Mundane cases of mistaken identity (in the kitchen)

[grimpixie]

She-who-must-be-obeyed returned from work the other night and was animatedly telling me about her day while applying butter to some crackers. The butter in the counter-top dish ran out and so she retrieved some more from the fridge, all the while regaling me the the (mis)adventures she had suffered. After a little while she yelled "What is wrong with this butter? Why won't it spread", only to find it wasn't butter, it was cheese...

I shouldn't have laughed so hard - after all, I'm the man who put cream soda flavoured mix-a-drink into the washing up water and then wondered why it wasn't frothing all that well...

Grim

[jjimm]

Once when I was very poor, I got really excited passing a French deli, because I saw some Président goat's cheese in the window that was really inexpensive. I bought a pack and took it home to my girlfriend as a gift. I got a cracker, cut a big wedge off, and gave it to her. She took a bite and gagged. The reason it was so cheap was because it was actually a big slab of butter.

[Muffin]

Once while attempting to brush his teeth, my dad mistook the Brylcreem tube for a tube of toothpaste.

[Richard Pearse]

I have mistaken a razor for a toothbrush - oops!

[JustThinkin']

I once grabbed the box of baking soda instead of cornstarch (both yellow boxes). Baking soda makes interesting effects when added to a stir fry. It also doesn't taste so good.

[Dung Beetle]

Mom was making a cake one time when me and my brother were little, and we pestered her until she let us have a taste of the "white frosting". It was Crisco.

I got mine first, and managed to tell my brother, "Mmmm! It's good."

[Joey P]

My sister was making Boca burgers for her and my mom about a year ago. My sister asked if she should spray Pam on the pan and my mom said yes. Afterwords when they were cleaning up, sitting next to the stove, was a can of Easy Off

[Eureka]

My mother once used Pam on her kitchen cupboards, rather than Pledge.

This was harmless, but will never be forgotten.

[TroubleAgain]

I made iced tea with sugar/salt combo someone accidentally made in home economics in high school. That was amazingly gross.

[ChiefScott]

Nothing beats a cup of dark roasted Arabica coffee with a healthy heaping of salt. My BIL thought my salt celler was my sugar dish just this past weekend!

[Joey P]

About a year ago I threw a handful of Cinnamon Sugar Pita Chips in my mouth. Turns out they were French Onion. It's like taking a sip of ice cold water and finding out it's spoiled milk. I haven't had a pita chip since.

[Swallowed My Cellphone]

Originally Posted by Muffin

Once while attempting to brush his teeth, my dad mistook the Brylcreem tube for a tube of toothpaste.

When I was about eleven, I went to use my blueish mouthwash, and instead took a swig of my sister's blueish Sea Breeze (facial cleanser).

I suppose the alcohol content made it work about the same though.

Bleehk!

[Batsinma Belfry]

Back when I was using powdered creamer in my coffee, I accidently poured parmesan cheese in it.

While making chili, I grabbed the cinnamon instead of the chili powder. Only a small amount went in before I caught myself. the result was so yummy, I now put a pinch of cinnamon in every batch.

[tdn]

When I was a kid I found something called People Crackers in the pantry. As I was biting into one, I read the box more carefully. "For dogs."

When an ex was a little girl, she was sick. Her mother told her to drink some apple juice. She wouldn't. She said it tasted funny. The mother got mad and said there was nothing wrong with it. Finally, to prove her point, she drank the entire cup herself. It was apple cider vinegar.

[maggenpye]

Deep into the post natal confusion that is early motherhood, I got a craving for chocolate cake.
No butter? No problem. I substituted a similar amount of canola oil.
No Cocoa? No problem. I had Milo (a sort of almost chocolate malted something milk additive)
It was only when I grabbed the baking soda instead of baking power that things became a little out of hand.

The whole lot went into the microwave and came out again looking almost like the real thing. It smelt fine. It even cut like a proper cake.

The kinda ... soapy aftertaste meant I couldn't finish the whole cake.





but I did eat most of it.

[lunar elf]

Hubby grabbed the cumin and liberally applied it to the oatmeal - instead of cinnamon. He felt bad, but insisted on taking a bite. Never again!

MIL was spending a few days at our house. She was having her daily cup of tea and added a few heaping teaspoons of kosher salt to tea. (We leave the salt out on the counter, whereas she normally leaves sugar on the counter back home.)

[Dogzilla]

I love Grape Juice. So I was delighted when I found white grape juice at the grocery store. Trouble is, it looks exactly like apple juice. So, I'd pour a glass, and my eyes told me it was apple juice, so my mouth was expecting apple flavor, even though my brain knew damn well it was white grape.

It was a shock nevertheless.

I resorted to verbally psyching myself into preparing to taste grape so I could enjoy my juice. I'd pick up the glass, and out loud say, "IT'S GRAPE!" And then drink.

Weird, huh?

[Swallowed My Cellphone]

Originally Posted by Dogzilla

I resorted to verbally psyching myself into preparing to taste grape so I could enjoy my juice. I'd pick up the glass, and out loud say, "IT'S GRAPE!" And then drink.

Weird, huh?

I had the same reaction ten years ago when they had thatclear Pepsi promotion. My brain refused to accept the regular Pepsi flavour from a 7-Up-looking beverage.

[Brown Eyed Girl]

I mistook Java Monster for coffee. ::Where's the blechie?::

Won't be doing that again.

[lizardling]

Garlic extract instead of vanilla extract when making cookies.

[SomeUserName]

When I was about six or seven I was wondering around the house. I walked into my parents bedroom and there was one of those small jelly glasses about half full of cranberry juice. What came over me to drink some warm cranberry juice sitting on their dresser is beyond me but I gulped it all down. Then I realized it was not cranberry juice. I did not know what it was but it was horrible.

I wondered downstairs and in a very nonchalant way I asked my mother what was in that glass in their room.

She immediately got upset and said "YOU DID NOT DRINK ANY DID YOU?". Her tone through me in a panic. I started crying and said yes. This was answered with "OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD"

She grabbed me and dragged me into the bathroom with her fingers down my throat. I started gagging and throwing up red "juice". She then forced me to drink a glass of milk and then back to the bathroom with more gagging and vomiting.

Believe me then I tell you that kerosene tastes nothing like cranberry juice.

[Sticks and Scones]

Originally Posted by SomeUserName

When I was about six or seven I was wondering around the house. I walked into my parents bedroom and there was one of those small jelly glasses about half full of cranberry juice. What came over me to drink some warm cranberry juice sitting on their dresser is beyond me but I gulped it all down. Then I realized it was not cranberry juice. I did not know what it was but it was horrible.

I wondered downstairs and in a very nonchalant way I asked my mother what was in that glass in their room.

She immediately got upset and said "YOU DID NOT DRINK ANY DID YOU?". Her tone through me in a panic. I started crying and said yes. This was answered with "OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD"

She grabbed me and dragged me into the bathroom with her fingers down my throat. I started gagging and throwing up red "juice". She then forced me to drink a glass of milk and then back to the bathroom with more gagging and vomiting.

Believe me then I tell you that kerosene tastes nothing like cranberry juice.

Exactly *why* was there kerosene in their bedroom?

[Tuckerfan]

A friend of mine once handed me what looked to be a white finger sized cookie. I bit into the thing and discovered it had a distinctly non-vanilla, non-sweet taste. Looking over at him I asked him, "What the fuck was that?" He showed me the package and it was some kind of parmesan cheese breadstick. He continued to munch happily away on the things, puzzled as to why I found them disgusting.

[Lanzy]

My sister made a cake with Salt instead of sugar.

[Eliahna]

The upside is I didn't eat it by mistake.

The downside is I tried to use it on the carpet. My all-purpose cleaning remedy of a paste of baking soda to remove tough stains is usually effective. It's less effective when you accidentally substitute icing sugar for baking soda. It's also hell to get out of the carpet.

[ivylass]

My son made brownies once. He mistook the powdered sugar for the flour.

[jeepus]

When my mom was a young adult, she lived with her older brother and his wife. My mom made a cake one day when she was home. When she tasted it, she found she had used salt instead of sugar. Hating to see it wasted, and also hoping to get rid of the evidence, she broke the cake up and fed it to the chickens. The chickens ate it right up and died from the overdose of salt.

[Booker57]

Mom used a bag full of crushed vanilla cookies instead of bread crumbs on top of a casarole. I ate it.

She topped stuffed peppers with salsa instead of the tomato sauce she wanted. Much better IMHO, she wouldn't eat it

[TROY TEMPEST]

While staying at Grandmas, in the middle of the night I zombied to the fridge to pour a glass of milk. It was buttermilk. Urrgghh.

[purplehaze2007]

Several years ago my Mom was staying at our house and decided to make chocolate chip cookies.

As they baked, the odor wafting from the kitchen was distinctly--different. It had a chemical tang. Burnt. Less than appetizing.

I took one cautious bite and gagged. "What on earth--Mom, what did you put in these?"

After reconstructing events, we determined that instead of vanilla, she had grabbed the bottle of Liquid Smoke.

Mom got new glasses shortly thereafter.

[bubble pop electric]

Originally Posted by tdn

When I was a kid I found something called People Crackers in the pantry.

[Green Bean]

Originally Posted by tdn

When I was a kid I found something called People Crackers in the pantry.

Were they made by the Soylent company?

[blondebear]

Fresh shredded horseradish tastes way different than shredded coconut.

[maggenpye]

And Wasabi does not taste like Avocado.

[SomeUserName]

Originally Posted by Always Brings Pie

Exactly *why* was there kerosene in their bedroom?

They were placing those block mirrors on one of their bedroom walls. They were like 12"X12" and some of them needed cut to fit properly.

My father was using the kerosene to aid in cutting them. I guess he dipped the glass cutter in the kerosene before running it over the block to make the cut.

The kerosene was red because it was the kind that goes in hurricane lamps and makes them look pretty.

Of course I learned all this all after the fact.

[jjimm]

Originally Posted by maggenpye

And Wasabi does not taste like Avocado.

Nor does it taste like fondant candy, which is what I thought it was the first time I ever had a bento box - it was in the shape of a little flower - on a flight to Tokyo. I ended up running up and down the aisle of the plane with tears flowing down my face, looking for the toilet so I could spit up.

[maggenpye]

I was in the office, trying to tough it out in front of the other drones. Fresh, very hot coffee doesn't ease the burn, surprisingly. It was a bad day and the wasabi wasn't even in an attractive shape.

[Siege]

Originally Posted by lunar elf

Hubby grabbed the cumin and liberally applied it to the oatmeal - instead of cinnamon. He felt bad, but insisted on taking a bite. Never again!

My younger brother did the same thing a few months ago, only he was making snickerdoodles, which are supposed to be rolled in cinnamon sugar, not cumin sugar. Now, usually, he's brilliant, but this time it took him a while to figure out why they didn't taste like mine. He is an adult, by the way.

I considered giving him a jar of cumin or cinnamon for Christmas, but decided it would be in poor taste (pun intended).

[MN_Maenad]

As my gramma was descending into demetia, she made some foul-tasting gingersnaps, which of course we all ate very slowly while trying to figure out what she'd done. Instead of powdered ginger she'd used powdered garlic.

A couple of weeks ago I had some items disinfecting in hydrogen peroxide, in a glass, on a shadowed shelf. The Man thought it was water and took a gulp. One panicked call to the Poison Control Center led us to the realization that it wasn't bad, but he should dilute it with other liquids to keep from throwing up.

[jackdavinci]

In my youth I used baking *soda* instead of baking *powder* while making microwave cookies. They made pretty electrical arcs inside in the microwave :-)

[jjimm]

Originally Posted by jackdavinci

In my youth I used baking *soda* instead of baking *powder* while making microwave cookies. They made pretty electrical arcs inside in the microwave :-)

I thought baking powder was just baking soda + cream of tartar? How would that alter the cookies' properties in the microwave?

[Ephemera]

Originally Posted by Batsinma Belfry

While making chili, I grabbed the cinnamon instead of the chili powder. Only a small amount went in before I caught myself. the result was so yummy, I now put a pinch of cinnamon in every batch.

I once mistakenly put cayenne pepper in my pancakes instead of cinnamon to similar results.

[Waenara]

My grandmother makes excellent perogies, but one time she didn't have enough sour cream for the filling (sour cream and cheddar) so she used a mix of sour cream and yogurt. We probably wouldn't even have noticed, except she inadvertently used french vanilla flavored yogurt instead of plain. The perogies were definitely still edible, but that had an unusual, slight sweet taste.

[araminty]

I once bought a little paper-wrapped wedge of cheese from a supermarket in Italy, to eat with my foccacia. Well, I thought it was cheese...

It was fresh yeast. Not so useful for a backpacker.

[rhythmonly]

Not in the kitchen, but I was having lunch with a friend of mine, when I mistook my clam chowder for my au jus sauce. He gave me a startled look as I nonchalantly dunked my french dip sandwich into my soup. I then tried to cover up my faux pas by putting crackers in my au jus sauce and eating it with a spoon, having mistaken that for my clam chowder.

[Scubaqueen]

Originally Posted by Dogzilla

I love Grape Juice. So I was delighted when I found white grape juice at the grocery store. Trouble is, it looks exactly like apple juice. So, I'd pour a glass, and my eyes told me it was apple juice, so my mouth was expecting apple flavor, even though my brain knew damn well it was white grape.

It was a shock nevertheless.

I resorted to verbally psyching myself into preparing to taste grape so I could enjoy my juice. I'd pick up the glass, and out loud say, "IT'S GRAPE!" And then drink.

Weird, huh?

nope. i did the exact same thing - with orange juice and milk. i wanted a glass of milk, but for whatever reason, i poured a glass of OJ instead. trouble was, my brain was geared up for milk. i nearly decorated the kitchen cabinets with a mouthful's worth of OJ. it was the most bizarre taste sensation i've ever experienced. these days i only drink white grape .

[tdn]

Originally Posted by Green Bean

Were they made by the Soylent company?

Nope. Sergeant.

They is not peeeeeeoooople! They is:

Ground wheat, wheat middlings, chicken meal, chicken fat (preserved with mixed tocopherols, citric acid, rosemary extract), spray dried cheese, calcium propionate (a preservative), vitamins and minerals blend (vitamin E supplement, vitamin A acetate, vitamin D3 supplement, vitamin B12 supplement, riboflavin supplement, biotin, copper sulfate, calcium iodate, selenium supplement, calcium pantothenate, zinc oxide), yellow #5, and red #40.

And to humans, they taste like crap.

[jjimm]

Originally Posted by rhythmonly

au jus sauce

Aaaaurgh!!!! ::aneurism::

[Inner Stickler]

Originally Posted by jjimm

Aaaaurgh!!!! ::aneurism::

Aaaaurgh!!!! ::aneurysm::

[Sunrazor]

Oh, yeah, saw "tsp", my brain converted to tablespoons -- vanilla extract can actually ruin a good egg nog, if you put enough in.