So Skybus Airlines is about to hit the skies tomorrow (Tuesday, May 22), and they say they’ll offer at least ten $10 tickets on each flight. They offer a pretty scaled-back flight, as far as frills go. But certain things passengers can upgrade for (food, priority boarding, etc.)
I say, there’s still too many damn frills. $10?? I want to fly for $9 or less.
Here are some things I’d like to see (or not see) offered by an airline:
-No bathrooms. I have never used a bathroom on an airplane in my life, so I don’t want to have to pay for this wasteful luxury. I guess for emergencies, they could install a drain in the back of the plane, with a shower curtain around it and a hose to wash down the waste. Charge people $5 to use it.
-Eliminate the shower curtain from around the hose ‘n’ drain.
-Eliminate seats. Let people mingle. If you absolutely need to sit (ya pussy), let people bring folding chairs, but charge them for the privilege, like $10. If someone forgets to bring a chair, and they absolutely have to sit, the airline can rent them one for like $25/hr. And when I say one, I mean ‘one.’ Each flight only has one rental chair, so it’s first-come-first-serve.
-Obviously, no food or beverage service. If people are caught bringing their own stuff on board, charge 'em a “bread and bottle fee.” Like $15.
-We don’t need a full-time co-pilot. When the pilot doesn’t need him, instead of reading the latest issue of Teen People or daydreaming out the window, the co-pilot can head back and serve as a bouncer or something. Or he can guard the drain and make sure no one uses it without paying.
-No baggage, no storage bins, no carry-ons. You’re only allowed to bring onto the plane what you’re wearing or can carry in your pockets. Obviously, layering is essential.
-Reduce the need for jet fuel by installing solar panels. I mean, come on, if anything should be using solar energy, it’s a friggin’ airplane.
-No in-flight magazines, movies, music, SkyMall or phones.
-BYOBB. Bring your own barf bag.
Feel free to add to the list.