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#1
08-21-2008, 09:07 AM
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Should my friend pursue contempt charges against her ex? (long)
I'll lay this story out as succinctly as possible.
I also understand that you are not my lawyer, etc. But my friend has this problem, and I told her I'd get the opinion of the smartest people I know. Some ten years ago, my best friend's marriage fell apart. We'll call her Sharon (not her real name). Her husband John (not his real name) was cheating on her. At the time of the separation, their children, Violet and Mark (not their real names, duh) were around 9 and 6 years old. Part of the settlement included: Child support of $15,00.00/month Ex would pay for her to go back to college (she had been a SAHM) to get her teaching degree Ex would sell the car they owned jointly and give her half of the money Ex would dissolve their joint bank accounts and give her half of the money Ex would pay her half of their tax refund on the last year they filed jointly Ex would carry health insurance on the children She had to fight for years to get child support caught up. She went back to school and got her teaching degree, but he has never paid her back for the cost of her education. He never gave her the money for the car, the bank accounts, the tax refund. Now Mark (about 16 by now) needs new glasses. Ex is refusing to supply them for him, and is using that to try to get custody of the boy, saying Sharon cannot properly care for him. Sharon has been trying desperately to find a teaching job. She's been on 10 job interviews in the past six weeks. Every one she's been on, they're hiring long-term subs, which means no sick time, no bennies, no pay for school closings, etc. Here's the thing: John has been charged twice with contempt of court for not doing what he's supposed to do. But Sharon's lawyer has never really pressed forward with the contempt charges. He did try to have John arrested when the last contempt charge happened, but the court refused to arrest "an upstanding member of the community" (he's a doctor). Lest any of you think maybe John cannot afford to do the things he's agreed to do, his take-home pay is $12,000 a month. Oh, and he recently filed to have child support reduced because Violet is an adult now (full-time college student). So Sharon is terrified that John is going to get custody of Mark, and is wondering if maybe she should pursue these contempt charges. If her lawyer won't, she'll do it herself. And before any of you wonder, she cannot at this point afford a new lawyer. John is supposed to be paying Sharon's legal costs, but her lawyer hasn't seen a penny from him in four years. Any money he gets, he gets from Sharon. Any advice is greatly appreciated. 
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#2
08-21-2008, 09:23 AM
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What would she need to do to have his wages garnished for the stuff he was supposed to pay for, but hasn't? Or is that only enforceable for child support? Or is perssing forward with a contempt ruling what she would need to do in order to get his wages garnished?
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#3
08-21-2008, 10:10 AM
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I think she's thinking of pursuing the contempt charges in the hopes that it will keep him from getting custody of Mark. Now, I doubt that will happen anyway, as Mark is old enough that the courts would take his wishes into consideration, and there's no way he wants to live with his father!
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#4
08-21-2008, 10:14 AM
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If he's current on the support and her main concern is what he owes her for the other things, maybe she should accept a substitute teaching position so she can pay her lawyer to go after him on the contempt orders (and buy the kid some glasses).
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#5
08-21-2008, 11:23 AM
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The kid will get his glasses one way or another, even if she has to go to her mom (who has more than $750,000 sitting in the bank from a good real estate investment). It just really sucks that when the kid asked his father for the glasses, the father said "Don't worry, I'm taking care of it" and then Sharon found out two weeks later that what he meant by "I'm taking care of it" is "I'm dumping it in your mother's lap and am going to use that to try to get custody". He's been playing these kinds of mind games since the split started. Compounding her problems are the fact that she currently owns two houses that she bought when it seemed they were a good investment, and now she can't sell them for what she owes on them.
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#6
08-21-2008, 11:34 AM
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As far as her teaching job goes, a long term sub position would be a foot in the door.
It's my understanding that judges tend not to like it when someone does not follow the court orders. She needs to tell her attorney that she wants to press charges, that he needs to start getting medieval on her ex's ass, and phooey on the court not wanting to arrest a "fine upstanding citizen." I would submit the good doctor doesn't want his good name dragged through the press and media for neglecting his kids. She's been a doormat long enough. Tell her to get mad and get moving!
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#7
08-21-2008, 11:47 AM
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I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but when I did family law, my clients were women whose exes fled the country or worked off the books to avoid child support. You know, hard cases. Cases where you can't collect. It sounds like the only reason Sharon has never gotten child support or health insurance for her children is that she didn't feel like going to court (or listened to an incompetent lawyer). Now she's complaining. That's very frustrating to hear. Last edited by Q.N. Jones; 08-21-2008 at 11:49 AM.
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#8
08-21-2008, 11:52 AM
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The only advice I have is to suggest to her that if money is an issue, perhaps she should take a job that will provide benefits - even if this means it is not as a teacher. It is possible she could get a trainer position if there are any call centers where she lives. Maybe even work as a sub and then have another job - there are many parents out there who do not receive, or receive minimal child support and make it through life.
If her concern is being stuck with 2 homes, maybe she needs to rent out one of them.... in this area the price of rent has gone up with the demand because noone wants to buy. Is that possible in her area? If she wants something done though, sounds like she needs to get another lawyer and it might be in her best interest to shop around and talk with other divorced parents for recommendations. Otherwise, it might be in her best interest to come to terms that her ex is not to be counted on financially and step up to the plate.
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#9
08-21-2008, 12:51 PM
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Sounds like the lawyer and the judge are tiptoe-ing around this "upstanding member of the community".
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#10
08-21-2008, 03:59 PM
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One of the reasons she was dismissed from her previous job was she had to take so much time off because of all the court dates. Example: court scheduled for Nov. 3rd. So she takes the day off, drives here, sits around for three hours, goes into the court, John's lawyer asks for a continuance. Re-scheduled for Nov. 10th. Lather, rinse, repeat. Quote:
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Currently, she (and Mark) live with her mother in what I feel is a raw situation (for Sharon): she doesn't pay rent, but she does all the cooking and cleaning, pays for half of the groceries, and is rehabbing the house as she goes. Realistically, if her mother were to hire a live-in housekeeper, she'd have to pay her some kind of small salary on top of room and board. I don't think Sharon is stupid, and I know damned well she's not lazy. But she is somewhat naive, maybe, and prone to being taken advantage of. Last edited by norinew; 08-21-2008 at 04:00 PM.
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#11
08-21-2008, 04:22 PM
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It really sounds to me (and take this for what it's worth, which is very little) like the court, possibly because of her lawyer's incompetence, isn't willing to throw the book at this guy. It seems like a large part of her problem lies there.
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#12
08-21-2008, 04:30 PM
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I regret being so harsh in my earlier post, but your friend does need to stop being naive and hire herself a real shark. Ten years is way, way too long. She should be able to get an order for him to pay back support, and have his wages garnished. That her current lawyer hasn't accomplished that in ten years is proof of his incompetence. And a good lawyer knows how to stop the continuance game.
Last edited by Q.N. Jones; 08-21-2008 at 04:32 PM.
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#13
08-21-2008, 04:31 PM
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I wonder if a local newspaper columnist would be interested in how this "upstanding member of the community" is reneging on his legal obligations, with the tacit assistance of the court (which could be a few judges that he plays golf with). And that repeated continuance thing is more legal BS; I'll bet that John wasn't having to take time off from his practice to attend these hearings, and the court (see previous comment) shouldn't have been allowing his attorneys to jerk her around that way.
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#14
08-21-2008, 06:18 PM
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I wonder if part of the lawyer's reluctance to do anything is because he knows he won't get paid? Why bother going to all the trouble of filing papers, showing up in court, etc, if you know it's basically volunteer work?
I would have one more meeting with her attorney. Lay it out...either he steps up and starts fighting for her (and himself) or she gets another attorney. I would imagine the divorce agreement to pay her attorney's fee would transfer to another lawyer?
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#15
08-21-2008, 06:34 PM
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Ivylass, that's not a bad suggestion. I wonder if her mother might be willing to loan her the money for such a venture, understanding that Sharon, if/when she gets what she's really entitled to, she will get her money back!
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#18
08-22-2008, 12:31 PM
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I wonder if the fact that she owns several houses might be affecting the situation, even if the market sucks. I can envision his lawyers saying that she is sitting on a few hundred thousand in real estate, and "it isn't my client's fault she can't sell them". There is often more than one side to the story of a divorce. Regards, Shodan
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#19
08-22-2008, 02:16 PM
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Since I've seen so much of this kind of thing in my own family....
I'm wondering why the Mom doesn't get a job and buy the kid the glasses. McDonald's is always hiring. I know, it's not the greatest job in the world, but it can pay for things, and is completely disposable if she needs to miss time for job interviews. Glasses are available at WalMart for super-cheap. I always get a little stabby when divorced moms get so pissed about THE MONEY. Not that it isn't justified, but often, moms use THE MONEY as an excuse for other problems that could be solved on their own. Is this really something she wants to fret over for the rest of her life? Can she find real happiness in just forgetting about THE MONEY and closing the door on her ex? Is it really worth it - and she should consider her hopeful future at the same time. Will it be worth all of the legal bullshit in three years, when she's found a good job and is content again? She can just represent herself pro se, and when the "custody battle" begins, the Judge will ask the son where he wants to be, review the living situation, and tell the Ex to get bent. If not, counsel can be brought in at any time - it is standard to have attorney fees awarded. I just get a weird feeling about this one - is there any question that can be asked of this woman that doesn't get an automatic excuse? It sounds like she's got a good deal, but is stuck in a bad spot. Many more are much worse off.
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#21
08-23-2008, 04:24 AM
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I used the story about the glasses to illustrate what kind of crap this guy pulls-you know, telling the kid "Don't worry, I'll take care of it", waiting three weeks, and then informing them what he meant by "take care of it"  . He's just acting like a dick. Sharon really and truly does her best not to bad-mouth him in front of the kids, but he's driving her nuts.Quote:
Muffin, very imaginative. I like the way you think. 
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#22
08-23-2008, 07:36 AM
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You misplaced a comma in the OP.
$15,000 a month is way different than $1,500 a month. I'm assuming she gets the latter or all sympathy goes out the window. In any event, it's probably too late for her to go after half the car proceeds, etc. If she got her degree recently, there still may be time to go after the cost of her education. Depending on the cost, that might be worth pursuing. I'm not sure why you brought up how much your friend's mother has in the bank. It's not the grandmother's responsibility to raise her grandson. Do I have it right that your friend hasn't worked for 10 or 20 years: SAHM for 6 years then in school for the years after the divorce? If so, then it's high time she stops blaming her ex-husband for her troubles and gets on with her life. That means supporting herself. Her ex-husband and her mother are not responsible for herself. She is. Supporting yourself = self esteem. Sounds like your friend needs both.
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#24
08-23-2008, 10:31 AM
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And sorry about the misplaced comma. It's one thousand, five hundred dollars a month.  You are absolutely right about the self-esteem, though. She has wasted a lot of time being bitter and angry. I try not to be judgmental about this, because I do love her, and I really don't know how I would react to the same situation, but she really does need to just move on.
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#25
08-23-2008, 10:52 AM
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Second the suggestion to take the long-term sub games. At the school where I work, every single new teacher hired this year worked as either a long-term sub or a teacher's assistant last year. LT subs and TAs get paid peanuts, but it's an excellent way to show off your chops.
Of course, if she's going to continue to take a lot of time off of work to sit in court, her chops might not be worth showing off. It's harsh, but she needs to find another way to pursue this case, I think, a way that doesn't lead employers to dismiss her. Daniel
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#27
08-23-2008, 11:33 AM
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#28
08-23-2008, 11:34 AM
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