Is this romantic or stalkerish?

[SwimmingRiddles]

When I was a Junior in high school, I went to a summer arts institute. It changed my life, and I think everyone els's who attended it. While there, I met Casey, who began a student run improv comedy group. It was the first time I was introduced to improv, and I loved it. Meanwhile, Casey was easily the most amazing person I have ever met. As a performer, he was dynamic, energy seemed to roll off of him. He was frenetic in the best way. Off stage, he was calm, quiet, and grounded. And kind. I had a crush, but I was 16, had a horrible haircut and braces. On the last day of the institute, we were all in tears saying goodbye, hugging eachother. I turned around, and Casey was standing there. On an impulse, I gave him a hug, which he returned. I told him I was sorry I wasn't able to get to know him better, and he said he was too. We said we'd write. I wrote him about 3 months later, asking him for suggestions on starting an improv group. He wrote me a letter, detailing different improv games. And at the top, on the part I failed to read, was a note saying "This is just a list, call me and I'll explain everything in more detail" with his number. I didn't realise this for about 4 months after I got the letter, at which time I did call him, we talked about an hour.

A year later I ran into him at a concert. We talked for a long time, he was working as a nanny that summer. I almost melted. He was also leaving for GREAT arts school in the midwest. I emailed him once at school, getting his email address through the school website. He wrote back a warm email, he had changed his major to poli/sci. I am a terribly political person, and that was just icing on the cake.

This was four years ago, five since I first met him. And yet I've never been able to get over this guy. As unrealistic as it seems, when I think about the perfect guy, I think of him. He's a senior this year, and I am considering emailing him again, once again though his school's website, as I won't be able to get a hold of him easily after this year. I just can't shake the feeling that "What if?" feeling.

On the other hand, I knew him as a casual friend at best. While my current improv group is a fairly good excuse for contacting him ("Just wanted to let you know what you started! Catch us next time you're in town"), I don't know if this is romantic or Fatal Attractionish. So should I email this guy, Dopers, or get over it?

[oldscratch]

go for it

[Giraffe]

Email him. Absolutely. You even have a good excuse. As long as you keep the email light and friendly, it'll be nothing but good. And maybe great -- who knows?

[rocking chair]

email him. from what you've written, he seems to like you as well.

[monster]

Do it Swiddles, life is too short. Of course, you must let us know how it turns out!!

[Silver Fire]

I'm with monster. Keep us posted. You know how we are.

[Helen's Eidolon]

Hey, he's your friend (even if it is a casual friendship). gOf or it!

And, btw, Improv rules, I coach an Improv team at my school, too =>

[Nymysys]

Definitely email. If nothing else, who wouldn't be flattered by something like that?

[red_dragon60]

Go for it swiddles! But he might just turh out to be gay. In that case, I am always free

[Zenster]

Go for the gusto Swiddle's.

[Zumba The Cat]

I say go for it too. It isn't stalkerish in the least.

Stalkerish would be sending him 100 emails telling him that he is the love of your life and you will find him where ever he goes. I would not recommend that.

[magdalene]

Your titular Saint of Quality-Advice Laden Posters (and that fantastic new lipstick feeling) tells you to go for it! And check out my new sig...coinkydink? I think not.

Wish I could hang with you at Ye Olde New Englande Dope Feste, maybe next time I'm home.

[magdalene]

um...once more, with feeling!

[Serendipity]

Just in case you didn't get the idea from the previous dozen-or-so replies, go for it! I recently received an IM from a summer program friend who I hadn't talked to in years, and it was wonderful catching up with him. As long as you don't mention building a shrine or sacrificing small animals to him, I think it should be OK.

[Enderw24]

Well, I'll disagree. I think what you're doing is horribly horribly wrong and I couldn't even fathom why you would consider doing this.

And don't even think for a second that because I'm hopelessly in love with you, my opinion is biased in any way.




Fine, do what you want! Write him up. See if I care! I'll just be sitting over here in the "Scorned by SwimmingRiddles" corner.

_{ok, see this hovers over the line of lunatic. Learn your lesson and don't do what I just did}

[iampunha]

I don't see anything stalkerish about this, and I've done stalkerish things in the past (not knowing they were such).

[SwimmingRiddles]

So coincidently, my best friend from high school, who knows me as well as anyone, called me from Tennessee tonight, and she says it would be a little strange. She suggested a group email, letting everyone I know about my improv group. I could through in a couple of GIA people so it doesn't look too obvious.

Thoughts? (ps: if I do email him and he doesn't respond, I'll need someone to console me, Ender...)

[KimKatt]

I have to disagree with your bud, there, Swiddles. Go ahead and email him. Keep it casual - easy to do in email - right along the lines of what you mentioned above: "Just wanted to let you know.... How are you, anyway?" and I see nothing wrong with it at all.

I happen to love getting emails from people I haven't heard from in a long time, myself.

[Booker57]

Men are stalkers
Women are groupies
go for it

[Gnarly Narly Dude]

Why not?

If he reacts coolly, you'll soon remember he's a jerk, and forget him.

If he's warm to it, then you'll know you tried.

If he's hot for you, then you'll kick yourself for waiting so long.

So its a no lose deal.

[Enderw24]

It's especially a no lose deal, because I'm here to catch you if you fall. I feel like breaking into a cheesy '80s tune now.

I love improv too Swimming. Check out my rant here. Good luck with your troupe.

Hey, you know I'll be here to console you, though here's hoping you don't fail...on either improv or with the guy!

[Eo Echo]

Let me just pile on, here. DO IT!

[Shirley Ujest]

First, I say go for it.


[whisper whisper]But can I put in a...well...ummmm...jaundiced opinion. ..he was working as a nanny that summer. I have never heard of a guy being a nanny before. Call me sheltered, but my life experience is just screaming out (and I'm going to get bashed for this)
"He's gay!"


Not that there is anything wrong with that.....

[Sue Duhnym]

I seem to remember another post about him...or I'm just going insane.

Anyhoo, I say GO FOR IT, you don't have much to lose but a LOT to gain!

Good luck!

[seriousart]

Swiddles, sweety,
What are you thinkin' girl? No-brainer. You write him lickedy-split. He will be nothing but flattered. Trust me.
Worst case scenario, you guys have a friendly catch up. Best case? Do I hear wedding bells? Or at least some serious lip lockin'. Do it. Your only regret is that you didn't sooner.

.b

[SwimmingRiddles]

Originally posted by Sue Duhnym
I seem to remember another post about him...or I'm just going insane.

Anyhoo, I say GO FOR IT, you don't have much to lose but a LOT to gain!

Good luck!

Yea, I have. I don't remember where, but I have.

And if he IS gay, I can't say I'd be suprised. But at least I'd know it. I HAVE heard him speak about girls in a manner that suggests heterosexuality. But hey, I'm in theater. Nothing suprises me. And for the record, I volunteered at a preschool and knew quite a number of heterosexual men. Why would a gay man be more apt to be good with kids than a straight man? Better with interior decorating: yes. Better with kiddies: not always.

[Danalan]

I don't think it's romantic, or stalkerish. A 'How ya doing' Email to keep in touch with a potential partner is just prudence.
Definately do it, but don't get your hopes up too high -- he's had plenty of time to have a whole bunch of life. He might be married, with kids, by now!

[Rilchiam]

Swiddles, by all means go for it. The fact that you still remember him fondly may jump-start affection on his part.

And I strongly disagree with your pal. Do not bring other people into this. You are the one who wants to hook up with him; don't distract him.

[Lux Fiat]

So coincidently, my best friend from high school, who knows me as well as anyone, called me from Tennessee tonight, and she says it would be a little strange.

Maybe. So? Worst case scenario: What you thought was a light, charming, "So whatcha been up to?" email elicits an outright rejection note from homeskillet. So you grab your cat and some chocolate, and instruct the butler to inform any callers that "Ms. Riddles is in seclusion in the East Wing." You've lost nothing, except perhaps, temporarily, your vice-like grip on dental hygiene.

On the other hand, he could email back, what once was merely hope may be supplanted by an even sweeter reality, and y'all could move to the South of France together.

I believe your path is clear.

[dpr]

Do it!!!!!!

Not even close to stalking. Take the chance and roll the dice.

[Nacho4Sara]

Oh, I absolutely think you should e-mail him. Nothing new from what everyone else is saying, but I don't think it will be at all obsessive or stalkerish. I randomly e-mail people all the time - "You have red toenails too? Awesome!" for example. In fact, I ended up dating my cutest, most wonderful boyfriend to date in a similar way. Well, actually I got his e-mail addy from a friend, so it was even a little worse...But we ended up very happy for a few months.

Just hurry up and do it. Get it over with!

Best of luck. I'm sure you'll slay him with your wit and beauty, but I'll be sending good luck vibes to Vermont anyway.

[maidenunicorn41]

I am with the rest of the board GO FOR IT. You dont want to come up years from now and think why didnt I email him? Something good might just come out of this and it is a chance you should take. I did and to this day I am glad that I did.

[neuroman]

But make it a personal email. It can still be "friendly", but definitely don't send a group email. Guys are obtuse, and sending a group email is just one more potential bit of confusion. (Ok, maybe I'm just projecting here but my advice still stands.)

Good luck!

[Feynn]

Just Do It!

Damn... gotta send another royalty check to Nike for that one...

[Silo]

I'm with every other poster in this thread,

"go for it!"

What do you have to lose?

Nothing.