Get 100 mpg in your car now!

Johnny L.A. · #1 07-08-2007, 11:55 AM

Just saw ad ad for this product on teevee.

From the FAQ page:

Quote:

Q. Why is there no information of the actual modification process on the website?

A. We are providing this information on the DVD due to the amount of information and the customization processes for your particular engine, which depends on number of cylinders, etc. as well as complete instructions and how you can purchase the modification kit.

Translation: If we posted the information on the website, we wouldn't get your eight bucks for shipping and handling.

Quote:

Q. Where can I have it installed?

A. Customers that are mechanically inclined my choose to install the device themselves. We are finalizing negotiations with national exhaust system companies to begin modifications for the public by November 15, 2006.

2006? Not working out for you, eh?

Quote:

Q. Do you have references?

A. (Refer to Privacy Policy) - Our customers are busy like you are and we could literally send 100s of phone calls a day to them, but we respect their privacy as we do yours.

Translation: No, we don't have any references. No positive ones, anyway. We don't want you to hear from the rubes that spent a hectobuck on our scam.

Quote:

Q. Does it really work?

A. The Gas Advance System simply vaporizes the fuel using the exhaust itself. With a patented system, a magnetic reactor rod ionizes the fuel during vaporization. Internal combustion engines utilize oxygen through air intake and hydrocarbons through gasoline. Your gasoline engine already uses hydrogen, oxygen, and carbons to burn. We simply use catalyst ionization with the reactor rod separator strategically placed in the fuel line, this vaporization process serrate oxygen, hydrogen, and carbons to burn as elements and do it more efficiently. Hydro-carbons, oxygen, and hydrogen burn more efficient through this patented process.

Translation: We could have answered with a simple yes or no. Instead we've given you a lot of mumbo-jumbo that has already been disproven on Mythbusters without actually answering in the affirmative or negative.

Quote:

Q. Can I really get up to 100 miles per gallon?

A.Yes, research and vehicles in use have proven that 100 miles per gallon is average when driving a large sport utility vehicle. Some research suggests smaller vehicles may experience greater results than 100 miles per gallon with The Gas Advance System.

Translation: Yes. However we didn't say that the 'research and vehicles' used The Gas Advance System, did we? Some vehicles that already get 100+ miles per gallon may get 100+ mpg with TGAS, or they may not. YMMV.

Quote:

Q. Can you convert my vehicle in exchange for a witness?

A.Our research has proven the success of The Gas Advance System. We are not in need of testimonials in exchange for the system.

Translation: Listen we've already told you we don't want any witnesses! Just give us your money.

Quote:

Q. What is the chemical analysis of the fuel?

A.The Gas Advance System utilizes hydrogen, oxygen, and hydro-carbons to produce a cleaner burning engine that significantly reduces harmful emissions.

Translation: Chemical whaaa...? Our system works, OK? Trust us. And give us your money.

Quote:

Q. Can I pay extra for faster shipping?

A.You may choose express shipping for an additional fee, but we generally ship quickly and you will recieve your package in a timely fashion. If you do not, for some reason, receive your kit within 21 days at the very latest, please CONTACT US. Most orders should arrive within 10-14 days of ordering.

Translation: Sure, you can send us some extra cash. But you don't need to because we ship quickly. See? We're already saving you money!

Quote:

Q. Is the product available at local auto parts stores?

A. The Gas Advance System is not available in stores at the present time.

Translation: No auto parts store, reputable or otherwise, will carry our snakeoi... system.

Quote:

Q. Is this a hybrid?

A.The Gas Advance System is not a hybrid. It is designed and engineered for internal combustion engines that are being produced or are already on the road.

Translation: ... And for separating fools from their money.

Musicat · #2 07-08-2007, 12:05 PM

You know what this means, Johnny L.A.? I might as well delete you from my master sucker list. And I have all this swampland I need to unload. {sigh}

Tully Mars · #3 07-08-2007, 12:19 PM

You would think after all this time they would come up with a new spin on this scam. Ionization and using magnets to align the atoms is the same old BS from the '70s.

Notice that they didn't just place the reactor rod in the fuel line, they "strategically" placed in the the fuel line. See, the key to this technology is knowing where to place the reactor rod and only they know this secret.

Morgenstern · #4 07-08-2007, 12:32 PM

Wow, what’s interesting is how they are keeping this super system secret from all the major auto manufacturers.

Revtim · #5 07-08-2007, 12:35 PM

I'm gonna buy two of 'em and 200 mpg!!

Revtim · #6 07-08-2007, 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morgenstern

Wow, what’s interesting is how they are keeping this super system secret from all the major auto manufacturers.

They couldn't scrounge up the $7.95, I guess.

Sam Stone · #7 07-08-2007, 12:45 PM

Someone should tell the good folks at Monster Cable about this. It's a natural product line for them:

NEW Monster-brand fuel lines! With our fuel lines, your engine will feel more capacious, with smoother response, wider-feeling torque curve, and with a more well-developed throttle response. You will feel the difference every time you press the accelerator! Only $89.95 per foot. And look! It's a pretty blue color, with gold-plated connectors on each end. How high-tech is THAT?

Larry Mudd · #8 07-08-2007, 12:57 PM

Oooh, something for the kids who bought plans for a working laser pistol out of the back of a comic book to get excited about now that they are adults.

Cool.

Tully Mars · #9 07-08-2007, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam Stone

Someone should tell the good folks at Monster Cable about this. It's a natural product line for them:

NEW Monster-brand fuel lines! With our fuel lines, your engine will feel more capacious, with smoother response, wider-feeling torque curve, and with a more well-developed throttle response. You will feel the difference every time you press the accelerator! Only $89.95 per foot. And look! It's a pretty blue color, with gold-plated connectors on each end. How high-tech is THAT?

I like this idea. It's totally marketable. You could put a set of electrical connectors (gold plated, of course) in the middle of the line and then sell Monster Cables to connect to the battery. The current feeds an inductor coil though which the fuel passes, which causes the hydrogen-carbon bonds to start breaking down, thus causing the fuel to mix more completely with the air, thus causing a more complete combustion ....

We could sell different colors for the different grades of gasoline.

BJMoose · #10 07-08-2007, 02:24 PM

Just as well that this is a cropper. I didn't really want 100 Mutant Pygmy Gnomes in my car anyway. . . .

drachillix · #11 07-08-2007, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Revtim

They couldn't scrounge up the $7.95, I guess.

Damn union rules....

Tuckerfan · #12 07-08-2007, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam Stone

Someone should tell the good folks at Monster Cable about this. It's a natural product line for them:

NEW Monster-brand fuel lines! With our fuel lines, your engine will feel more capacious, with smoother response, wider-feeling torque curve, and with a more well-developed throttle response. You will feel the difference every time you press the accelerator! Only $89.95 per foot. And look! It's a pretty blue color, with gold-plated connectors on each end. How high-tech is THAT?

Pfft! Monster Cable is sooooooo not where it's at! There's a company out there which sells cabling for home stereo units for $14K! See, their connectors are mil-spec and cost $500 each! And gold plated connectors? Yeah, they're pretty and all, but what you really want are depleted uranium ones!

Pair 'em with some polonium spark plugs and you can easily add a kilobuck or two to the price!

Valgard · #13 07-08-2007, 04:55 PM

Gas Advance, a subsidiary of Steorn :-D

Sofaspud · #14 07-09-2007, 02:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Larry Mudd

Oooh, something for the kids who bought plans for a working laser pistol out of the back of a comic book to get excited about now that they are adults.

Cool.

... HEY!

(In my defense, I *did* get a bit suspicious when the package arrived and the 'lasing crystal' was a red plastic disk that you put in front of the 'photon source' -- a flashlight. Sigh.)