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  #151  
Old 01-20-2009, 07:22 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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"I prefer Batma's alter ego," said Bruce, wanly.
"I always know which way the wind blows," said Tom, vainly.
"Now and forever really wasn't" sneered Tom, cattily.
"I didn't do so well in the musical about the French revolution," moaned Tom, miserably.
"I'm starring in the musical prequel to the Wizard of Oz," said Tom, wickedly.
"I don't know if I want to do a Cy Coleman musical," said Tom, seesawingly.
"I didn't get to see the musical about Vietnam and now its--oh, sigh, gone," said Tom, missingly.
"I would not pay one penny to see the inaurguration," declared Tom, niggardly,.

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 01-20-2009 at 07:24 AM..
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  #152  
Old 01-20-2009, 01:45 PM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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"Is this the line for the musical with all the puppets?" asked Tom as he queued up on the avenue.
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  #153  
Old 01-20-2009, 03:09 PM
Nzinga, Seated Nzinga, Seated is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas View Post
"I would not pay one penny to see the inaurguration," declared Tom, niggardly,.
Despite knowing what niggardly means, I can't seem to understand the pun you are going for here. Can you help?

Last edited by Nzinga, Seated; 01-20-2009 at 03:10 PM..
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  #154  
Old 01-20-2009, 03:15 PM
Left Hand of Dorkness Left Hand of Dorkness is offline
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Okay, not to be a jerk (well, maybe to be a jerk), but some of these aren't Tom Swifties. Using a word that's closely related to the concept of the quote doesn't count. If you're not punning, you're not Tom Swifting. The less related it is, the better.

"A triangle has three of these" Tom sighed.
GOOD

"My protective eyewear, it does nothing!" Tom goggled.
BAD

Also, if you're not using an adverb (or adverbial phrase, or synonym for "said") that makes sense, it's a lousy Tom Swiftie.

"I can't eat another lion", Tom said, swollen with pride.
AWESOME

"I shall have to search for a better pair on the Interet" Tom googled.
WHAT?

Finally, Annie, that was some bad taste, unless you really weren't going there.

Daniel
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"In politics, everyone regards themselves as moderate, because they know some other sumbitch who's twice as crazy as they are." -Timothy Tyson

Last edited by Left Hand of Dorkness; 01-20-2009 at 03:16 PM..
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  #155  
Old 01-20-2009, 07:46 PM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nzinga, Seated View Post
Despite knowing what niggardly means, I can't seem to understand the pun you are going for here. Can you help?
Meaning "grudgingly supplied" according to Mr. Webster, but certainly in poor taste to mention the inauguration given the obvious homonym.
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  #156  
Old 01-20-2009, 10:32 PM
Nzinga, Seated Nzinga, Seated is offline
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Originally Posted by carnivorousplant View Post
Meaning "grudgingly supplied" according to Mr. Webster, but certainly in poor taste to mention the inauguration given the obvious homonym.
Yeah, I know what it means. I honestly didn't get the pun part. I'm not being deliberately obtuse (I love that phrase, learned it on the dope).

The only way I could figure that it could work as a Swifty is if she was calling the President a nigger. Now, if she was, I realize she is joking, and that is fine. I'm not mad at her for that, I am just really amazed!
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  #157  
Old 01-21-2009, 12:39 AM
Captain Klutz Captain Klutz is offline
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"I'm going scuba diving despite the sewage spill", Tom said undeterred.

"That deserves a prize", Tom said nobly.

"The big bad wolf is coming", Tom said huffily.

"I don't need a comb", Tom said baldly.

"The doctor cancelled my visit", Tom said, disappointed

"My investments have failed", Tom said, disinterested.

"This book needs recovering", Tom said spinelessly.

"This trick doesn't work", Tom said, disillusioned.

"I don't like Microsoft Windows", Tom said, pained.

"They're all leaning over the fence", Tom said, not so inclined.

"I didn't use my ace", Tom said with finesse.

"The prisoner's climbing down the wall", Tom said condescendingly.

"I've been ionized", Tom said positively or negatively.

"I'll get my parasol", Tom said shadily.

"It's agent 86", Tom said smartly.

"I was told it was a seabird", Tom said gullibly.

"I'll be asking questions later", Tom said testily.

"I'm swimming across Egypt", Tom said in denial.

"I'm swimming through Paris", Tom said, insane.

"Don't put the coffin back in", Tom said unrehearsed.

"It's about fuel", Tom repeated.

"Put it through Dracula's liver", Tom said mistakenly.

"My pencil's not writing very well", Tom said bluntly.

"It's a superconductor", Tom said irresistibly.

"Why is Mary being carried by a clown", Tom said, vergin' on the ridiculous.

"I broke up with my Chinese girlfriend", Tom said, disoriented.

"I've had brain surgery", Tom said open mindedly.

"It's a flying machine", Tom said plainly.

"There's something in this neck ornament", Tom said independently.

"I pulled the wrong tooth", Tom said accidentally.

"Game point", Tom said advantageously.

"I don't like poems", Tom said adversely.

"I woke up on time", Tom said alarmedly.

"I prefer cartoons", Tom said animatedly.

"We need the spare wheel", Tom said flatly.

"I like to watch nuns", Tom said habitually.

"I was also correct on the previous 3 occasions", Tom said forthrightly.



"It's pining for the fjords", Tom parroted.

"We're from the University of Woolloomooloo", Bruce said philosophically.



Finally, here are some cricket ones:


"We've batted long enough", Tom declared.

"Why did I leave my ground", Tom said, stumped.

"How many deliveries do you have left", Tom said, overly confused.

"You're out", Tom said dismissively.

"The wicket's broken", Tom said balefully.

"He's caught in the slips", Tom said edgily.
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  #158  
Old 01-21-2009, 01:25 AM
Malacandra Malacandra is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nzinga, Seated View Post
Yeah, I know what it means. I honestly didn't get the pun part. I'm not being deliberately obtuse (I love that phrase, learned it on the dope).

The only way I could figure that it could work as a Swifty is if she was calling the President a nigger. Now, if she was, I realize she is joking, and that is fine. I'm not mad at her for that, I am just really amazed!
The charitable interpretation I was putting on it was that Tom, in that incarnation, was a racist and hence too bitter, rather than too mean, to pay to watch a "nigger" being inaugurated. The trouble is that "niggardly" isn't an adverb, it's an adjective.
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  #159  
Old 01-21-2009, 06:06 AM
Captain Klutz Captain Klutz is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Left Hand of Dorkness View Post
Okay, not to be a jerk (well, maybe to be a jerk), but some of these aren't Tom Swifties. Using a word that's closely related to the concept of the quote doesn't count. If you're not punning, you're not Tom Swifting. The less related it is, the better.
Well, you can do a word that's closely related and do a pun. For example:

"I was laid off and I lost my job", Tom said redundantly.

This may have lost something in the translation: in Australia, being made redundant is another way of saying that you have been laid off. So "redundantly" actually makes sense as normal English, but also works as a pun.

It could have been done as a pure Tom Swifty: ' "I was laid off", Tom said redundantly'. But I like the double meaning in the original.
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  #160  
Old 01-21-2009, 07:39 AM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nzinga, Seated View Post
I honestly didn't get the pun part.
That's because while I think it meets the requirements, it isn't funny. For example, "Ya'll come back now, you hear?" Tom drawled.
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  #161  
Old 01-21-2009, 08:40 AM
Beware of Doug Beware of Doug is offline
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"Who stole my toothbrush?" Tom bristled.
"Anybody like surf rock?" Tom ventured.
"You'll probably crack the block in that old Ford," Tom bloviated.
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  #162  
Old 01-21-2009, 08:56 AM
Redwing Redwing is offline
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"Well I gunned down my dad," Tom's son shot off.
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  #163  
Old 01-21-2009, 03:29 PM
Chef Troy Chef Troy is offline
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"Help! My sidewalk lemonade kiosk has collapsed on me!" said Tom understandingly.

"There's a prisoner climbing down that rope!" Tom said condescendingly.

"I have a bell up my ass," Tom chimed in.

"I just set a male insect on fire," Tom said flamboyantly.
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  #164  
Old 01-21-2009, 04:21 PM
Malacandra Malacandra is online now
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Originally Posted by Chef Troy View Post
"I just set a male insect on fire," Tom said flamboyantly.
Nice!
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  #165  
Old 01-22-2009, 12:49 AM
Captain Klutz Captain Klutz is offline
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"It's for my girlfriend", Tom said misgivingly.

"This safety glass isn't very well made", Tom said bad temperedly.

"Stop the rocket engines". Tom said ballistically.

"Sweeny Todd is back in business", Tom said barbarously.

"The arm bone's connected to the, wrist bone", Tom said beforehand.

"I'll have a beer", Tom said bitterly.

"She's a loose woman", Tom said broadly.

"This silly costume sometimes gets in the way", Batman said capably.

"I finally get the front end", Tom said bullheadedly.

"It's Mister Spock's timepiece", Tom said chronologically.

"The Glencoe massacre was fate", Tom said clandestinely.

"I can't find my detective game", Tom said cluelessly.

"Give the prisoner a chair", Tom said conceitedly.

"The prisoner has been recaptured", Tom said confoundedly.

"We'll work this scam together", Tom said conjointly.

"I'm just starting my model T", Tom said crankily.

"I'm doing the ironing", Tom said decreasingly.

"He reminds me of Clint", Tom said eastwardly.

"You can have those five kids for nothing", Tom said frequently.

"It's been drawn out too long", Tom said sketchily.

"I saw the Grand Canyon", Tom said gorgeously.

"The gold coating has worn off", Tom said guiltlessly.

"I have a void", Tom said heartlessly.

"River horses have stupid short legs and big dumb mouths", Tom said hypocritically.

"That chicken has lost its beak", Tom said impeccably.

"I've fixed the air conditioner", Tom said inventively.

"I've lost my yellow and white flower ", Tom said lackadaisically.

"I'm no Oskar Schindler", Tom said listlessly.

"This sawn timber is hard to carry", Tom said lumberingly.

"I'm sorting the large writing quills from the small ones", Tom said pensively.

"This is the best writing implement ever made", Tom said penultimately.

"I'm just an average guy", Tom said meanly.

"The gourd has given him a belly ache", Tom said melancholically.

"I'm determined to win this auction", Tom said morbidly.

"It's so the auctioneer can see it", Tom said forbiddingly.

"I'm just doing my job as a lawyer", Tom said objectively.

"I don't care if Dracula gets hurt", Tom said painstakingly.

"There's a choir on the jetty", Tom said piercingly.

"It's the season for giving", Tom said presently.

"I'm in favour of sowing", Tom said proceedingly.

"I like Poe's poems", Tom said ravenously.

"There are some poems about the Nautilus", Tom said subversively.

"Double the number of Beefeaters", Tom said regardfully.

"We need to build another defensive ditch", Tom said remotely.

"You should get naked again", Tom said renewedly.

"Yes, I mailed it again, this time the whole thing", Tom said resentfully.

"I've got nowhere to build my house", Tom said sightlessly.

"Jack Newton was a great golfer", Tom said singlehandedly.

"I've loosely stitched it all the way around", Tom said tactfully.

"I've got high cards, but there are gaps", Tom said tenaciously.

"It's like comparing a hovercraft to a car", Tom said tirelessly.

"There's only one stanza", Tom said universally.

"We're one game up", Tom said vulnerably.

"It's taking him a long time to get here", Tom said weightily.

"Let's play a card game with no bidding", Tom said wistfully.

"She only has a single bodice/skirt combination", Tom said wondrously.

"I'll just have some bread", Tom said wryly.

"Hold on to the safety rail and step from joist to joist", Tom said flawlessly.

"Of course I can make another mark", Tom said remarkably.

"It's a bone from the shoulder to the elbow", Tom said humorously.

"We need to measure this angle", Tom said protractedly.

"Wow, that really gave kitty a lift", Tom said catatonically.

"We don't have any enclosed yards", Tom said defencelessly.

"That pony is drooling", Tom said hospitably.



And finally, one that isn't quite a Tom Swifty (the pun is in the setup):

"I'm looking for the guy who shot me paw", the lion said limply.
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  #166  
Old 01-22-2009, 11:01 AM
commasense commasense is offline
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Excellent work, Captain Klutz!

But I would have enjoyed them a lot more if you had put the commas inside the quotes, where they belong. (One of my pet peeves.)
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  #167  
Old 01-22-2009, 11:37 AM
Nzinga, Seated Nzinga, Seated is offline
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Gotdamn, Captain Klutz! Well done!
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  #168  
Old 01-22-2009, 11:52 PM
Captain Klutz Captain Klutz is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by commasense View Post
But I would have enjoyed them a lot more if you had put the commas inside the quotes, where they belong. (One of my pet peeves.)
I've seen that rule, but it depends on which side of the ocean you are on (for example, http://grammartips.homestead.com/inside.html)

Still, this isn't a good place to discuss that point, Tom said punctually.
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  #169  
Old 01-23-2009, 10:05 AM
cjepson cjepson is offline
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"Wow, you really inhaled those huevos rancheros," Tom said exasperatedly.

"I just got elected to the U.S. House of Representatives," Tom said incongruously.

"OK, I've put on the tourniquet," Tom said staunchly.

"How about some foreplay?" Tom said, predictably.

"I fell into the deep fryer," Tom said indefatigably.

"This next comment is in regard to my three brothers, Peter, Edward, and Lee," Tom said repeatedly.

"Anyone with half an ear could tell that that singer is out of tune," Tom said semiotically.

(OK, this is getting ridiculous...)
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  #170  
Old 01-23-2009, 10:12 AM
cjepson cjepson is offline
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"Feeling those things crawling on me gave me the shivers," Tom said fleetingly.

Last edited by cjepson; 01-23-2009 at 10:15 AM..
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  #171  
Old 01-24-2009, 08:25 AM
Captain Klutz Captain Klutz is offline
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"Give one to each of my companion animals", Tom said perpetually.

"The two thousand dollars has slipped through my fingers", Tom said, not feeling too grand.

"There is no sign of land", Tom said unsurely.

"I'm ten years old", Tom said decadently.

"He's a pied piper for girls", Tom said misleadingly.

"I'm in favour of action words", Tom said proverbially.

"Make it so", Tom said enterprisingly.

"An unassisted brain transplant!", Tom reminded himself.

"I encountered a new country", Vespucci said metamerically.
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  #172  
Old 01-24-2009, 09:52 AM
Nzinga, Seated Nzinga, Seated is offline
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Originally Posted by Captain Klutz View Post
"Give one to each of my companion animals", Tom said perpetually.

"The two thousand dollars has slipped through my fingers", Tom said, not feeling too grand.

"There is no sign of land", Tom said unsurely.

"I'm ten years old", Tom said decadently.

"He's a pied piper for girls", Tom said misleadingly.

"I'm in favour of action words", Tom said proverbially.

"Make it so", Tom said enterprisingly.

"An unassisted brain transplant!", Tom reminded himself.

"I encountered a new country", Vespucci said metamerically.
Captain, you are scaring me. It took me days to come up with just 4 of these things.

ETA: The brain transplant one is killing me.

Last edited by Nzinga, Seated; 01-24-2009 at 09:52 AM..
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  #173  
Old 01-24-2009, 10:57 AM
Malacandra Malacandra is online now
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"There's no toilet in the whole place," Tom said unnecessarily.

"I'm doing your exam scoring over again," Tom remarked.

"The wind was violent a moment ago - now it's dropped altogether," Tom said disgustedly.
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  #174  
Old 01-24-2009, 11:36 AM
Beware of Doug Beware of Doug is offline
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"I've invented an internet flowerpot," Tom said evasively.
"And I'm working on a robot dachshund," Tom said dogmatically.
"My car is so cheap, I dinged the hood by pushing it down with the fingertips of both hands," Tom said tendentiously.
"Watch me hit that guy in the ass when I tee off," Tom said with malice aforethought.
"Someday I might like raising sheep," Tom said, woolgathering.
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  #175  
Old 01-24-2009, 11:41 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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"Someone started a Straight Dope Message Board thread using my name," said Hal Briston, sheepishly.
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  #176  
Old 01-24-2009, 11:43 AM
OtakuLoki OtakuLoki is online now
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Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas View Post
"Someone started a Straight Dope Message Board thread using my name," said Hal Briston, sheepishly.
You win the thread!
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  #177  
Old 01-24-2009, 12:18 PM
Jake Jake is offline
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"That's a lot of electricity" Tom said amply
"I'm afraid!" Tom said discouragedly
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  #178  
Old 01-26-2009, 07:16 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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"I'm gonna be a pimp and get me a stable of hookers," said Tom, hoardingly.

"I'm gonna take some hallucinagenics," said Tom, acidically.

"I ripped my foreskin on my zipper," said Tom, dictorially.

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 01-26-2009 at 07:17 AM..
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  #179  
Old 01-26-2009, 07:19 AM
Martini Enfield Martini Enfield is offline
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"Bugger, I've missed my train!" exclaimed Tom, belatedly.
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  #180  
Old 01-27-2009, 09:19 AM
UncaStuart UncaStuart is offline
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"The 2000 Florida vote was a mess!" Tom recounted.

"Gift horses are not the only livestock one shouldn't look in the mouth, said Tom occidentally.

"I really pwnd Tricky Dick," said Tom frostily.
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  #181  
Old 01-27-2009, 01:13 PM
Malacandra Malacandra is online now
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"Life is not like a fairy story," Tom said grimly.

"Only a fool takes cocaine!" Tom snorted.

"Scoop all the water out of the boat," Tom said balefully.

"Developing is included in the price of the film, but printing isn't," Tom said negatively.
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