An Open Letter to University Parking Police

[neuroman]

September 29, 2000

To: University Traffic Squad

Re: My 7:40 am ticket

Dear Sirs,

Fuck you, you goddamn nazi bastards. I hope the next time any of you lean over a windshield to slip in a ticket, the car's windshield wipers turn on spontaneously and tear off your eyelids. You deserve to have each individual finger joint viciously broken with a ball peen hammer. May rabid screaming monkeys tear you limb from limb, compost your remains, and harvest the methane gas to fuel city buses.

Sincerely,

neuroman

[tubagirl]

Here!Here!

[ReservoirDog]

September 29, 2000

To: Neuroman

Re: Your correspondance


Dear Sir,

We understand your frustration with having an additional expense added to what might be an already tight student budget. However, you must consider our position. When we see a car parked inside the Library, it is our policy to issue citations, and in some cases, tow the car. Everyone knows that parking on campus is getting tight these days, however, we must take caution not to let our anger get the best of us.

Thank you,
The University Traffic Squad

PS -- Please find the attached invoice for the replacement of the library's front doors.

[Max Torque]

Count yourself among the lucky, neuro. On my campus, they only ticket cars that don't show a permit (they assume they're visitors, I guess). If you park in the wrong spot, they just tow you.

[iampunha]

Here at lovely "we don't speak English" university (which is another matter entirely), they sold individual parking spaces for $350. Per term, IIRC. They sell more parking permits than they have spaces for, and they recently made them smaller.

Fun, eh?