How long did you wait to say 'I love you'?

[Incref]

So I have been seeing this girl for a couple of months. We met online dating at the start of the year and exchanged emails for a while, due to time constraints we didn’t meet in the flesh until February, but we immediately hit it off and started spending a great deal of time together.
We decided to become exclusive in March and there is no issue referring to her as my ‘girlfriend’ we’ve met all each other’s friends, met each other’s parents (in a casual setting) and everything is going swimmingly.
The fact is I am in love with this girl and I want to say ‘I love you’ but I’m worried it’s still too early.

How long did you wait before telling your current (or previous) partner that you loved them?

[lezlers]

I think it was at about 3 weeks. I don't think there's any specific rules on when you say it, you say it when you're ready for your girlfriend to hear it (assuming you do love her.) I just asked him and he told me he knew within the first week, though. Awww...

[Todderbob]

I've told two women I loved them, who I was not related to.

One turned out to be batshit insane, which I should have seen coming for about a million reasons, and the other was just a mistake. So my advice is going to be suspect.... But, tell her when the time is right.

ETA: And the time will be right when you feel it's right.

[thelurkinghorror]

If you wait long enough, she will start hinting that she wants you to say it.

The time is right when you're ready and when it seems that she is ready. That seems like a BS answer, but nobody can really answer for you, especially without knowing you two.

I can't remember when I did but longer than that. Maybe 4-6 months, I don't know exactly. I was considering saying it for quite some time before it happened.

[Geek Mecha]

I said it first, in an email about six months in. He was going out of town that day, and we'd had a very nice date the night before and I was feeling mushy and missing him.

I didn't worry at all about the timing at all. I felt it, the moment was right, and the odds of him being happy and saying it back were better than the odds he'd freak out. That was all I needed.

[Covered_In_Bees!]

Not long enough.

[AClockworkMelon]

Been in love once, told her a few months in.

Love is fleeting.

[Audrey Levins]

I had known him for awhile but only dated him for a month or so when he said it. I told him it was too soon; I didn't say it back for another couple of months.

He says he fell in love with me pretty much the instant we became romantic (vs being friends) however. So even though I thought a month was quick, he'd been delaying telling me.

[Autolycus]

My hand doesn't need to be told.

For the two women that I did say this to, it was about 2-3 months into the relationship.

[AClockworkMelon]

Originally Posted by Autolycus

My hand doesn't need to be told.

This post was ten times funnier before you edited it.

Originally Posted by Autolycus

For the two women that I did say this to, it was about 2-3 months into the relationship.

We're all damaged goods.

[Autolycus]

Yeah, but I feel bad when I make jokes and don't contribute to the thread at all. I just came up with another good joke too, so I'll wait for 10-20 more replies :P

[AClockworkMelon]

That's why I'm the master and you're the apprentice. I don't let silly things like relevance or contribution cloud my thoughts.

[Incref]

Originally Posted by Autolycus

Yeah, but I feel bad when I make jokes and don't contribute to the thread at all. I just came up with another good joke too, so I'll wait for 10-20 more replies :P

Oh please don't take my post too seriously! Bring on the witty comments

[Autolycus]

Originally Posted by AClockworkMelon

That's why I'm the master and you're the apprentice. I don't let silly things like relevance or contribution cloud my thoughts.

Only a master of evil jokes, Melon.

[AClockworkMelon]

Originally Posted by Autolycus

Only a master of evil jokes, Melon.

I have you now!

[Autolycus]

Originally Posted by AClockworkMelon

I have you now!

*fires lasers* YAHOOO!!!!

[AClockworkMelon]

Originally Posted by Autolycus

*fires lasers* YAHOOO!!!!

WHAT?!

[Autolycus]

Originally Posted by AClockworkMelon

WHAT?!

You're all clear, kid, now let's *blow* this thing and go home!


(Goodnight!)

[Lo-Slung Denim]

It's been 18 months and I still haven't said it. But I move at a slower pace to most folk.

I think he knows. It's in the actions sometimes, not the words.

[rhubarbarin]

We're weird, but it's never been something we've said to each other (together 5 years and madly 'in love'). I think it's been said in passing, but never as some sort of official statement. Just seems trite.

For most couples it seems to be some sort of major milestone in the relationship, but I've heard of people saying it the 3rd day of knowing each other or not for 6 months or a year (depending on how serious things start out I guess). Again, I'm weird, but it's not something I want to hear early on - I like to move very slowly and don't display a lot of emotion.

I imagine it sucks to tell someone that and not get a positive response. So better to practice caution.

[Rushgeekgirl]

I can't even imagine telling someone you love them being trite. I can imagine kissy kissy wuv u baby talk bs being trite, but just saying "I love you"?

My Mig told me he loved me three weeks after we started dating. It was during sex. I didn't reply, and it made me uncomfortable because I assumed he was just saying it because he thought he was supposed to. I didn't say it for a few more weeks because I wasn't sure, but something sparked me to really feel love for him one day so I let him know.

[Stauderhorse]

I said it two weeks after meeting him (we pretty much started to date the day we met). I never thought I'd say that to someone so quickly into a relationship and mean it, but at that moment, I just...felt it.

[Agent Foxtrot]

I've been with my girlfriend for 8 months, and I still haven't said it. I'm a bad example, though, since I have issues with the "L" word. I know she's ready to say it.

[lezlers]

I don't think saying "i love you" is trite at all. Maybe if you've never truly been in love, I dunno.

For those of you who haven't said it 6+ months into the relationship, do you love the person and just haven't said it, or do you not know if you love them yet?

[breaking-reality]

I don't think I've ever said it first. My last ex said it 3 days after we started dating (we'd be friends for 2 years). I said it back the day after.

My current boyfriend says "I like you" to me an awful lot, though. Which he said on the first date, and almost every time we've seen each other since.

[tdn]

It really depends on the relationship, but I've never waited so long as 8 months or two years or 14 decades or whatever. And it's certainly not trite. (I don't think I could ever date someone who thought it was, either.)

With my last girlfriend it was on date 4. It could have easily been on date 3, but I decided to draw things out a little. I'll never forget the look on her face when I said it.

She said my timing was perfect.

[Sattua]

About three weeks. We were quite the match, though. He proposed after four months, and we got married after one year.

[rhubarbarin]

Originally Posted by Rushgeekgirl

I can't even imagine telling someone you love them being trite. I can imagine kissy kissy wuv u baby talk bs being trite, but just saying "I love you"?

My Mig told me he loved me three weeks after we started dating. It was during sex. I didn't reply, and it made me uncomfortable because I assumed he was just saying it because he thought he was supposed to. I didn't say it for a few more weeks because I wasn't sure, but something sparked me to really feel love for him one day so I let him know.

Trite means: "hackneyed or boring from much use : not fresh or original". I think it's fair to regard a phrase which most people I know use multiple times per day as their only expression of affection as such. I grew up in a family where my parents told me they loved me many times daily... frankly I'm a little sick of hearing it and saying it.

I'm just more about treating someone like you love them than actually saying it over and over, I guess. I don't care what other people do -whatever makes couples feel loved and happy and close is great for them- but I'm glad my BF and I both don't feel the need to end every conversation with 'I love you's'. If someone wanted that from me I would find it tiresome.

[lezlers]

I dunno, whenever I've been really, deeply in love with someone, I've wanted to say it all the time. It just kind of bursts out of me to the point where it would actually take some real effort not to say it. I tell my boyfriend I love him all the time and he tells me the same. I never get tired of hearing it from him.

I think people are commenting on "trite" because it is a somewhat pejorative word.

[Asimovian]

Three days and thirteen hours after we headed back home from meeting in person for the first time. Not that anybody's counting. *cough*

I had a strong suspicion of it before we met in person, but couldn't really be sure until we'd spent some actual time together. After spending that time together and having some time afterward to reflect on it, it was impossible to deny. And once I knew it to be true, I couldn't think of a good reason NOT to say it. So I said it.

Now I'm just wondering when she's going to get sick of hearing it.

[tdn]

Originally Posted by lezlers

I think people are commenting on "trite" because it is a somewhat pejorative word.

Yep.

Saying all the time, for decade after decade, in an established relationship? I can see how some people might want to find a better way of expressing it. But we're talking about saying it for the first time. If the first time I said it to a woman was met with a rolleyes and "That's so trite", I'd be out of there really fast.

[rhubarbarin]

Sure. That would be a nasty way to respond to someone's declaration of love, and a solid sign that they are an asshole you'd be better off without.

Of course, just because my SO and I have never used the phrase in our relationship and jointly consider it somewhat meaningless, does not mean we would or ever have shot down another person's genuinue expression of affection with scorn and derision. Because we're both nice people. Just a bit odd. And absolutely perfect for each other, and sickeningly in love.

[lezlers]

not that you would ever say that.

[Ephemera]

I've only said it in a wholly romantic way once that I remember, but I was young, stupid, and in love with the idea of being in love, so I said it a lot earlier than I otherwise would have. Probably a couple months? There's only been other woman I've told since then, and it took a couple years, including about two weeks at the end, when I was freaking out because she told me first.

I don't tend to use the word lightly, and tend to tell friends at the same pace as someone I'm intimate with.

[JohnClay]

I said "I love you" about 1.5 years into the relationship though we were apart for a few months recently. My girlfriend got a message from her brother and she said her brother said he loved her. I said "I love you" and she said "thanks".

[AClockworkMelon]

Originally Posted by JohnClay

I said "I love you" and she said "thanks".

Ouch, brah. Bring it in, bring it in, brah, you need a hug.

As a clarification on my previous post: She'd been talking randomly about how it was foolish to tell people that you loved them when you'd only known them for a short period of time- I can't remember how it came up. I interrupted her and told her that I loved her. She had a little emotional breakdown (just like a woman, amirite?) and told me that she loved me, too.

[ShibbOleth]

I'd at least wait until it's in her mouth, if not a bit longer. Anytime after that is fine.

[AClockworkMelon]

Originally Posted by ShibbOleth

I'd at least wait until it's in her mouth, if not a bit longer. Anytime after that is fine.

Bring it in, bring it in, brah, you deserve a hug.

[Autolycus]

A girl once told me "I love you," but I was too cool for that shit, so I just said "I know."

[interface2x]

Originally Posted by Autolycus

A girl once told me "I love you," but I was too cool for that shit, so I just said "I know."

Out of curiosity, were you about to be frozen in Carbonite? If so, I think I remember you doing that.

[thelurkinghorror]

Originally Posted by ShibbOleth

I'd at least wait until it's in her mouth, if not a bit longer. Anytime after that is fine.

From experience, don't say "we should see other people" at that time. It doesn't end well.

-tlh, used to wear Magnums.

[Avarie537]

I knew I was in love about 3 weeks after our first date. I told him the next day.

[Serenata67]

I told my husband that I loved him after we'd been dating for a month and a half or so. And a few months after that, I knew that I wanted to marry him.

And I did.

[BigT]

Originally Posted by interface2x

Out of curiosity, were you about to be frozen in Carbonite? If so, I think I remember you doing that.

There's actually a dating coach out there that actually says this was a good example of how to respond to this. He's firmly in the "Don't let on that you like them too much" camp.

Then again, he also says the types of jokes Melon makes are perfect for picking up dates...

[AClockworkMelon]

Originally Posted by BigT

Then again, he also says the types of jokes Melon makes are perfect for picking up dates...

Just fyi, it's worked for me.

[Lo-Slung Denim]

Originally Posted by lezlers

I don't think saying "i love you" is trite at all. Maybe if you've never truly been in love, I dunno.

For those of you who haven't said it 6+ months into the relationship, do you love the person and just haven't said it, or do you not know if you love them yet?

I know it, it just isn't right to say it yet. I knew it ages ago.

[HazelNutCoffee]

My current boyfriend waited until maybe 4-5 months into the relationship, on a night when I was so drunk I'd already puked a few times on the way home. (Long story.) He tucked me into bed - I was half crying because I was so miserable and I felt somewhat humiliated by my disgusting state (I get melodramatic when I'm drunk) - and for some reason he felt like this was the perfect time to tell me "I love you." Hah. I said it back to him on the spot but I think he felt like it didn't count because I was rather inebriated. But we've said it enough times since then.