I start this thread because often, if I tell people my parents are deaf, they have questions - about Deaf culture, about how I grew up, about language, etc. No question is too silly, I promise I will have heard it before and I won’t take an attitude 
PS Hello If you don’t know who I am, I used to be a very regular poster many years ago, and only recently rejoined.
I’m sure you must be sick of this question, but it’s one that I’ve been very curious about: What do you think of the recent debates over deaf couples who are trying deliberately to have deaf children, because they don’t view being deaf as a disability and they want their children to experience the deaf culture as a deaf person?
Link to a relevant story: This couple want a deaf child. Should we try to stop them? | Genetics | The Guardian
Welcome back!
I assume you’re fluent in sign language?
Were your parents born deaf? How did they deal with you growing up? I’m assuming there were ways they worked around not being able to hear you cry, etc. Did you grow up with music, radio, TV?
Did you have any difficulty learning to speak normally? Do you feel your experience is similar in ways to immigrant children who take on responsibility very early because they help their parents interact with American society (doctors, etc.)?
Hello
Yes, I am fluent in sign language.
My mother got meningitis when she was 3 and doesn’t remember hearing anything ever. My dad’s case is less clear cut, but he was diagnosed deaf when he was 2. My guess is that as his mum smoked heavily though pregnancy and had him late (in her 40s) in the 1940s, he was deaf since birth. Both are profoundly deaf, meaning you can scream in their ears and they won’t hear you.
My parents both had a very difficult time growing up and both went to boarding schools where signing was forbidden. My dad went to a fairly ok school but my mum was punished by being put in a straight jacket or locked in an air raid shelter when she was caught signing.
When I was born, they had an armed where a ligyht flashed if I made a loud noise or cried in another room. The light was strong enough to wake them up if they were asleep.
My dad was very keen that I listened to music while I was growing up, so I had all the same tapes as everyone else my age
My speach wasn’t delayed at all because my nan (who was hearing) spent a lot of time with me and I went to nursery at 18 months. Although apparently when I first started there I would unnerve the staff because I thought everyone could sign and would just sign to them . Also, although both my parents are profoundly deaf (meaning you could scream in their ear and they wouldn’t hear it), my dad’s speach is fairly clear. My mum’s isn’t though. It’s very clear to me, but other people have difficulty understanding it.
I do know other CODAs (children of deaf adults) who had speach development delays though. All were corrected by a short course of speach therapy.
I did feel responsibility, because I had to make phone calls and interpret for them. There’s no getting away from that.
Oops - Francesca, did you skip my question because you didn’t see it, or because you didn’t want to answer it? I understand if it’s the latter; just wondering.
Is it, to you, basically the same deal as with English? You have two native languages (assuming that English is a native language of yours, of course)?
My native language is Swedish but I’m fluent in English (I hope). I find that often when speaking, writing or thinking in Swedish I want to use an English word or phrase and vice versa, because it fits better than the closest equivalent in the other language. Does this happen to you with English and sign language? If so, can you explain the experience - do you want to move your hands around mid-conversation?
Do you have children? If so, are they learning sign language too? Do your parents work?
Sorry just missed it the first time.
It’s such a dificult issue. On the one hand, I agree with those who argue that being deaf is only a disability because of the barriers in place by an able-bodied society. On the other hand, there’s no denying it’s a disadvantage. I would not choose for my children to be deaf. It’s not easy life, it’s much harder than being hearing. No doubt.
The issue is - should we get over these difficulties by taking eliminating those with a difference or should we as a society make more of an effort to accommodate different people. The second option takes more effort. That doesn’t ncessarily mean it’s the option we should take.
Yes, it’s the same as being bilingual. I am fluent in English, and I am fluent in BSL. I do still dream in BSL sometimes, and when I’m tired I want to sign rather than speak. But since I live in the hearing world, where everyone speaks English, that is now my predominant language.
I do use my hands a LOT in normal conversation. I use facial emotions and body language more than most people. I find this works to my advantage - people respond well to a physically expressive person. And in the job I do now - directing and producing sign language for television - it’s very helpful to have both.
I don’t have children yet, but intend to (and I’m getting married 6 weeks today!). My children will learn sign language, taught by me and by my parents who will babysit. I think it’s very beneficial for babies, who find it much easier to sign “I wanr a drink” than to speak it!
My parents are now retired by my dad was an electronic engineer and my mum was an actress. She had a mixed deaf and hearing theatre company, and translated Shakespeare into sign langauge. She won awards for it
There was a boy in my grade throughout school who had deaf parents, and I was always fascinated as to what it would be like, but didn’t know him well enough to ask what felt like really personal questions. So, this thread will be super interesting for me.
So, how did you deal with explaining the situation to kids you made friends with at school? Were you at all reluctant to bring kids home to meet your folks because you felt like they wouldn’t be understanding? (I’m hoping you didn’t encounter anything like that, but I know that kids can be really mean sometimes…)
I always explained that my parents will talk, but you might not understand them, but I would be there to interpret (which I did). I was never bullied because of it, or at least I never took it as bullying. Some kids would make fun of them and make grunting sounds because that’s what they sound like, but it really never affected me. My friends always got used to it really quickly, because kids are so adaptable.
It was always the parents who had the most trouble because they didn’t know how to deal with it. We arranged play dates through notes -“Can Julie come over for tea on Thursday?” on a handwritten notes and so on. I was never reluctant to bring kids home and would always play up the good side - we can play as loud as we like! And as a teenager, my house became the party house. Turn up the music! And having such a lot of responsibilty at a young age, having been making phone calls and interpreting for them for years, my parents trusted me. They would go out, let us teenagers have the run of the place, and since I was such a good little girl (I really was!), we’d have everything shipshape by the time they got home. Even when we drank out of their liquor cabinet and had waterfights in the kitchen, I always sorted everything by the time they came home. 
I’m happy you had such a good experience. I am realizing over time that I went to school with some of the meanest kids in the world or something, because anyone even slightly different got made fun of without pause, in very cruel ways. The boy I referred to before got by because he didn’t tell anyone about his parents (I only knew about it because when I worked at McDonalds in high school, he came in with his deaf parents to get food one day) and, as I heard later, never brought anyone over to his house.
I would have really liked to go to school with some of these “adaptable” kids. 
It is partly how you deal with it though - I would never DREAM of hiding my parents because I’m such a show off I liked being a little bit different. And had I taken it to heart, I might’ve been cowed by kids making fun as they did, but my parents were proud of who they were, and so I never felt like I ought to be ashamed. Having been brought up within a strong Deaf culture, I believed the kids who made fun were stupid, so I never took notice. I was special, my parents were special and that made us better
I realise now it’s not true, Deaf is not necessarily better than Hearing, but having the strength of a whole culture behind me, reinforced by going to the Deaf club twice a week, immunised me to being made to feel lesser.
That’s really great. Your parents sound like really cool people, who handled the whole situation well. Much better to feel proud and happy about it than ashamed or embarrassed, since either way it is what it is and you can’t change it.
I’ll see if I can think of more questions later, but for now…what exactly does Deaf culture consist of? Is it entirely composed of just a sense of communal pride, or is there specific art or media or whatnot that accompany it?
What is Deaf culture? I cant possible answer such a huge question this evening, it’s half past 1 in the morning here! But I’ll get back to you tomorrow, I promise.
How much “work” do you have to do for your parents? For example, if Mom decides to go to a new hairdresser, do you have to accompany her on a few trips until they are comfortable communicating with her? If Dad were to interview for a new job, do you have to tag along and act as translator? If they decide to have their bathroom remodeled, do you have to come help them communicate with the contractor?
Obviously, you probably don’t consider it “work” to do those sorts of things…more like a normal loving responsibility of a CODA, but, you know what I mean, I hope.