You'll shoot your eye out!

[/Ralphie's nightmare]

-Joe
  #46  
Old 01-01-2007, 10:49 AM
Johanna Johanna is offline
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All right, then, if it's restin', I'll wake it! 'Ello, Mister Iraqi Government! I've got a lovely oil deal for you if you show... There, he moved!
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