Hottest Women in Shakespeare

[Mr. Excellent]

Inspired by my earlier pitting of The Merchant of Venice's Portia: http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=562243

Gentlemen (and like-minded ladies), who would you consider to be the, well, *hottest* women in the Shakespearean canon? I don't refer to the most admirable, or even necessarily the most likable (though these are obviously factors). No, I'm asking about those of the Bard's women who, were they both real and contemporaries of ours, you'd very badly want to get in the sack.

For myself - Tamora, Queen of the Goths, from Titus Andronicus. What can I say? Mere bitchiness annoys me, but pure focused evil is kind of hot - and Tamora has that in spades. More, she's got the whole crazy, power-hungry cougar thing going.

[Maggie the Ocelot]

Kate, from Taming of the Shrew.

[Mr. Excellent]

Originally Posted by Oni no Maggie

Kate, from Taming of the Shrew.

Fair 'nuff - why Kate?

[silenus]

Either Helena from AMND or Viola from Twelfth Night. For obvious reasons.

[Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor]

Titania--AMND. Self-explanitory.

Countess Olivia, in Twelfth Night. Great sense of humor, a rare beauty, & capable of both strong passion & deep love.

[BrotherCadfael]

Cleopatra?

Beatrice from Much Ado?

[RealityChuck]

Beatrice. Smart is always sexy.

[TV time]

Originally Posted by RealityChuck

Beatrice. Smart is always sexy.

I'm with you there. That's why I choose Portia from Merchant of Venice. And for that matter Portia from Julius Caesar.

Or might it just be the name? Nah, In MoV, Portia's smart, gutsy and innovative.
In JC she's a woman who stands out because Portia's an equal with any man on so many levels.

[FriarTed]

Originally Posted by Mr. Excellent

... I'm asking about those of the Bard's women who, were they both real and contemporaries of ours, you'd very badly want to get in the sack.

For myself - Tamora, Queen of the Goths, from Titus Andronicus. What can I say? Mere bitchiness annoys me, but pure focused evil is kind of hot - and Tamora has that in spades. More, she's got the whole crazy, power-hungry cougar thing going.

Eh, you just saw Jessica Lange's boobies in the movie (which were pretty fine).

*L*

You did see the movie TITUS with her, Anthony Hopkins & Alan Cummings, I assume. If not, the movie itself was awesome, even if it hadn't have had Jessica Lange boobies (which were just icing on the cake.)

[Mr. Excellent]

Originally Posted by FriarTed

Eh, you just saw Jessica Lange's boobies in the movie (which were pretty fine).

*L*

You did see the movie TITUS with her, Anthony Hopkins & Alan Cummings, I assume. If not, the movie itself was awesome, even if it hadn't have had Jessica Lange boobies (which were just icing on the cake.)

Well, yes, true. But I'd stand by the Tamora thing even absent Lange-boobies.

[Runs With Scissors]

Lady Mac!

Psycho women are the best in bed

[Chronos]

I imagine Mistress Quickly would be pretty good in bed-- She's certainly had plenty of practice.

[corkboard]

Juliet. She's a lusty, wanton trollop. Sure, she's only 14, but they didn't seem too concerned with "minimum age limits" back then.

[JThunder]

What about Altaira Morbius from Forbidden Planet? Does she count?

[StusBlues]

Venus from Venus and Adonis, pretty much by definition.

[BrainGlutton]

Another vote for Beatrice!

[BrainGlutton]

Originally Posted by corkboard

Juliet. She's a lusty, wanton trollop. Sure, she's only 14, but they didn't seem too concerned with "minimum age limits" back then.

Ophelia from Hamlet, OTOH . . . what a poor, weak, fragile reed. I'd want her, she must be teh hotness if she's good enough for Hamlet, but if I had the slightest idea how it was going to turn out I'd steer clear.

[BrotherCadfael]

Originally Posted by BrainGlutton

Ophelia from Hamlet, OTOH . . . what a poor, weak, fragile reed. I'd want her, she must be teh hotness if she's good enough for Hamlet, but if I had the slightest idea how it was going to turn out I'd steer clear.

"Never stick your dick in the crazy."

[Robot Arm]

Originally Posted by BrotherCadfael

"Never stick your dick in the crazy."

sticketh

[BrainGlutton]

Juliet and Ophelia both end up as suicides, of course -- but there's a difference: Juliet's suicide is Tragic; Ophelia's is pathetic.

[KennerTheGreat]

She was already mentioned up thread, but Kate from Taming Of The Shrew would be some great "angry sex."

[BrainGlutton]

Othello: I wouldn't waste my time on a sweet Hostess Twinkie like the gentle Desdemona, but Iago's wife Emilia is just the kind of smart, cynical bitch that could show a guy an unforgettable time! Sure, Iago will just ruin your life afterwards on general principles, but, man! Totally worth it!

[BrainGlutton]

Originally Posted by JThunder

What about Altaira Morbius from Forbidden Planet? Does she count?

Who, Miranda? Sure, if you like the kind who's such a virgin that you have to explain to her what the word means.

[BrainGlutton]

Originally Posted by BrotherCadfael

Cleopatra?

Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety: other women cloy
The appetites they feed, but she makes hungry
Where most she satisfies.

Hubba-HUBBA!

[JThunder]

Originally Posted by Oni no Maggie

Kate, from Taming of the Shrew.

Better yet, Kate as played by Cybill Shepherd.

[Flying Saucer]

I'm surprised I'm only the second vote for Titania.

Close your eyes and picture the Fairy Queen. Tell me she's not hot.

Plus, she throws herself at the ugliest guy in the play. Yes, that's because of a magical flower, but I have access to those.

And in Act Four, Scene One, Titania brings in her THREE HOT FAIRY SERVANTS to massage Bottom (the character, not her bottom) and please him in various ways. Well, Bottom refers to each fairy as "Monsieur," but in my high school production, they were all played by cute girls.

[BrainGlutton]

Originally Posted by Flying Saucer

I'm surprised I'm only the second vote for Titania.

Close your eyes and picture the Fairy Queen. Tell me she's not hot.

Actually, the phrase calls to mind Ru Paul . . .

[BrotherCadfael]

Originally Posted by BrainGlutton

Othello: Iago's wife Emilia is just the kind of smart, cynical bitch that could show a guy an unforgettable time! Sure, Iago will just ruin your life afterwards on general principles, but, man! Totally worth it!

Well, apparently, not only could she, but, she apparently did. After all, one of Iago's complaints against the Moor was:

Originally Posted by Iago

I hate the Moor:
And it is thought abroad, that 'twixt my sheets
He has done my office: I know not if't be true;
But I, for mere suspicion in that kind,
Will do as if for surety.

[Chronos]

Who, Miranda? Sure, if you like the kind who's such a virgin that you have to explain to her what the word means.

Both Miranda and Altaira had a solid academic understanding of biology; they just lacked practical experience. Either one would be appealing if the question was who we would want to marry and settle down with (they would, after all, gain that experience quickly enough), but this thread, as I understand it, is all about the hot monkey love.

[Mr. Excellent]

Originally Posted by JThunder

Better yet, Kate as played by Cybill Shepherd.

I'll be in mine bunk.

[TV time]

Originally Posted by BrainGlutton

Juliet and Ophelia both end up as suicides, of course -- but there's a difference: Juliet's suicide is Tragic...

nah, just stupid. Anybody who fell in love that easily, would have fallen in love again.