If you really want the sordid details, well, sorry. Dig in to by posting history in the Pit if you’re that eager for background.
Suffice it to say, I may be headed for the end of an eight year relationship. I’ve got a sinking feeling this means I might have to leave ‘my’ cat with my stbx. The cats are technically my wife’s premarital property.
Had a couple of litters before being brought to the shelter and fixed
Was possibly abused early in her life
Warms up slowly to new people
Hates other cats
Wuvs me with 75% of her heart - the other quarter goes to mom
Mom has another cat who is 100% hers
Pretty active for an indoor cat, and loves going outside on a leash. My wife is unlikely to take her out or play with her on a regular basis
Pretty much glommed on to me the first time I visited my future wife’s apartment
I realize that animal psychology, such as it is, is inscrutable at best. That’s why this is in IMHO.
I also realize that, relatively speaking, leaving a cat should be a minor issue in the rest of the emotional turmoil that marks the end of a relationship. But I can’t help it - thinking about leaving her behind is far more likely to make me bawl like a baby than contemplating any other aspect of the breakup.
So, even though it has the potential to break my heart even more, I’d like to have some idea of what it’s going to do to her when I leave. This is my first pet mammal, and I’ve never had this kind of experience before. How have your kitties handled a similar situation?
Are you positive that your stbx won’t let Sam go with you? Is there some sort of swap or exchange you could arrange, like say - she gets the furniture and you get Sam?
I hope you can work something out, because I am sure Sam would miss her daddy a lot
My cats handled the breakup of a 7 year relationship fairly well - but while they really loved my partner, I was still their primary caregiver, and I think that was a factor - that and the breakup was civil which meant no strange atmosphere in the house.
If you’re really the one she’s closest to, and who she gets the real attention from then it does seem like you leaving will impact her.
That being said, I left my girl cat with my parents when I travelled overseas (after her living with me for 15 years), and she barely noticed I left! So they can be more resiliant than we think - I think it depends on the cat.
Sorry about what you’re about to go through, I’ve been there, it sucks. It also gets better.
I love cats and think they’re wonderful animals but I honestly doubt Sebastian, the tabby my family has had for fourteen of his fifteen years but who is undeniably my pet, would notice if I left tomorrow and he never saw me again. He definitely didn’t show any indication that he noticed I had left for two years when I moved to Oregon a few years ago.
The cat will probably do better than you will. Which isn’t to say she won’t miss you, but she’ll adapt. Unless your stbx is a cold, cruel person who won’t give Sam the lovins she needs, which I doubt, if Sam was hers to begin with.
I don’t know… we all like to think we have special relationships with our cats and they love us dearly, but in all likelihood in three days your cat will be all, “Black who?”
ETA: What is stbx? All I can think of is Starbucks… if you’re going, please bring me a venti triple white mocha, at 140 degrees.
I don’t mean this in an armchair psychologist way, but pets really have little clue of what takes place between their owners unless it results in their being abused or neglected. I have noticed more than once, in myself and my friends, that pet owners sometimes have a tendency to project onto their pets all the human grief that they themselves haven’t yet consciously processed. I recall once 10 years ago when I tried to rescue a stray lab off the side of the road how after a few weeks I realized she needed more than I could give. At that moment I just broke down realizing this was a carbon copy of another hurt in my life that was still very fresh. I guess what I’m saying is that it’s good to remember the animal’s welfare at a time like this, but don’t neglect your own feelings by transferring them to the pets.
Not with my girl Felicity. When I moved out-of-state for a year, she stayed at my parents’ house, and has continued to live there ever since (3 years), and whenever I go visit, she goes CRAZY over me. As soon as she hears my voice, she comes running, and won’t let me out of her sight. She sticks to me like glue and sleeps with me every night. She has never forgotten me, even when she hasn’t seen me in months.
And also, my boy Ulysses remembers my mom and aunt and several of my close friends. Whenever he sees them, he gets all lovey - but is only like that with people he knows well.
Crap. I hope like hell I can take her with me, though it’s doubtful.
But still, I appreciate all the opinions. I’d much rather have her stay behind, blissfully unaware of my absence, than pining away for me in a corner somewhere.
I know animals do remember those who cared for them, and they are capable of showing their friendly recognition even after years of separation. I just think they have an “out of sight, out of mind” response (unless they are being abused or neglected). Anything more tends to be transference of the owner’s feelings onto the animal.
