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  #1  
Old 10-10-2007, 06:25 AM
glee glee is offline
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Do you know any jokes for 7-10 year olds?

I'm teaching some after-school classes of 7-10 year olds.
It's going really well and a small part of that is that I tell a joke at the end of every lesson.
The kids like the routine and look forward to the humour. In fact, I said once "Please listen or I won't tell the joke" - and they immediately all focused.

But I'm running out of jokes.

So far I have used:

- two goldfish on a tank. One of them says "How do you drive this?"

- two parrots on a perch. One of them says "Can you smell fish?"

- doctor, the Invisible Man is here. Tell him I can't see him!

- doctor, a nervous man is here. He thinks he's a pair of curtains. Tell him tp pull himself together!

As you see, the standard is not high - but they laugh out loud, so it's what they want.
Also a punchline that takes a little while to work out is interesting to them. "Oh, I get it now!"
If you have material along the above lines, I would be grateful for your help.
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  #2  
Old 10-10-2007, 06:33 AM
Gregor Samsa Gregor Samsa is offline
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What flowers grow between your nose and your chin?

Tulips. (two lips)
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  #3  
Old 10-10-2007, 06:46 AM
twickster twickster is offline
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What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

SPOILER:
A carrot!
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  #4  
Old 10-10-2007, 06:59 AM
samclem samclem is offline
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Moved to MPSIMS.

samclem GQ moderator
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  #5  
Old 10-10-2007, 07:01 AM
DSYoungEsq DSYoungEsq is offline
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I presume you are not looking for the old standbys like the ones about "Artie choke" or "What is black and white and read all over (not that they'd understand the concept of a black and white newspaper any more anyway)."
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  #6  
Old 10-10-2007, 07:23 AM
FairyChatMom FairyChatMom is offline
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My daughter used to love this one at that age:
What's the best way to catch a fish? Have it thrown to you.
And my youngest sister told this to everyone when she was that age:
Sis: Ask me if I took a shower last night.

Victim: Did you take a shower last night?

Sis: Why - is one missing? <insert much hilarity>
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  #7  
Old 10-10-2007, 07:32 AM
Grey Grey is online now
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.


I've heard this one over and over and over and over.....
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  #8  
Old 10-10-2007, 07:36 AM
racer72 racer72 is offline
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A guy goes to a doctor. He tells the doc he has the same dream every night. First he's a teepee, then he's a wigwam. The doctor told him he needs to relax, he's too tense.
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  #9  
Old 10-10-2007, 07:49 AM
flodnak flodnak is offline
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What do you get when you run over a canary with a lawnmower? Shredded tweet.

Did you hear about the bald man who got a comb for his birthday? He said Thanks! I'll never part with it.

Why do elephants paint their toenails? So they can hide in jellybean jars.
Hmm? You say you've never seen an elephant in a jellybean jar? Then you see how well it works!

Why do firemen wear red suspenders? To hold their pants up.
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  #10  
Old 10-10-2007, 07:52 AM
Malacandra Malacandra is offline
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How do you stop your dog barking in the back garden? - Put him in the front garden.

Why is the letter V like an angry wasp? - Because it comes after U.

Why can't a bicycle stand up by itself? - Because it's two-tyred.

What did the scarf say to the hat? - You go on ahead, I'll hang around.

Two eggs are boiling in a saucepan. One says "Cor, it's hot in here." The other one says "You wait till you get out, you'll get your head bashed in!"

Two flies are playing football in a saucer. One of them fouls, and the other one says "Hey, watch your tackling - I'm playing in the Cup next week!"
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  #11  
Old 10-10-2007, 08:10 AM
Hakuna Matata Hakuna Matata is offline
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my daughter used to love to do this one

What you eating under there?

wait for it and your audience says



underwhere? (underwear)

much hilarity ensues
my daughter thought that was the funniest joke for years
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  #12  
Old 10-10-2007, 08:42 AM
SharkB8 SharkB8 is offline
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Teller: Knock knock
Answerer: Who's there?
Teller: Interrupting cow.
Answerer: Interrupting c--
Teller: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

I went to buy some camouflage pants. I couldn't find any.

A semi truck filed with tortoises tipped over on the interstate. It was a turtle loss.

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way. Unique up on it.

What do you can a blind deer in the woods?
No ideer.
What do you call a blind deer in the woods with no legs?
Still, no ideer.

I'm here all week!
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  #13  
Old 10-10-2007, 09:31 AM
TwoTrouts TwoTrouts is offline
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have the guts!


What did the pirate say when he appeared on "Wheel of Fortune"?

Arrr. I would like to buy an "I" (eye). (Best if told while wearing an eye-patch).
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  #14  
Old 10-10-2007, 09:48 AM
Marlitharn Marlitharn is offline
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Why did the pirate put a raincoat on his parrot?
So he'd be Polly-unsaturated.

What's green and red and goes 100 miles an hour?
A frog in a blender.

What's green and red and brown and goes 100 miles an hour?
Same frog two days later.

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom.

That last one was courtesy of www.jokesbykids.com And so was this one, although blonde jokes might not be the done thing for a classroom:

What do you get when you stick seven blondes in the freezer?
Frosted Flakes!
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  #15  
Old 10-10-2007, 09:51 AM
VunderBob VunderBob is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DSYoungEsq
I presume you are not looking for the old standbys like the ones about "Artie choke" or "What is black and white and read all over (not that they'd understand the concept of a black and white newspaper any more anyway)."
But if you say "a skunk with diaper rash", they'll get it.
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  #16  
Old 10-10-2007, 09:52 AM
Malodorous Malodorous is offline
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Q:What was the last thing that went through the flies mind when it hit the windshield?

A:His Butt!

As a bonus, even the ones who don't get it will laugh, because all seven-year olds will laugh at the word butt even without the joke.

Last edited by Malodorous; 10-10-2007 at 09:53 AM..
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  #17  
Old 10-10-2007, 10:34 AM
freckafree freckafree is offline
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A sheriff drives up to a rancher's house and says, "We're looking for a wanted man. Maybe you've seen him. He's wearing a brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, brown paper boots, and a brown paper hat."

Rancher: "What's he wanted for?"

Sherrif: "Rustling."

Last edited by freckafree; 10-10-2007 at 10:36 AM..
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  #18  
Old 10-10-2007, 10:36 AM
Foxy40 Foxy40 is offline
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My 8 year olds favorite joke.

A duck goes into a supermarket and asks the manager "Do you have any grapes?" Grapes not being in season, the manager said no. The next day, the same duck comes in and asks "Do you have any grapes?" Again, the manager says no. Third day, duck waddles in "Hey, do you have any grapes?". Now the manager is annoyed. If you ask me for grapes one more time I am going to staple your bill shut.
Next day duck comes back. "Do you have any staples?" No replied the manager. "Good. Then do you have any grapes?"
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  #19  
Old 10-10-2007, 10:44 AM
glee glee is offline
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Thanks all!

Please keep them coming....
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  #20  
Old 10-10-2007, 10:46 AM
cwthree cwthree is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SharkB8
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way. Unique up on it.
I'll have you know this knocked 'em dead at an adults-only staff meeting last week.

Last edited by cwthree; 10-10-2007 at 10:47 AM..
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  #21  
Old 10-10-2007, 10:47 AM
Bobotheoptimist Bobotheoptimist is offline
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What's brown and sticky?
A stick.

Two hookers and a pimp walk into a crack house, the first ... Wait, never mind.

Why do ducks have flat feet?
To stomp out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stomp out flaming ducks.

Three little pigs walk up to a farmer and say - "Mr. Farmer, may we please have some straw to build a house?"
The farmer says "Holy crap! A talking pig."
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  #22  
Old 10-10-2007, 10:57 AM
Max Torque Max Torque is online now
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Elephant jokes are always good. My favorite:

Q: Why are elephants big, grey, and wrinkled?
A: Because if they were small, white, and smooth, they'd be aspirin.

And of course, what do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
Elefino.
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  #23  
Old 10-10-2007, 11:05 AM
kayT kayT is offline
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Lady opens refrigerator and finds a rabbit staring at her. "What are you doing?!" she asks. Rabbit says, "Isn't this a Westinghouse?" Lady says yes it is. "Well, I'm just westing." (I loved this when I was 8. And 9. And today...)
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  #24  
Old 10-10-2007, 11:09 AM
Shirley Ujest Shirley Ujest is offline
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Pete and Repeat were sitting on a log.

Pete fell off. Who was left?

Repeat.


Pete and repeat were sitting on a log.....



(This joke is my usually 'filler' joke when the kids are getting all " He's touching me" in the car. Drives the nuts and they fall for it every time.
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  #25  
Old 10-10-2007, 11:10 AM
HazelNutCoffee HazelNutCoffee is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobotheoptimist
Three little pigs walk up to a farmer and say - "Mr. Farmer, may we please have some straw to build a house?"
The farmer says "Holy crap! A talking pig."
My favorite version of this joke is with the muffins:

Two muffins are in an oven. One turns to the other and says, "Boy, it sure is hot in here."

And the other one jumps back and goes, "Holy crap a talking muffin!"
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  #26  
Old 10-10-2007, 11:21 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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I wasn't going to post this, but compared to the flaming duck and fly jokes it is positively tasteful*:

"The only problem with Baptists is that they don't hold them underwater long enough."*



*source: Kinky Friedman.

might be better for the 10-year-old end of the range.
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  #27  
Old 10-10-2007, 11:27 AM
Septima Septima is online now
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This four ones sort of fit to together, so see if your kids can remeber from day to day.

Day 1: How do you get an elephant into the refridgerator? You open the door, put the elephant in, and close the door.

Day 2. How do you get a giraffe into the refridgerator? You open the door, take out the elephant, put the giraffe inside, and close the door.

Day 3. How do you get four elphants into a car? Two on the backseat, two on the front seat.


Day 4: How do you get four giraffes into a car? (see how many guess a repeat of day 2) You can't - the fourth one is still stuck in the fridge!
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  #28  
Old 10-10-2007, 11:39 AM
cwthree cwthree is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Malodorous
Q:What was the last thing that went through the flies mind when it hit the windshield?

A:His Butt!

As a bonus, even the ones who don't get it will laugh, because all seven-year olds will laugh at the word butt even without the joke.
If butt jokes are OK, how about fart jokes?

Q: What's invisible and smells like carrots?
A: Rabbit farts.
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  #29  
Old 10-10-2007, 11:51 AM
Rico Rico is offline
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You: Hey I got a great knock-knock joke for you! You start it!

Kid: Knock Knock!

You: Who's there?

Kid: ??????????


Gets 'em every time!
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Last edited by Rico; 10-10-2007 at 11:51 AM..
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  #30  
Old 10-10-2007, 12:22 PM
Yllaria Yllaria is offline
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Usually told together.

Knock Knock ----- Knock Knock
Who's There ----- Who's There
Ether -------------- Cargo
Ether who? ------- Cargo who?
Ether Bunny ------- Car go "beep, beep", run over Ether Bunny

And the ever popular elephant jokes:

What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

How can you tell if an elephant's been in your refrigerator?
Look for footprints in the butter.

How do you get down from an elephant?
You don't get down from an elephant - you get down from a duck.

Last edited by Yllaria; 10-10-2007 at 12:25 PM.. Reason: added hyphens (it erased the spaces)
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  #31  
Old 10-10-2007, 12:25 PM
glee glee is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Septima
This four ones sort of fit to together, so see if your kids can remeber from day to day.

Day 1: How do you get an elephant into the refridgerator? You open the door, put the elephant in, and close the door.

Day 2. How do you get a giraffe into the refridgerator? You open the door, take out the elephant, put the giraffe inside, and close the door.

Day 3. How do you get four elphants into a car? Two on the backseat, two on the front seat.


Day 4: How do you get four giraffes into a car? (see how many guess a repeat of day 2) You can't - the fourth one is still stuck in the fridge!
Day 5: How do you get two whales in a car?
Down the M4.
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  #32  
Old 10-10-2007, 12:37 PM
VunderBob VunderBob is offline
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Why are you not supposed to walk in the jungle between 2 and 4 PM?

Because the elephants are jumping out of the trees.


Why are Pygmires so short?

Because they walk in the jungle between 2 and 4.
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  #33  
Old 10-10-2007, 12:46 PM
Flander Flander is offline
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Why is a giraffe's neck so long?


Because it's head is so far away from it's body.


Makes me giggle every time.
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  #34  
Old 10-10-2007, 01:03 PM
Euryphaessa Euryphaessa is offline
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A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch!"
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  #35  
Old 10-10-2007, 01:06 PM
OneCentStamp OneCentStamp is offline
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A psychiatrist goes to visit three patients at his mental hospital who are scheduled for possible release if he decides they're well enough for the outside world. He walks into the room of the first guy and the guy is holding a toilet plunger, which he is swinging over and over again in a long, graceful arc.

"Hello there. I'm Dr. Smith. What are you doing there?"
"Well, if I get out of here, I was thinking of becoming a golfer. So I'm practicing my swing."
"That's great to hear." The doctor makes a little check mark on his chart and leaves.

He then walks into the second patient's room. This patient is holding a toilet plunger with one hand and jabbing it into the air in front of him. His other hand is on his hip.

"Well, good morning. I'm Dr. Smith. What are you doing with that?"
"If I can get out of here, I'm going to become an Olympic fencer. So I'm getting in some practice."
"What a great idea." The doctor again makes a little check mark on his chart and leaves.

The doctor arrives in the third patient's room. This one is sitting cross legged, completely naked, on his bed. In front of him is a large pile of acorns. The man is taking the acorns one at a time, rubbing them vigorously on his penis, and throwing them into a pile on the floor.

"Good morning. I'm Dr. Smith. What are you doing there?"
SPOILER:
"Ah, man. I'll never get out of here...I'm fuckin' nuts.


What?
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  #36  
Old 10-10-2007, 01:14 PM
Slypork Slypork is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OneCentStamp
A psychiatrist goes to visit three patients at his mental hospital who are scheduled for possible release if he decides they're well enough for the outside world. He walks into the room of the first guy and the guy is holding a toilet plunger, which he is swinging over and over again in a long, graceful arc.

"Hello there. I'm Dr. Smith. What are you doing there?"
"Well, if I get out of here, I was thinking of becoming a golfer. So I'm practicing my swing."
"That's great to hear." The doctor makes a little check mark on his chart and leaves.

He then walks into the second patient's room. This patient is holding a toilet plunger with one hand and jabbing it into the air in front of him. His other hand is on his hip.

"Well, good morning. I'm Dr. Smith. What are you doing with that?"
"If I can get out of here, I'm going to become an Olympic fencer. So I'm getting in some practice."
"What a great idea." The doctor again makes a little check mark on his chart and leaves.

The doctor arrives in the third patient's room. This one is sitting cross legged, completely naked, on his bed. In front of him is a large pile of acorns. The man is taking the acorns one at a time, rubbing them vigorously on his penis, and throwing them into a pile on the floor.

"Good morning. I'm Dr. Smith. What are you doing there?"
SPOILER:
"Ah, man. I'll never get out of here...I'm fuckin' nuts.


What?
Youd tell that to a 7 year old? Please Og let this be a whoosh and Im just too dense to catch it.
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  #37  
Old 10-10-2007, 01:38 PM
OneCentStamp OneCentStamp is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by erie774
Youd tell that to a 7 year old? Please Og let this be a whoosh and Im just too dense to catch it.
Of course I wouldn't (I have a 7 year old!). I was just kidding.
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  #38  
Old 10-10-2007, 02:52 PM
Slypork Slypork is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OneCentStamp
Of course I wouldn't (I have a 7 year old!). I was just kidding.
Whew! Youve restored my faith in humanity.

Knock, knock
Whos there?
Dwayne
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the tub, Im dwowning!

How do you shoot a blue rabbit?
With a blue rabbit gun.
How do you shoot a pink rabbit?
Hold it by the neck till it turns blue then use the blue rabbit gun.

What do you get when you have 100 rabbits in a row all marching backwards?
A receding hare line.

Slightly dirty: Why did Tigger look in the toilet?
He was trying to find Pooh.
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  #39  
Old 10-10-2007, 03:02 PM
Rysto Rysto is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Septima
This four ones sort of fit to together, so see if your kids can remeber from day to day.

Day 1: How do you get an elephant into the refridgerator? You open the door, put the elephant in, and close the door.

Day 2. How do you get a giraffe into the refridgerator? You open the door, take out the elephant, put the giraffe inside, and close the door.
The way I've heard this end is:

3. All of the animals in the jungle have a big meeting. Who misses it?
A: The giraffe -- he's stuck in the fridge

4. You come across a river known to be infested by piranha. How do you get across?
A: Just swim right across -- the piranha are at the meeting.
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  #40  
Old 10-10-2007, 03:39 PM
Arglefraster Arglefraster is offline
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This is one that my cousin made up

Q. How do you catch a rabbit?
A. Hide behind a tree and make carrot noises

And this one is my friend's 6-year-old's favorite joke

Q. Did you hear about the new pirate movie?
A. It's rated Arrrr!

Also I just wanted to add that the talkin muffin is my new favorite joke.
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  #41  
Old 10-10-2007, 03:53 PM
Sauron Sauron is online now
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What's big and red and eats rocks?
A big red rock-eater.

What's big and blue and eats rocks?
A big blue rock-eater.

What's big and green and eats rocks?
(Usually, at this point, the kids will figure out the pattern and will say "A big green rock-eater.") Nothing ... they only come in red and blue.
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  #42  
Old 10-10-2007, 03:54 PM
elucidator elucidator is online now
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What did the Pink Panther say when it stepped on an ant?

Dead ant, dead ant, deadantdeadantdeadant.....
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  #43  
Old 10-10-2007, 03:55 PM
SharkB8 SharkB8 is offline
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A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a beer and a mop.
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  #44  
Old 10-10-2007, 04:07 PM
grayhairedmomma grayhairedmomma is offline
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I got these from some website that I don't remember:

What's pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff.

What's blue and fluffy?
Pink fluff holding it's breath.

Where do you find a one-legged dog?
Where you left it.
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  #45  
Old 10-10-2007, 04:16 PM
FairyChatMom FairyChatMom is offline
I'm nice, dammit!
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut.
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  #46  
Old 10-10-2007, 04:36 PM
sqweels sqweels is offline
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Q: What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

A: Beer Nuts are $1.39 and Deer Nuts are under a buck!
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  #47  
Old 10-10-2007, 04:38 PM
maggenpye maggenpye is offline
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Best told together,

Knock knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
A Mosquito

then

Anna
Anna who?
Another mosquito

Then

Yeti
Yeti Who?
Yet another mosquito

Then

Arnie
Arnie who?
Aren't ya glad I didn't say mosquito?

There are websites dedicated to kids jokes - they're the reason I don't let my child on the internet, I can't stand being the straightwoman.
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  #48  
Old 10-10-2007, 04:40 PM
Sunrazor Sunrazor is offline
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My nephew made this one up one day:

What do you call a fish that works on Steinways?
A piano tuna.

I know, doesn't sound like much. But he was six. And I watched/listened to the process he went through "writing" the joke. I was blown away.
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  #49  
Old 10-10-2007, 04:48 PM
SharkB8 SharkB8 is offline
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I heard this one Scrubs a while back and I still get a tear in my eye:

One day a man walked into a doctor's office and says to the doctor, "Doc, I think I'm a moth."

The doctor goes, "You think you're a moth? Well I don't think you need a doctor, I think you need a psychiatrist."

The man goes, "Yeah, I know."

The doctor looks at him, puzzled, for a moment. "Then why did you come in here?"

"'Cause the light was on."
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  #50  
Old 10-10-2007, 04:50 PM
Bobotheoptimist Bobotheoptimist is offline
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Two snowmen standing in a field, the first says "Do you smell carrots?"
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