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  #1  
Old 07-13-2008, 01:47 AM
Martini Enfield Martini Enfield is offline
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Do many women actually use strap-on dildos?

I was enjoying an adult film the other day which involved a scene (as many lesbian films do nowadays) involving the use of a strap-on dildo by one woman on her partner.

Many lesbian porn films feature strap-ons (which I do enjoy seeing), but it got me thinking about how I've never actually met a woman who has used a strap-on with a partner of either sex.

I've had some pretty kinky exes who would certainly have gone in for that sort of thing, and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't wondered what the experience would be like, but it seems that for the most part strap-on dildos seem to be largely contained to either porn films or a relatively small group of people in the BDSM community.

I'm well aware that films where "Oh look at this 10" dildo I conveniently keep in my bedside drawer in anticipation of my first lesbian experience!" is considered a plot device shouldn't be considered reliable sources of information, so I'm wondering if many women out there have actually used strap-on dildos on a partner of either sex?

I'd be interested to hear what it was like for you and how you got into it in the first place, as long as people are comfortable sharing (My PM box is open if anyone would prefer not to discuss some things publicly). It seems to be an interesting experience for both partners to say the least, but I'd like to find out more from actual people instead of porn films and the like...
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  #2  
Old 07-13-2008, 02:02 AM
Omniscient Omniscient is online now
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As a guy I can't speak first hand, but I have been told by women of a truly bisexual bent (not the Girls Gone Wild exhibitionist variety) that the strap-on is a legitimate fantasy of theirs. I've often wondered how a lesbian woman would feel about the topic and I'm sure it's been discussed in detail in regards to the whole "man substitute" angle. For the bisexual women I've known it's usually something of a hybrid fantasy where they get to play the submissive/receptive role with a woman. On the flipside, these women have never even paused to consider what it would be like to don one. Take that how you will.
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  #3  
Old 07-13-2008, 02:05 AM
susan susan is offline
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I've known several women who used strap-ons, though not always lesbians and not always with a female partner. While dildos of any sort are far from universally used by lesbians and other women, they aren't unusual. Strap-ons are just a subset of this.
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  #4  
Old 07-13-2008, 03:48 AM
Maastricht Maastricht is offline
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Once, in an all-ladies yoga/gym class, we were asked to do push-ups, then pelvic pushups (arms straight, pelvis up and down). Most girls made it to two of those before their arms buckled from under them and they couldn't get themselves up again.

All of us lying on the ground, and one of us remarked: "..So, this is what we ask guys to do for twenty minutes straight." We all giggled.

Get my point?
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  #5  
Old 07-13-2008, 11:56 AM
sunacres sunacres is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by susan
I've known several women who used strap-ons, though not always lesbians and not always with a female partner.
True in my experience too. One of the things that seems to happen eventually in relationships around here is a date involving a trip to our local Good Vibrations shop. Two out of three times my dates selected strap-on harnesses with a variety of appurtenances (they were both kind enough to solicit my input on what they intended to put in).

In use, both women made a rather marked transition from gentle, giggly, considerate fun to very intense thrusting and pounding with wild abandon.

My two cents.
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  #6  
Old 07-13-2008, 12:29 PM
chowder chowder is offline
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[QUOTE=Maastricht]
..So, this is what we ask guys to do for twenty minutes straight." We all giggled.


20 minutes?

Oh those Dutch ladies
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  #7  
Old 07-13-2008, 12:57 PM
highart highart is offline
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It's a neat feeling

I know personally for my relationship with another female, it's a nice thing to use a strap on. It gives me the experience and kind of "high" of what it feels like to be a guy. If only I could feel what it's like having a real one!
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  #8  
Old 07-13-2008, 01:49 PM
ZipperJJ ZipperJJ is offline
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I had no idea that dudes were generally into participating in strap-on sex until an ex told me, post-breakup, that it was on his "fantasy list."

I don't know that I would include it on MY "fantasy list" but I would have worn it for him (or anyone who asked). Seems interesting.

I do think of it more of a guy thing than a girl thing, though. First the guy has to be willing to hop into the sack with a girl wearing a colorful cock and only then can the girl consider whether she wants to or not. But maybe that's just me.
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  #9  
Old 07-13-2008, 01:51 PM
freekalette freekalette is offline
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Never have used one, but I'd love to. I've always been curious about how "the other side" lives. Any Dopers got suggestions for convincing my husband, I'm all ears!
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  #10  
Old 07-13-2008, 02:33 PM
Savannah Savannah is offline
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We have one, and I've used it once or twice on my husband. He enjoyed it far more than I did. I guess I'm just not anally focused. He's a clean freak, too, showers forever and scrubs every inch, and yet I still felt a little oogy. I found it difficult to thrust enthusiastically without hurting him as there's no feedback from the dildo as you'd have with a real penis. However, if you angle it right, the thrust in created a nice pressure on my vulva with each stroke, and I did enjoy that. It was about as wild as we've gone. I'm sure he'd be up for it again. Maybe I should...
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  #11  
Old 07-13-2008, 03:00 PM
Dunderman Dunderman is offline
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I know at least one lesbian couple who uses one, and that's the extent of my knowledge on the subject.
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  #12  
Old 07-13-2008, 08:02 PM
Gatopescado Gatopescado is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by freekalette
Any Dopers got suggestions for convincing my husband, I'm all ears!
Telling him you don't plan to use it on him should work nicely!
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  #13  
Old 07-13-2008, 08:17 PM
sunacres sunacres is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZipperJJ
I do think of it more of a guy thing than a girl thing, though. First the guy has to be willing to hop into the sack with a girl wearing a colorful cock and only then can the girl consider whether she wants to or not. But maybe that's just me.
I find that a much better general approach, to sex and to life, is for you to think about what you'd like, then ask for it. Yes, it's risky, but it turns out the risk is that your partner will know something about you. In the end that's a good thing, even if it involves short term drama.

Now, if in the case of a strap-on you don't have any desires but your partner does, your decision to participate or not includes being generous, even indulgent.

It's just not true that "only then can the girl consider whether she wants to or not"!
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  #14  
Old 07-13-2008, 08:23 PM
Linty Fresh Linty Fresh is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunacres
True in my experience too. One of the things that seems to happen eventually in relationships around here is a date involving a trip to our local Good Vibrations shop. Two out of three times my dates selected strap-on harnesses with a variety of appurtenances (they were both kind enough to solicit my input on what they intended to put in).

In use, both women made a rather marked transition from gentle, giggly, considerate fun to very intense thrusting and pounding with wild abandon.

My two cents.
Sooooo . . . what's the name of your town again? I mean, just for census purposes, you understand. Are they hiring librarians? Open-minded librarians?
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  #15  
Old 07-13-2008, 08:56 PM
Renee Renee is offline
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For anyone interested, there is this strapless strap-on: http://www.feeldoe.com/page2.html
(this link is pretty safe for work, nothing graphic)
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  #16  
Old 07-13-2008, 09:15 PM
Digital Stimulus Digital Stimulus is offline
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I was talking to a (lesbian) friend of mine once, and she glowingly mentioned the Feeldoe. By her account, it was the best she and her partner had found.

She's the only person I've known who has told me she's used one. In fact, I think she's the only person with whom it's ever even been a topic of conversation.

ETA: should've checked preview...Renee snuck it in there.

Last edited by Digital Stimulus; 07-13-2008 at 09:17 PM..
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  #17  
Old 07-14-2008, 12:51 AM
DLuxN8R-13 DLuxN8R-13 is offline
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Well, me and my partner and this mad female friend of ours who is another pervert did a few scenes together, and she definitely enjoys strapping one on and using it to give what-for to selected orifices.

Thus, I estimate that of the women I've had sexual contact with, 25% of them use strap on dildos. But that's a pretty small sample to extrapolate anything from.

Last edited by DLuxN8R-13; 07-14-2008 at 12:55 AM..
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  #18  
Old 07-14-2008, 02:08 AM
Kalypso Kalypso is offline
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I've used one on a guy. He mentioned he was curious, and I was all for trying something new. The next time we were in SF we popped into the nearest Good Vibrations store just like sunacres, picked out something suitable, and rushed back to our hotel to try it. I enjoyed myself very much, partly because though I have no desire to be a man, I really think I would like having a penis.
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  #19  
Old 07-14-2008, 03:55 AM
astro astro is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by highart
I know personally for my relationship with another female, it's a nice thing to use a strap on. It gives me the experience and kind of "high" of what it feels like to be a guy. If only I could feel what it's like having a real one!
It's an expensive "high".
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  #20  
Old 07-14-2008, 06:11 AM
Martini Enfield Martini Enfield is offline
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Thanks for the enlightening replies, everyone! It's interesting that there's a reasonable market for them, and even more interesting that it seems to be largely hetero couples using them to try something new. I honestly thought there would be more bi/lesbian women saying "Yeah, I own one and I use it", but that just shows tha you learn something new every day, as they say...
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  #21  
Old 07-14-2008, 06:40 AM
Paul in Qatar Paul in Qatar is offline
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So my Honey asks me to buy her one for her birthday. (She was sleeping with the maid at the time.) I was up in Washington DC and went to the Pleasure Chest in Georgetown. Nice sales staff there.

So I pick out a harness (darn complex thing) and it is time to select the dildo. "Do you prefer ridged or smooth? Small or large?"

"It's not for me darn it!"

"Of course not sir."
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  #22  
Old 07-14-2008, 08:57 AM
plnnr plnnr is offline
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I know about a dozen women who have them and who have used them on both sexes. None of us really participate in the BDSM arena, so I think that impression is a little off.
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  #23  
Old 07-14-2008, 05:21 PM
Max Torque Max Torque is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul in Saudi
So my Honey asks me to buy her one for her birthday. (She was sleeping with the maid at the time.) I was up in Washington DC and went to the Pleasure Chest in Georgetown. Nice sales staff there.

So I pick out a harness (darn complex thing) and it is time to select the dildo. "Do you prefer ridged or smooth? Small or large?"

"It's not for me darn it!"

"Of course not sir."
hehe. Somehow that reminded me of this chat snippet from bash.org:

Quote:
<calin> we had a guy at school that wore black lipstick.. and was all gothy.. and then one day we caught him buying an assvibrator
<ecoli> ew.
<ecoli> wait, you "caught" him?
<ecoli> like, you were behind him in line at the assvibrator store?
<Aero> he doesnt answer
*** Quits: calin (No route to host)
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  #24  
Old 07-15-2008, 10:04 AM
phungi phungi is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by freekalette
Never have used one, but I'd love to. I've always been curious about how "the other side" lives. Any Dopers got suggestions for convincing my husband, I'm all ears!
Bring home a lady friend to use it on, and invite him to watch?
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  #25  
Old 07-15-2008, 10:20 AM
Illuminatiprimus Illuminatiprimus is offline
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I've never understood the appeal of a woman using a strap on to do her boyf/husband. Fucking someone takes a lot of energy and if you're not getting anything out of it (namely lots of pleasureable feeling in your cock and eventually an orgasm) I can't see why you'd want to bother.

The women who do this are total altruists.
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  #26  
Old 07-15-2008, 10:28 AM
gaffa gaffa is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Illuminatiprimus
I've never understood the appeal of a woman using a strap on to do her boyf/husband. Fucking someone takes a lot of energy and if you're not getting anything out of it (namely lots of pleasureable feeling in your cock and eventually an orgasm) I can't see why you'd want to bother.
See sunacres' response above:

Quote:
Originally Posted by aunacres
In use, both women made a rather marked transition from gentle, giggly, considerate fun to very intense thrusting and pounding with wild abandon.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Illuminatiprimus
The women who do this are total altruists.
Hardly sounds like martyrdom to me. Sounds more like a power exchange, the penetratee becoming the penetrator.
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  #27  
Old 07-15-2008, 10:42 AM
SaharaTea SaharaTea is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Illuminatiprimus
I've never understood the appeal of a woman using a strap on to do her boyf/husband. Fucking someone takes a lot of energy and if you're not getting anything out of it (namely lots of pleasureable feeling in your cock and eventually an orgasm) I can't see why you'd want to bother.
The women who do this are total altruists.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gaffa
Hardly sounds like martyrdom to me. Sounds more like a power exchange, the penetratee becoming the penetrator.
A power exchange or simply deriving satisfaction from pleasing your partner. In that sense it's similar to giving oral, which doesn't do much for the giver physically but can be a huge turn-on anyway. And it can require just as much energy and concentration as fucking, if not more.
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  #28  
Old 07-15-2008, 10:51 AM
plnnr plnnr is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Illuminatiprimus
I've never understood the appeal of a woman using a strap on to do her boyf/husband. Fucking someone takes a lot of energy and if you're not getting anything out of it (namely lots of pleasureable feeling in your cock and eventually an orgasm) I can't see why you'd want to bother.

The women who do this are total altruists.
Wrong on several accounts.

Who's not getting anything out of it? It involves direct physical stimulation of some extremely sensitive parts of both participants' bodies, it involves a tremendous amount of trust between the participants, and the role reversal can be very erotic.

Have you ever tried it?
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  #29  
Old 07-15-2008, 11:29 AM
Paul in Qatar Paul in Qatar is offline
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The most sensitive part, I have observed, is between the ears, right behind the eyes.


(Really, it wasn't for me!)
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  #30  
Old 07-15-2008, 11:32 AM
Telperien Telperien is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul in Saudi
The most sensitive part, I have observed, is between the ears, right behind the eyes.


(Really, it wasn't for me!)
Strange place to use a dildo, but to each his own.
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  #31  
Old 07-15-2008, 01:42 PM
Illuminatiprimus Illuminatiprimus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plnnr
Have you ever tried it?
No, because when I have sex with someone there is already one penis per person involved. Wearing a strap on would be redundant and if I want to get fucked I'd rather have the real thing.

I'm not trying to be disparaging towards people who wish to do this (it may have come across that way), simply saying don't really get it myself.
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  #32  
Old 07-15-2008, 02:02 PM
CalMeacham CalMeacham is offline
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Quote:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul in Saudi
The most sensitive part, I have observed, is between the ears, right behind the eyes.


(Really, it wasn't for me!)



Strange place to use a dildo, but to each his own.

Yeah. That would squick me out.
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  #33  
Old 07-15-2008, 05:20 PM
Li'l Pluck Li'l Pluck is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SaharaTea
<snip> giving oral, which doesn't do much for the giver physically but can be a huge turn-on anyway.
HA! Well, you are correct about the pleasing-one's-partner aspect of giving a BJ being a, ahem, huge turn-on, but I must say, apart from that (well, maybe not totally apart from it, but apart from it to some extent), I do like giving BJ's. (Oddly enough, I quickly become bored with BJ scenes in porn.) Provided, of course, that my jaw doesn't lock up (but even then, I can be a trooper if the moment's right).

Nothing to add about strap-ons, as I have my own home-grown equipment, as do my (very occasional - ) partners.
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  #34  
Old 07-15-2008, 05:54 PM
Illuminatiprimus Illuminatiprimus is offline
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Oh - forgot to say that I think giving oral on another guy is great fun, it's not all about his pleasure, I love having a cock in my mouth too.
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  #35  
Old 07-16-2008, 05:09 AM
Li'l Pluck Li'l Pluck is offline
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Originally Posted by Illuminatiprimus
Oh - forgot to say that I think giving oral on another guy is great fun, it's not all about his pleasure, I love having a cock in my mouth too.
Isn't that the truth?! I tend to find it (and the surrounding real estate) to be quite yummy.

Last edited by Li'l Pluck; 07-16-2008 at 05:10 AM..
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  #36  
Old 07-16-2008, 05:12 AM
Illuminatiprimus Illuminatiprimus is offline
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Originally Posted by Li'l Pluck
Isn't that the truth?! I tend to find it (and the surrounding real estate) to be quite yummy.
The real estate I'm less bothered with, give me the cock! The whole concept of glory holes (where you're sucking a faceless dick through the wall) just wouldn't exist if it was only a chore exercised for the benefit of the other person.
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  #37  
Old 07-16-2008, 06:51 AM
Li'l Pluck Li'l Pluck is offline
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Originally Posted by Illuminatiprimus
The whole concept of glory holes (where you're sucking a faceless dick through the wall) just wouldn't exist if it was only a chore exercised for the benefit of the other person.
So, so true.

And wow, talk about old memories! (Well, okay, it's only about 12 years or so, but my knees aren't as forgiving today as they were then, so it certainly feels like a long time ago.)
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  #38  
Old 07-16-2008, 07:16 AM
Dead Cat Dead Cat is offline
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Originally Posted by Digital Stimulus
...Renee snuck it in there.
I was going to comment on this, but I believe it speaks for itself .
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  #39  
Old 07-16-2008, 08:44 AM
betenoir betenoir is offline
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I don't think most girls use them... the dykes I know don't.

That said well, when my SO and me and His friend (with obviously very signifigent benefits) had a threeway, she used one on me. Wasn't bad. OK it was actually pretty great.

I've never used one although I've used dildos on guys. (And urethral sounds....and now I hear the sound of many dopers crossing their legs....but really every guy...and girl who's every tryed it has loved it....just sayin')
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  #40  
Old 07-16-2008, 12:16 PM
MeanJoe MeanJoe is offline
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Okay, this thread has been fascinating but I have a question...

In a situation where a woman is using a strap-on with a male partner, what is the end-result? I mean, do you just do it for awhile and then switch to good old fashioned male/female vaginal intercourse? Or does the guy masturbate to completion while being peg'ed?

(Yes, I realize there will be answers that cover all of the above. Is there a "generally speaking" answer to this?)
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  #41  
Old 07-16-2008, 12:30 PM
freekalette freekalette is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phungi
Bring home a lady friend to use it on, and invite him to watch?
Nah, that's no good. The whole monogamy thing, ya know.
Hubby is all for finger action, but the thought of anything else squicks him. *sigh* The things I don't do for love.
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  #42  
Old 07-16-2008, 01:40 PM
gaffa gaffa is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeanJoe
In a situation where a woman is using a strap-on with a male partner, what is the end-result? I mean, do you just do it for awhile and then switch to good old fashioned male/female vaginal intercourse? Or does the guy masturbate to completion while being peg'ed?
Males can orgasm from prostate stimulation alone. It's how they gather semen from animals for artificial insemination.
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  #43  
Old 07-16-2008, 01:43 PM
Zebra Zebra is offline
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Originally Posted by Illuminatiprimus
give me the cock!

Greatest use of the english language.
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  #44  
Old 07-16-2008, 01:46 PM
Larry Borgia Larry Borgia is online now
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I used to live above a Lesbian couple. Really nice people, friendly, unassuming, quiet. One night, though, they got really loud. And I mean REALLY loud. At the end, one of them said "I don't know if I'll ever do that again!" I've always wondered....
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  #45  
Old 07-16-2008, 04:37 PM
MeanJoe MeanJoe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gaffa
Males can orgasm from prostate stimulation alone. It's how they gather semen from animals for artificial insemination.
Now I have heard from several veterinary school students stories of collecting semen and they didn't involve prostate stimulation. Neither here nor there since I am not a horse.

I have heard... um... from a friend... that prostate stimulation increases the intensity of an orgasm but it was always with an accompanied hand-job or oral sex. I have not heard of males having an orgasm just from prostate stimulation alone.

Interesting, anyone care to confirm with a personal anecdote? Was it a different orgasm? Did it take a longer time?

MeanJoe
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  #46  
Old 07-16-2008, 04:45 PM
Illuminatiprimus Illuminatiprimus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeanJoe
Interesting, anyone care to confirm with a personal anecdote? Was it a different orgasm? Did it take a longer time?

MeanJoe
Yes and yes. The only way I can describe it is that your orgasm feels like it's starting much deeper inside of you and feels like a combination between cumming and starting to take a piss. I enjoyed it, but have only done it a few times (generally I'd just have a wank whilst being fucked, my easier). It did take quite a lot longer and it requires quite a bit of technique to achieve it. It's quite possible to get fucked for a very long time (over an hour) and not manage it.
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  #47  
Old 07-16-2008, 05:16 PM
squeegee squeegee is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeanJoe
Now I have heard from several veterinary school students stories of collecting semen and they didn't involve prostate stimulation. Neither here nor there since I am not a horse.
How do they get the sperm used in artificial insemination of animals? Note the reader reply at the bottom.
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  #48  
Old 07-16-2008, 09:15 PM
gaffa gaffa is online now
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The Daily Show had a feature on a man who collects semen from elephants. It involves shoulder-length rubber gloves, a LOT of KY Jelly and a bucket. Apparently, an elephant's prostate is about the size of a half of a grapefruit.

I'm going to have to go with actual footage.
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  #49  
Old 07-16-2008, 09:44 PM
Miller Miller is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Illuminatiprimus
Oh - forgot to say that I think giving oral on another guy is great fun, it's not all about his pleasure, I love having a cock in my mouth too.
I don't think that's so different from a woman using a strap-on, though. When I'm topping someone, sure, the actual sensation in my cock is fantastic, but there's other stuff that's good, too: feeling my partner's buttocks against my pelvis, his back rubbing on my chest, seeing him get off and knowing that I'm the one who made him have that shuddering orgasm, and even just the knowledge that, "I'm totally fucking this guy in the ass," is a thrill in and of itself. Even if I didn't have any sensation in my dick at all, all those other elements would make fucking someone a hell of a lot of fun.
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  #50  
Old 07-16-2008, 11:12 PM
A Priori Tea A Priori Tea is offline
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Hm. Well, I'm a bi chick and into BDSM, so I'm probably on one end of the bell curve as far as respondents go. But I own and use my strap-on on a regular basis, and enjoy the hell out of it. Altruistic? Not by a long shot. It's fun, with partner(s) of either sex, and it's a whole different experience than using hands or mouth, or even using a dildo by hand. It can be (and often is) an orgasmic experience for me. That being said - don't let the porn fool you. Strap-on sex is not quite as simple or easy as porn makes it look, just like regular sex isn't. It's just as messy and unexpected as regular sex, and has a whole different set of "did that just happen?" sort of things. But it's hot and it's worth doing, at least for me.
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