There, I’ve said it! Boy, do I feel better. C’mon guys, why can’t we just admit it to the non-non-believers?
Now that the secret’s out, I feel like I can finally divulge the other secrets of the religion. First of all, our main church is on the corner of 8th Avenue and Avenue D in NYC. The head of our church is an invisible pink unicorn that can only be seen by the hard atheists. Soft atheists and agnostics have to take it on faith that it’s there. You know you’re a hard atheist when you can see invisible things that have color.
Our main hymn is 4’33’’ by John Cage. How I love the lyrics and the melody of that tune! After we hear it in our local church, we all respond with a rousing round of applause consisting of the sound of one hand clapping.
The most faithful among us dye their hair bald. Sometimes, we paint our faces the color of optical quality glass.
And, yes, there is an atheist bible. Actually, there are two. One is the 12 book of the Hitchiker’s Guide trilogy. The other is floating in space on the other side of the sun, next to a teapot. It contains all of our commandments. There are (-1)^(0.5) if them.
OK, that’s all I have time for. I have to get back to my non-worship. Thanks for letting me witness!
You have broken the [symbol]G[/symbol] commandment and I must start divestment proceeding against you. I believe the brotherhood meets next week, so you have until then to prepare your case
Dude, I can’t believe you told them about the unicorn’s color, that was one of our most closely guarded secrets. Have you no shame?
I’m trying to get a website up: www.breastbyterian_church.com but I’m experiencing some technical difficulties. Mostly it amounts to online research distractions. Sometimes I think I’m too much into the worship to really be an effective leader.
I do think you’ll like the pamphlets I have planned, though.
Wait a minute! I thought we worshiped Darwin and his prophet Stephen J. Gould (blessed be his name). You heretics with your pink unicorns and animated pasta will cast out by the righteous.
Ok, I’ll throw in my thoughts. I’m an Agnostic that would call himself an atheist if; “Do you think there is a God?” was a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question.
The reasons I considered there to be a God has to do with how small we are, and how close we’ve become to being “Gods” ourselves. Forget about the God’s we’ve conceptualized on Earth. If there is a “God”, I doubt we would have an understanding for what he, she, or it is. There may be many of them. Maybe even our “God” has a “God”
However, there’s no reason I’ve seen that makes me think there’s a “God”, (whatever that means). no evidence to back it up. Asking if there’s a “God” isn’t nearly as easy to say ‘yes’ to as, say… “Is there inelegant life in the universe other than ourselves?”
I do hate the “Flying Spaghetti Monster” argument some people use. That’s a very specific description of something where “God” is very vague. As a ALMOST atheist, I think they should stop using that as an example. But that’s just me.
Yes, I think people who don’t believe in a “God” do belong in a “belief” category… not a religious one.
We’re not all inelegant. I think Halle Berry is pretty elegant. Ditto Julia Roberts. (mild tangent – elegant seems to apply mostly to women or objects, in my mind – is there a male equivalent? Or, does elegant also apply to men?)
Oh, I totally agree. Just like clear belongs in the color category. In fact, I’m painting my shed clear this weekend – I want to be able to see what’s inside. I’m planning on whistling 4’33" by John Cage while I do it.
