Family shorthand

[sandra_nz]

Inspired by Lacunae Matata's post here

Mostly what I get is either blank expressions or grossed-out reactions to what I refer to as "family verbal shorthand."

My immediate family (Mom, brother, sister, me, the kids, maybe a couple of close cousins) refer to the bread/bakery outlet store as the "used bread store." By extension, the dented can food outlet is known immediately as the "used food store." Oddly, some people find that weird/gross/inexplicable.

And you know those nights when you clean out the fridge for dinner? Reheat a couple of servings of everything left over during the week? That night, dinner is referred to as "garbage soup." Isn't garbage, usually isn't even soup, but it's still garbage soup in my family.

American cheese or Velveeta-ish products are always "government cheese." And the act of changing conversational subjects is always prefaced by the phrase "speaking of peanut butter." (I could explain the reasoning behind the last, but it's a long story. Still, it lives in the family lexicon...)

Here's a couple of ours:

Some years in our family were leaner than others, but we always offered good hospitality to our friends and family. We had a phrase, 'FHB,' for when times were lean but we were having people around.

FHB meant Family Hold Back, i.e. there isn't as much food on the table as we'd like, so family hold back and let the guests have the share.

We also had a saying for when we were caravanning, which was 'dirty flash'. A dirty flash is when you're trying to tart yourself up for, perhaps, a meal out in the nearby town, but you obviously don't have the same degree of cleaning and preening facilities, so you just do the best you can. I have no idea why it was considered a dirty flash but that's what it was called!

What shorthand exists in your family?

[Sophistry and Illusion]

That's funny; I've been meaning to start a thread like this for a time on words that are made-up in your family. Between my wife and me it is 'bacon-y' for someone who is taking up too much space, particularly in bed. It started from one of us quoting the old Sizleens commercial ("Move over bacon--now there's something meatier!"), was shortened to "Move over, bacon!" and now it's just, "Quit being bacon-y!" or "You're all bacon-y!"

[Audrey Levins]

If you consider a small staff at work "family," which IME it kind of is....we have, at the bar I work at, a regular I'll call "Rob" who has a singularly annoying habit of yelling across the bar, "AUDREY! AUDREY!" (Or the name of whoever is working.)

If you rush over to him, thinking he's having a crisis of some sort--which his tone and urgency indicates--he will usually be ALMOST finished with his double bourbon on the rocks. He wants you to stand there while he slurps up the last of it, so that he can hand it to you and get it refilled without--God forbid--having an empty glass for more than 15 seconds.

So in our bar shorthand, if we have a customer who is demanding and yells a lot about nothing that's remotely important--a customer who demands another drink before he's even finished with the one he has--we say, "And then he got all ROB about it!" or "And then he pulled a ROB!"

Pulling a Rob is never a good thing.

[Heckity]

Similar to Lacunae Matata's

That night, dinner is referred to as "garbage soup."

, my son started calling those "scrap dinners". We've called leftovers scrap dinners ever since.

My brother and I used the expression "eat your darts, kid" to indicate when something shouldn't be discussed in front of parents. It came from an old commercial of the 70s.

Too many Simpsons references to count became key phrases that might sound bizarre to outsiders, but made perfect sense to us.

[Bricker]

Anything that's fake or intended to deceive is a Jeremiah.

This started when my son was about four or five, and saw something on TV that made him decide he was scared of ghosts. We patiently explained that there were no such things as ghosts, but he was undeterred.

One night we all heard a creaking sound (random sound from the house) and he immediately grabbed me, panicked, and asked, "What was that?"

Don't what what possessed me, but I instantly replied, "That sounds like the footsteps of old Jeremiah Creaker. You see, back in 1830, ol' Jeremiah lived around here, and he used to walk the steps, day and night. Some say you can still hear his footsteps today."

Eyes wide: "Really?"

"No, son. I just made that up, just like all ghost stories are made up. This house didn't even exist in 1830."

And for some reason, that was more convincing than all of our previous explanations. It was a story *I* made up, not anything real. A couple of nights later, the wind blowing gave rise to ol' Jeremiah Breezey. Jeremiah Dropper showed up after a rainstorm. Jeremiah Homework was responsible for a lost assignment (his own contribution to the Jeremiah mythos). Soon it became shorthand... I wouldn't even have to get far. "You see, back in 1830...." . . . . "Papito!!!"

And now when he, or my wife and I, see something phony or made up... it's a Jeremiah.

[WordMan]

When someone in the immediate family has, as my 11-year-old son would call it, an "epic fail" with some embarrassment, we convene for a quick Mocking. A Mocking consists of you pointing at the person, saying "I Mock you!!" and then saying "mock mock mock mock mock" as quickly as you can until you all crack up giggling. You sound like a complete idiot - which is kinda the point: we get to tease someone we love for whatever they did that was embarrassing, but we look like morons ourselves so it takes the edge off...

[IvoryTowerDenizen]

"lock your door". When someone is being annoying, for example, winning an argument () we tell them to "lock their door".

I used to tell my husband that on car rides to change the subject when he had the nerve to win an argument (discussion).

[Sigmagirl]

When someone tells a lame joke, we say "eat your soup." I don't even know where that came from.

Leftovers are "cream of yesterday."

[gallows fodder]

My mother's sister Annie used to live with my parents before I were born and she drove them up a wall, so all my life, when I'm doing something that annoys my father, he'll casually call me Annie and I'll know I need to knock it off.

I don't know if this quite counts, but my dad doesn't cook, he makes "concoctions" or (worse) "experiments." If you see him bustling around the kitchen, humming to himself, and you ask, "Hey, whatcha makin'?" and he answers merrily, "It's an experiment!"...he has attempted a flavor combination never before conceived of by man, and you need to get out now before he serves you a bowl. Or if you see my brother glumly spooning something into his drooping mouth and you ask him what he's eating and he mumbles, "It was an experiment," you'll know he didn't flee from our dad in time.

[ZipperJJ]

Our family calls bar soap "people soap" (it's for washing people instead of just hands) and you'll still see it on the shopping list at my parents' house.

[LurkMeister]

And you know those nights when you clean out the fridge for dinner? Reheat a couple of servings of everything left over during the week? That night, dinner is referred to as "garbage soup." Isn't garbage, usually isn't even soup, but it's still garbage soup in my family.

In our family, those were referred to as "mustgo" meals. As in, everything in the refrigerator must go.

[as_u_wish]

We have the "Three Second Gloat" rule. A typical event: Your sister lands on Boardwalk when you have a hotel. You are allowed to gloat, rejoice, etc., but for no more than 3 seconds. Anyone can invoke the 3 second rule.

The insult of insults at our house is "moose hole." When my son was in kindergarten he called his sister a moose hole and it was clear that this was a very bad thing. We never did get a definition from him or anyone else. But it lives on.

[Mooch]

A long time ago my dad was describing a woman who was well-endowed in the sweater region by saying, "she had..." and then holding out his hands in front of him, fingers spread as if holding large breasts. My mom then said, "what, arthritis?".

Now well-endowed women are referred to in my family as having arthritis.

[Paintcharge]

We've got "Charette-city" for a very difficult situation that isn't really all that difficult. For example, the baseball game ran too long and the show I wanted to watch is postponed. "Oh no charette-city."

Also, Oombrie Aago (I think that's how you spell it) is the guy who stays behind and makes sure the lights are turned on at night when we went on vacation.

[Bag of Mostly Water]

Originally Posted by Mooch

A long time ago my dad was describing a woman who was well-endowed in the sweater region by saying, "she had..." and then holding out his hands in front of him, fingers spread as if holding large breasts. My mom then said, "what, arthritis?".

Now well-endowed women are referred to in my family as having arthritis.

We use "huge tracts of land" in the same way. Cite.

[gigi]

Our family says "used bread store" for the discount outlet too.

"Cognomen syndrome" is a person with a name related to their identity.

"Is this my hand?" (something I actually asked when I was about 2 ) is the expression for a dumb question.

"Dirt cookies" are the super-cheap store brand sandwich cookies my father likes.

"Geezer pass" is the National Parks senior citizen pass.

When I was a kid I must have seen a commercial extolling a product that would remove stains, including "grease from the car door". This me as I didn't see this was a real risk. Now if a clothing stain is mentioned: Oh no! Grease from the car door?!

And one of the priests once mentioned how everyone would come to church and seem devout and then make a beeline to "beat their brother out of the parking lot". This remains a grevious offense we cite.

Originally Posted by Sigmagirl

Leftovers are "cream of yesterday."

I love this!

[kopek]

Not really shorthand but "srevotfel" (pronounced srev-ot-fell) for "leftovers" ------- always made them sound ethnic.

Pap's rule -------- a shorthand expression meaning that whatever the discussion or debate, you just aren't going to win. It's actually a short form of a favorite expression of my Grand-dad; "never argue with crazy people".

[tdn]

GATS Club.

On rare occasions my brother, sister, and I would all get along. One day my brother noticed that if you put together each of our first initials, it spelled GAT. I pointed out that we needed to include Snooky, our dog, hence GATS. From that point on, whenever just the three of us played together, it was "A meeting of the GATS Club." To this day, it's only that if no one else is around (such as spouses or girlfriends). Parents are an exception. The last true GATS Club meeting (they are very rare) was in June, with us kids in the back seat of the car and mom and dad up front.

"Mom, Greg's hitting me!" I think dad actually threatened to turn the car around. Good times.

[Mooch]

Pressed puppy shit is my family's term for particleboard.

[filling_pages]

Two I can think of off the top of my head:
- mole grinders: one time my three sisters, my folks, and I were eating in one of those restaurants where they have old farm implements nailed to the wall as decoration. I asked what one was, mom didn't know so she said, "Mole grinder. They grind moles with it." We loved it and pointed around the room at mole choppers, mole slicers, mole squishers. To this day, any mystery implement is a mole (whatever).
- "My ancient land". My baby sister started this when she was 4 or 5. One day she walked out on the porch with nothing on except a towel wrapped around her head and face. We all stared at her and she announced, "This is what we wear in My Ancient Land." She pulled it out from time to time to explain odd things she was doing, and it came to be a general explanation for anyone in the family. Mama did once ask her, when she was 6, where her ancient land was. She thought a moment and solemnly said, "Mex-i-mo City." Yeah, I dunno.

[Olentzero]

We have "Password". My mom decided to tease my sister one night as she was out on the back porch; she locked the screen door and demanded the password. Without even thinking, my sister blurted out "Fuck you, Mom" - this was the first time I believe my sister, then 16, had dropped the F-bomb within parental earshot.

[panache45]

"Uncle X and Uncle Y" . . . except that we use their real names.

This happened about 80 years ago. Uncle X was only 10 years old and Uncle Y (who wasn't an uncle yet, but dating an aunt) was in his 20s. Uncle Y came into town from Texas, all dressed in Texas drag, complete with a holster containing a loaded gun. When he met little Uncle X, he said "Hey kid, bet you've never seen a real gun," after which he handed his gun to Uncle X . . . who took it, pointed it at Uncle Y, and pulled the trigger. Uncle Y was in the hospital for many months, and almost died several times. They say his heart jumped from the left side to the right, but I don't believe that part.

So when we say "Uncle X and Uncle Y," it's our way of saying "The Darwin Awards" (although Uncle Y did survive to reproduce) . . . or anything a person does that's just mind-numbingly stupid.

[panache45]

Just remembered another one:

When I was a kid, my youngest aunt lived with us for a while. One night she went out on a date, and invited the guy inside when they got back. They were sitting on the couch talking when suddenly the unmistakable odor of fart wafted through the air. Each of them was thinking how rude the other was, and they were both ready to call off any possibility of seeing each other again . . . when the drapes behind the couch moved, and the dog crawled out from below. (That dog was famous for its farts.) They both burst out laughing . . . but sadly, she never saw him again.

Now, whenever someone farts, someone says "Is the dog under the couch?"

[Minnie Luna]

My father in law is famous for making up useless phrases used in the family.

We use the word "beeda" when we no longer want to continue a conversation. It is used mostly when the other participant is ranting about something or other. Inserting a "beeda" stops the conversation and the topic is changed.

My father in law had heart bypass a few years ago. The mother in law took control of his diet and started making him eat more salads and veggies. One day, he was a little cranky and asked how much longer he was going to have to eat this, "fucking rabbit food." We have abbreviated it FRF. FRF stands for veggies.

[Hypno-Toad]

In my family, if you screw up a joke telling, we say, "You left the chicken out." This from an occassion when my mom told a joke about a farmer with a chicken and completely left out any mention of the chicken.

"Pigs with running lights" means a really weird dream. This is due, again, to my mom in whose dream there were indeed pigs with running lights along their sides (like the kind on the side of a semi-trailer).

[Scarlett67]

"Wall in a bucket," also known as drywall compound. So called because when a wall is really out of true, you keep slathering on "wall in a bucket" until it's straight.

"Herds of roaming pigs and giant loud whistles": means everything is going against you in trying to complete a task. Obviously stolen from My Cousin Vinny.

Probably a ton more, but I can't think of any at the mo.

Oh! My mom's house has a tiny storage closet upstairs that we always called the "BHC" -- Black Hole of Calcutta.

[gigi]

This is a common-enough phrase but we chuckle about "a poor man's ______" because once I described some actor as "a poor man's Bill Pullman". Apparently Bill Pullman was already a poor man's someone else.

[Sigmagirl]

Getting lost is always "taking the scenic route." Even if you're lost in the worst, most ominous Clark Griswold-in-East St. Louis neighborhood.

"You're late!"
"We took the scenic route."

[olivesmarch4th]

Whenever we go to bed, we're migrating (from one room to another.)

My husband started this. First it was ''let's migrate'' and now he just makes a ''BaCAW! BaCAW!'' sound to indicate he's tired and ready to go to bed.

[kunilou]

As my parents' hearing got progressively worse, the number of fights they had based on what they thought the other person had said increased dramatically. My wife and I still use "Alone! I don't want to spend Christmas alone!" to indicate a misunderstanding that's getting out of hand.

[Green Rosetta]

My dad loves to abbreviate everything, so we have several- our favorite Mexican restaurant is called Puerto Vallarta, known in our family as The PV, and if you go there, you're "PVing it." Also, anytime someone asks for clarification on what an abbreviation means, my dad or mom will answer it and tack on, "Dumbass!" As in, "What does HBD stand for?" "Happy Birthday, dumbass!" It's actually pretty endearing in real life.

[aruvqan]

mrAru and I read SF a lot ... and we both have read the fuzzy sapiens books ... we will actually use zarathustran fuzzy pidgin like 'green shirt hagga' for marine or army, 'hokso fusso' for good food, random yeeks for the heck of it.

When added to my occasional aphasia where I tend to substitute the word in some other language[if I cant think of the word for something, and I know it in a different language, I will have to use the alternate language as I literally can not get the english word out at all] so we can have conversations that sound like a wierd form of twin/personal language.

[UncleBill]

My mother speaks of relatives by their house number. She doesn't visit Joe and Mary, she "Goes to 38." Even her own house is referred to by number quite often. Confuses people.

[KellyM]

"Going belgium" or "Gone all belgium" is our household equivalent of "fubar". It derives from a Get Fuzzy strip, probably influenced by Hitchhikers. I've occasionally used it in the presence of Belgians, to their vague annoyance and/or amusement.

[lee]

We also have the phrase "commit a tidy" whereby someone cleans up something actively being used by someone else especially if it is done surreptitiously or things are put away never to be seem. Like when I was doing research for a paper had all the books arrayed on a library table just so opened to the page I was going to use and what I was going to use it for, and when I came back from a brief bio-break, my husband had stacked them all according to size. Hours worth of work gone. He has also taken my silverware in mid snack. I put my fork down to take a drink of water and somehow he removed the fork, and knife without being obvious about it.

[Scarlett67]

Originally Posted by olivesmarch4th

Whenever we go to bed, we're migrating (from one room to another.)

My husband started this. First it was ''let's migrate'' and now he just makes a ''BaCAW! BaCAW!'' sound to indicate he's tired and ready to go to bed.

Sometimes when I can't sleep, I'll go downstairs to the couch, in case the different location will help. So I'll whisper into Mr. S's ear as I climb out of bed, "Can't sleep. Gonna try a change of venue."

[kjckjc]

"Elephant" was a name growing up for my dad's omlets. He would use left overs in them and when we would ask what was in it...elephant. So we came to ask for it by name.

Constipated to mean "I am completely serious" with a group of my friends. I guess I had a way of saying just about anything with a straight face when telling them stuff. Then I would often have to assure them I was just kidding. We decided to differentiate by inserting "constipated" as a non sequiter as an idicator we were serious. Later "laxative" came to mean being all cutesy and PDAish and romantic (known to other friends as shmoopy-shmoopy-shmoopy [which I think is Seinfeld]). This is because the other two friends had a dating relationship and then told me "We broke up the other night...constipated". I then questioned why they were being all laxative tonight then.

To my annoyance, my wife uses the term "the other" to refer to any other choice. If there were only a single other choice I would be ok with it, but there usually isn't. "Do you want chicken for dinner, or the other?"

"Grant Show Batteries" To man-up, be what you aspire to be, take courage, etc. When getting up the nerve to ask a girl out a long time ago (I was very introverted) my friend told me not to do what I would normally do, do what Grant Show would do. Sort of a WWGSD type of thing. Then evolved into "Just put in your Grant Show batteries and do it!" With the same friend we also got "knocking down sandcastles". This is when instead of striving to be better (building a better sandcastle) you instead strive to tear the other person down to make youself better by comparison. Oh, and "French Fry Geometry" is when you use whatever is at hand to better demonstrate things like Plane Geometry. "So the other driver was coming up on my right...lemme use some French Fry Geometry here...say this stapler is me and this pack of gum is the other guy..."

[gigi]

Originally Posted by olivesmarch4th

he just makes a ''BaCAW! BaCAW!'' sound to indicate he's tired and ready to go to bed.

That's so cute.

[olivesmarch4th]

Originally Posted by lee

Like when I was doing research for a paper had all the books arrayed on a library table just so opened to the page I was going to use and what I was going to use it for, and when I came back from a brief bio-break, my husband had stacked them all according to size. Hours worth of work gone.

That just confirms my long-held suspicion that only sadness and despair can come from cleaning.

Originally Posted by gigi

That's so cute.

He is. He really is.

[Bam Boo Gut]

We buy colonal burgers from the place with the red flag - KFC. I'd never taken my kid there, but she went with some friends and came back raving about this great chicken burger - the colonal burger, at the place with the red flag.

Holdshe Hill is a very steep hill where my same kid with her new rollerblades decided to skate down to the security barrier which she was planning to grab hold of. The security guard thinking he was being helpful raised the barrier and she was soon zooming down the hill with her father racing behind her screaming "Hold she, hold she" (a local phrase). It was a near death experience for a six year old, she managed to make a sharp turn and stop. We laugh about it now, but she doesn't - we can't say Holdshe Hill within her earshot.

Any unanswerable question meets with the response "Yeah, well how old is Chaton?" We've never been able to determine the exact age of our family cat. To outsiders it's more confusing since it sounds exactly like "How old is Shat On?" It's then required for someone to say "my foot"

[freckafree]

I am so telling my sister about "committing a tidy." This kind of thing happens in her household all the time!

When you derail a conversation because you mis-hear something, someone is bound to say, loudly, "YOU SAY THERE'S A BOBCAT IN THE STAIRWELL?!??" This comes from an incident when my sister was working the front desk at a hotel. The hotel had received a bomb threat, and the desk staff was trying to quietly notify other staff members. There was a janitor who was quite hard of hearing, and he heard "bomb threat" as "bob cat" and kept asking, loudly, about the bobcat in the stairwell.

A dark, threatening cloud is an omnibosity. This comes from the family malapropism of referring to dark clouds as looking "omnibus" rather than ominous.

When you receive a gift that is wrapped in such a way that there is no mistaking what the gift is (back in the day, record albums were a prime candidate for this), you pick up the gift and say, "I wonder what it i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-s?" -- with "is" being spoken as a horse whinny. This has to do with a Christmas where my mother had "wrapped" an antique wheeled horse by draping it with a sheet, which didn't disguise it very well.

[catflea12]

When someone farts at my house, it's always german barking squirrels have invaded.

[Ají de Gallina]

When I was a kid and the family economy was in its leaner years we wound up eating rice-fried egg-French fries as a common dish. We started calling it "Exotic dish" and the names still goes on 35 years later.

[Fetchund]

Alligator = the passenger in a car. (from navigator) This brings up knowing your way around somewhere, which means you have alligation skills.

Mergansers are the cold breezes that sneak in between the sheets when your honey rolls over. This came from a really weird dream I had... I can't even describe it, but it was vivid.

Grilled Cheese is Grilled Jesus.

Sometimes my folks would be desperate to find something for all 7 of us to do when we were growing up - and it had to be free or cheap. Didn't mean us kids didn't get all smart-ass about it, though. Free events are "culches" - and going through a museum or public garden used to get my whole family quietly chanting "culch... culch... culch..."

If somebody says something out loud that is supposed to be a secret - the term is "Gone with the Wind? Who said that?" made immortal by my grandmother during a charades game.

[Flutterby]

Originally Posted by Sigmagirl

Getting lost is always "taking the scenic route." Even if you're lost in the worst, most ominous Clark Griswold-in-East St. Louis neighborhood.

"You're late!"
"We took the scenic route."

This is Grandma's favourite saying (which we all say now too).

As a kid my Dad would take us on day trips all over the place, but he'd never tell us where we were going*. We could sometimes wrinkle it out based on what we brought with us (if it was a popular place to go eg we're bringing swim suits and a picnic lunch? We were going to the hot springs..) but he wouldn't tell us even as we pull up right in front of it. The answer to the question was always "We're going to LA." And he would usually clarify it with Leduc or Lethbridge Alberta (which now that I think of it is even MORE funny because I've never actually been to either!). My brother and I were watching The Whole Ten Yards and at one point the guys chasing them find out they are going to LA. I looked over at my brother and said simply "Yeah, Leduc Alberta" which had us cracking up for long enough we had to turn it off until we calmed down to watch the rest.

*He STILL does this. Last year he took me and my son to Disneyworld and refused to tell me where we were going beyond we would need passports until two weeks before we left. I guessed long before that (At least to Disney, I thought Land). It's both fun and yet extremely irritating.

[Bam Boo Gut]

Originally Posted by catflea12

When someone farts at my house, it's always german barking squirrels have invaded.

Please welcome (insert Flatulent Persons Name here) and their amazing talking bottom!

[Katriona]

Any time someone's being a smart-ass, all you have to say is "I wasn't born yesterday, you know," and my family falls about laughing.

It stems from Easter when I was 4 or 5. We were looking for little Mary Janes for my Easter shoes. I wanted white, and mom wanted me to have black. I've always been rather hard on light-colored clothes.

The saleswoman in the shoe store aske me what I wanted, and I said "White." Unbeknownst to me, Mom was over my head frantically waving her arms and mouthing "Black! Black!"

The saleswoman comes back out and opens the box for inspection. I looked at the shoes, looked at her, put my hands on my hips and declared, "Those aren't white, those are black. I wasn't born yesterday, you know!"

Yeah, we didn't go back to that shoe store for a loooooong time.


DH and I say "honoring the car" for filling up. It's from the Family Guy episode where Hank gives Kahn a tank of propane as a "welcome" gift. Kanh responds, "You honor me by giving me gas."

I get some funny looks sometimes from people who don't know the reference! "What'd you do over lunch?"

Me: "Oh, ran to Target, honored the car..."

[jali]

My ex husband and I would agree to "show teeth".

This meant calling a truce in whatever argument we were having because we knew company was coming. We would be a lovey dovey couple for a few hours. We usually never got back to the argument.

[phouka]

In my family, we don't take the scenic route, we go exploring. Or, if my mom somehow manages to get lost on the way home (it's happened), we're throwing off the terrorists (based on the idea that you should vary your driving route in case the terrorists want to kidnap and/or bomb you).

Pizza crusts are pizza bones.

Edith-style cooking is a reference to my maternal grandmother, who could burn or blacken anything, including macaroni and cheese.

There's any number of movie and television quotes we use, especially Young Frankenstein ("put ze [object] bek!") or any number of Hitchcock, musicals, or other classic cinema. And I am so stealing "committed a tidy". My mom does that all the time.

[GameHat]

We used to get takeout all the time from a greasy dive chinese takeout place that was called "Happy Wok"

For some reason, my dad just couldn't manage to remember this name. Ever. After going there dozens of times. He'd struggle to come up with the name - "Wong Wok...Wrong Wok...Ching Wok...uh....Wickety Wok!"

Somehow he always landed on Wickety Wok. So my brother and I now refer to anything low-class, jankety, dive-y or cheap as being "Wickety".