Memo to Iranian government, re: 300

[dropzone]

Guys, before you started griping that the movie 300 defamed the noble people of Iran with its negative portrayal of ancient Persians, an easy 98% of Americans thought Persia was an imaginary land made up by Disney, not one based in what is now Iran. Before, next to nobody in the US would've made the connection but now, thanks to the millions of dollars of free publicity you've given the film, Americans can now both be entertained and feel like they are sticking it to President Ahmadinejad.

(sarcastic slow clapping)

Well played. Maybe next time you will keep your big yaps shut but, if past experience with groups that brought more attention to things they didn't like is any indication, you won't.

[Marley23]

I think you're wrong to assume that people paid any attention to the complaint - most of the audience for The 300 is probably action movie-lovin' kids, who are not really that geopolitically active - but it's still a stupid complaint. And fuck the Iranian government anyway.

[XT]

I always love it when stupid shit like this comes back to bite people on the ass...and I have to admit, that it happened to our pals the Iranians is just a bonus.

(BTW, I was one of the appearently 2% that DID know that the Persians were from those parts ).

-XT

[FordPrefect]

Originally Posted by xtisme

(BTW, I was one of the appearently 2% that DID know that the Persians were from those parts )

Me too! And I am not even American.

[Pleonast]

Wait, those Persians are actually Iranians?! We must avenge the 300! Bomb Iran!
[/sarcasm]

[Little Plastic Ninja]

Originally Posted by Pleonast

Wait, those Persians are actually Iranians?! We must avenge the 300! Bomb Iran!
[/sarcasm]

Also, since the Spartans were Greek and democracy came from Greece, then the Spartans were Americans! It follows!

Because the current conflict is EXACTLY like Thermopylae, consisting of a massive number of Persians attacking a tiny army of Greek warriors in an attempt to conquer the continent. So many parallels.

do I have to put in here somewhere that I'm not being serious?

[Cisco]

I can't imagine what demographic would both A) see this movie AND B) allow it to affect their opinion of Iran.

[DiosaBellissima]

You know, personally, up until this point I really thought of Iran as a great place full of people and leaders that do great things. Frankly, I was considering giving up my citizenship and boarding a plane over there next summer. Not only is it clean, safe, and with tons of opportunities for women, I also hear there are just oodles of jobs in the nuclear sector.

But then I saw the 300 and now I don't think I can think of Iran the same way.

I mean, I just can't believe that they would do that thousands of years ago. I can't be part of a people that enter into violent and dastardly wars in the past. So instead, I think I'm going to move to Mongolia, because I hear the Mongolians have a virtually colorless history. I'm excited!

[Slithy Tove]

As ancient empires go, the Persians were pretty decent, so I can see why it galls their descendants to see them cast as the bad guys.

On the other hand, Iran host Holocaust-denial conventions, marched waves of children to clear minefields and hangs teenage homosexuals by pulling them up by the neck on industrial cranes, so fuck 'em!

[black rabbit]

In other news, NAMBLA's giving the producers an award, for positively portraying the historical contributions of pederasts in the war against Middle Eastern aggression.

[gonzomax]

Be thankful the movie wasn't a cartoon.

[Andrew Bird]

Originally Posted by DiosaBellissima

You know, personally, up until this point I really thought of Iran as a great place full of people and leaders that do great things. Frankly, I was considering giving up my citizenship and boarding a plane over there next summer. Not only is it clean, safe, and with tons of opportunities for women, I also hear there are just oodles of jobs in the nuclear sector.

But then I saw the 300 and now I don't think I can think of Iran the same way.

I mean, I just can't believe that they would do that thousands of years ago. I can't be part of a people that enter into violent and dastardly wars in the past. So instead, I think I'm going to move to Mongolia, because I hear the Mongolians have a virtually colorless history. I'm excited!

Too bad there are no jobs in nuclear sector in Mongolia. Have fun being unemployed, dumbass.

[Count Blucher]

Originally Posted by gonzomax

Be thankful the movie wasn't a cartoon.

"Hassan Chop!" has already been done.


"Back...! Back...! Back...! Down...!Down...!Down...! Mine...!Mine...!Mine...! I'm Rich...! I'm a Happy Republican...!"

[dropzone]

Originally Posted by Andrew Bird

Too bad there are no jobs in nuclear sector in Mongolia. Have fun being unemployed, dumbass.

Jeeze, Andy, you really ain't all that bright, are ye? That faint sound you're hearing? That's Diosa's post whooshing past, WAY over your head.

[Pleonast]

Originally Posted by dropzone

Jeeze, Andy, you really ain't all that bright, are ye? That faint sound you're hearing? That's Diosa's post whooshing past, WAY over your head.

Then, he'll post in the shade!

[Ogre]

Originally Posted by Andrew Bird

Too bad there are no jobs in nuclear sector in Mongolia. Have fun being unemployed, dumbass.

Jesus, what a yutz.

Also, "300" isn't a cartoon? Since when?

[Andrew Bird]

Originally Posted by dropzone

Jeeze, Andy, you really ain't all that bright, are ye? That faint sound you're hearing? That's Diosa's post whooshing past, WAY over your head.

Or the sound on my post flying over your head.

[kaylasdad99]

DiosaBellissima is into nuclear research? I always had her down as an accounting type...

[Marley23]

Originally Posted by Andrew Bird

Or the sound on my post flying over your head.

Okay, this should be a laugh. What were you saying in your post?

[Waverly]

Iran might be geographically located near what was once the Persian Empire, but the present day Iranian regime has about as much in common with ancient Persia as a gold-chained, New Jersey born, Italian American has in common with a Roman Senator: Nothing. The first error here is acknowledging that Fundamentalist Iran resembles Persia in any meaningful way.

[Jodi]

Originally Posted by Andrew Bird

Or the sound on my post flying over your head.

Any post that ends with "Have fun being unemployed, dumbass" isn't flying anywhere. It pretty much falls in with a thud and lies there stinking until it dies.

And I don't see why the Iranians would care about Persians. I can't imagine that 300 Greeks couldn't just kick their way through an army of Persians unless they were all drunk on retsina and ouzo. The Greeks, that is; not the cats.

[dropzone]

Glad you made the qualification. Drunken cats are not to be messed with.

[silenus]

That's ok, Andy. I got it. I didn't think it was funny, mind you, but I got it.

[Count Blucher]

Originally Posted by Andrew Bird

Too bad there are no jobs in nuclear sector in Mongolia. Have fun being unemployed, dumbass.

Persian New Year is next Tuesday, Andrew Bird. Don't put off your shopping, now...

[BrainGlutton]

Originally Posted by Waverly

Iran might be geographically located near what was once the Persian Empire, but the present day Iranian regime has about as much in common with ancient Persia as a gold-chained, New Jersey born, Italian American has in common with a Roman Senator: Nothing. The first error here is acknowledging that Fundamentalist Iran resembles Persia in any meaningful way.

Still, it's the same country with the same language and the same or, rather, a lineally-descended culture. Just like China is still the same country it was in the time of Confucius. (Egypt, OTOH, is not, because the ancient Egyptian language and culture are extinct; modern Egypt is just another region in Greater Arabia.)

[Cervaise]

Originally Posted by DiosaBellissima

You know, personally, up until this point I really thought of Iran as a great place full of people and leaders that do great things. Frankly, I was considering giving up my citizenship and boarding a plane over there next summer. Not only is it clean, safe, and with tons of opportunities for women, I also hear there are just oodles of jobs in the nuclear sector.

But then I saw the 300 and now I don't think I can think of Iran the same way.

I was in the same boat until I saw the glistening lesbians. I checked my passport the minute I got home. I'm good to go.

[dropzone]

Dude, yer, like, a DUDE. Lesbians, glistening or not, are uninterested in you and won't even let you watch, unless you pay them, and I know you can't afford it.

[Hung Mung]

I heard about this from a friend today who, instead of "Iran," used the word "Pakistan." I ranted for a good few minutes about why Pakistan had about as much reason to bitch about 300 as Switzerland has to bitch about Pearl Harbor.
Then I looked it up and saw it was an Iranian official. That, at least, makes an ounce of sense.

Of course, the fucking idiot needs to wake up and realize that Americans have a collective historical memory of about 12 minutes, as opposed to many Arabic cultures who actively and regularly invoke occurences as old as a five or six hundred years. Sometimes older, the stupid bastard.

[Captain_C]

Oh come on, cut them some slack. It's easy to not know where Persia is, all tucked away down there...

[DrDeth]

Originally Posted by Hung Mung

Of course, the fucking idiot needs to wake up and realize that Americans have a collective historical memory of about 12 minutes, as opposed to many Arabic cultures who actively and regularly invoke occurences as old as a five or six hundred years. Sometimes older, the stupid bastard.

They are fairly good at stuff from five hundred years ago. Of course, stuff from 50 years ago - not so much.

[Tuckerfan]

Well you know, it's the policy of the Iranian government to never allow things to be swept under the rug.

[Hey, It's That Guy!]

At least Kazakhstan isn't complaining this time around.

[Siam Sam]

Originally Posted by Cervaise

I was in the same boat until I saw the glistening lesbians. I checked my passport the minute I got home. I'm good to go.

Glistening lesbians? Forget Persia. Grab your passport, fly here to Bangkok and make it to Suzie Wong and Five Star bars for the nightly lesbian shows. THEY glisten, thanks to lots of body oil.

[Jonathan Chance]

Am I the only one realize that no one in the Iranian government expects or desires any sort of reparation and such or even gives a damn about the response of the west to their protest? This is about team-building inside Iran, folks, nothing more. It's an opportunity to further demonize the west among the soi-disant electorate of Iran.

[Slithy Tove]

Did the Iranians bitch about that Oliver Stone Alexander the Great movie? Because there would be an opportunity for bridge-building.

[Thudlow Boink]

Wait a minute. I thought Persians were cats.

[Jodi]

That joke was funnier yesterday, Thudlow.

[Thudlow Boink]

Originally Posted by Jodi

That joke was funnier yesterday, Thudlow.

I hate when that happens.

[Guinastasia]

I'm more annoyed at the idiots who keep calling up the Science Center and refuse to believe us when we tell them we're NOT showing 300 at the Omnimax. I don't mind them asking, but the ones who will NOT believe us just piss me off.

[detop]

Just tell them the movie is too long and you're showing 150 instead

[Rucksinator]

Originally Posted by FordPrefect

Me too! And I am not even American.

That's why you knew.

(I kid, fellow Americans, I kid)

[Rucksinator]

Originally Posted by DrDeth

They are fairly good at stuff from five hundred years ago. Of course, stuff from 50 years ago - not so much.

Down here in the South, we know all about history from 150 years ago. Back when the evil Yankees invaded us just because they hated our* freedom.

* Of course, by "our", I mean white people.

[Tuckerfan]

Originally Posted by Thudlow Boink

I hate when that happens.

You know what I hate? I hate when you take those, um, er, uh, knitting needles! And you stick them back behind your nipples, and then you, um, wind them up and then let them go. They look like the propellers on a B-29. It looks really neat, but it hurts like hell. I just hate it when that happens.

[sturmhauke]

Originally Posted by Guinastasia

I'm more annoyed at the idiots who keep calling up the Science Center and refuse to believe us when we tell them we're NOT showing 300 at the Omnimax. I don't mind them asking, but the ones who will NOT believe us just piss me off.

What, you don't think 300 is historically accurate? Didn't they teach you in school that Xerxes was 10 feet tall and had a goat-headed minstrel in his freakshow harem?

[Waverly]

Originally Posted by BrainGlutton

Still, it's the same country with the same language and the same or, rather, a lineally-descended culture.

You are kidding, right? This is a whoosh?

The Achaemenid Empire, just one in a series of Persian Empires, and the one that marched on Greece under Xerxes, was a Elamiac speaking empire and the dominant religion was Zoroastrianism. The area was conquered approximately 350 zillion times prior to being invaded by Arab armies during the Dark Ages. Even after this first exposure to Islam, it changed hands at least 3 more times including about 300 years of Mongol rule. Iran was founded in 1935.

[Tamerlane]

Originally Posted by Waverly

The Achaemenid Empire, just one in a series of Persian Empires, and the one that marched on Greece under Xerxes, was a Elamiac speaking empire and the dominant religion was Zoroastrianism. The area was conquered approximately 350 zillion times prior to being invaded by Arab armies during the Dark Ages. Even after this first exposure to Islam, it changed hands at least 3 more times including about 300 years of Mongol rule. Iran was founded in 1935.

Well, the script used at the earliest courts in Perseopolis was late Elamite ( until about 460 ) and the overall lingua franca of the empire was probably Aramaic, which would later replace Elamite as the administrative language. But the Persian ruling class and their coremost constituents in Fars spoke Old Persian. And after a certain period most of their inscriptions were trilingual - Old Persian, Elamite and Babylonian. Old Persian as a written language first appears with Darius.

Modern day Farsi and Dari are lineal descendents of Old Persian. And the cultural roots of the modern Iranians are deep, in that they consciously do look back on the glory days of the Achaemenids and Sassanids with great pride ( I believe the Safavid dynasty actually claimed Sassanid descent, almost certainly falsely ). Granted, that doesn't make much more sense than the Chinese looking back to the days of the Han dynasty or for that matter modern genealogists playing up their descent from Edward III or western society as a whole claiming to derive from Athenian democracy. But it is human nature to do so and Iran does have a certain ancient historicity to it, much like China or Egypt or Greece.

- Tamerlane

[BrainGlutton]

Originally Posted by Hung Mung

I heard about this from a friend today who, instead of "Iran," used the word "Pakistan." I ranted for a good few minutes about why Pakistan had about as much reason to bitch about 300 as Switzerland has to bitch about Pearl Harbor.
Then I looked it up and saw it was an Iranian official. That, at least, makes an ounce of sense.

Of course, the fucking idiot needs to wake up and realize that Americans have a collective historical memory of about 12 minutes, as opposed to many Arabic cultures who actively and regularly invoke occurences as old as a five or six hundred years. Sometimes older, the stupid bastard.

What you're describing would make the Arabs the stupid bastards.

(Iranians are not Arabs, BTW, nor are Pakistanis.)

[Moirai]

Originally Posted by Marley23

... most of the audience for The 300 is probably action movie-lovin' kids, who are not really that geopolitically active...

Actually, if a review I read the other day was accurate, this movie is killing across the entire spectrum of audience types- as many over-25's are seeing it as under-25's, and a huge number of women.

[Waverly]

Thank you, Tamerwiki.

[Captain Carrot]

Originally Posted by Hung Mung

I ranted for a good few minutes about why Pakistan had about as much reason to bitch about 300 as Switzerland has to bitch about Pearl Harbor.

I'd say maybe more Mexico than Switzerland, given the geography. Pakistan borders Iran, after all.