The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread

[Joey P]

Originally Posted by Time Stranger

Huh, strange. I still don't see one, even when I turn off all my ad-blocking software.

Is your profile filled out? Have you uploaded a picture? I'm wondering if the feed doesn't start until after you've reached a certain percentage.

[Cinnamon Imp]

Originally Posted by pseudotriton ruber ruber

A lot of ladies seem to find this alternative preferable to dealing with men.

Ha!

Originally Posted by Green Cymbeline

Thanks, yes agreed dating SUCKS! (all caps!)

Thanks so much hermette. I am trying not to dwell on him but I'm having a hard time picking my jaw up off the ground that someone would act so rudely. I really thought he was a nice guy, and he went from nice to uber-douche so quickly. It's very surprising, and I can't help but feeling angry at being treated so rudely. I guess I just feel like I was being treated as a commodity, not as a human. I'm just honestly very curious what happened, why he went from interested to not interested so fast, and how he thinks it's OK to just go radio silence so suddenly. It's so cowardly! I keep going through every detail of our last date to try to figure out if I did something wrong. It's a real bummer. </rant>

And hermette, I suppose I do have a "backup," but I just hate that I spent so much effort cultivating a relationship with "Zed," to have all my energy just wasted, for some unknown reason.

Lastly, Dopers, what say you -- should I say anything else to him? Any classy way of telling him what he did was shitty? Or should I just leave it be?

I'd leave it be and try not to overanalyse, hard though it may be. I suspect SicksAte might have it right, and the guy had another woman going, and has decided to concentrate on her

Originally Posted by Green Cymbeline

Is anyone else using POF? I am also doing OKCupid, but I am not getting as many "bites" at OKCupid as I am with POF. I probably need to work on my profile at OKC.

I left PoF and moved to OKC when I joined this thread, as PoF just got me lots of "hi how r u"'s and OKC seemed to give me guys with a lot more wit in their opening messages!

As for me, I've got coffee with ginger-beardy-doesn't-want-kids this afternoon, and then I've got my BFF staying for the weekend and we're hitting the clubs. So I get a text at 5am from Mr-My-Ex is back saying he "might see me as he'll be out too" this weekend.

*rolleyes*

[Misnomer]

Originally Posted by Time Stranger

One guy said it showed up on his activity feed, but I don't see any such "feed" on the site.

What Joey P said: it's part of the main page. Though for me, it shows up kind of in the middle of the page. I usually just ignore it, but the other day I actually saw something from hermette.

Originally Posted by Joey P

For a while I had a line in my profile that said "Don't wink, send an email", then I got emails that said "wink" or "I'm following your instructions and sending you an email, hi"

Yeah, my You Should Message Me If section includes, "You will write more than just 'hi'," and I've gotten a few smart-ass messages, too. Some people just can't resist.

[Robot Arm]

Originally Posted by Misnomer

I hear there are good women there.

I don't know. Seems kinda hit-or-miss, don't you think?

Originally Posted by Green Cymbeline

Hey Misnomer, I totally missed that you're also from Northern Virginia. Hey there neighbor!

It'd be funny if it turned out you knew each other. I've seen Virginia on a map; there's only a tiny little northern part of it.

GC, do we get to see your profile, so the merciless teasing may begin?

[Joey P]

Originally Posted by Misnomer

What Joey P said: it's part of the main page. Though for me, it shows up kind of in the middle of the page. I usually just ignore it, but the other day I actually saw something from hermette.

Yeah, my You Should Message Me If section includes, "You will write more than just 'hi'," and I've gotten a few smart-ass messages, too. Some people just can't resist.

A smart-ass "hi/'wink'" followed by a real message is one thing, but if all they do is write the word "wink" or "I'm saying more then just hi", well, then, you don't know if they're being a smart ass or they didn't actually read your profile or that's really just the best they can do. Speaking of not reading your entire profile, another thing that bugs me is when I get a pop up saying that someone looked at my profile and then get an email 2 minutes later. My profile is long, I've answered over a thousand questions, more then half have explanations. I don't expect you to read everything, but I do expect you to spend more then 2 minutes reading it. Hell, even if you spent a half hour reading it, I'd expect you to spend more then 2 minutes writing the email.

As for the feed, I like it. It lets you see little glimpses of peoples profiles, recent answers, new pictures, without viewing the same person over and over. The problem (for me) is that I get a lot of people out of my area. I'm in Milwaukee and 90% of the people in my feed are from Chicago. Also, I try to use it to my advantage. When I'm online, I'll make changes to my profile so it pops up on other people's feeds.

[Green Cymbeline]

Originally Posted by Robot Arm

GC, do we get to see your profile, so the merciless teasing may begin?

Yeah I will probably post my profile soon. It is terrible right now, many of the sections are blank or one sentence. Maybe that is why I have not been getting many bites

Is there a way to post my profile link here without it getting indexed by Google? Or do I need to just PM people who ask? I would hate for a potential suitor to Google my profile and find my posts here

[Cinnamon Imp]

Originally Posted by Green Cymbeline

Yeah I will probably post my profile soon. It is terrible right now, many of the sections are blank or one sentence. Maybe that is why I have not been getting many bites

Is there a way to post my profile link here without it getting indexed by Google? Or do I need to just PM people who ask? I would hate for a potential suitor to Google my profile and find my posts here

I'm guessing you could post a broken link and we could work it out from that, and it wouldn't show up on Google?

[Joey P]

Originally Posted by hermette

I'm guessing you could post a broken link and we could work it out from that, and it wouldn't show up on Google?

Just post the screen name, but perhaps break it up somehow ("her followed by mette" for example). I posted my screen name and only later realized that I basically linked my OKCupid profile to my SDMB profile for anyone who cares to google my OKC user name. Of course even if someone really did want to troll through my thousands of posts here, I don't think I've said anything I'm embarrassed by and they'd probably learn a lot about me.

[Robot Arm]

Originally Posted by Joey P

Just post the screen name, but perhaps break it up somehow ("her followed by mette" for example). I posted my screen name and only later realized that I basically linked my OKCupid profile to my SDMB profile for anyone who cares to google my OKC user name. Of course even if someone really did want to troll through my thousands of posts here, I don't think I've said anything I'm embarrassed by and they'd probably learn a lot about me.

Yeah, my posting here is as much a reflection of who I am as my profile is. I suppose I do put my best foot forward on OKC, but if some woman was really going to message me, I hope there's nothing posted here that would change her mind. All the profile does is get you to a first date, anyway. After that, you either fly or crash-and-burn based on who you really are.

Besides which, I'm not sure I'd want to go out with someone who did that sort of virtual stalking in advance.

[Robot Arm]

Originally Posted by Green Cymbeline

Yeah I will probably post my profile soon. It is terrible right now, many of the sections are blank or one sentence.

Well, perhaps we could offer some constructive criticism.^*




* Amidst the teasing.

[Green Cymbeline]

Originally Posted by Robot Arm

Well, perhaps we could offer some constructive criticism.^*

* Amidst the teasing.

Robot Arm, you will see from my profile that I am in desperate need of some help. My profile is pretty much empty. I am so bad at talking about myself. I need you guys to help me make a profile!

My OKC screenname is the same as my username here, except without the space and all lower case.

Let the teasing begin!

p.s. I don't think I would want a new beau reading my SDMB posts, not quite yet Too much personal stuff about past relationships and girly stuff.

[pseudotriton ruber ruber]

No teasing--a comment about your photos, though. (Don't worry--you far surpass my "cuteness quotient".) They're too much of the same thing--try one shot showing your torso or your whole body, maybe try a photo in a different light. Doing good on answering questions (I'm exactly 900 ahead of you, though) which I found helpful. (I actually had to re-up on OKC to read your profile, as I'm currently dating someone I met on here, and I took my profile down last week. Apparently, they don't let you take it down again for a whole week, so I hope I don['t have any 'splaining to do--I just told my current squeeze that I took my profile down and she seemed pleased.) But yours looks fine to me--good luck with that!

[Invisible Chimp]

Originally Posted by pseudotriton ruber ruber

No teasing--a comment about your photos, though. (Don't worry--you far surpass my "cuteness quotient".) They're too much of the same thing--try one shot showing your torso or your whole body, maybe try a photo in a different light. Doing good on answering questions (I'm exactly 900 ahead of you, though) which I found helpful. (I actually had to re-up on OKC to read your profile, as I'm currently dating someone I met on here, and I took my profile down last week. Apparently, they don't let you take it down again for a whole week, so I hope I don['t have any 'splaining to do--I just told my current squeeze that I took my profile down and she seemed pleased.) But yours looks fine to me--good luck with that!

I agree about the photos all looking too similar. I also recommend she date the photos.

I recently heard the fact you can't disable your account for a week after you reactivate is a lie to discourage people from too frequent reactivating/deactivating.

[Green Cymbeline]

Originally Posted by Invisible Chimp

I agree about the photos all looking too similar. I also recommend she date the photos.

I recently heard the fact you can't disable your account for a week after you reactivate is a lie to discourage people from too frequent reactivating/deactivating.

Thank you Chimp and PRR for the advice, you're absolutely right. Now I need to somehow get some better pics... I will see what I can do and post back for your opinions!

[Misnomer]

Well, it's official: this morning I changed my Facebook relationship status to "in a relationship," and I just disabled my OKC account. There are not enough smiley emoticons.

If it's ok with y'all, though, I plan to continue to lurk in this thread and maybe comment every now and then: I want to find out what happens with hermette's ginger-beardy-doesn't-want-kids man, Green Cymbeline's profile (which I totally forgot to look at before disabling my account ), etc.!

[Cinnamon Imp]

Originally Posted by Misnomer

Well, it's official: this morning I changed my Facebook relationship status to "in a relationship," and I just disabled my OKC account. There are not enough smiley emoticons.

Congratulations! And I hope you work out the allergy issues

Originally Posted by Misnomer

If it's ok with y'all, though, I plan to continue to lurk in this thread and maybe comment every now and then: I want to find out what happens with hermette's ginger-beardy-doesn't-want-kids man, Green Cymbeline's profile (which I totally forgot to look at before disabling my account ), etc.!

*blush*

I was hoping no one would ask. Poor beardy-man discovered the real peril of dating a woman with kids - 5 minutes before I was due to meet him, my baby got stood on by another mother in the softplay the babysitter had taken her to, so I basically ran up to him, babbled in a panic at him, then hurried off to the local accident & emergency department with the kid.

She's fine thankfully, nothing broken. I think he may have thought it was just an excuse to get out of the date, but hopefully the fact I have texted & emailed him since in grovelling apology have convinced him that I didn't take one look at him and change my mind.

We've yet to rearrange.

Oh, and I'm still getting mixed message from Mr-My-Ex-Is-Back. It could just be that he's trying to stay friends, and I'm reading too much into it, but text messages at midnight saying "Oh, I would have asked you round tonight but I didn't realise the time" are very confusing. And irritating.

Oh, and lurk away Misnomer. Speaking for myself, I need the advice

[Sicks Ate]

Originally Posted by Misnomer

Well, it's official: this morning I changed my Facebook relationship status to "in a relationship," and I just disabled my OKC account. There are not enough smiley emoticons.

If it's ok with y'all, though, I plan to continue to lurk in this thread and maybe comment every now and then: I want to find out what happens with hermette's ginger-beardy-doesn't-want-kids man, Green Cymbeline's profile (which I totally forgot to look at before disabling my account ), etc.!

Yay!

I always wonder when it's appropriate to change the FB status....

[Misnomer]

Originally Posted by hermette

We've yet to rearrange.

Any developments on that front?

Originally Posted by hermette

Oh, and I'm still getting mixed message from Mr-My-Ex-Is-Back. It could just be that he's trying to stay friends, and I'm reading too much into it, but text messages at midnight saying "Oh, I would have asked you round tonight but I didn't realise the time" are very confusing. And irritating.

Wow. At this point, I think I would seriously be telling him to go away...

Originally Posted by Sicks Ate

I always wonder when it's appropriate to change the FB status....

I'd been wondering, too, but on Saturday night we wound up talking about "us" after he casually referred to me as his girlfriend: we agreed that the gf/bf labels seem appropriate, and that things are feeling relationship-y*. He's on Facebook but hardly ever uses it, so I gave him a heads up that I'd probably change my status soon and that whenever he confirmed the relationship** his friends would see it on his wall, too. And then I changed it yesterday morning.

After three years of being quite single it's a bit of an adjustment to suddenly be thinking in "boyfriend/relationship" terms, but it's one that I'm happy to make!


*Though we're definitely both aware that it's still early days. As I put it to a friend the other day: it's only been a month, but it's been a really good month.

**If he wanted to: I told him that I totally would have been ok with changing my relationship status and just not naming him/linking to his profile, if that's what he preferred.

[Jaguars!]

Thanks for checking that out Hermette. If you can remember back that far! (I'm getting really slack on the correspondance at the moment!) At some stage I will give it a try. I'm a guy by the way - what did you think of NZ guys?

So the general consensus is that OK cupid is the best site, at least from the user quality point of view? Thats the vibe I get from this thread anyway.

[Sicks Ate]

Originally Posted by Jaguars!

Thanks for checking that out Hermette. If you can remember back that far! (I'm getting really slack on the correspondance at the moment!) At some stage I will give it a try. I'm a guy by the way - what did you think of NZ guys?

So the general consensus is that OK cupid is the best site, at least from the user quality point of view? Thats the vibe I get from this thread anyway.

The best site as far as quality, IME, was Match. OKC had some pretty great people on it too, though...just a larger proportion of, shall we say, 'lower quality' users.

[Edward The Head]

Originally Posted by Sicks Ate

The best site as far as quality, IME, was Match. OKC had some pretty great people on it too, though...just a larger proportion of, shall we say, 'lower quality' users.

Funny, for me I got all of one date off of Match in the year I was on it. OkCupid has been much better. However, I have gotten a lot better responses off of eHarmony the past two months. The biggest thing I've found for eHarmony is that there are not a lot of people near me, which coming from outside of DC is confusing to say the least.

[Sicks Ate]

I probably had more dates from OKC, but I think the overall quality of the women on Match was higher, that's all.

[Cinnamon Imp]

Originally Posted by Misnomer

Any developments on that front?

Probably one evening next week, I just need to make sure whatever night he can do works with my babysitter too.

Here's the latest from him though:
"I'll be honest I was quite anxious about meeting you because I hadn't been on a first date for a while and I'm not the sort of person who brims with confidence but although our brief meeting wasn't under the ideal circumstances you seem like a nice person and I'll be actually be looking forward to it this time!"

So apparently running up to a guy semi-hysterically babbling about hospitals then literally running away does make a good impression

Originally Posted by Misnomer

Wow. At this point, I think I would seriously be telling him to go away...

Yeah, I'm trying to. I've not been in touch with him since Monday now, though I'm still obsessing over WTF is going on with him, but I think I need to stay well away from him till he's less confused & less confusing. Who knows, I might find Mr Right in the meantime though, so I could end up being his The One That Got Away :P

Originally Posted by Misnomer

I'd been wondering, too, but on Saturday night we wound up talking about "us" after he casually referred to me as his girlfriend: we agreed that the gf/bf labels seem appropriate, and that things are feeling relationship-y*. He's on Facebook but hardly ever uses it, so I gave him a heads up that I'd probably change my status soon and that whenever he confirmed the relationship** his friends would see it on his wall, too. And then I changed it yesterday morning.

After three years of being quite single it's a bit of an adjustment to suddenly be thinking in "boyfriend/relationship" terms, but it's one that I'm happy to make!


*Though we're definitely both aware that it's still early days. As I put it to a friend the other day: it's only been a month, but it's been a really good month.

Awwwwww

And your story gives me hope, thanks!

Originally Posted by Jaguars!

Thanks for checking that out Hermette. If you can remember back that far! (I'm getting really slack on the correspondance at the moment!) At some stage I will give it a try. I'm a guy by the way - what did you think of NZ guys?

You're welcome! They were looking good to me, and I loved Auckland when I was there in 2008 too

Originally Posted by Sicks Ate

The best site as far as quality, IME, was Match. OKC had some pretty great people on it too, though...just a larger proportion of, shall we say, 'lower quality' users.

I'm a cheapskate - does Match have a free option, or is it subscription only?

[Misnomer]

Originally Posted by hermette

So apparently running up to a guy semi-hysterically babbling about hospitals then literally running away does make a good impression

Excellent.

Originally Posted by hermette

Who knows, I might find Mr Right in the meantime though, so I could end up being his The One That Got Away :P

I think it's more likely that you'll end up being The One Who Dodged a Bullet.

[Sicks Ate]

Originally Posted by hermette

I'm a cheapskate - does Match have a free option, or is it subscription only?

You can't do anything worthwhile without a subscription. But it only costs the price of a date or two, and I feel it was completely worth it.

[Shagnasty]

Originally Posted by Sicks Ate

You can't do anything worthwhile without a subscription. But it only costs the price of a date or two, and I feel it was completely worth it.

It depends on how good you are. I am starting to believe my best friend when he says that a cost of an exclusive stripper in the Champagne room is the most cost effective thing a man can do in terms of bang for the buck.

Match.com has certainly been good to me when it comes to keeping the dates flowing with women I wouldn't normally have the courage to ask out but the cost of the subscription is only the start. I have spent way more money than I care to think about on first and second dates without much to show for it. They were all gorgeous and good matches plus good company for the evening but I sometimes think I am paying for a freelance escort service without the benefits.

[Edward The Head]

Originally Posted by Shagnasty

Match.com has certainly been good to me when it comes to keeping the dates flowing with women I wouldn't normally have the courage to ask out but the cost of the subscription is only the start. I have spent way more money than I care to think about on first and second dates without much to show for it. They were all gorgeous and good matches plus good company for the evening but I sometimes think I am paying for a freelance escort service without the benefits.

I almost feel the same way. I gone out on a ton of dates, but I can usually only get one or two. I think part of the reason, at least in our case, is our age and that we both have kids. I haven't seen a whole lot of single mothers around and the other women either want kids or don't want them at all. While I'm not opposed to having another child, I'm not sure I want to go through what I've already been through the past couple of years yet again.

[Shagnasty]

Originally Posted by Edward The Head

I almost feel the same way. I gone out on a ton of dates, but I can usually only get one or two. I think part of the reason, at least in our case, is our age and that we both have kids. I haven't seen a whole lot of single mothers around and the other women either want kids or don't want them at all. While I'm not opposed to having another child, I'm not sure I want to go through what I've already been through the past couple of years yet again.

True. My daughters always come first. If I wanted to be perfectly honest with these women, I would just tell them straight out that the absolute best the can ever do is 3rd place and I don't think many of them want to hear that. I am playing them the same time they are playing me. My preferred game table is 33 -36 year olds and either they already have kids that I don't want to be responsible for or they want kids and I already have all I want. I keep hoping I will luck out with a hot infertile one that wants to be a good hands-off proxy mother but I know that isn't realistic.

[Cinnamon Imp]

Originally Posted by Misnomer

Excellent.

And I'm meeting Ginger-beardy-doesn't-want-kids on Tuesday for dinner. I'm curious as to why he doesn't want kids, he's mentioned babysitting his nephews over Easter, so he's obviously not one of the child-haters of the world.

As you may have guessed, it's the kind of thing that could be a deal breaker in the long run for me, but in the short term, he seems like a nice genuine guy and I'd like to get to know him better!

[Robot Arm]

So, I call on the your collective wisdom. My profile pic is getting a bit long in the tooth. Do I post these 1, 2, 3) instead? It's not the most flattering angle, or lighting, or...

[Misnomer]

IMO #3 is your only option, because it's the only one that shows your face. The others are useless (for a dating site).

[Edward The Head]

Originally Posted by Misnomer

IMO #3 is your only option, because it's the only one that shows your face. The others are useless (for a dating site).

I don't know though, does he really want people to know he like curling? Then again since all I do is swim I don't want to put a picture up of me in my Speedo.

[Robot Arm]

Originally Posted by Misnomer

IMO #3 is your only option, because it's the only one that shows your face. The others are useless (for a dating site).

That's still not quite a ringing endosement, is it?

Originally Posted by Edward The Head

I don't know though, does he really want people to know he like curling?

Well, one of the questions on OKCupid is what you do on a typical Friday night. For the last three months, that was it (although not usually so sharply dressed).

I don't mind anyone knowing I curl (as if I don't have enough eccentricities already), but it wouldn't be too hard for someone to track down my identity. There aren't a lot of places to do it around here.

[Edward The Head]

Originally Posted by Robot Arm

Well, one of the questions on OKCupid is what you do on a typical Friday night. For the last three months, that was it (although not usually so sharply dressed)..

I was just having a little fun. I know that when I see a photo of something different it at least gives me something to ask about. I'd say use one or more of them. They are free to put up. I don't have any action photos of myself, as I said the only ones I could get would be me in a Speedo and most people don't want to see that.

[Robot Arm]

Done. Changed a couple captions and the "typical Friday night" bit.

[Green Cymbeline]

Originally Posted by Robot Arm

So, I call on the your collective wisdom. My profile pic is getting a bit long in the tooth. Do I post these 1, 2, 3) instead? It's not the most flattering angle, or lighting, or...

I like #3. Cool shirt!

Edited to add: On my part it is a ringing endorsement, I think it's a good pic, it shows your hobby and the cool shirt sparks interest.

[Green Cymbeline]

Originally Posted by Edward The Head

I don't know though, does he really want people to know he like curling? Then again since all I do is swim I don't want to put a picture up of me in my Speedo.

Edward, I'm fairly certain you'd get more dates if you DID put up pics in your Speedo!

[Cinnamon Imp]

Well, I at least made it to the date with ginger-beardy-man this time, but there won't be a second date. Online he came across as witty, sarcastic and intelligent. In real life, he was vague, wide-eyed and childish. An unemployed 38 year old still living with his mum, who's only had one serious relationship (which was long distance and just lasted a year), and after they split, she had to threaten to call the police to stop him contacting her.

I stuck it out for an hour and a half, but I felt like a teacher working with a schoolboy, rather than two mature equal adults, plus I was vaguely worried about the talk of his family and prisons, so I left with a cheery "Oh, I've eaten so much I'm tired, been up since 6am with the baby, must dash, I'll email you!!" and didn't look back.

Back to the drawing board....

[amanset]

Originally Posted by hermette

and after they split, she had to threaten to call the police to stop him contacting her.

He said this on a date? And only the second date at that?

Crikey.

[Cinnamon Imp]

Originally Posted by amanset

He said this on a date? And only the second date at that?

Crikey.

Yup. And first date really - the first time I met him was for about 2 minutes to cancel our date due to unforeseen circumstances.

Maybe he was just nervous.... or utterly socially clueless.

Originally Posted by Sicks Ate

You can't do anything worthwhile without a subscription. But it only costs the price of a date or two, and I feel it was completely worth it.

Thanks, I'll look into it!

Oh, and Edward the Head? I'd definitely check out your profile if it had speedo pics

[Mauvaise]

Originally Posted by Edward The Head

I don't know though, does he really want people to know he like curling?

I know the (right) decision has already been made, but 1000 times yes, he does!

I thought those were great pictures and curling is just unusual enough without being weird. And I'm geeky enough that I think it's a plus.

[Robot Arm]

Originally Posted by Green Cymbeline

Robot Arm, you will see from my profile that I am in desperate need of some help. My profile is pretty much empty. I am so bad at talking about myself. I need you guys to help me make a profile!

My OKC screenname is the same as my username here, except without the space and all lower case.

Let the teasing begin!

A little more variety in pictures (as has been suggested) would be nice.^* If you can get some shots while doing something you enjoy, that's always nice. Even a different background, or wearing a different color, would mix things up a bit. Take some pictures outside in a park; morning and evening light are most flattering.

(Easier said than done, I know. You need someone to take the pictures. Someone you trust enough to tell why you want the pictures. If we had all that, we wouldn't need to meet people on the internet.)

For the pictures that are up, you may want to turn down the brightness or contrast, or something. On my screen, your face is getting a bit washed out, like over-exposed film. I assume you still have the originals. I think you might be able to load those into an image-processing program and tweak the settings to balance things out a bit.

p.s. I don't think I would want a new beau reading my SDMB posts, not quite yet Too much personal stuff about past relationships and girly stuff.

Well, don't over-share, but don't be afraid to put some of your real thoughts and opinions into your profile; something that maybe not everyone will agree with. The goal isn't to be some generically perfect template for every guy, but for the right guys to find you.

Oh, and the best thing I ever did was to leave some blatant opening for people to comment on when they send a message. (My list of six things I could never do without has only five.) Leave something obvious as a conversation starter.

I hope this isn't a bit harsh, criticizing a perfect stranger's OKC profile. I assume a smokin' hot babe like you has the ego to handle it.


* I'm certainly far from blameless in this regard, myself. It's taken me ages to get some new ones posted.

[Green Cymbeline]

Originally Posted by Robot Arm

I hope this isn't a bit harsh, criticizing a perfect stranger's OKC profile. I assume a smokin' hot babe like you has the ego to handle it.

Robot. thanks so much for the critique! I appreciate it, along with you saying I'm "hot."

[Invisible Chimp]

Speaking of updating photos, I just updated mine. I've got different backgrounds, different expressions, etc., but it appears I'm wearing the same outfit in nearly all of them, even though they span almost two years! First thing I need to do when I start getting a paycheck again is go get some new clothes, apparently. I'm wearing a plain white T-shirt as I type this, not a black one, btw.

[Cinnamon Imp]

Originally Posted by Invisible Chimp

Speaking of updating photos, I just updated mine.

It is a good idea to have a more recent photo of you amongst your portfolio, but could I suggest not having the "hair growing out 2012" one as your profile picture? Out of the selection there, it's slightly out of focus & not your most flattering shot, and you don't get a second chance to make a first impression... I'd be more likely to check out your profile if the 2010 "enjoying the sunshine" one was the main one, and caught my eye!

Just MHO and all that

[Invisible Chimp]

The "Enjoying the sunshine" pic was my main pic for a very long time until I just changed it recently. It's the same pic I have in Arnold's gallery. It was taken with a real camera, while the newer pic was taken with a cell phone. I know the sunshine pic is my best one, so I don't want to take it down, but I'm kind of sick of looking at it.

[kmshrader]

Mind if a newbie joins? I was feeling a bit down, and popped into this thread, and it all sounded so interesting a set up a profile on OKC. Had a few creepers (didn't read the profile, weren't from anywhere near me) who I quickly blocked, but there seem to be a number of interesting guys in the area, so I sent out some messages.

This is where things get a bit strange. One of the men that I messaged (in quite an amusing way, if I do say so - just responding to things on his profile, etc.) replied with:

Hi, my name is -------, and I'm really glad you contacted me. You seem quite interesting yourself, and cute to boot. I can't sing to save my life, though that doesn't stop me from trying. This may seem a bit forward, but would you like to go on a date this week?

(The singing bit's in response to something I'd said, obviously.) I was shocked, but flattered, but said sure, since I figured it can't be worse than a blind date.

Now I'm rethinking this. Not that he doesn't seem nice, but it seems a bit strange. His reasoning is sound (this is the last week of the school year, lots of folks are leaving this college town, he thought I might be one of them so figured he'd take the shot while he had it) but a couple other things he's brought up since (He's narcoleptic, so doesn't drive. I'd have to pick him up.) are making me question whether it was a good idea to agree so quickly.


If you think it's fine - any advice?
If you think I made a terrible hasty decision - what should I have done, for future reference, and how do I back out now?

Obviously I'm very new to this online dating thing, but I've been reading advice here and think I've got the basics down (fill out profile, add photos, don't lie, don't be creepy).

[Cinnamon Imp]

I'd be freaked out by having to pick him up/drop him off - it means that if it goes badly, you can't make a clean getaway!

[Green Cymbeline]

Originally Posted by kmshrader

Now I'm rethinking this. Not that he doesn't seem nice, but it seems a bit strange. His reasoning is sound (this is the last week of the school year, lots of folks are leaving this college town, he thought I might be one of them so figured he'd take the shot while he had it) but a couple other things he's brought up since (He's narcoleptic, so doesn't drive. I'd have to pick him up.) are making me question whether it was a good idea to agree so quickly.

If you think it's fine - any advice?
If you think I made a terrible hasty decision - what should I have done, for future reference, and how do I back out now?

I don't get why it seems strange... I am not seeing anything strange in particular. Is it the speed in which he asked you out? The fact that he doesn't drive? Something else in his communications that you haven't told us? Or is it just that you're new to online dating and are scared about your first date?

I do see that it might be weird having to pick him up, and his not driving could be an obstacle to a relationship, unless your town has good public transportation. Would it be possible for him to meet you somewhere accessible by train or bus? If he doesn't drive he is probably used to utilizing public transportation. I think for a first date it is good to meet somewhere neutral, not not do a pick up.

Other than that, maybe you're just having first-time jitters. That is completely understandable. If you don't feel comfortable, don't do it. Or maybe just correspond with him further or talk on the phone before you meet. Let is know how it goes!

[kmshrader]

Originally Posted by Green Cymbeline

I don't get why it seems strange... I am not seeing anything strange in particular. Is it the speed in which he asked you out? The fact that he doesn't drive? Something else in his communications that you haven't told us? Or is it just that you're new to online dating and are scared about your first date?

Nervous about my first date, but that's a separate feeling. It was the speed of him asking me, as well as the follow-up to my obviously nervous yes with "So I was thinking this day, this restaurant, and we'll go bowling afterwards. And I'm narcoleptic so do you mind picking me up?." It was nice to have a plan (I'd suggested he pick when and where, since I'm fairly free this week), but that he didn't ask what sort of food I liked, or offer a couple options? I dunno. I'm probably overthinking it, since what he did suggest sounds great, but I'm used to the sort of guys who frame their preferences as a question ("How's Japanese sound to you? I know a great place." vs. "I was thinking we could do Japanese.").

And, yeah, the fact that he doesn't drive throws me off. Not because everyone in this town drives (it's a college town; we've got alright public transportation, though not great) but because he specifically suggested something that requires a ride (the bowling alley is on the far end of town, past where any buses go), and assumed I'd be okay with it.

I'm just getting an overall vibe of kindof pushy and insensitive, though he hasn't said anything overtly so, and so I wonder if it's the medium.