Oh noes, we're surrounded! Chuck Norris is going to kick our asses!

[Equipoise]

*tremble* Chuck Norris has a blog on World Net Daily and he's rabble-rousing the right, hinting that it's really ok to overthrow the government because it's been done before. Ok, that's paraphrased, but he brings up all kinds of examples, and lets people know that...

For those losing hope, and others wanting to rekindle the patriotic fires of early America, I encourage you to join Fox News' Glenn Beck, me and millions of people across the country in the live telecast, "We Surround Them," on Friday afternoon (March 13 at 5 p.m. ET, 4 p.m. CT and 2 p.m. PST). Thousands of cell groups will be united around the country in solidarity over the concerns for our nation. You can host or attend a viewing party by going to Glenn's website. My wife Gena and I will be hosting one from our Texas ranch, in which we've invited many family members, friends and law enforcement to join us. It's our way of saying "We're united, we're tired of the corruption, and we're not going to take it anymore!"

I love the terrorist nomenclature. Just like that one Republican Texas Congressman who said that the Republicans need to learn how to be insurgents from the Taliban.

They surround us? How scary is that?

He sure does quote a lot of fine American patriots.

Again, Sam Houston put it well when he gave the marching orders, "We view ourselves on the eve of battle. We are nerved for the contest, and must conquer or perish. It is vain to look for present aid: None is at hand. We must now act or abandon all hope! Rally to the standard, and be no longer the scoff of mercenary tongues! Be men, be free men, that your children may bless their father's name."

Plus, he quotes George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Patrick Henry, and John Adams:

John Adams declared that, "Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people." Yet we've bastardized the First Amendment, reinterpreted America's religious history and secularized our society until we ooze skepticism and circumvent religion on every level of public and private life.

And of course, they have the Constitution on their side:

How much more will Americans take? When will enough be enough? And, when that time comes, will our leaders finally listen or will history need to record a second American Revolution? We the people have the authority according to America's Declaration of Independence, which states:

That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience has shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.

And he brings up the Alamo!

Just last Friday, the Alamo celebrated its 173rd commemoration, when on March 6, 1836, Texans under Col. William B. Travis were overcome by the Mexican army after a two-week siege at the Alamo in San Antonio. But they didn't go down without a hell-of-a-fight, as those roughly 145 Texans fought to their dying breaths against more than 2,000 Mexican forces under Gen. Santa Anna. (Casualties in the battle were 189 Texans vs. about 1,600 Mexicans.) They lost that battle, but would provide the inspiration to win the war. Their fighting spirit rallied the new-found republic, and still does to this day. So when you think all is lost in America, remember the Alamo!

Are we lefty, communist/socialist/Marxist/illegal alien-loving pinkos the ones trapped in the Alamo? Which would mean that the conservatives who'll rise up and conquer us are...brown, Spanish-speaking soldiers? Er, wait, reading that again, they're in the Alamo? Which means that we're the Spanish-speaking brown people. Hmmm, no, I'm totally lily-white, and the the only Spanish I know is "supermercado," "Si," "gracias," and "por favor." And I can count to 10. But, wait, didn't the Alamo people like, lose? Really badly? So he's basically telling his readers 'we're gonna lose and you're gonna die, but hey, join up anyway!' ??

I'm so confused.

But anyway, we ought to be really really scared. I mean, cells of rabid, drooling, angry right-wingers. With guns. *shiver*


Oh! And by the way, after followers wipe up the drool and cumstains after reading his blog...

... Chuck is also inviting anyone near the Houston area this weekend to see a good example of the raw Texas fighting spirit by joining him and others for the national martial arts event, "Showdown in H-Town.")

So it was all just an advertisement. Well.

What kind of drugs are these people on? And is it FDA approved?

[kambuckta]

I thought Chuck Norris was dead, having fallen under a horse getting pelted by buckshot during the fliming of Blazing Saddles?????

Of course, I might be mistaken.

[Linty Fresh]

Ben Stein? Chuck Norris? What the hell is happening to my heros?

It's like Nietzsche said: "That which doesn't kill me kind of freaks me out."

[madmonk28]

I believe the Texas constitution states that Texas has the right to leave the US. I am absolutely okay with that.

[Shot Clock]

Chuck Norris can bite my biscuits. He complains about the "bastardization" of the First Amendment, then uses his First Amendment rights to basically call for secession and the violent overthrow of the duly-elected government.

Originally Posted by Chuck Norris

"If this country starts to spiral out of control and Mexico melts down or whatever, if it really starts to spiral out of control, before America allows a country to become a totalitarian country (which it would have under I think the Republicans as well in this situation; they were taking us to the same place, just slower), Americans won't stand for it."

Where was this concern about Republicans when you were out kicking ass for Huckabee, Tough Guy?

I guess my big problem with Chuckie's insignificant screed promoting Yahoo Conservatism (as well as his products and promotions) is that enough people might take this brand of bullshit seriously enough to where they actually try to "do something" to "Take America Back". Living in South Carolina, I hear this crap on the streets and on the radio stations every day. Most of it comes from politicians and entertainers pandering to a small audience of cranks, but one day a group of these unbalanced crackers is gonna conduct an armed siege of the statehouse, and then this shit won't be so funny anymore.

Still love The Octogon, though!

[The Surb]

Since he's in Texas, he can team up with Ted Nugent. The combined bullshit will make their opponents heads explode.

[Jackmannii]

Thousands of cell groups

Lots of ninnies hanging around gabbing on cell phones? We've got that already.

[Alessan]

. But they didn't go down without a hell-of-a-fight, as those roughly 145 Texans fought to their dying breaths against more than 2,000 Mexican forces under Gen. Santa Anna. (Casualties in the battle were 189 Texans vs. about 1,600 Mexicans.)

Man, those Mexican were cruel - they killed 44 of those Texans twice.

[Grumman]

Originally Posted by Alessan

Man, those Mexican were cruel - they killed 44 of those Texans twice.

I'm pretty sure that "casualties" includes wounded. So that would be 145 dead, 44 wounded.

[Tapioca Dextrin]

Rush / Norris 2012 anyone?

[R. P. McMurphy]

Chuck Norris and Glenn Beck.

If the Founding Fathers has known about those two there would have been some caveats written into the First Amendment.

[Captain Carrot]

Originally Posted by madmonk28

I believe the Texas constitution states that Texas has the right to leave the US. I am absolutely okay with that.

No, it doesn't. No state constitution does. And there are a hell of a lot of sane people in Texas as well as the crazies.

[DianaG]

They should really change their marketing slogan. "Texas - We've got a hell of a lot of sane people, too!"

[Really Not All That Bright]

Originally Posted by Grumman

I'm pretty sure that "casualties" includes wounded. So that would be 145 dead, 44 wounded.

But there were only 145 of them there.

[Jack Batty]

Maybe many of them were Chuck Norris's ancestors. And we all know that Chuck Norris counts as two people: Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris's balls.

[Really Not All That Bright]

That's 3 people.

[Bosstone]

Originally Posted by Really Not All That Bright

But there were only 145 of them there.

Wikipedia lists the Texans (Texians?) at 180-260, with 182-257 killed. So Chuck's facts are wrong and also internally inconsistent, the way they're worded. But who needs facts when you're being jingoistically divisive?

[tdn]

Originally Posted by Captain Carrot

No, it doesn't. No state constitution does.

Well, I'm sure we can change it. We could even get it enshrined as a US constitutinal amendment.

XXVIII: Beat it, Texas. And take the Krazee with you. But leave us Austin, 'cause that's a cool place.

[Grumman]

Originally Posted by Really Not All That Bright

But there were only 145 of them there.

That would pose some problems for my theory.

[The Tao's Revenge]

Originally Posted by Really Not All That Bright

That's 3 people.

Lefty seceded.

[Equipoise]

If Texas does secede, all the sane Texans can move to Utah. You'll freak out all the Mormons and turn Utah blue at the same time. Win win. Those who want to stay in the flats can take over Oklahoma and Kansas and help turn them blue.

Of course we'll have to build a wall all along the Texas border to keep the illegal aliens out of our country. It'll be too bad about Austin. Maybe they can move SXSW to Santa Fe.

They already have their President of Texas all ready to go. I have a feeling that Hillary won't be able to do much diplomatin' with old Chuckie.


Oh hey, if any of you "real Americans" want to take part in this, here's a website where you can find out where to go in your city/state. If any fake Americans want to go just for shits'n'grins, be sure to leave your Obama t-shirts and buttons at home. And try not to laugh. That's a dead givaway.

Hey Carol Stream, there's one in the Chicago area! Maybe I'll see you there! Not that we'd know who each other is.

Originally Posted by The Surb

Since he's in Texas, he can team up with Ted Nugent. The combined bullshit will make their opponents heads explode.

Ted's music would do that. The loudest, most excruciating concert I ever attended was a Ted Nugent concert. It was a Summerfest thing, with lots of different groups, lest anyone think I was there to actually see Ted Nugent. This was at a baseball stadium and we were up in the nosebleed section, and still the music was so loud that I had to plug my ears with my fingers. I can't even imagine what it must have been like for the people down near the stage and speakers!

[Jackmannii]

Texas can't secede! That's what THEY want.

And while Chuck Norris may sound like a self-aggrandizing wackaloon with delusions of grandeur, it's only people like him who are standing between true Americans and the Zionist Illuminati.

I'd say more, but the shape-shifting Board Overlords are just waiting for an excuse to

[Equipoise]

Jackmannii! Jackmannii! Where'd you go?? Ooooooooh Noooooooooo!

Let's all have a moment of silence for Jackmannii.

Better him than me though.

[Calatin]

I actually listen to Glenn Beck on my 45 minute drive to work, and last week, he had an interview with Chuck Norris. I remember it being a little more... delusional than this transcript denotes, but I really think that Chuck Norris thinks he is the characters he portrays.

[Typo Negative]

Who can blame these people? They have had had to endure this socialist government chipping away at their freedoms for two whole months!! By God, it's time for revolution!

[The Tao's Revenge]

Originally Posted by Jackmannii

Texas can't secede! That's what THEY want.

And while Chuck Norris may sound like a self-aggrandizing wackaloon with delusions of grandeur, it's only people like him who are standing between true Americans and the Zionist Illuminati.

I'd say more, but the shape-shifting Board Overlords are just waiting for an excuse to

Oh crap Candle Jack is in the Illuminati! Quick we have to

[DianaG]

Originally Posted by Calatin

I really think that Chuck Norris thinks he is the characters he portrays.

Well to be fair, it's to his credit that he realizes he's no actor.

[C3]

Originally Posted by Shot Clock

I guess my big problem with Chuckie's insignificant screed promoting Yahoo Conservatism (as well as his products and promotions) is that enough people might take this brand of bullshit seriously enough to where they actually try to "do something" to "Take America Back". Living in South Carolina, I hear this crap on the streets and on the radio stations every day. Most of it comes from politicians and entertainers pandering to a small audience of cranks, but one day a group of these unbalanced crackers is gonna conduct an armed siege of the statehouse, and then this shit won't be so funny anymore.

Exactly. I'm not even worried about an organized group doing something stupid. All it takes is one individual whacko to inflict serious damage. We've already had one gunman shoot up a UU church because he was pissed off at "liberals" - and that was before these freaks started trying to actively incite people.

[ShadowFacts]

Originally Posted by Jack Batty

And we all know that Chuck Norris counts as two people: Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris's balls.

Originally Posted by Really Not All That Bright

That's 3 people.

Originally Posted by The Tao's Revenge

Lefty seceded.

Well played, one and all.

[elucidator]

Its the strangest thing, how one reacts. I didn't know Chuck Norris even existed until I saw Way of the Dragon with Bruce Lee, the one where he beats Chucky to death. And the first scene with Chuck, where he gets off the airplane, I instantly hated every bone in his body! Knew nothing about him at all, just immediate visceral loathing.

(Not a particularly good movie, even for chop-socky, but seeing Chuck Norris beaten to death!....Joe Bob 'luc says "Check it out!"...)

[Syntropy]

Originally Posted by The Surb

Since he's in Texas, he can team up with Ted Nugent. The combined bullshit will make their opponents heads explode.

Oh lordy, if we could round them all up in one place that would be a huge relief. Toss 'em in with that idiot who just became Dallas' most famous new resident.

Secession. Let's see. On the one hand, caught between the worlds remaining super power and Mexico. On the other, if we secede, I don't have to help pay for that godawful monstrosity of a library that's going up in Junior's name. Screw it, we'll move somewhere the weather's decent.

[elucidator]

Just not here, OK? You wouldn't believe how many recovering Texans we got here in MN. And its cold! Godawmighty cold! Sure, long leggedy Nordic beauties everwheres, but you got your ice spiders, you got your "Bar B Que" made with tomato sauce! Blasphemy!

Iowa. Iowa's nice.

[Sr Siete]

Originally Posted by Linty Fresh

Ben Stein? Chuck Norris? What the hell is happening to my heros?

It's like Nietzsche said: "That which doesn't kill me kind of freaks me out."

Oh, dear. That's very often misquoted because of that Conan the Barbarian movie. What Nietzche actually said id "That which doesn't destroy us kind of freak us out." He was sort of talking about the destruction of societies, not of individuals.

[Sleeps With Butterflies]

Originally Posted by Really Not All That Bright

But there were only 145 of them there.

Wrong. The rest were in the basement.

[Blaster Master]

How dare you pit Chuck Norris, and on his birthday* no less! Why do you hate America!?**


* Useless random fact I know from happening to share it with him. Did you know today is also Osama Bin Laden's Birthday? How about that for an odd coincidence.
** I actually reall don't have a dog in this fight, I just wanted to give that reaction.

[LonesomePolecat]

Originally Posted by Equipoise

And try not to laugh. That's a dead givaway.

Before you laugh, go to your local gun store and ask them how business has been lately.

[tdn]

Happy Birthday, Blaster Master.

[Duke]

Originally Posted by Sleeps With Butterflies

Wrong. The rest were in the basement.

Along with someone's bike?

[El_Kabong]

Originally Posted by Calatin

I actually listen to Glenn Beck on my 45 minute drive to work, and last week, he had an interview with Chuck Norris. I remember it being a little more... delusional than this transcript denotes, but I really think that Chuck Norris thinks he is the characters he portrays.

Originally Posted by Transcript

GLENN: Chuck's the author of Black Belt Patriotism: How to Reawaken America. Chuck, you know what? I was talking about General Petraeus the other day. I mean this sincerely: I would love to have General Petraeus go up to Washington and clean that hornet's nest out. I'd like him to set up a military tribunal and call them in one by one, okay, going to have a little interview with you. Find out if they're guilty or innocent of being involved in, you know, all kinds of the scandals that are going on and kick them out.

NORRIS: I want to go with General Petraeus myself and be next to him and when he finds out who's guilty and, you know, dishonest, then I will take care of it for him. Took him out. I'll choke them out, the ones that he finds dishonest, I will choke them out and stick them into a pile.

It was more delusional that that?

[Equipoise]

Yes, happy birthday, Blaster Master. And Chuck. Not so much the other guy.

Originally Posted by elucidator

(Not a particularly good movie, even for chop-socky, but seeing Chuck Norris beaten to death!....Joe Bob 'luc says "Check it out!"...)

You're welcome.



I'm imagining the scene at FBI headquarters.

Big Cheese FBI Guy: Agent Smith, you're assigned to Papa Joe's Pizza in San Marco.

Agent Smith: Yes sir. (*thinks to himself* All right! I have to be around a bunch of loonballs, but at least I get to eat pizza!)

BCFBIG: Agent Jones, you're assigned to Alliance Realty office in Tyler.

Agent Jones: Yes sir. (*thinks to himself* FUCK! I have more seniority than that Smith guy, why can't I get the pizza place? Shit!)


I'm a liberal through and through, but sometimes I have to channel my inner freeper and say,

Thank you Bush, for the Patriot Act!

[R. P. McMurphy]

GLENN: Chuck's the author of Black Belt Patriotism: How to Reawaken America. Chuck, you know what? I was talking about General Petraeus the other day. I mean this sincerely: I would love to have General Petraeus go up to Washington and clean that hornet's nest out. I'd like him to set up a military tribunal and call them in one by one, okay, going to have a little interview with you. Find out if they're guilty or innocent of being involved in, you know, all kinds of the scandals that are going on and kick them out.

NORRIS: I want to go with General Petraeus myself and be next to him and when he finds out who's guilty and, you know, dishonest, then I will take care of it for him. Took him out. I'll choke them out, the ones that he finds dishonest, I will choke them out and stick them into a pile.

Isn't is amazing how guys that are always talking about "Constitution this and Constitution that" are the first ones to want to call in a military General and administer "justice" with no due process.

Based on the quote it sounds like Norris wants to be the one running the torture chamber. That's the kind of country Chucky wants to raise his kids and grand kids in. That's Chucky's America.

[Cagey Drifter]

I checked out this quasi new-age book by Chuck Norris from the library not too long ago, called "The Secret Power Within: Zen Solutions to Real Problems." Contained within its pages were, among other things, heart-rending stories about Chuck's experiences talking to kids with cancer and AIDS whose last wishes before they died involved having Walker, Texas Ranger hovering ominously in their hospital rooms, next to their dialysis machines and iron lungs, administering Miyagi-style Eastern wisdom and B-list platitudes to them before their untimely deaths. But Chuck, ever the philosopher, soon discovers that it is not he who is the teacher, but these innocent childen, whose transcendental deathbed mutterings pierce his armor-plated ego with profound lessons about the world, whereupon he realizes that there's more to life than beating up communist invaders and murdering drug dealers. Get this book; the earnestness of his words will change your life, I promise.

[Syntropy]

Originally Posted by elucidator

Just not here, OK? You wouldn't believe how many recovering Texans we got here in MN. And its cold! Godawmighty cold! Sure, long leggedy Nordic beauties everwheres, but you got your ice spiders, you got your "Bar B Que" made with tomato sauce! Blasphemy!

Iowa. Iowa's nice.

Don't worry. I'm allergic to snow. My brother teaches in Iowa. The Mexican food sucks but the steaks were amazing. I was thinking Nevada/California border. Barbecue with TOMATO sauce? Y'all need help.

[SteveG1]

I am "sort of" stuck on one thing.

Beck wants Petraeus to violate the oath all military people take (to support and defend the Constitution), and wants him to overthrow the government? And Chuck, who took the oath in the Air Force, wants to "go along for the ride"?


Sorry, but in my book, to do that would be treason, in a very literal sense.

[LonesomePolecat]

Originally Posted by SteveG1

I am "sort of" stuck on one thing.

Beck wants Petraeus to violate the oath all military people take (to support and defend the Constitution), and wants him to overthrow the government? And Chuck, who took the oath in the Air Force, wants to "go along for the ride"?


Sorry, but in my book, to do that would be treason, in a very literal sense.

Well, here's a Marine who'd go along for the ride, too.

I don't know if you're aware of it or not, but a lot of people are talking about armed rebellion these days. I'm hearing it from people whom I never thought would ever advocate such a thing. It may--in fact, it probably will--come to nothing, but I think a lot of people underestimate just how ugly the country's mood is these days.

[pravnik]

Interesting that Professor Norris quoted Sam Houston in his argument for the legality and wisdom of secession. If I may quote General Houston as well:

"To secede from the Union and set up another government would cause war. If you go to war with the United States, you will never conquer her, as she has the money and the men. If she does not whip you by guns, powder, and steel, she will starve you to death. It will take the flower of the country-the young men."

"Fellow-Citizens, in the name of your rights and liberties, which I believe have been trampled upon, I refuse to take this oath. In the name of the nationality of Texas, which has been betrayed by the Convention, I refuse to take this oath. In the name of the Constitution of Texas, I refuse to take this oath. In the name of my own conscience and manhood, which this Convention would degrade by dragging me before it, to pander to the malice of my enemies ... I refuse to take this oath. I love Texas too well to bring civil strife and bloodshed upon her."

This was shortly before he was evicted from office as Governor of Texas in 1861 for refusing to take an oath to the Confederacy and thereby secede from the Union.

Behind Chuck Norris' beard, there is no chin. There is only another idiot.

[Simplicio]

Originally Posted by SteveG1

I am "sort of" stuck on one thing.

Beck wants Petraeus to violate the oath all military people take (to support and defend the Constitution), and wants him to overthrow the government? And Chuck, who took the oath in the Air Force, wants to "go along for the ride"?


Sorry, but in my book, to do that would be treason, in a very literal sense.

Well, I don't think he's actually calling for this as a real proposal. Still, it's pretty crazy to be on national TV vocalizing such a vivid fantasy about choking people to death and stacking their bodies as part of a military coup. Especially since it's not really clear what he's angry about. "All kind of scandals" is pretty vague, and absent the Blago/Burris thing there haven't been any wildly reported recent scandals out to the Capitol.

[Bosstone]

It's all socialism's fault.

[SteveG1]

Originally Posted by LonesomePolecat

Well, here's a Marine who'd go along for the ride, too.

I don't know if you're aware of it or not, but a lot of people are talking about armed rebellion these days. I'm hearing it from people whom I never thought would ever advocate such a thing. It may--in fact, it probably will--come to nothing, but I think a lot of people underestimate just how ugly the country's mood is these days.

Well good luck to them, after they get arrested and face the judge, they will need some luck.

There are plenty of us (not that it will ever happen) who were/are in some branch of service and do remember our oath - to support and defend the Constitution of the United States, against all enemies foreign AND DOMESTIC.

But it won't come to that. There aren't enough wingnuts to pull it off, and if they tried, the law would take care of them right away. If they somehow DID start a war, plenty of former (and active) military would be against them.

[LonesomePolecat]

Missed the edit. Here's a link that actually works.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGHlv...layer_embedded