Nigeria is one f###ked up country

Price of machetes drops after elections

And they want me to launder the finance minister’s fortune? Not bloody likely!

well, frankly, I heard that Masi sold used machettes as new and they were substandard, so I’m not surprised that he’s not selling as many anymore.

Just the other day I was “attached” by “bad elements,” whose machetes were so dull that they beat me with my own “hand phone.”

I earnestly await your urgent reply.

Signed,
Barrister Mohammed Abacha

Like new! They’re like new! Only used to chop up little old ladies on Sundays! Tell you what - buy two, I’ll give you the third one free, and that’s cutting me own throat!

Well, someone’s throat, anyway.

Nigerian politics was so much more interesting when you could just buy the Fela record.

It’s an interesting way to gauge the violence in a country- street price of the weapon of choice. I wonder if anyone’s done an inflation-adjusted graph on the street price of an AK-47 in Iraq or Afghanistan?

Which network is it that airs “Fucked Up Country”? I don’t think my cable system carries that.

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In an election a bullet is just as good as a ballot, and a good deal easier to count. That machete business is too labor intensive to be efficient in the 21st century.

Then then it should be the status quo in Nigeria for at least 200 years.

Check out “fuckedcountry.com,” where all those countries with poor business practices or personnel horror stories get trashed.

Wait, I may have that mixed up with another site…hmmm.

Such a shame, especially when the fuckin NAME of your country has become an adjective for corruption.

Yeah, we’ll see an African renaissance real soon. NOT.

Nigeria has GREAT cookies.

I dunno, they might get the audiences in for a concert or two but you can bet that the record sales will be shit.

Oh sure, it’s easy to mock Nigeria. But I think everyone’s missing the salient point here: even though their government may be hopelessly awash in violence and intimidation… they still take the time to monitor machete prices. That’s the sort of attention to detail that I think many ostensibly advanced First World nations could stand to emulate.

If machetes are an integral part of their electoral process, then by god, the Nigerian government keeps records on how those machetes affect elections! Other nations might try to gloss over such irregularities, sweep them under the rug: “What machetes? How could machete sales possibly have anything to do with elections? You are too paranoid, my friend. Everything is in order.” But not Nigeria! If there’s a ripple in the machete market, then even the state-sponsored Nigerian media carries the story on the front page!

I think there’s a lesson there for all of us.

If their Girl Scouts carry machetes, I’m not opening the door for them!

Yeah, but you can also use machetes to cut underbrush, open coconuts, shave, and perform female circumcision. You can only do some of those with an AK-47…

Last time I had to open a coconut I wish I had an AK-47…

Some varieties of AK-47 come with folding bayonets, you know. Even the ones that don’t will readily mount a detachable bayonet. :wink:

Wait, I am confused. Are you saying I should take the shipment of machetes from my Nigerian contact now or wait until the check clears? If I wait for the check, the prices might go up. If I send him 15,000 dollars now, I could probably get more machetes.