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  #1  
Old 01-14-2009, 07:07 AM
Gadarene Gadarene is offline
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Post your favorite Tom Swifties!
...Or just make some up. Tom Swifties explained.

I'll start:

"I can't believe I ate so much pineapple," Tom said dolefully.

"The steering wheel won't budge!" Tom cried straightforwardly.

"I just adore St. Louis," Tom said archly.

"This Halloween I'm going as Catwoman," Tom said earthily.


The punnier the better, people.
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  #2  
Old 01-14-2009, 07:33 AM
Kobal2 Kobal2 is offline
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"Let's look for another Grail!" Tom requested.
"I used to be a pilot," Tom explained.
"I'm into homosexual necrophilia," said Tom in dead earnest.

ETA (none of those are mine, BTW - they're from the Annotated Pratchett File)
Last edited by Kobal2; 01-14-2009 at 07:34 AM.
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  #3  
Old 01-14-2009, 08:22 AM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is offline
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"I can clean out drains with my mouth," Tom said succinctly.
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  #4  
Old 01-14-2009, 08:35 AM
Gadarene Gadarene is offline
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Quote:
"I'm into homosexual necrophilia," said Tom in dead earnest.
That is...really wonderful.
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  #5  
Old 01-14-2009, 08:53 AM
Ichbin Dubist Ichbin Dubist is offline
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"I dropped the toothpaste!" said Tom, crestfallen.
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  #6  
Old 01-14-2009, 09:00 AM
Maeglin Maeglin is offline
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"Oh yes," Tom ejaculated.
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  #7  
Old 01-14-2009, 09:08 AM
JimNightshade JimNightshade is offline
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"I think i might be schizophrenic" said Tom, being frank.
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  #8  
Old 01-14-2009, 09:23 AM
silenus silenus is online now
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"We're 36,000 feet above Nebraska," Tom plainly stated.

"AARRGGHH! I've just been stabbed in the chest," said Tom, half-heartedly.

"Man, that's an ugly Hippopotamidae," said Tom, hypocritically.

"I like ragged margins," said Tom, without justification.
Last edited by silenus; 01-14-2009 at 09:27 AM.
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  #9  
Old 01-14-2009, 09:28 AM
Malacandra Malacandra is offline
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(Funny, I thought of starting one of these)

"It's all gone dark!" said Tom delightedly.

"That's not a laser!" cried Tom incoherently.
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  #10  
Old 01-14-2009, 09:31 AM
BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gadarene View Post
"This Halloween I'm going as Catwoman," Tom said earthily.
I don't get it.
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  #11  
Old 01-14-2009, 09:36 AM
Sunspace Sunspace is online now
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"We're going off the road again!" said Tom reveredly.
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  #12  
Old 01-14-2009, 09:39 AM
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"Where's the attendance roll?" Tom said listlessly.
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  #13  
Old 01-14-2009, 09:40 AM
silenus silenus is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed View Post
I don't get it.
The late Eartha Kitt replaced Julie Newmar as Catwoman on the 60s TV Batman.
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  #14  
Old 01-14-2009, 09:41 AM
42fish 42fish is offline
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"I really shouldn't have reached into the corn thresher while it was still running," Tom said off-handedly
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  #15  
Old 01-14-2009, 09:42 AM
silenus silenus is online now
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"So, you're a member of the San Francisco chapter of Mensa," said Tom, homogeneously.




d&r
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  #16  
Old 01-14-2009, 09:44 AM
Ludovic Ludovic is offline
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"I'm going to clean the laundry", Tom Shouted.

"I'm planning on marrying my black girlfriend," Tom said lovingly.

"I just the fleshlight," Tom said accidentally.
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  #17  
Old 01-14-2009, 09:52 AM
beowulff beowulff is offline
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"I hate Chinese food," Tom said derisively
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  #18  
Old 01-14-2009, 10:03 AM
Maeglin Maeglin is offline
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"Pimpin' ain't easy," Tom said back-handedly.
Last edited by Maeglin; 01-14-2009 at 10:03 AM.
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  #19  
Old 01-14-2009, 11:01 AM
UncaStuart UncaStuart is online now
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"Wait, I said 'I give up!'" Tom recapitulated.
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  #20  
Old 01-14-2009, 11:04 AM
Gadarene Gadarene is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UncaStuart View Post
"Wait, I said 'I give up!'" Tom recapitulated.
Heh.

I'm really enjoying a lot of these. Very much liked Ludovic's subtle Supreme Court joke, for example.
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  #21  
Old 01-14-2009, 11:26 AM
Malacandra Malacandra is offline
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"We're trying to run a business here," Tom said firmly.

"You're letting the fire go out," said Tom ungratefully.

"Get into the back of the boat!" yelled Tom sternly.

"Merlot or Zinfandel?" Tom whined.

"Just a little whiskey," said Tom wryly.

"I ought to take a pair of shears to the leylandii," Tom hedged.

"Seven no-trumps," Tom declared.
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  #22  
Old 01-14-2009, 11:49 AM
Chefguy Chefguy is offline
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"Take the prisoner downstairs," Tom said condescendingly.
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  #23  
Old 01-14-2009, 11:52 AM
Jenaroph Jenaroph is offline
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"These tiny hors-d'oevres are great!" Tom said amusedly.

"My perm came out way too curly," said Tom, looking sheepish.

"BINGO!" said Tom markedly.
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  #24  
Old 01-14-2009, 12:05 PM
silenus silenus is online now
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"I know what sex that cat is," said Tom.

"I used to command a battalion of German insects," said Tom, exuberantly.

"Drei....fuenf," said Tom, fearlessly.
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  #25  
Old 01-14-2009, 12:12 PM
MLS MLS is online now
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"I'm sterile," said Tom inconceivably.
"What's another name for an elf?" asked Tom impishly.
"I have everything a man could want," said Tom needlessly.
"I don't want to play cards any more, " said Tom wistfully.
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  #26  
Old 01-14-2009, 12:18 PM
beowulff beowulff is offline
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"I've tried, and tried, but nothing I do makes this stupid thing work," Tom said radioactively.
"My teeth hurt," Tom said incisively.
Last edited by beowulff; 01-14-2009 at 12:22 PM.
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  #27  
Old 01-14-2009, 12:25 PM
beowulff beowulff is offline
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"Help! I'm stuck in the chimney," Tom said influentially.
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  #28  
Old 01-14-2009, 12:31 PM
WF Tomba WF Tomba is offline
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"My favorite book is Moby Dick," said Tom superficially.
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  #29  
Old 01-14-2009, 12:35 PM
beowulff beowulff is offline
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I really wish I hadn't dropped that on my foot," Tom said ironically.
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  #30  
Old 01-14-2009, 12:51 PM
Creaky Creaky is offline
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So that's what a Tom Swiftie is. I clicked on this to find out. Cool.

Okay, I think I got a couple. (Yes, I am working from home today and procrastinating!)


"Just a chip off the old block," Tom said icily.

"Lower the thermostat!" Tom cried hotly.
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  #31  
Old 01-14-2009, 01:08 PM
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"My acne is gone!" said Tom clearly.
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  #32  
Old 01-14-2009, 01:13 PM
WF Tomba WF Tomba is offline
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"Cannibalism's not as bad as you think," said Tom manfully.
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  #33  
Old 01-14-2009, 01:22 PM
KidScruffy KidScruffy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ludovic View Post
"I just the fleshlight," Tom said accidentally.

"Just what?", he joked.
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  #34  
Old 01-14-2009, 01:39 PM
Hi, Neighbor! Hi, Neighbor! is offline
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"Behold, the power of the Dark Side," Tom said forcefully.
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  #35  
Old 01-14-2009, 02:05 PM
Malacandra Malacandra is offline
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"Fruit-flavoured gin?" asked Tom slowly.
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  #36  
Old 01-14-2009, 02:25 PM
msmith537 msmith537 is offline
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"Get this dildo out of my ass!" Tom said anally.
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  #37  
Old 01-14-2009, 02:25 PM
dactylic hexameter dactylic hexameter is offline
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"Of course I can't prove it!" said Tom excitedly.
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  #38  
Old 01-14-2009, 02:29 PM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is offline
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If I may steal from Beowulff,

"Try again and again!" Tom said repeatedly.
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  #39  
Old 01-14-2009, 02:38 PM
Diogenes the Cynic Diogenes the Cynic is offline
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"I can't believe I ate all that hay," Tom said balefully.
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  #40  
Old 01-14-2009, 02:39 PM
Jenaroph Jenaroph is offline
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"Edward, make sure you don't come to the party early," said Tom belatedly.
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  #41  
Old 01-14-2009, 03:13 PM
Gangster Octopus Gangster Octopus is online now
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"I am NOT that science guy!" denied Tom.
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  #42  
Old 01-14-2009, 03:14 PM
WF Tomba WF Tomba is offline
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"I'll sue them for whiplash!" said Tom snidely.
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  #43  
Old 01-14-2009, 04:46 PM
Ichbin Dubist Ichbin Dubist is offline
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"Now I'm really in the soup," said Tom wantonly.

"3.1415926535897932," said Tom piously.

"Do you like my butt implants?" said Tom, with bias.
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  #44  
Old 01-14-2009, 05:55 PM
KlondikeGeoff KlondikeGeoff is offline
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"Bartender, give me a martini," Tom said dryly.

Every time Tom saw a keyhole, he peeked intuitively.

This is not a Swifty, but it's funny. Q: What is the definition of "innuendo? A: An Italian suppository.
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  #45  
Old 01-14-2009, 06:30 PM
BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed is offline
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"J'ai une bonne rhume," said Tom fluently.
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  #46  
Old 01-14-2009, 06:55 PM
MOIDALIZE MOIDALIZE is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KlondikeGeoff View Post
This is not a Swifty, but it's funny. Q: What is the definition of "innuendo? A: An Italian suppository.
Q. What do you call an Italian slum? A: A spaghetto. [/bad Italian joke hijack]
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  #47  
Old 01-14-2009, 06:56 PM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ichbin Dubist View Post
"3.1415926535897932," said Tom piously.
Outstanding, Sir.
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  #48  
Old 01-14-2009, 07:18 PM
beowulff beowulff is offline
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Originally Posted by Ichbin Dubist View Post
"3.1415926535897932," said Tom piously.
"2.71828183," Tom said eerily...
Last edited by beowulff; 01-14-2009 at 07:19 PM.
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  #49  
Old 01-14-2009, 07:32 PM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is offline
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Originally Posted by carnivorousplant View Post
"I can clean out drains with my mouth," Tom said succinctly.
The Wiki article swiped my joke!
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  #50  
Old 01-14-2009, 07:40 PM
BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed is offline
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Originally Posted by beowulff View Post
"2.71828183," Tom said eerily...
"1.41421356," said Tom, beginning to root around for his calculator.
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