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[Shirley Ujest]

A hearty fuck you to you The Printer and the Spawn of Satan who designed it so impossible to remove a torn piece of paper.


1 hour, an arsenal of various tools that have never failed me until now, and I cannot get the stupid bit of paper out of the final delivery chute part thingie.


I now cannot even turn the thing off because it is constantly asking me to retry or cancel the print. Yes, I suppose I could trace the cord back to the power source, but it would involved spiders and feral dust bunnies.


I have a zombie printer in my basement.

Someone shoot me.

[Shirley Ujest]

Part Two:



A heartier fark up the bunghole with a rusty pike to the USPS and their teasing whorish ways.

Track and Confirm for priority mail packages sent hither and yon should allow receivers to watch with spaztic delight as their items wends its way from DogPatch to Outer Farking Mongolia. In the years that you buttheads have initiated this on line procedure, I have never once been able to see where my stuff is at and I hate you for ruining my girlish anticipation.








My printer still won't turn off. Someone send reinforcements.

[Ale]

I just want to say that "Feral Dust Bunnies" would make an awesome band name.

I sent the reinforcements via USPS, should arrive... someday.

[Don't Call Me Shirley]

So in February I buy a new DVD burner. Made by Lite-On. I've never heard of that brand, the guy at the computer store assures me they're reputable. There is an 800 number on the box for Customer Service/Tech Support. I buy it.

I use it maybe three or four times between Feb. and May. In June it refuses to spin. It won't read anything plus it's making a weird noise. I take it back to the computer store, they say I have to deal with Lite-On, but assure me that they are very easy to deal with.

I call the aforementioned 800 number. It's a fuckin recording telling me what their real tech support number is, and no, the real tech support number is not a toll free number. This reeeeeeaaaaaly pisses me off because had they put the real tech support number on the box I would have thought harder about buying it. Companies without toll-free support numbers obviously don't give two shits about customer service.

Plus, the hours for tech support are limited and they're in the Pacific time zone, making them even more inconvenient. So I go to their web page and click on "contact us." It brings up a form to send an email. I fill in the form and send it. The website says they will answer the email in two or three days. I sent it over a month ago. I still have not received a reply.

So after about 10 days I go back to the website because I remember there was an option to chat with a tech support person. I click that link and am informed that there are no tech support people online right now, please call our 800 number. After several days of this same BS I finally get a person. Except after a couple of exchanges I'm not sure I'm dealing with a real person because all this "person" keeps telling me is that I need to call customer service to get help with this problem.

So I finally break down and call the long distance number, where I am placed on hold for about 15 minutes. I finally get a person and she starts asking me for the model and serial numbers. I tell her that I am at work now and don't have that information, but I sent it in the email and can she just find my email or get somebody to help me? No, she can't do that and from her responses it becomes pretty obvious that even if they ever do answer the email they are just going to tell me to call.

So the next day I call again, armed with the model and serial numbers. She tells me that she will send it over to some other department that will process it and email me a super secret ninja code that will allow me to return the unit for a replacement. She says this email will arrive within a half hour. It does not arrive. I wait through the weekend and call back Monday. After another 15 minutes on hold I get the lady and she tells me that somebody screwed something up and she will fix it and send the email. This time, the email comes.

So I print out the form that explains how to return it, and it has about 10 different warnings that if I don't do something exactly right, the return will be rejected. So I carefully follow every single instruction and send it back. Registered. With delivery confirmation.

I am thinking there is absolutely no way they are going to accept this return. They will find some piddly little reason to reject it, and I doubt they will ship the unit back, and that will be the end of it.

Fuckers.

[Shirley Ujest]

Originally Posted by Ale

I just want to say that "Feral Dust Bunnies" would make an awesome band name.

I sent the reinforcements via USPS, should arrive... someday.

I shall be comforted when the reinforcements show up. Until then, I am trapped between spiders, FDB and a zombie printer.








I know I am getting a kharmic payback for copying an entire OoP knitting book that costs to much on Ebay to buy, so I got it from the library system to make my own....mwahahahahahahahahahaha*cough*Cough******splutter****



I collect stamps too.



and have a cat.


God, am I sexy!

[badbadrubberpiggy]

A hearty "fuck you!" to the clothing manufacturers who think summer is over.

It's JULY! I need a bathing suit, but so many stores are cleaned out. Sure, I can order online, but I already tried that - I ended up w/ a suit that was too big on top & too small on the bottom, even though I measured myself (correctly!) and bought the size recommended.

And I don't want to spend $100 on one either, since I don't use it that much.

[Wee Bairn]

A few months late, but these little drama queens/attention whores in the National Spelling Bee who ask the same series of questions on every fucking word, even ones they clearly already know. Here's an idea- give the little bastards the derivation, origin, alternate spellings and pronunciations, for every fucking word at the beginning, before they ask, since you know they are gonna ask anyway, and let them audition for Conan somewhere else.

[Lionne]

10pm curfew does not mean it's okay to be screeching up and down the walkway at 1.30am. It means get your fucking ass to your apartment and SHUT UP.

Yesterday, I had to roll over my 401k. So I call. "Try our website!" says the recording. I'd love to, but I can't. It won't take my social and password. The same social and same password that I used to access the automated system. Explain that.
After 5 different menus, I get a Live Person! She can walk me through the automated system. She's going to listen throughout and answer any questions. No, it would make too much sense for her to just process the rollover. Let's take twice as much time using the automated line. Why not try the website?
After the endless disclaimers and tax notifications (Try our website!), we start. Hmm, they can't verify my address. I ask the Live Person. She tells me to hold on, she'll verify. She does, but I have to start the process all over again. Try the website!
After every possible word has been said about rollovers and taxes and distributions, we're through. But I have to wait for a supervisor to approve the request, so I'm on hold. For 10 minutes. Listening to "Try our website!" over and over.

Fuck you to "Rescue Me" for being so goddamn compelling! I got home at 11.30pm, checked my mail, and saw the bright red netflix envelope and you just screamed "WATCH ME!"
So I did. Til 1.43am. Now I'm tired. Stupid show...you're too good to resist.

[Emilio Lizardo]

I'd like to give a big, juicy 'fuck you' to the worthless festering evil fucknuggets at Bank of America. I pay my bills on-line, and every single month, without fail, the 'due date' for the payment falls on a Saturday or Sunday when they don't actually accept payments electronically (unless you want to pay a $25 fee, and even then they still won't PROCESS it until Monday anyway) so when they say 'We must receive your payment by XX,' they really mean 'we must receive your payment by day XX-2." What a load of stinking bullshit. Its just a scam designed to make people late with their payments.

[Kalypso]

Originally Posted by Emilio Lizardo

What a load of stinking bullshit. Its just a scam designed to make people late with their payments.

I just got a Washigton Mutual card, first credit card I've had in years, as I hate the things, but it seems a neccessary evil to have one (In case I need to rent a car, or some such). I charged something and went to make a payment online, and I found that it is much more complex than the usual wamu bill pay system. What irritates me most, is that it insists on making me pick the day I would like the payment to process. There is no default day, and if you pick "today" you have to pay $25 extra. It is funny that when I use the regular bill pay system for all my other bills my account is sometimes debited the same day, but for their own credit card it won't. Stupid scam.

[Drunky Smurf]

My fucked up credit card company charges me $6 to pay online. What the fuck is that? That is the only bill I have to use a check to pay. I didn't have a check book until I got the card late last year. I had to fucking buy checks just to pay my credit card bill.

[Biggirl]

To the divorcing couple who owned the house I just bought: May you die choking on weeds in a darkened, locked bedroom covered in garbage. You know, since that's how you lived.

The two bedrooms upstairs had their doorknobs replaced with outside door hardware-- including locks that need keys. All the windows were covered in blinds and shades that do not raise or open. Both working doorbells removed from the front and side doors. No yard work in over two years because the yard is only good for stockpiling garbage in case nuclear winter came around and they would need a car battery, tires, a rusty weight set and bench, two of those gigantic highway buckets that hold either water or sand to soften the blow when you crash, metal pipes, rotting wood--- you know, emergency supplies.

Every day we find new and disturbing evidence of how strange your lives must have been. My favorite is the drop ceiling you installed with two florescent light fixtures. We replaced the burned out florescent bulbs in the fixture where the lights were out-- only to find that the thing was not hooked up to a light box-- or anything else.

Wood panelling in the basement affixed to--- nothing. There is nothing but the concrete of the basement wall behind it. And the little windows covered in brown paper bag.

What kind of creepy-assed, paranoid, dirty life did you two lead?

[Noelq]

Originally Posted by Shirley Ujest

1 hour, an arsenal of various tools that have never failed me until now, and I cannot get the stupid bit of paper out of the final delivery chute part thingie.

((Psst.. Not to spoil your rant or anything, but sometimes, if you have a piece of cardstock paper, or just a really thick piece of paper, you can manually push it through the tray, and it will dislodge the little fragment. You might want to try that.))

[Hung Mung]

Let's try this again.

[Hung Mung]

If your lane ends in construction 200 yards ahead, that doesn't mean ride ass and jet to the end of the lane and try to pry your way in front of me. Do you see my car? Do you see what a piece of shit it is? Do you think I care if you ding my bent front fender?

So, go ahead and act like you'll bump my dirty, dented, 14-years-old,* pushing-220,000-miles Jeep with that nice, new Altima. I've got the insurance. You haven't got the balls. Fuck you and wait in line with the rest of us.

*That's right! I was driving this car before that obnoxious little maggot in your backseat was born!

[mischievous]

Originally Posted by Biggirl

Every day we find new and disturbing evidence of how strange your lives must have been. ... What kind of creepy-assed, paranoid, dirty life did you two lead?

Wow - these people sound like a great story. More details!

[Sean Factotum]

Dear Mr. Rogers Windows

Nine months ago you came to our house and gave us an estimate for replacing all of our windows. We liked the quote, we liked the product, we haggleed a bit (more for forms sake than because we thought it was too expensive a quote), then signed the contract.

Two weeks later, your fine young gentlemen came to our house and quickly & efficiently replaced all of the windows in the house. There was a problem with one of them not locking correctly. You quickly sent out a technician who tried to fix it, couldn't, so then ordered a brand new replacement window for it. A week later, two more of your fine young gentlemen quickly and efficiently replaced it, at no charge (or fuss, really) to us.

So why are you now sending me a discount coupon and calling three times a week to check to see if we want to replace (once again) every window in our house? Do you know something about the expected these windows that are less than a year old that you neglected to tell me nine months ago?

[Biggirl]

Originally Posted by mischievous

Wow - these people sound like a great story. More details!

I don't know any. All I know is that the house was for cheap. The husband was a cop (which explained all the guns and bullets in the basement) and the wife did social work and that they have a 4 year old son. It was only at the closing that me and my husband found out they were divorcing (all the signs were there, though. Like the husband's bed and all his clothing shrewn around the basement).

We've been living in the house since the first and every day we find something else that makes us scratch our heads-- and that we gotta fix.

[danceswithcats]

Originally Posted by Biggirl

To the divorcing couple who owned the house I just bought: May you die choking on weeds in a darkened, locked bedroom covered in garbage. You know, since that's how you lived.

Wood panelling in the basement affixed to--- nothing. There is nothing but the concrete of the basement wall behind it. And the little windows covered in brown paper bag.

They left the brown paper because window treatments typically convey with the real estate.

[badbadrubberpiggy]

Originally Posted by Biggirl

I don't know any. All I know is that the house was for cheap. The husband was a cop (which explained all the guns and bullets in the basement)

Hmmm. Rather odd he would leave them there. A gun doesn't seem like an item you're likely to forget about when you're moving.

[mischievous]

Originally Posted by Biggirl

I don't know any. All I know is that the house was for cheap. The husband was a cop (which explained all the guns and bullets in the basement) .

They left firearms and ammo in the house?????? Um, I'm pretty sure that would be illegal in New York.

mischievous

[Biggirl]

Originally Posted by badbadrubberpiggy

Hmmm. Rather odd he would leave them there. A gun doesn't seem like an item you're likely to forget about when you're moving.

He didn't leave them, the basement was empty when we took possession (well, empty of personal items). They were there during the final walkthrough. The guns were in their boxes but there were bullets. . . about.

[MsRobyn]

Dear neighbor:

I'm sorry you got water in your basement when it rained last week. But blaming our new gutters isn't really the answer, especially since your downspout is next to ours. I don't think the water that comes down our downspout is one color and the water from yours is another. Moving our downspout won't make one bit of difference if your basement is leaking, but if you're willing to pay for it, we'll do it if it'll make you happy.

Better yet, why don't you ask your landlord to fix the leak in the basement. This will solve the whole problem, I promise.

Robin

[lowbrass]

O.K., there are 2 left-turn lanes. You are in the inside lane, and there is ANOTHER CAR in the lane immediately to your right, which is ALSO A LEFT TURN LANE. You cannot start your turn in the inside lane and finish your turn in the outside lane. The laws of physics have not been repealed. Two objects cannot occupy the same space simultaneously. What exactly is hard to understand about this? You are wrong - plain and simple. You made a mistake. So first of all, when I honk my horn at you, do not continue on your incorrect trajectory. Think of that honking horn sound you hear as a big clue-stick that is hitting you over the head. It means you are doing something you shouldn't be doing, and you need to fix it. AND, you are not entitled to get all bent out of shape, follow me for several block until I make another turn and you are sure it's "safe" and then honk your horn at me.

[romansperson]

Originally Posted by Biggirl

I don't know any. All I know is that the house was for cheap.

The house probably got the way it is because they were in financial trouble (some people just don't give a shit about taking care of something if they know they are going to lose it) and of course a divorce just makes everything worse. We had a smiliar thing happen to the house behind us in our old neighborhood - dude there was a cop too. They fought all the time and eventually did divorce - and when a pipe broke in the upstairs bathroom, ruining it and the room below it, they didn't bother to get it fixed and ended up defaulting on their mortgage. It took a long time before someone else was willing to buy that house, even cheap.

I just read a very sad story on the Business Week site about the kinds of messes that people defaulting on their mortgages leave behind - some folks even abandon animals to starve.

[Shirley Ujest]

Originally Posted by Noelq

((Psst.. Not to spoil your rant or anything, but sometimes, if you have a piece of cardstock paper, or just a really thick piece of paper, you can manually push it through the tray, and it will dislodge the little fragment. You might want to try that.))

This may work on your printer, but mine is special. It now won't print anything and paper won't feed.


I'm wondering if maybe shoving my cat in there might make things all better.

[Noelq]

Originally Posted by Shirley Ujest

This may work on your printer, but mine is special. It now won't print anything and paper won't feed.


I'm wondering if maybe shoving my cat in there might make things all better.

I'd pay you a dollar to see this.

Heck, get enough dopers together, and perhaps you can buy a new printer from the proceeds!

[silenus]

Originally Posted by lowbrass

O.K., there are 2 left-turn lanes. You are in the inside lane, and there is ANOTHER CAR in the lane immediately to your right, which is ALSO A LEFT TURN LANE. You cannot start your turn in the inside lane and finish your turn in the outside lane. The laws of physics have not been repealed. Two objects cannot occupy the same space simultaneously. What exactly is hard to understand about this? You are wrong - plain and simple. You made a mistake. So first of all, when I honk my horn at you, do not continue on your incorrect trajectory. Think of that honking horn sound you hear as a big clue-stick that is hitting you over the head. It means you are doing something you shouldn't be doing, and you need to fix it. AND, you are not entitled to get all bent out of shape, follow me for several block until I make another turn and you are sure it's "safe" and then honk your horn at me.

Preach it! These jokers really need to have their butts kicked every time someone sees them do this. You have picked your lane, now stay in it!

[JohnT]

This isn't a rant, per se, but to that guy at the local Circle-K who counts out (for example) your $9.14 change on an $.86 soda by saying, every time "That's nine-hundred and fourteen dollars, yuck-yuck"...

Dude, you're a fucking dork. Can you please stop it?

[blondebear]

This is as good a place as any to wonder: What percentage of basic contractor personnel DON'T have some kind of attitude problem? Of course, I can only speak from personal experience:

We recently had some flood damage repaired. I had to tell the owner to send his crew back FIVE times to get the interior painting/base boarding right (they seemed to prefer working when we weren't around). The people who did the exterior paint showed up whenever they felt like it, and left a huge mess. Where I work, we asked to have some shrubbery cut back, and they hacked one plant to within an inch of it's life, and ignored another plant entirely. I was walking down the street the other day and a local landscaping dude* made a point of pointing his leaf blower in my direction as I passed by.

*I must say that most leaf-blower dudes make a point of turning the thing down or pointing it away, but this guy had some kind of chip on his shoulder.

[DrDeth]

Originally Posted by Tahssa

My fucked up credit card company charges me $6 to pay online. What the fuck is that? That is the only bill I have to use a check to pay. I didn't have a check book until I got the card late last year. I had to fucking buy checks just to pay my credit card bill.

For you two dudes, and others, do what I do- make sure your main CC is a bank with a local branch. Then, drive/walk/pogo over there and pay it, and get a reciept. Heh, heh, heh.

[MsRobyn]

Originally Posted by DrDeth

For you two dudes, and others, do what I do- make sure your main CC is a bank with a local branch. Then, drive/walk/pogo over there and pay it, and get a reciept. Heh, heh, heh.

Not that that's a guarantee that you won't be hassled. We've got a car note through a bank that has local branches. We make the payments there and get a receipt. Two days later, we'll get a call that that month's payment is late.

Stuff like that is only great if the different branches talk to each other. Otherwise, the cost savings is eaten up in time spent proving you paid your bill.

Robin

[Shirley Ujest]

Originally Posted by mischievous

They left firearms and ammo in the house?????? Um, I'm pretty sure that would be illegal in New York.

In Detroit, this would be in the Welcome Wagon's Basket of goodies.











FTR, my printer is still not working. The little orange light is flashing me. I'm thinking of getting a retraining order.

[Shirley Ujest]

Originally Posted by DrDeth

For you two dudes, and others, do what I do- make sure your main CC is a bank with a local branch. Then, drive/walk/pogo over there and pay it, and get a reciept. Heh, heh, heh.

The cost of gas is over $3 here ( Michigan) and I am 7 miles from the nearest local branch of my bank or any bank. On a 14 mile per gallon tank vehicle. I don't want to wait in line and deal with the irrate menopausal clerks who hate everyone, is worth the service fee.


I haven't been inside a bank in years and plan to keep it that way.

[corkboard]

To those websites that show a tiny, grainy picture of the merchandise I'm considering buying, with a caption Click to Enlarge. I click and a big window opens up, but the picture is just as tiny and grainy as it was on the main page, but now it's in a big empty window which actually makes it look smaller than it does on the main page.

Pigfuckers.

[cowgirl]

To the raccoon that has taken up residence in my garden shed:

You may not have noticed that I have a big pit bull/mastiff mix. Until last night, that is: you probably noticed then when he was barking furiously at you. And again this morning, when he was nearly beside himself and I had to pull him back into the house again.

I know you are tough and I know you are smart. I have the utmost respect for you and your kind. I have seen you in action and I always give you lots and lots of space.

Now tell me. Are you tough and smart enough to take on a 70 lb pit bull? Really? I ask because although normally he is a lover and not a fighter, he really was built to tear other quadrupeds to pieces. I have never seen him so much as bark at another animal but he sure goes crazy when he catches a whiff of you.

I have no interest in seeing how a battle between a pit bull/mastiff and a tough city raccoon will work out. I am sure neither of you will be much better off. Nor do I want to have to clean out my shed and stare you down myself (although I'm sure my mighty pooch will be by my side when I do it - and I don't much want to see that encounter either.)

You've been there a few days now. Please leave. The dog is safely locked in his crate, now is the perfect time for you to slip out and make your home elsewhere. Nobody wants any trouble. If it helps, you can even tell your little raccooney friends that you took beat him up and decided to leave of your own accord. I'll back up your story if you want. Just move along. Please.

[mhendo]

Originally Posted by lowbrass

O.K., there are 2 left-turn lanes. You are in the inside lane, and there is ANOTHER CAR in the lane immediately to your right, which is ALSO A LEFT TURN LANE. You cannot start your turn in the inside lane and finish your turn in the outside lane.

Yeah, these people annoy the fuck out of me. Even more annoying are the people who can't stay in their own lane when going straight across an intersection.

I was at a red light yesterday, in the right-hand lane of a two-lane road. We had two lanes on our side of the traffic light, and there were two lanes on the other side of the traffic light. Pretty simple, right? If you're in the left lane over here, then you aim for the left lane over there. If you're in the right lane here, then aim for the right lane over there.

Not so simple, apparently. As we get near the middle of the (fairly large) intersection, i notice that my lane was getting smaller. Actually, it just seemedto be getting smaller, because the large red Volvo station wagon was slowly and inexorably drifting over from the left lane to the right. Another few feet of drift and we would, indeed, have been trying to occupy the same space. I leant on the horn, and the woman driving the Volvo jammed her brakes on, stopping dead in the middle of the intersection, and looked around in confusion.

She wasn't driving aggressively; she just had no idea that there was anything wrong with drifting between lanes in the intersection. I swear, i often think that oblivious and inattentive drivers are more dangerous than aggressive ones. At least aggressive drivers tend to have a sense of what's going on around them.

Originally Posted by Biggirl

We've been living in the house since the first and every day we find something else that makes us scratch our heads-- and that we gotta fix.

Isn't this the sort of thing you should be looking for before you buy the house?

[Mouse_Maven]

God damned mother-fucking cat!!

I know things have been rough this week. One of our cats has passed on. We've been having thunderstorms and road construction on our street. Did you really need to freak out, jump into bed and land your back foot into my fucking eye!!!!!!! You're claws are getting trimmed tonight! Whether you like it or NOT.

Ward Churchill

This is sour fucking grapes from me, but will you just go away? Please!

We work for the same University. I've gotten sick of all of the shit and decided to leave. You stirred up a bunch of shit, continued to do so, and now you want to stay? What the fuck are you thinking?

[Biggirl]

Originally Posted by mhendo

Isn't this the sort of thing you should be looking for before you buy the house?

Oh sure, if I was smart and beautiful and rich. But I was a poor dumb fuck in a hurry.


We knew it was a fixer-upper when we bought it, we're just surprised at exactly how much 'up' is needed to fix her.

[Shayna]

I pit those fuckers at Cal Trans, as well as those Redondo Beach city officials who had a hand in scheduling road work that involves JACK HAMMERS being used between 11:30PM and One O'clock in the freaking morning! And I'm told I'll have to put up with this for at least 4 more nights.

NO!

I swear I will find out which fucking individuals are responsible for this and bring a goddamn jackhammer to their house in the middle of the fucking night if I have to.

Jesus!

[Cat Whisperer]

Originally Posted by Biggirl

<snip>We knew it was a fixer-upper when we bought it, we're just surprised at exactly how much 'up' is needed to fix her.

That's one thing I'm learning; never to underestimate how much "up" is needed to fix her.

My rant - I'm registered with four temp agencies in Calgary, and they are all studiously not calling me (or returning my calls), and yet they are advertising for more temps to fill their positions. A girl could get a complex here. What am I, chopped liver? Bunch of useless cows.

Side note to my younger sister: Shut up. SHUT UP. SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP. You talk non-stop so no one else can ever get a word in edgewise, and three-quarters of the stuff you say is just plain wrong. You don't know everything, but if you would shut your pie-hole once in awhile, you might actually learn something.

[Anaamika]

Originally Posted by mhendo

Yeah, these people annoy the fuck out of me. Even more annoying are the people who can't stay in their own lane when going straight across an intersection.

I nearly got driven off the road by a stupid woman GMC the other day. I drive a Corolla, you stupid bitch! You would have killed me. And she did the same thing - stop and look at me in total confusion. Um, it's a different fucking lane, and CARS are occupying this lane. If you can't figure it out then you shouldn't be driving.

This goes bang alongside the whole turn signal thing, too. Drifting is not OK. Drifting is never OK. I can't read your mind, what little there is of it.

As for the two left lanes, around here they draw little lines on the ground! All you have to do is follow the little lines! And they can't even do that.

[Cat Whisperer]

This looks like a good place for one of my favourite pieces from the internets - Are Small Cars a Threat To SUV Drivers? It used to be on the Part-time Mom site, but it seems to be gone from its home now.

[Anaamika]

That post should make me laugh but it just makes me mad and a little sad.

[Triskadecamus]

You know, I know now why screaming "Fuck you, you lazy useless cunt!" is illegal where I live. Because otherwise, I would be saying it every day, and that would, no doubt cause me to accrue bad karma beyond my ability to handle.

So, go ahead and come to work whatever time you like, and when you get there, please, do sit down and take a break. While you are at it, why not spend a few . . . oh, what the heck, a whole lot of minutes fixing a snack. It's only work that you are missing. Invite your friends to join you!

Maybe you are a lazy useless cunt, but I won't say so.

Tris

[Pullet]

Dear Comcast:
I don't bother you very often. You give me TV and internet, I give you money. It's a good relationship. On the off chance there is a problem, could you, pretty please, hire someone who can actually help me instead of the snot-eating chair weights you usually get?

For example: Contrary to what Mavis in IT support claims, clearing the cookies from one browser on one computer will not prevent my internet service from cutting out simultaneously on all three of my computers. Mavis needs to be dragged out into the street, tarred and feathered, and forced to walk home wearing a giant sign that reads: "I'm incompetent and a lier."

Also, when I have a complex billing problem involving 2 separate accounts, please let me speak to someone who is fluent in the predominant language of the area. And for fuck's sake, when the client asks to speak to someone who is fluent, don't instruct your employee to lay a guilt trip on the client.

I miss Oceanic Cable.

[Carol the Impaler]

Look, uterus, you better start bleeding and right soon because the pre-menstrual rage coursing through my body and mind today is making it very, very trying to deal with the copier/printer that says "add paper" when there's plenty of fucking paper in there and now won't work at all, or the gagillion calls that come into my phone yet when I answer there's only a hangup, or the outright ridiculousness of not just spending $250.00 for a copy of PowerPoint instead of making me copy a PowerPoint presentation into Word in addition to sending off links to the viewer in addition to sending links to OpenOffice and then god knows I'm going to have to instruct the recipient how to use all this shit later and when you add up my benefits and salary it's more than $250 spent of company time!

AAAAAAAAAAAyyyyyyyyyyyEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ETA: And Gnarls Barkley SUCKS!

[corkboard]

Originally Posted by niblet_head

Look, uterus, you better start bleeding and right soon because the pre-menstrual rage coursing through my body and mind today is making it very, very trying to deal with the copier/printer that says "add paper" when there's plenty of fucking paper in there and now won't work at all, or the gagillion calls that come into my phone yet when I answer there's only a hangup, or the outright ridiculousness of not just spending $250.00 for a copy of PowerPoint instead of making me copy a PowerPoint presentation into Word in addition to sending off links to the viewer in addition to sending links to OpenOffice and then god knows I'm going to have to instruct the recipient how to use all this shit later and when you add up my benefits and salary it's more than $250 spent of company time!

AAAAAAAAAAAyyyyyyyyyyyEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ETA: And Gnarls Barkley SUCKS!

This post would have won the thread even without the ETA. But with it, it's stellar.

[Giraffe]

Pullet, I got your email and copied the OP of your thread into this one.

[Pullet]

Originally Posted by Triskadecamus

You know, I know now why screaming "Fuck you, you lazy useless cunt!" is illegal where I live. Because otherwise, I would be saying it every day, and that would, no doubt cause me to accrue bad karma beyond my ability to handle.

So, go ahead and come to work whatever time you like, and when you get there, please, do sit down and take a break. While you are at it, why not spend a few . . . oh, what the heck, a whole lot of minutes fixing a snack. It's only work that you are missing. Invite your friends to join you!

Maybe you are a lazy useless cunt, but I won't say so.

Tris

Aw. Now I feel guilty.
<hangs head>

Pullet
Who really has nothing to do at work right now until her boss shows up with instructions