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  #1  
Old 02-12-2010, 10:56 AM
Sampiro Sampiro is offline
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Is it possible to be somebody's "secret friend" on Facebook?

Here's the situation: I have a friend request from a former co-worker I was good friends with back in the day, and I'd love to confirm it and catch up with him. Unfortunately he's friends with another former co-worker who... how shall I say? Liked me a bit too much. In fact, she's the reason that I first got Caller ID- very needy, loved to call at all hours and would talk for hours if you let her and while perhaps she's changed or has somebody else she's attached her barnacle like self to by now it's far more likely she'll look at my name and say "JON!!!!! I have 15 years of trauma to catch you up on!" I'd rather not have to confirm her as friend OR have to not confirm her as friend (which would be awkward).

So is there any way you can be friends with somebody on Facebook but not have your name appear on their friend's list?

Last edited by Sampiro; 02-12-2010 at 10:56 AM..
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  #2  
Old 02-12-2010, 11:08 AM
ZipperJJ ZipperJJ is offline
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Hmm I don't know. There is a "block list" under Account - Privacy settings but it doesn't seem to say it will block the person from seeing anything about you, including your name on other people's friend lists.

My advice would be to visit your real friend's profile and click on "Send [friend] a message" under his/her profile picture, then give the friend your email contact info and catch up that way.
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Old 02-12-2010, 11:16 AM
MitzeKatze MitzeKatze is offline
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Originally Posted by ZipperJJ View Post
Hmm I don't know. There is a "block list" under Account - Privacy settings but it doesn't seem to say it will block the person from seeing anything about you, including your name on other people's friend lists.
I am blocked by someone on Facebook (and she is blocked by me as well) and it does do exactly that. If blocked from her, you will not show up on any friends lists.

In fact I sent a mutual friend a note apologizing for her defriending because she just went "poof" off the mutual friend's list and I thought she defriended her due to our little spat. But mutual friend had no idea what I was talking about because nothing had changed from that perspective at all.

Your name might still appear in family links in the "info" section, but as far as I can tell that is the only time the name will even appear to her. (And clicking the link will only take her back to her own home page.) So as long as you don't confirm yourself as your friends relative of some sort, blocking her should be enough to keep her from even knowing you exist on Facebook.

Last edited by MitzeKatze; 02-12-2010 at 11:17 AM..
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  #4  
Old 02-12-2010, 11:25 AM
ZipperJJ ZipperJJ is offline
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That's very good to know MitzeKatze, thanks. The wording they use on that block page makes it seem like they can't promise that you won't be seen by the person you're trying to avoid. So I figured the "safest" route was to not friend the real friend altogether. Good to know how it works!
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Old 02-12-2010, 01:17 PM
MitzeKatze MitzeKatze is offline
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Originally Posted by ZipperJJ View Post
That's very good to know MitzeKatze, thanks. The wording they use on that block page makes it seem like they can't promise that you won't be seen by the person you're trying to avoid. So I figured the "safest" route was to not friend the real friend altogether. Good to know how it works!
Glad I could help. I probably shouldn't mention that all of this blocking also happened the first day I had set up the account! LOL leave it to me to get into a spat within hours.

But one other thing that might be of interest, if you block someone they will not be able to search your name either. Well they can search, but it will come up empty. It is like you don't exist to that person (with the exception of the family info).

I should mention that the person I am blocked by/have blocked is my husband's EX so I knew when she did it because she told me so. And I can still see her link under my step-daughter's family info, but cannot see her on the friends list. She can see me the same way, but can't go anywhere with the link, and can't see me or my comments on step-daughter's page or pictures that I post or anything like that (I know that because she is complaining about not being able to see the pictures).

So I just logged on and checked around to be sure, and it still seems that as long as you don't confirm as parent or sibling, your name shouldn't pop up anywhere for someone that you have blocked.
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  #6  
Old 02-12-2010, 02:19 PM
Sampiro Sampiro is offline
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Thanks, M-K!
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  #7  
Old 02-12-2010, 03:11 PM
WarmNPrickly WarmNPrickly is offline
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I certainly wish that Facebook gave more control over what your friends can see. I would be very happy if I could have multiple Facebook accounts but only one wall far all of them.
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  #8  
Old 02-12-2010, 03:18 PM
Idle Thoughts Idle Thoughts is offline
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Short answer: Yes and No

Longer answer: Yes, you can block someone whom you don't want to have see your name anywhere on FB (including on other people's friends lists)
However if you want to be friends with your friend secretly (without any of your friends OTHER friends seeing you on his/her list) you would have to block every single one of them. This is where the "no" comes in. So if you don't want anyone seeing that you're friends with this person, you have a problem...because that means you'll have to do a whole lot of blocking.
If there's only one or two people, however, whom you don't want to have seeing you on your friends list...then just block them singley.

Last edited by Idle Thoughts; 02-12-2010 at 03:20 PM..
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  #9  
Old 02-12-2010, 04:27 PM
BigT BigT is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZipperJJ View Post
That's very good to know MitzeKatze, thanks. The wording they use on that block page makes it seem like they can't promise that you won't be seen by the person you're trying to avoid. So I figured the "safest" route was to not friend the real friend altogether. Good to know how it works!
That's because you can still find them if you don't log in. Or by another application not designed by Facebook. Or if you have your info on someone else's account (like in siblings, parent, or just on a photo). But I believe it won't provide a link, so it will appear that you don't have a Facebook, and that the person added you manually.

But a stalker-type who knows all this might be able to find you. There will still be a link if they aren't using the account you blocked.

Last edited by BigT; 02-12-2010 at 04:28 PM..
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