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  #1  
Old 08-04-2008, 07:35 PM
davidw davidw is offline
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How much sex does Bruce Wayne have? Is he any good in bed?

We all know that billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne can always be found with a bevy of cuties on his arm, but how often is he taking these women home and getting busy with them?

I'm thinking not much:
-- he's way too obsessed with fighting crime to spend much time worrying about getting laid
-- he's super busy, and even taking time out to be seen on a date is asking for a lot from him
-- he doesn't want these women to see the tons of scars and bruises that riddle his body
-- since he has a reputation as such a lady-killer, a woman would be prone to blame herself if he doesn't sleep with her.
-- even if it becomes known that he doesn't have much sex, people would write that off as a billionaire eccentricity.

And even when he does decide to sleep with someone, I'm thinking he wouldn't be that great in bed. Sure, he's in great shape, and he probably knows all kinds of tantric-type secrets. But:

-- He's too busy to spend much time pleasing some random cutie he's dating.
-- He doesn't have to be good. He just have to be Bruce Wayne. Just like with rock stars and groupies.
-- He wouldn't be focussed on pleasing the woman. He'd be too busy thinking about stopping the Joker, or whoever else just broke out of Arkham.
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  #2  
Old 08-04-2008, 07:41 PM
BrainGlutton BrainGlutton is offline
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Oh, I think he gets some.

[Insert your own "Ambiguously Gay Duo" joke here]
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  #3  
Old 08-04-2008, 08:08 PM
CaerieD CaerieD is offline
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Various comic versions most definitely got some high quality bed companions, but if we're going with the current movie series incarnation of Bruce Wayne, I seriously doubt he's had much sex. In the novelization of Batman Begins he went straight from school to a life as a globe-trotting vagrant, with no interest in socializing or seeking out feminine company. He did spend a lot of time fighting with other men, though.

From there, he goes to prison.

When he gets out of prison, he goes to what appears to be an all male super secret ninja school.

Then, he goes back to Gotham and shows absolutely no true interest in women other than Rachel (whom he holds up more as an icon of the life he wants rather than an object of sexual desire). When he's carting all of his various beauties around, there's no canoodling or show of interest. He throws an arm around their shoulders, smarms a bit, and that's about it. One can assume he had some sexual escapades in college, but there's no evidence for that.

Presumably, he's so caught up in his own obsessions and his moral code (I can easily see Bruce believing it's wrong to sleep with a woman who's interested only in Playboy Bruce) that he's essentially neutered himself. Or a gay sado-masochist.
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  #4  
Old 08-04-2008, 08:12 PM
running coach running coach is offline
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In his Bruce Wayne persona, he is totally unprepared.
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  #5  
Old 08-04-2008, 08:12 PM
Northern Piper Northern Piper is offline
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Ah, but when the moment comes, you know he'll always have a condom - being prepared...
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  #6  
Old 08-04-2008, 08:50 PM
Jurph Jurph is offline
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I think it's possible for Bruce to consider bedding a certain number of women (and doing well) part of maintaining the illusion... which means that in his head, it's probably Batman doing the bedding.
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  #7  
Old 08-04-2008, 10:50 PM
Argent Towers Argent Towers is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CaerieD
Various comic versions most definitely got some high quality bed companions, but if we're going with the current movie series incarnation of Bruce Wayne, I seriously doubt he's had much sex...

(snip)

...From there, he goes to prison.
Uh, I think that says it all. Batman down in the laundry room with the latest young punk of the week. I mean, his name is Bruce, for God's sake.
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  #8  
Old 08-05-2008, 12:11 AM
Sage Rat Sage Rat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jurph
I think it's possible for Bruce to consider bedding a certain number of women (and doing well) part of maintaining the illusion... which means that in his head, it's probably Batman doing the bedding.
Going from the last movie, if I was a woman and the guy I was with started to do the Batman Voice, I'd totally freak out and run away.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Argent Towers
Uh, I think that says it all. Batman down in the laundry room with the latest young punk of the week. I mean, his name is Bruce, for God's sake.
So...he's Australian?
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  #9  
Old 08-05-2008, 12:48 AM
Pollux Oil Pollux Oil is offline
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Originally Posted by runner pat
In his Bruce Wayne persona, he is totally unprepared.

Quick, to the Bat-Pharmacy!
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  #10  
Old 08-05-2008, 01:37 AM
pepperlandgirl pepperlandgirl is offline
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Originally Posted by CaerieD
Presumably, he's so caught up in his own obsessions and his moral code (I can easily see Bruce believing it's wrong to sleep with a woman who's interested only in Playboy Bruce) that he's essentially neutered himself. Or a gay sado-masochist.
Gay sado-masochist has my vote. I don't know if it was just the big IMAX screen (or the fact that I was stuck in the first row), but I swear, Bruce fell in love with Harvey Dent. His eyes got all soft, his lips parted, and he became entirely fixated....
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  #11  
Old 08-05-2008, 03:25 AM
Horatio Hellpop Horatio Hellpop is offline
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He's the perfect setup to any gay joke you care to make. Still, he has been shown in sexual relationships with Selina Kyle, Silver St. Cloud, Vicki Vale, Talia and even Wonder Woman. Steve Englehart and Howard Chaykin wrote him as a convincing heterosexual. Most other writers, not so much.
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  #12  
Old 08-05-2008, 03:30 AM
ivan astikov ivan astikov is offline
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I'm not sure how much Bruce is getting, but I bet the ladies would find The Flash a bit of a disappointment.
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  #13  
Old 08-05-2008, 08:14 AM
Sage Rat Sage Rat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ivan astikov
I'm not sure how much Bruce is getting, but I bet the ladies would find The Flash a bit of a disappointment.
*insert joke about Superman, Wonder Woman, and the Invisible Man here*
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  #14  
Old 08-05-2008, 08:50 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Uh, hello....Bruce Wayne & Dick Grayson. Batman & Robin.
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  #15  
Old 08-05-2008, 08:52 AM
Lobohan Lobohan is offline
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Originally Posted by ivan astikov
I'm not sure how much Bruce is getting, but I bet the ladies would find The Flash a bit of a disappointment.
Are you insane? The guy is a built in vibrator. Not to mention he can take a time out if he feels he's getting close ahead of schedule, and take a leisurely stroll around the block for a nano second or two.
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  #16  
Old 08-05-2008, 09:17 AM
don't ask don't ask is offline
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Well now that Robin, the boy wonder, is gone who knows.
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  #17  
Old 08-05-2008, 09:29 AM
Bryan Ekers Bryan Ekers is offline
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Is he any good in bed?

I assume he's grim, and determined.
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  #18  
Old 08-05-2008, 09:31 AM
Argent Towers Argent Towers is offline
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If you think he is, you should see Dick Tracy.
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  #19  
Old 08-05-2008, 09:35 AM
KneadToKnow KneadToKnow is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lobohan
Are you insane? The guy is a built in vibrator. Not to mention he can take a time out if he feels he's getting close ahead of schedule, and take a leisurely stroll around the block for a nano second or two.
Not to mention the fact that he can travel through time, essentially not only delivering but producing multiple, simultaneous orgasms.
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  #20  
Old 08-05-2008, 09:41 AM
Cervaise Cervaise is offline
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Insert "admiring self in mirror during a three-way scene from American Psycho" here.
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  #21  
Old 08-05-2008, 09:44 AM
CalMeacham CalMeacham is offline
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I can just imagine the Frank Miller version carrying on an internal dialogue while in the middle of a sexual session:



Blodes.


They all think they have it made. Don't need to work for it.


Let her come closer. Make it seem worse than it is.



From this working position there are seven responses. Two of them stun. Three pleasure with minimum effort. Two of them......KILL
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  #22  
Old 08-05-2008, 09:55 AM
Mtgman Mtgman is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jurph
I think it's possible for Bruce to consider bedding a certain number of women (and doing well) part of maintaining the illusion... which means that in his head, it's probably Batman doing the bedding.
That's hot.

Enjoy,
Steven
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  #23  
Old 08-05-2008, 11:07 AM
Acsenray Acsenray is offline
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I seem to recall that the first time it was made explicit that Bruce Wayne was having sex with a woman was with Silver St. Cloud in the early 1970s.
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  #24  
Old 08-05-2008, 11:28 AM
WhyNot WhyNot is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CalMeacham
I can just imagine the Frank Miller version carrying on an internal dialogue while in the middle of a sexual session:



Blodes.


They all think they have it made. Don't need to work for it.


Let her come closer. Make it seem worse than it is.



From this working position there are seven responses. Two of them stun. Three pleasure with minimum effort. Two of them......KILL


I was actually wondering this last night while watching The Dark Knight. And I came to many of the same conclusions: nope, neither Batman nor Bruce Wayne of the current incarnation get laid much. He's too busy, mostly.

Did anyone else think that his kiss with Rachel was full of meh? I don't think I've seen a Hollywood Kiss with less sparks since, well, ever.
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  #25  
Old 08-05-2008, 11:36 AM
CaerieD CaerieD is offline
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WhyNot, I'd had the same thought. I don't know if it was a purposeful choice or just a lack of chemistry between Bale and Gyllenhaal. I remember reading an article once where the author talked about how despite his "sexiness", Christian Bale's characters are never particularly sensual and probably have boring or nonexistent sex lives.

The author excluded Velvet Goldmine from the discussion for obvious reasons.
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  #26  
Old 08-05-2008, 11:50 AM
WormTheRed WormTheRed is offline
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And here you go saying that Bale didn't have an interesting sex-life in American Psycho

As for Bruce Wayne, I'd say he's probably to busy most of the time. But I'd be damned if he didn't get it on with the "prima ballerina" on the yacht?
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  #27  
Old 08-05-2008, 12:06 PM
Skald the Rhymer Skald the Rhymer is offline
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Pre-Crisis, quite a bit.

Post Crisis, he's nearly a monk.
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  #28  
Old 08-05-2008, 12:06 PM
CaerieD CaerieD is offline
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I think it was written from the perspective of how much his partners were likely to enjoy the act.
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  #29  
Old 08-05-2008, 01:45 PM
WormTheRed WormTheRed is offline
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Well, in that case you may be right.

But boring or nonexistant, hell no
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  #30  
Old 08-05-2008, 01:55 PM
SuntanTigerTamer SuntanTigerTamer is offline
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Don't you think that years of wearing a codpiece might have stunted Lil Bat Mite just a bit? I mean, remember what tighty whiteys were supposed to do to you, then multiply by N . I also have to imagine that every two bit hood has taken a shot at kicking Bat's balls into his stomach as a last resort, or first, depending on how desperate they are.

Besides, i think the smell after a hard nights work dismantling criminal organizations might keep Lil Bats out of the cave, so to speak....
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  #31  
Old 08-05-2008, 02:13 PM
BMalion BMalion is offline
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C'mon... guy wears black leather tights, a black leather mask, has a belt with ropes and handcuffs and drives around in a black convertable

Whaddya think he's up to?
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  #32  
Old 08-05-2008, 02:43 PM
Scumpup Scumpup is offline
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All the cliched "batman is gay" jokes aside, there's no reason to assume he wouldn't be great in bed. He's in tremendous shape and has enormous control over his body. He doesn't indulge in alcohol, tobacco, or other substances that might have a bad effect on his ability to get and maintain an erection. He seems to know an awful lot about anatomy, physiology, and psychology.
Whether the partner on whom he lavishes all that is male or female, I'd presume the Bat is a great lay. I never got a gay vibe from him in any of the commics I read or from the movies or the cartoons. The portrayals varied from clearly heterosexual to so-preoccupied-with-crime-he's-virtually-asexual.
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  #33  
Old 08-05-2008, 03:01 PM
Love Rhombus Love Rhombus is offline
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Yes, but would be be ready emotionally to have sex? To some extent he's still the little kid who just saw Mommy and Daddy get killed and had to make the big monster to survive.
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  #34  
Old 08-05-2008, 03:23 PM
Kamino Neko Kamino Neko is offline
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No, he's a grown man, who's still carrying the scars of that early wound. There's a difference. It didn't stunt his growth, it just directed it down a different path.

He's had sex in the past - Silver St Cloud, Jezebel Jet and Talia al Ghul (albeit drugged in current continuity in that last case), can be confirmed - and probably will in the future.

Not terribly often, though - one thing all the ladies above have in common is...all three know who he is. Talia found out before they did the horizontal hokey pokey, Silver and Jez after the first time.
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  #35  
Old 08-05-2008, 03:55 PM
Maastricht Maastricht is offline
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I just had to share with you'all this This YouTube clip of yet another Dark Avenger.
Quote:
Spike:
(as Rachel) How can I thank you, you mysterious black-clad hunk of a night thing?
(as Angel) No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a badass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. Now I'm just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth. No, not the hair! Never the hair!
(as Rachel) But there must be some way I can show my appreciation?
(as Angel) No, helping those in need is my job, and working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough.
(as Rachel) I understand. I have a nephew who is gay, so...
(as Angel) Say no more. Evil is still afoot. And I'm almost out of that nancy-boy hair-gel I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile, away!
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  #36  
Old 08-05-2008, 03:55 PM
Acsenray Acsenray is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scumpup
there's no reason to assume he wouldn't be great in bed. He's in tremendous shape and has enormous control over his body. He doesn't indulge in alcohol, tobacco, or other substances that might have a bad effect on his ability to get and maintain an erection. He seems to know an awful lot about anatomy, physiology, and psychology.
These might be the signs of "No reason to believe he suffers from erectile dysfunction," but they are almost irrelevant to the question of whether he's good in bed.

I'd think you'd look more at his appetites -- appetite for indulgence, appetite for abandoned pleasure, appetite for sensual contact with another person. I don't see signs of any of that. Knowledge of anatomy and physiology is hardly helpful if you have no interest, taste, or patience for using that knowledge. And if you do have such, you don't have to have scientific-level expertise in manipulating another person's body.

Last edited by Acsenray; 08-05-2008 at 03:57 PM..
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  #37  
Old 08-05-2008, 10:28 PM
Scumpup Scumpup is offline
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Sex is a matter of technique, as much as anything. Bruce Wayne is a proven master of a good many physical techniques. There is no reason to suspect he isn't good at something as simple as sex.
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  #38  
Old 08-06-2008, 03:32 AM
Sage Rat Sage Rat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scumpup
Sex is a matter of technique, as much as anything. Bruce Wayne is a proven master of a good many physical techniques. There is no reason to suspect he isn't good at something as simple as sex.
Yeah, but good sex givers are, by all accounts, people who care about pleasing their partner. If he's just doing it to keep up looks, I could see him--in general--not putting a lot of effort into the whole bit. Lying on his back and letting the woman do all the work while he contemplates things might be his default style. This also gives a nice partial boob shot from the back in comic book panels and movies, so it's got a decent likelihood on that front as well.
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  #39  
Old 08-06-2008, 06:07 AM
Lumpy Lumpy is offline
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I don't see how Bruce Wayne could maintain his reputation as a playboy if his dates didn't give him favorable reviews. Yes, women gossip, and if every woman who spent time with Bruce reported that he "chickened out", it would get around.
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  #40  
Old 08-06-2008, 06:28 AM
Acsenray Acsenray is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scumpup
Sex is a matter of technique, as much as anything.
I completely disagree. We're not talking a skill that has to be mastered over a period of years. Whatever technique there is can be picked up by anyone, in a short time, provided he or she has the requisite interest and appetite for sex and has an interest in the other person (or at least that other person's body). That's what makes a good lover. Not specialized technique or exceptional fitness.

Quote:
Bruce Wayne is a proven master of a good many physical techniques. There is no reason to suspect he isn't good at something as simple as sex.
Sex is not pushing the right buttons in the right order. There is every reason to suspect that he's not interested in intimacy or in sensual pleasure, either his own or his hypothetical partner's. Thus, there is every reason to suspect he's no good in bed.
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  #41  
Old 08-06-2008, 06:30 AM
Acsenray Acsenray is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lumpy
I don't see how Bruce Wayne could maintain his reputation as a playboy if his dates didn't give him favorable reviews. Yes, women gossip, and if every woman who spent time with Bruce reported that he "chickened out", it would get around.
Oh, come on. John Kennedy was reportedly crap in bed, but he had no shortage of pull. Being a playboy has to do with having the money to engage in a playboy lifestyle and treating your guests and playmates to all the stuff that comes before hitting the sack.
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  #42  
Old 08-06-2008, 08:17 AM
Scumpup Scumpup is offline
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I'm not going to derail this further except to say that there are high priced sex professionals all over the world who exactly "push the right buttons in the right order." They are also adept at faking their own enjoyment and involvement with the customer. Even if we assume Bruce has no personal desire for sex, the skills of a gigolo are certainly not beyond him. It might feel like magic, but there's nothing magical about sex.
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  #43  
Old 08-06-2008, 10:35 AM
Acsenray Acsenray is offline
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Is he a millionaire playboy or a gigolo? Are we talking alternate universe here?

We've got to go with what we've got. We have no reason to believe he has any motivation to fake being a good lover. We have lots of reasons to believe that he's not very interested in being a good lover.

Last edited by Acsenray; 08-06-2008 at 10:35 AM..
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  #44  
Old 08-06-2008, 10:49 AM
Skald the Rhymer Skald the Rhymer is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scumpup
All the cliched "batman is gay" jokes aside, there's no reason to assume he wouldn't be great in bed. He's in tremendous shape and has enormous control over his body. He doesn't indulge in alcohol, tobacco, or other substances that might have a bad effect on his ability to get and maintain an erection. He seems to know an awful lot about anatomy, physiology, and psychology.
He knows psychology from a professional perspective, not a personal one. He's a shitty father and a shitty friend; he's incapable of trusting anyone whose last name isn't Pennyworth. What makes you think he'd be open and honest and giving in bed?
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  #45  
Old 08-06-2008, 10:55 AM
Scumpup Scumpup is offline
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Originally Posted by Skald the Rhymer
He knows psychology from a professional perspective, not a personal one. He's a shitty father and a shitty friend; he's incapable of trusting anyone whose last name isn't Pennyworth. What makes you think he'd be open and honest and giving in bed?
What makes you think he couldn't convincingly fake those things? Real life people do it all the time.
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  #46  
Old 08-06-2008, 11:01 AM
Acsenray Acsenray is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scumpup
What makes you think he couldn't convincingly fake those things? Real life people do it all the time.
Again, why would he fake them?

Possible motivations for fakery:

(1) Keeping up appearances: He's a millionaire playboy. Millionaire playboys don't have to be good in bed to maintain their status. Many of them aren't (e.g., Kennedy). From what I've read about Hugh Hefner's sexual preferences, there's little indeed that most women would find sexually satisfying.

(2) Maintaining a healthy relationship by keeping a sexual partner satisfied: As noted above, his sole healthy relationship is with his butler.
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  #47  
Old 08-06-2008, 11:10 AM
Silver Tyger Silver Tyger is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skald the Rhymer
He knows psychology from a professional perspective, not a personal one. He's a shitty father and a shitty friend; he's incapable of trusting anyone whose last name isn't Pennyworth. What makes you think he'd be open and honest and giving in bed?
What?! Since when he is a shitty father or friend? He may have all sorts of issues, but Superman, Wonder Woman, and Dick Grayson have all said good things about him at various points. No, he's probably not a fantastic friend, but he tries very hard. He cares about people, but his paranoia and control-freakness gets in the way.

As far as the OP, I personally believe that 1) Bruce Wayne (and not Batman) could be a fantastic lover, 2) Batman would be better, and 3) He doesn't sleep with very many of the supermodels he has hanging off his arms - he's too busy.

And no, dammit, he's not gay. (I love slash-fic as much as the next fangal, but canon is that he's straight. Sorry pervs)
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  #48  
Old 08-06-2008, 11:20 AM
Skald the Rhymer Skald the Rhymer is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Silver Tyger Girl
What?! Since when he is a shitty father or friend? He may have all sorts of issues, but Superman, Wonder Woman, and Dick Grayson have all said good things about him at various points. No, he's probably not a fantastic friend, but he tries very hard. He cares about people, but his paranoia and control-freakness gets in the way.

As far as the OP, I personally believe that 1) Bruce Wayne (and not Batman) could be a fantastic lover, 2) Batman would be better, and 3) He doesn't sleep with very many of the supermodels he has hanging off his arms - he's too busy.

And no, dammit, he's not gay. (I love slash-fic as much as the next fangal, but canon is that he's straight. Sorry pervs)

"Shitty father" may have been overstating it. But I can't imagine that Dick Grayson actually likes him much. LOVES him, yes; like him, no. Have they EVER had a non-tactical dispute in which Bruce WASN'T in the wrong?
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  #49  
Old 08-06-2008, 11:23 AM
Kamino Neko Kamino Neko is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Silver Tyger Girl
What?! Since when he is a shitty father or friend? He may have all sorts of issues, but Superman, Wonder Woman, and Dick Grayson have all said good things about him at various points. No, he's probably not a fantastic friend, but he tries very hard. He cares about people, but his paranoia and control-freakness gets in the way.
He was a bad father-figure to Dick, although he improved in his treatment of Jason and Tim - or at least he improved toward Tim after officially adopting him.

As to friendship...he's seriously paranoid, and absolutely unable to trust his friends, which is a bad friend, even when he's not actively hostile to him (see his reaction to their reaction to his potentially lethal take-down plans after Tower of Babel).
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  #50  
Old 08-06-2008, 11:42 AM
Skald the Rhymer Skald the Rhymer is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tengu
He was a bad father-figure to Dick, although he improved in his treatment of Jason and Tim - or at least he improved toward Tim after officially adopting him.

As to friendship...he's seriously paranoid, and absolutely unable to trust his friends, which is a bad friend, even when he's not actively hostile to him (see his reaction to their reaction to his potentially lethal take-down plans after Tower of Babel).

Don't forget OMAC. And the real thing about Tower of Babel is that he never quite got that--while there did, in fact, need to be contingency plans for the JLA going rogue--it was completely inappropriate for him to be the one making them.
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