Santa is gay

[SqrlCub]

Everyone here knows my affection for Santa. This was sent to me by a friend who knew about it also. Love ya' Nathan. (he doesn't read the boards)


I hate to be the one to defy sacred myths, but I believe Santa is gay.

1)Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a straight man could possibly pull it all off!

2)For starters, think about the planning that goes into an event like Christmas. Even Martha Stewart is envious. Straight men have day jobs, so they wouldn't have time to stand at the local shopping malls and ring a bell all day. But if you're a gay, out-of-work Actor/Dancer/Waiter, it's the perfect gig until you get your big break.

3)Also, if he were straight he would have picked a more masculine animal than the reindeer to get him around, like horses or oxen, but the reindeer just happens to appeal to Santa's inherent sense of grace and beauty. And those names: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen? Fill in the blanks.

4)Mrs. Claus has been married to him for eons and he's never
fathered a child with her, she's over-weight and still content. Can you say "Fag-hag"?

5)Ever thought about the Rudolph story? He's gay too! "All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games." As if he wanted to. Isn't Rudolph really a metaphor for the gay child in a straight society anyway?

6)Ever ask yourself why fruitcake is the traditional dessert at Christmastime? Well, now you know. And stop pretending you don't like it. Deep down inside, you've always liked fruitcake.


Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a straight man:
Look at the size of the bag he packs for a one-night trip!

Red velvet, fur collar, black engineer boots. Think people!!!

Physically he's a wet dream for the Girth and Mirth club and the perfect poster model for Bear Poster Child! (so true)

Gay men have long been using stockings to hide their candy.
Toys, toys, toys.

Ho-Ho / Homo. A little too similar if you ask me.

That long over-night flight around the world taps into the
flight attendant gene.

And one more thing, did you ever know a straight man named
Nicholas? Oh, straight society has tried to butch up his image by calling him St. Nick, but we know better. It's Nicholas, damn it! Ms. Claus if you're nasty.

HUGS!
Sqrl

[tatertot]

Nicholas is a gay name? Since when? Not that I'd care if NicholasTot were gay, you know me being PC and all, but still...now Bruce, that's a gay name.

Other than that though, I'd have to say that this theory makes sense. Hmmmmm, must go get a little rainbow sticker for my mini-Santa sleigh.

[SqrlCub]

Hey mods, the title should read Santa is gay.

Glad you liked it tater. hehehehe My friend, Nathan, sent this to me. He is so funny.

HUGS!
Sqrl

[Olentzero]

[hijack]

Sqrl, email me! I got a favor to ask.

[/hijack]

I gotta go with the prevailing opinion on this one. I seen pictures of old fat white-bearded men wearing leather vests and leather baseball caps in bars. Ya can't tell me Santa doesn't hang out at the North Pole the rest of the year when business gets slow.

[JeffB]

For the most part, I think you may have something here. But:

Originally posted by SqrlCub
3)Also, if he were straight he would have picked a more masculine animal than the reindeer to get him around, like horses or oxen, but the reindeer just happens to appeal to Santa's inherent sense of grace and beauty. And those names: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen? Fill in the blanks.

I'll give you the names, but I would say reindeer are pretty masculine. I'm talking the real kind, not the Rudolph/Bambi type of deer.

6)Ever ask yourself why fruitcake is the traditional dessert at Christmastime? Well, now you know. And stop pretending you don't like it. Deep down inside, you've always liked fruitcake.

I don't -- really! Not that there's anything wrong with liking fruitcake. Some of my best friends like fruitcake!

Red velvet, fur collar, black engineer boots. Think people!!!

[Guinastasia]

What about Nicholas II of Russia? He was many things-gay wasn't one of them.

Actually, according to most Romance novelists, Nicholas is a popular name in the genre.

[andygirl]

Um... Sqrl, sweetie? My dad's name is Nicholas.

_{maybe it skipped a generation? I am a lot like him...}

[tracer]

With every other holiday, everybody wishes each other "HAPPY <instert holdiday name here>." HAPPY birthday. HAPPY new year. HAPPY groundhog's day.

But Santa, social deviant that he is, goes around screaming "MERRY Christmas!" Why "merry"? Is it because it's just a shade closer to "gay" than the word "happy"?

Don we now our gay apparel, indeed!

[Spritle]

Originally posted by tatertot
...now Bruce, that's a gay name.

But if you got to know me....
(Yes, that's my birth name.)

Of course, if you pronounce it that way...

Spritle (they call me "Bruce")

[fierra]

Originally posted by tatertot
but still...now Bruce, that's a gay name.

Nooooo!!!! It can't be that's Batman. I mean, just because he runs around in tights all night & has a secret life...

[Nacho4Sara]

3)Also, if he were straight he would have picked a more masculine animal than the reindeer to get him around, like horses or oxen, but the reindeer just happens to appeal to Santa's inherent sense of grace and beauty. And those names: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen? Fill in the blanks.

After seeing the stuffed reindeer porn at Falcon's, I can buy it.

Santa's into beastiality! BWAHAHAHA!

[fnord1966]

What about Bruce Campbell? He cant possibly be gay.

[Spritle]

Are you saying Bruce Lee was "light in the loafers"?
Bruce Dern has more than a passing fancy for styling hair?
Bruce Dickerson (Iron Maiden) calls a spade a 'thpade'?
Bruce Johnson (Alice Cooper's 70's band) would bend over backward for a roadie? [band name notwithstanding]
Lenny Bruce was a $3 bill?

[lurkernomore]

Originally posted by fierra

Nooooo!!!! It can't be that's Batman. I mean, just because he runs around in tights all night & has a secret life...

You left out running around with his "youthful ward", the "Boy WOnder" with the shaved legs...

[Trion]

OK, I'll play along.

Originally posted by SqrlCub


3)Also, if he were straight he would have picked a more masculine animal than the reindeer to get him around, like horses or oxen, but the reindeer just happens to appeal to Santa's inherent sense of grace and beauty. And those names: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen? Fill in the blanks.

What about Comet? Or Blitzen. Sounds like someone's been watching a little too much WWF. Maybe Mrs. Santa named the others. Or maybe they're girl reindeer.

4)Mrs. Claus has been married to him for eons and he's never fathered a child with her, she's over-weight and still content. Can you say "Fag-hag"?

No, but I can say "low sperm count".

5)Ever thought about the Rudolph story? He's gay too! "All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games." As if he wanted to. Isn't Rudolph really a metaphor for the gay child in a straight society anyway?

Um, sure. Whatever you say. Now tell me what this ink blot looks like.

Physically he's a wet dream for the Girth and Mirth club and the perfect poster model for Bear Poster Child! (so true)

So, if he looked like one of the Backstreet Boys, then he'd be straight??

Gay men have long been using stockings to hide their candy.

I'll give you this one because I don't even know what you're talking about.

And one more thing, did you ever know a straight man named Nicholas? Oh, straight society has tried to butch up his image by calling him St. Nick, but we know better. It's Nicholas, damn it! Ms. Claus if you're nasty.

I thought his name was Kris Kringle.

Thanks Sqrl. I did enjoy the original post.

[Medea's Child]

Well, this made getting out of bed less painful and almost worth it.

Thanks!

[Typo Negative]

Originally posted by Nacho4Sara
[

After seeing the stuffed reindeer porn at Falcon's, I can buy it.

Stuffed reindeer porn????? Do tell.

[vanilla]

So I guess theres money being exchanged around Xmas time...ho ho ho!

[xizor]

Originally posted by SqrlCub
4)Mrs. Claus has been married to him for eons and he's never
fathered a child with her, she's over-weight and still content. Can you say "Fag-hag"?

Maybe it is because he only comes once a year, and then it is down a chimney

[Annie-Xmas]

THAT explains the Simpson episode with John the gay guy and the Christmas tie-ins. Matt Groening must be aware of this!

[LazarusLong42]

WHAT???? Have you told Drain Bead??
















Oh... you said Santa. Not Satan. My bad.



LL

[Deacons Trucked]

"Physically he's a wet dream for the Girth and Mirth club and the perfect poster model for Bear Poster Child! (so true)"

Have to admit Ive always had a little Santa fantasy. Well, if he IS gay, I hope he stops at my house and stays a while. You should see the Santa in the latest Land's End catalog...talk about Bear Poster Child!!! If Rudolph is, though...I'm not really into reindeer, so he'll have to rub up against the chimney or something.

[fierra]

Originally posted by lurkernomore

You left out running around with his "youthful ward", the "Boy WOnder" with the shaved legs...

I think there's a difference between gay & pederast...anyway, I leave out the boy blunder as often as possible...I too would have voted to off Jason Todd, had I had the opportunity (but why stop there? They should have killed the previous one too...and Joel Schumacker while they are at it)
[/hijack]

[don Jaime]

As long as the Tooth Fairy's straight....

Not to turn this into a GQ, but...



















...what's a "bear"? Or is this, like "felch", one of those things I could stand not to know?

[andygirl]

A bear is a big hairy gay guy. More often than not into leather, but that's not a requisite.

[SqrlCub]

A bear is like a truck driver, big bellied, hairy, and cuddly. mmmmm. The perfect type of guy. Santa is more of a daddy bear but I still love him. I am happy to meet you Deacon, seems like we share an affection.

HUGS!
Sqrl

[Cajun Man]

::applauding::

Bravo, bravo, bravo, my sqrly friend.

[Deacons Trucked]

SqrlCub: "I am happy to meet you Deacon, seems like we share an affection. "

Hahaha....hell yes! Nice to find a fellow bear admirer. I sure would like to see on this board a discussion of what a "bear" is! Very good description you gave, as opposed to "a guy with muscles, rippled abs, a beard, and a hairy chest"!!

But maybe you should explain to don Jaime what a "cub" is as well!!

(hijack)BTW SqrlCub are you a long-time or semi-long time poster? I am looking to be "adopted" for what its worth...If you look at the "SDMB Newbie Rites of Initiation" thread and my adoption request, might you consider? Theres more on me in the "Crunchy Frog's Welcome Wagon (Newbies take note)" thread...if you're interested. Pretty please? No one is picking me up...sigh. Guess I'm too boring....

[Nacho4Sara]

Spooje

Well...see, Falcon had this little movie clip. The reindeer had some sort of ass apparatus attached, and this guy with a little penis and some odd-looking thighs started fucking it.

FTR, Falc deleted it after we left.

We all stared in wide-eyed wonder for a minute, until Phil had to "pee" really badly and left the room.

I started singing "Rudolph the Red-Asses Reindeer" but it didn't really catch on.

[SqrlCub]

Deacons Trucked you have been adopted. If you don't appease me you will wind back up in the SDMB orphanage. Look for details in the initiation rites thread.

Oh and as for the what is a bear/cub thing I'd rather not. You should know from the BML that it generally just starts fights although not likely to here since these people are mostly straight. I kind of think of defining the bear thing as making the bears into a typetwink.

HUGS!
Sqrl