So I recently encountered a man through an online personals site. I’ll call him “David”, because that’s his name. David and I exchanged a few emails, and then spoke on the phone a few times. We seemed to have a lot in common and shared similar senses of humor and goals in life. We made a plan to meet, wherein we had a lovely dinner and drinks at In-n-Out Burger. We sat outside in the dusk, with monsoonal action, at a wet concrete picnic table. There were no seats available inside. Now you’d think after 2 or 3 years of having an In-n-Out, we’d be sated with it somewhat and it wouldn’t be slam-full still at all hours of the day and night, but whatever. Anyway, I could tell right away that David was not into me after meeting. No eye contact, no questions about me, no interest in my life, nothing. Okay, fine- this one’s a dud, no biggie. No harm no foul, no problem, no offense, see ya later.
But something about him kept niggling at me. Several things, actually. One- his first email to me included the salutation, “Say now”. Now, I’m pretty street smart for a woman of my demographic. I did not just tumble off the turnip truck- in fact, I’ve never even been on a turnip truck. I know that the phrases “hey now” and “say now” are used all day long in prisons. It becomes something that all the prisoners say as greetings to each other and whatnot. I don’t know this because I’ve been in prison myself- I have not- but I just happen to know this trivia. Also, his timeline/story of himself didn’t quite match up. He was very vague about what he’s been doing these past several years, although he did indicate that he used to drink and drug big-time and that he’s had hepatitis C 3 times, always cured with Interferon. He did, however, say that he was last in Victorville, CA prior to coming home to Tucson, to live with his elderly parents. Plus he just looks like he’s been in prison- you really can tell most of the time, I learned this from dating a cop. He also has a ton of health problems, mostly with his back and leg, requiring multiple surgeries, doctors, physical therapy, etc. His uuper body is mega-built, and his legs scrawny and spindly (another sign of prison time).
So, anyway, we went through the “date”, ate, came back to my house for 15 minutes or so of idle chit-chat, and he left. I did some online research, and learned that his middle name is Howard and he got out of Victorville Federal Prison in 2007.
He has not attempted to call or email me. I knew he wouldn’t- I could totally tell during the date that he wasn’t into me and was clearly biding his time until he could scram. Which was fine- by now I’d learned enough about him that I was no longer interested either. But still. What the hell? So he * thinks that I* am not good enough for him? I’m a slender, intelligent, employed, decent-looking, responsible, funny, self-sufficient woman that has it all together. I’m a catch, goddammit! Anybody would be* lucky* to have me, and this ex-con, druggie/alcoholic, unemployed, health-problemed, hepatitic loser that lives with mom and dad thinks that he can do better! What is he expecting, Miss Fucking America?? Plus, he lied in his personal ad and said that he is 41, when he is actually 49 and looks it and more.
I’m not pissed, really- I didn’t want him anyway. I do thinks it’s funny and ironic, though.
It’s also a good lesson, ladies and gentlemen- be sure to really listen to people, because 99% of the time, they will tell you things about themselves that they may not mean to tell you. You just have to listen, and use the info gathered to your advantage.
