Lots of people have complained that the MPAA movie ratings system isn’t very informative, and while the MPAA has expanded on the ratings a bit (adding descriptors for things like “Mild Peril”), they’re still less than satisfying. So, I thought that we could come up with better descriptions and/or ratings than the MPAA currently uses.
G: Warning! If this is a Disney flick not done by Pixar, it’ll probably suck. If it is done by Pixar, it’ll be enjoyable, but chockfull of so many merchandising tie-ins that you’ll probably have to mortgage the house to keep the little ones happy.
PG: This might be an enjoyable flick, it can have some explosions, a few swear words and some violence.
PG-13: If it’s a horror film, it probably started out with an R rating, but it sucked so bad that they cut out most of the gore and all of the boobies in order to try and sucker the young teens into seeing it.
CF: Chick Flick, if you were born with a penis, expect to be bored out of your skull for 2 hours, if you don’t take your SO to see it, however, expect to not get any nookie for some time to come. Will not contain boobies.
R: This film may contain boobies.
NC-17: This film will contain boobies, unless it’s directed by a woman. If it’s directed by a woman, it might have boobies, but will almost certainly contain a shot of a penis and will probably focus on things like “feelings.” In which case, view at your own risk.
What’s yours?