Putting this in ye olde Pit instead of GD because I’m sure it will get a bit heated. Inspired by this thread.
What, exactly, is people’s objection to using “retarded” to mean “stupid,” as in, “That’s so fucking retarded,” or “Stop being retarded,” or “You’re a retard”?
Now, I personally hate it when people use “gay” as a synonym for “stupid,” because that’s saying *being gay *is something stupid. But being actually mentally retarded means, well, you’re retarded. It’s just how things are. No one gets all up in arms about the word “stupid” being insulting to stupid people.
When you say something’s retarded or call someone a retard, you aren’t saying retarded people aren’t people, or that they’re not worthwhile… You’re just saying that their cognitive abilities are lacking. Which they are.
I have a brother who is mentally retarded (i.e. “developmentally disabled”), and when I hear people use the term “mentally retarded” as they do, I just try to realise that they must be using the term to refer to someone as extremely dense, and not truly disabled. (At least I hope that’s the case!)
I’ve always felt very protective of my brother (and other people in his situation), and while I’d truly get very pissed (and then some) if I saw anyone tormenting (or otherwise actually trying to hurt him) or others in his situation, I just try to understand that people misuse words that they don’t otherwise understand themselves.
So, I agree with the OP, that the way that people use the words mentally retarded or retarded are just words, and are not meant to attack or hurt people that are actually mentally retarded (“developmentally disabled”).
Revtim, I’m sure we’re all familiar with the phenomenon. My question is, exactly what is the logical basis to some people’s objection to “retarded” being used as a perjorative?
Well if you think of what the word ‘retard’ means.
to make slow; delay the development or progress of (an action, process, etc.); hinder or impede.
Then it clearly shows that we are just referring to someone who has not developed to normal capacity. As it is we have a range of normal, but in some ways some people are ‘retarded’ as compared to others. That’s not the same as being developmentally disabled. Developmentally disabled means that you fall outside the mean to such a degree that you have trouble taking care of yourself.
In my case, it’s personal. When I was in elementary school, the other kids used to call me a retard because I was in special ed. To this day, I have trouble with the word “retarded” even in medical contexts.
But aside from my childhood neurosises, it’s the same problem as your example of gay as an insult. To call someone “retarded” because they’re being annoying or deliberately obtuse seems to be offensive to people with genuine intellectual problems. Maybe I’m just being oversensitive because of me history, I don’t know.
Occasionally, we college profs run across a student who appears to have a learning disorder which might not have been diagnosed or which they are perhaps trying to hide. One of my colleagues had such a student and asked if it was possible they had a disorder and might want to get tested at DSP&S; this would get them the assistance and accommodations they need.
This student’s angry response: “ARE YOU CALLING ME A RETARD??”
There’s not much I can say except that I wish people could understand that retardation and learning disorders are really not the same thing at all. Not even close.
1.) But that was them making assumptions and being insulting because of the class you are in. To me, this is distinct from calling something retarded because you think it’s stupid, or calling someone who’s demonstrably doing or saying stupid things a retard.
2.) IMO, it’s not the same issue as “gay.” “Gay” = homosexual = nothing to do with intelligence. “Retarded” = cognitive problems = everything to do with intelligence and comprehension. “Dumb” might be a good example to use here. By my criteria, it would have been a bad word to use when you mean “stupid” back when its primary meaning was still “mute,” because being unable to speak has nothing to do with intelligence. However, since it has mostly lost that usage, it’s now okay to use “dumb” when you mean “stupid.”
Sorry to hear about the little shits in your personal history, by the way. Kids are evil.
Hey, my first wife was tarded, and she’s a pilot now.
But seriously, I just wish that there was a word to replace “gay” in “that’s so gay”, because I can’t fuckin’ find one that fits so perfectly, but I don’t like using it because of its connotations. “Lame” comes close, but it doesn’t quite have that special ring to it.
Stupid people have genuine problems. They just aren’t as extreme as someone who is ‘developmentally disabled’. But if you are the type of person that doesn’t know not to go up to women in bars and say, “I like your tits.”, then you are retarded, plain and simple, just by the definition of the word, you are not as socially advanced as most of the people at the bar.
Most insults are about comparing people to other things with negative qualities. You can’t make insults polite. Do we really need to explain why kitemaker_chuck doesn’t like it when his brother is the object of a comparison like that?
As shown in Revtim’s post, idiot and moron both used to be acceptable medical terms and were later turned into insults. Same thing with retarded (“retard” not so much, though), Mongoloid and so on. There’s not much anybody can do about it. If you got them to stop using “retard” as an insult, eventually the substitute term would become an insult instead.
The traditional definition of idiot is so useful here on the Dope, but unfortunately we can’t use it that way.
Marley23 is right though, all insults are predicated on a defect, if someone has that defect then it’s insulting. Like Obama comparing his behavior to being in the special olympics.
‘You throw like a girl.’ is supposed to be insulting to boys but it doesn’t really insult most girls, as most of them really do throw like girls.
Well, it insults me, since it assumes that girls and boys have intrinsically different “ways” of throwing.
I’m not trying to make the insult polite–I’m trying to figure out if there is a logical reason, rather than a personal subjective one, why “retarded” should be a taboo insult.
Shot From Guns Boys are better at throwing than girls ON AVERAGE due to physiological differences. You can be offended by physionomy all you want. shrugs