Ask the former Mormon missionary (and current atheist)

Inspired by the current JW threads, I thought I’d hang out my shingle and answer any questions about Mormon missionaries.

I was raised Mormon and was a Mormon missionary for two years in Argentina. Since then I have left the religion (and become an atheist), but my family is still very much Mormon.

Mormons strongly encourage all 19-year-old Mormon men to “serve a mission.” (Women aren’t allowed to go until they’re 21 and they aren’t encouraged to go. Why? Because this would delay them from getting married and having kids. That’s why female Mormon missionaries are so much rarer. ) Missions last 2 years (1.5 years for women) and you don’t get to choose where you go. You get sent to a single country (or area within a country) and spend the entire two years there. However, you are moved around inside that area every 4-6 months. Most missionaries go to North and South America and Europe. Most of China is a no-go, as well as any Islamic countries. There is only a very limited presence in India. Africa is very limited as well, and is mostly staffed by African Mormon missionaries, but not exclusively.

Mormon missionaries do not get paid; on the contrary, you have to pay $400 per month for the privilege of serving. In most cases (and in mine), the parents of the young man pay the entire amount. That means my parents paid $9,600 for my mission (not counting all the stuff they had to buy for me). I guess it’s cheaper than tuition.

So what did we do all day? Try to figure out ways to baptize people. These are not charitable missions (excepting a tiny minority of specialized “welfare missionaries”) and we were only required to do a couple hours of charity work per week. The rest of the time was spent trying to find people to convert.

How to find people (from most-effective to least-effective):

  1. Visit people who are already Mormons and ask them if they have any friends that are interested.
  2. Visit people who have been baptized Mormon but don’t go to church. They may have unbaptized children or spouses.
  3. Visit people who called that 1-800 number requesting a free Bible/Book of Mormon or who visited a Mormon temple open house and were foolish enough to write down their address.
  4. Wander around and talk to people who are out and about.
  5. Knock on doors (door-to-door proselyting).

In many countries, door-to-door proselyting is prohibited, so the Mormons have to find ways to work around it. During my mission in Argentina, we never liked going door-to-door because it arouses a lot of hostility and almost never works, but we had quotas for number of contacts made and so forth, so we often did it. (Fun fact: where I was in Argentina, most yards were fenced and gated with no doorbell, so you would clap your hands to get the homeowner’s attention, since there is nothing to knock on.)

Oh yes, we had quotas for everything, including hours spent proselyting, number of people contacted, hours spent studying, etc. Each mission sets its own rules, but in mine, we had to speak with 35 people each week. The 35 conversations had to be in-depth, not just approaching someone and getting brushed off. Basically, the whole thing is a sales funnel. You have to talk to 300 people to find 10 people to teach; you have to teach 10 people to find one person to get baptized.

Once we found a person willing to talk to us, we had a series of six lessons (this has since been changed a bit) where we explain a very limited amount about Mormonism and its teachings. This usually required six visits. The most important things were getting them to commit to stop using tobacco, alcohol, and coffee, and stop having sex outside of marriage. These were hard because cigarettes are addictive and divorce is slow and expensive to get in Argentina. Most people just separate and start living with their new spouse without getting anything official. We couldn’t baptize them if they were living with someone and still married to their first spouse. This was probably the biggest obstacle to baptizing people.

What wasn’t included in the lessons? Any mention of polygamy, racism, funny underwear; in short, any thing the least bit negative or in-depth about the church. After the six lessons, the person had to attend church twice, submit to an interview (to make sure they were still not smoking or having sex), and then we could baptize them. The problem is that attending a church twice is hardly enough time to see if it’s a good fit or even get to know anyone. Also, the people we taught were friends with us, the missionaries, not the local members. This is why Mormons have abysmal retention rates of new converts.

So what do I regret? I regret lying to people about polygamy (both implicitly and explicitly), I regret making people feel bad about something as innocuous as drinking alcohol, and I feel bad that I dragged some people that I grew to love into a religion that I feel has a net negative effect. I did enjoy living in a foreign country for two years, even though my time was mostly wasted. I often wish I had joined the Peace Corps instead, because I would have been providing an actual service for poor people, instead of selling them a religion. However, I did get to meet and hang out with a large number of cool people, so I guess the experience was a net positive for me, if not for Argentina.

So, any questions? I know there are a lot of other former Mormon missionaries on the board, so I’m sure they can fill in the gaps about missionaries in other countries.

What caused you to become an atheist?

That is an interesting story. What a brutal and inefficient sales process to put eager young people through. It only sort of works because they have free labour. I wouldn’t have lasted a week.

Sounds to me like your time wasn’t wasted at all.

I second Mikemike2’s question.

No specific questions, but would also like to hear more.

Always wondered how missionaries felt they were justified going into foreign cultures and telling the locals their values and beliefs were shit. Want to go build a school, fine. But let everyone follow their own mythology.

  1. Does the $400 per month actually cover the cost of keeping the missionary overseas? In other words, was the church gaining or losing money on you while you were on mission?

  2. What kind of pressure/discrimination do young men face if they refuse to go on mission?

  3. Does the ‘average Mormon’ really believe the really out-there parts of the early history of the church? I don’t mean the stuff that is in all the Christian religions. I mean the Christ in the Americas, Indians as a lost tribe of Israel, golden plates, rule-changing visions from God that occur at politically convenient times, and generally scam-artist behavior of some of the early bigshots, that sort of thing. Is there a difference in this sort of belief along educational/wealth lines?

  4. Polygamy. All the Mormons I know insist that they think it’s wrong and against the modern doctrine of the church. Are they just saying what the unbelievers want to hear?

So how many people bit in those two years? Do you have contact with any of your converts? Have they mostly stayed with it? Are the converts encouraged to become missionaries?

My road to atheism is a long story. Short version: I’ve always been uncomfortable about some practices/beliefs of Mormonism, but I thought God was behind it all, so it was okay. I started doing some digging, and surprise, surprise, there’s a lot of history and facts that no one ever tells you. Once I took a step back from my family ties and indoctrination and looked at all the evidence, it was painfully clear that I’d been burying my head in the sand.

Well, that’s an easy one to answer: pure arrogance. Mormons (like most proselyting religions) think that they have to one and only way to follow the big Kahuna, native traditions and cultures be damned (literally, in this case). Of course, there are lots of other guilty parties besides the Mormons.

  1. What’s the true down-low about polygamy in the Mormon church?

  2. Do young men become missionaries in order to move up in the church hierarchy, and if they don’t do the missionary work, does it count against them?

  3. Now that you are an athiest, are you wearing boxers or tighty whities. :wink:

OK, what’s up with the underpants thing? Did you have special Mormon underpants?

(OK, I see Tupug asked a similar question).

  1. I’d guess the church is breaking even on all missionaries. Everyone pays $400, no matter where you go. The church spends a lot on rent for apartments in Tokyo and San Francisco, but almost nothing for the hovels they had us living in in South America. All in all, they probably break even.

  2. There is quite a lot of pressure to go if you are a believing Mormon. Men who don’t serve missions are seen as less than faithful and you always hear stories about parents telling their daughter to only marry men who are returned missionaries.

  3. It depends on what you mean by “average Mormon.” The average believing Mormon, yes, absolutely believes all those crazy things. Even the rich ones, even the PhDs. Now, the more people study these things in depth, like say, the absence of any evidence of Book of Mormon cultures, then they’ll start to hem and haw and come up with some tortured explanation. These people are usually referred to as “apologists” and most regular Mormons have little or no familiarity with their arguments or beliefs.

  4. Polygamy is indeed against the modern doctrine of the church and I’d wager most modern Mormons think it’s icky. However, there is quite a bit of denial about Joseph Smith’s introduction of the practice and its duration.

I don’t know about that. I’m Italian by heritage and Roman Catholic. When I was in my twenties I lived in Sicily for two years, and met quite a few locals. Most were Catholic, which was to be expected, but a small number were Baptist or Pentacostal. I even met a charming young woman and became good friends with her before discovering that she was a Mormon, as was her family. She worked at a coffee bar I visited a lot.

For that matter, I’m only Catholic today because I converted to Catholicism in my late twenties - I had been a confirmed Methodist prior to this.

If we accept that people have a freedom of conscience, we have to accept that they may come to believe any number of different things - no matter what the prevailing belief of the culture is. That holds true in Sicily and Argentina as well as here, and while a missionary may convince someone to exercise their freedom one way or another their presence didn’t make that freedom spring into being.

I baptized about 16 or 17 people during my time in Argentina. I’ve only been in contact with one family, and (unfortunately) they were are all still very much with it as of two years ago. In fact, the mother seemed a bit upset that I hadn’t continued in the religion. I am very conflicted about what to say to them.

  1. I should clarify: When I said I regretted lying about polygamy, I meant that we never mentioned polygamy at all. I think that is quite astounding, considering it was the defining characteristic of the religion for its first 60 years. I consider that a bit dishonest. Also, on one occasion, someone we were teaching asked about polygamy, and my companion told her that Joseph Smith never had more than one wife. I did not correct him. That also was dishonest of me.

  2. If you don’t serve a missionary, you probably will not move very high up the ladder unless you are a convert or live in a place with few Mormons.

  3. My boys need a home!

I’m a former-Mormon, current-Atheist, too. Judging from a few reactions I’ve seen, I’m thinking the Mormon-to-Atheist road is actually not a well-traveled one. Ironically enough, the thing that pushed me from being a faithful, devout member to questioning everything was the Missionary discussions. I was helping to convert my then-boyfriend (now husband, but he’s forgiven me for this) and we were meeting with missionaries once a week (really adorable boys. I loved them). During second or third discussion, I thought to myself “I’m not buying this crap.” Which was strange, because it wasn’t anything I hadn’t heard before. I had already been going to church weekly and attending seminary daily for two years.

Even so, I still have a really soft spot for missionaries. So many of the boys I went to school with disappeared for two years on their missions–I felt obliged to treat missionaries with the kindness I hoped my friends were receiving. Even when they’re annoying me a bit.

Yes, I had special underpants. They were nothing extraordinary. A t-shirt with three masonic symbols on it, and a boxer-brief type thing with one symbol on the knee. They are pretty much just regular white underwear, onlywith the four masonic symbols them.

What about the whole “We know what planet God came from, and if you do the right thing someday you’ll have your own planet, too”? type stuff? The LDS church seems to really push, in advertising, that it’s basically just like Christianity, plus some other stuff about Jesus. How does that mesh with the more out-there afterlife stuff, and do people tend to have a problem with it? Or is it just kept from you until you’re deep in?

That clears things up a little.

But still…why? What do the symbols represent? Where are they?

Ha! I find myself trying to be very nice to Jehovah’s Witnesses because I know what it’s like to go door-to-door.

Well, this is classic milk-before-meat stuff. The logic is that prospective members will get distracted and confused if you tell them the deep doctrine like “man can progress to become a god.” Therefore, we taught them very rudimentary, Christian-type stuff first, and figured they could work their way up to the hard stuff.

Did you harbor any…fears…about just walking up to strangers and asking them to convert? What do they do with missionairies who are cripplingly shy?

If you google “Mormon garments” you can see pictures of some creepy-looking middle-aged man wearing them.

There is the symbol the of the square (like this _| ) over the right breast and the symbol of the compass over the left breast (basically a V). There is a small horizontal line at the navel and another small horizontal line at the right knee. Basically, the square means living up to your covenants with God, the compass means staying on the path of righteousness, the navel mark reminds you to get spiritual nourishment, and the knee mark is a reference to the scripture, “every tongue will confess and every knee will bow” that’s in the Bible. You can google “Mormon temple ceremony text” and they have the exact words that they use to explain the markings.